It's been month since Cas fell and became human.

Now, he's lying awake on his bed.

As usual, he woke up before Dean. Since Cas's fall they shared room. Sam didn't say a word about that. He seemed to understand.

Cas doesn't remember much from the night he fell. The last thing he remembers is how he fell asleep in Dean's arms and the next thing he remembers is Dean waking him up, telling him that wounds on his back are pretty serious and that he needed to stich them up.

Cas shivered.

The angel tablet was safely hidden for now and no one besides him knew where it was. Sure, now in his human form he can't go to check it up, but he hopes it would stay hidden forever now. No one - nor angel nor demon attempted to kill him or make him say where the tablet is, so Cas thought it was safe. Demons and angels apparently gave up on angel tablet. And that's the way it should be.

Becoming human was more difficult than he thought.

Now, he understood a lot of things he didn't understand as an angel – like why people need to brush their hair and teeth, eat, drink, sleep or take a shower. He remembers his first time when he tried to have a shower. Dean explained him how it works, but still, he burned himself pretty badly when he didn't know how to stop hot water. He needed time to figure out how shower worked, just like he needed time to learn how to use microwave, TV and other gadgets.

It was a surprise when Dean told him, that as a human, he needs more clothes. Once, Dean just came home with two big bags, full of new clothes for him.

"Come on… What are you waiting for?" Dean said with smile handing him two huge bags.

"This- This is for me?"

Dean rolled his eyes

"Of course it's for you, Cas… You're human, and humans need more clothes than just suit and trench coat…"

I reluctantly took bags from him and looked inside.

"Come on, Cas… pick everything up" Dean encouraged.

I smiled at him and took the first thing which lay on the top.

It was warm blue sweater with black ornaments. I stared at it, amazed. Dean must have noticed, because he turned bright red.

"I… Um… I tried to pick up thing you might like… And when I saw this sweater, I just couldn't resist… I thought it would go amazingly with your eyes…" Dean mumbled.

I would have never quess I was able to smile that brightly.

"Oh, Dean, it's perfect. Thank you…" I thanked and decided to put it on immediately. It fit me perfectly. It was entirely new feeling - be wrapped in something as soft and warm and soft as this sweater was.

I'll surely get used to this - I thought.

Dean returned my smile and I continued to pick up thing one by one.

Dean brought me two sweaters, four shirts, four t-shirts, three pants including jeans, underwear, trainers, pajamas and socks.

I was really moved by this. I didn't know how to thank Dean enough.

"Thank you, Dean… Thank you for everything…"

I said and pulled him into hug. We didn't hug since that night I fell. Damn, how much I missed this.

Cas smiled at this memory. As it turned out Dean gave him some of his t- shirts too. They were little big for him, but he didn't mind. Cas was wearing one right now. It was the black one, with big AC/DC letters on the front. Yeah, he knew it was little weird to wear it for sleeping, but he didn't care. It still smelled like Dean and it comforted him through the night, after he had nightmares and Dean wasn't awake to comfort him.

Cas sighted.

Dean. He didn't even want to think how lucky he was to have someone like him. He wouldn't make his fall without him. And this humanity? Cas was sure, he would be lost if Dean wasn't around. But Dean was there, every single day – by his side, patiently teaching him about new things.

Actually, when he thought about it, humanity had his ups and downs.

Feelings. They were filling every inch of his body now. As an angel, he felt some of them, but now – as a human, he feels all sorts of them and, the more interesting thing, he feels they're more intense than he ever imagined. For example feeling which floods him every single time when he remembers his kiss with Dean. Yeah, he knows that Dean doesn't remember and it was just Him kissing Dean, but still.

The way how Dean's perfect lips felt against his own.

Cas blinket away tears.

Damn.

Cas stood up from his bed and headed into bathroom.

He hates when feelings takes over his body like this.

He's there as soon as he can, careful not to wake Dean up. When he closes door he let himself cry.

This it too much. How the hell is he supposed to live like this? How long is he going to be able to hide what he feels? What if Dean finds out? What would he do?

Cas didn't even care he's crying again. He already got used to this sensation the night he fell. From then on, there wasn't a day he wouldn't cry. He tried to hide it, and most of the times he succeed.

Cas stepped closer to mirror. He looked at his reflection for a minute.

He was pale, very pale.

Cas ran his hand down his spine stopping right above his shoulder blades.

He didn't even hesitate before taking Dean's shirt off.

Cas turned around and looked at this back.

There were two huge scars lemming good half of his back length. Cas could barely see though his tears.

That's where his wings used to be. Used to. There's gone now, and there are just those two big scars reminding him he used to be angel before.

Cas gulped down bitterly.

He knew he should be grateful that Dean was there and he didn't feel anything. Cas thought about that a lot.

How is that possible that he didn't feel that enormous pain when his brothers ripped his wings out?

He tried to find out why, but nothing had rational explanation.

Maybe his heavenly Father took a merci on him.

But still, it hurt like hell. It hurt to think about his wings. It hurt to think about his brothers. It hurt to think about heaven at all.

How could his brothers do this to him? He's their brother, family, and they didn't even hesitate. He remembers the way they were looking at him – their cold eyes full of disgust and willing to do anything Naomi orders.

Cas slowly sat on the ground, hugged his legs, buried his face into his knees and let himself sob.

How could they? He would never do something like that... He would never do this ... He would rather die than to do something that horrible… He woul-

"Jesus, Cas!" familiar voice interrupted his thoughts

"Dean… Please, leave… I need to-"

"No, Cas.. There's no way I'm going anywhere, got it?"

Cas felt Dean kneel beside him.

"Why are you crying, Cas? Did something happen to you?"

"Yeah…" Cas answered bitterly. "...Life"

He heard Dean sight deeply as he pulled him into hug.

Dean didn't know what to say. He knew it was big deal for Cas to deal with this humanity.

"Cas –" Dean started not sure how to continue.

"I'm useless Dean… I'm so useless. I was at least a little help to you and your brother when I was angel, but now? I'm just the burden…"

"Hush Cas! Listen to me…"

Dean pulled away and forced Cas to look at him.

"Cas, you always were and always will be my angel, got it?…"

"Please, Dean.. don't"

"YOU ARE CAS!"

He couldn't look Dean in the eyes any more. As he closed them, more tears fell on his cheek.

Cas felt palm on his cheek and he leaned into it.

"You are Cas…" Dean repeated.

"Look… I'm so sorry about what those assholes did to you and I would give anything just to give you your wings back… Unfortunately, I don't have that power. The thing I can do is to be here for you Cas, and that's what you need to know... I'm here for you, Cas. Don't you dare to think that you're a burden or that you're useless. For God sake's Cas, you saved my and Sammy's ass more times than I can count. You're mine, Cas.. You're ours… You're family… Okay?"

When Cas didn't reply anything, just cried even more, Dean pulled him closer again, rubbing his back gently.

"My- My brothers… They didn't even hesitated before… They just… They didn't care…" Cas tried to say proper sentence though his sobs.

"I know, Cas...And believe me, they're going to pay for that..."Dean whispered to his friend and ran his hand though Cas's hair.

"You know what, Cas? Fuck them!... We're your brothers now, and I swear would never let anyone hurt you again, okay?"

Cas reluctantly pulled away and looked at Dean.

Fuck.

Cas has such a beautiful eyes. Those terribly hurt eyes which are sadly looking at him though so much tears.

No.

He's definitely never going to let anyone hurt his Cas. His angel.

"Thank you, Dean…"

Two hours later Dean and Sam went investigate their new case. Cas didn't want go with them cause he knew he wasn't ready to became a hunter. Instead, he decided to lie and told them he didn't sleep much that night and he would appreciate if he could get some sleep while they're gone. Dean and Sam agreed and left.

Cas was taking a shower when he head weird noises coming from the kitchen.

He froze.

He quickly dried up. He had very bad foreboding something bad was happening. When he was fully dresses he dared to open a door slowly. Something in kitchen was still making those noises.

Quietly, as fast as he could, he grabbed Dean's old heavy vase.

When he braced himself he quietly headed to the kitchen.

Cas suddenly saw who was standing there.

Vase fell on the floor and broke into million tiny pieces.

"Crowley? What are you doing here?"

Man in long black coat turned around.

"Hello Castiel, did you miss me?"

TBC