A/N: Thanks for the reviews! :)

Chapter Eight

Alexandria, 1991.

Jethro stepped into his house, but regretted it immediately. He had tried to sleep at the hotel, as it had already been after two o'clock in the morning when Tony had left, but sleep wouldn't have him, so he had decided to pay for the room and go home. But now that he was there, he felt even worse than before. He knew he had been wrong hitting Tony, knew that the kid had just tried to joke. What made a bad thing even worse was Tony's rant afterwards, though. He clearly hadn't meant to reveal so much about him, with his mother being dead and his father apparently being an alcoholic, but it explained most of his off-behavior over the last couple of days. Jethro knew that he had messed up big time and it didn't even help that they would have said goodbye to each other the next day anyway. He had meant to treasure those last couple of days as something that had felt unreal at times and yet still been the realest thing since he had last held Kelly in his arms. Tony had offered him an escape, had offered him a way out and had brought at least some easiness back into his life and somehow Jethro had managed to lose it all in mere seconds.

Jethro switched on the light on the nightstand and looked around the barely illuminated bedroom. It felt even lonelier and colder than it had done five days ago and he quickly grabbed the cover and a pillow before he made his way downstairs to get comfortable on the couch. He felt a bit better there, though he wasn't quite sure why. Sighing, he laid back and closed his eyes, recalling what Tony had shouted at him just a few hours earlier. The kid had been right about him needing to move on and get a grip. Maybe that meant that he would actually have to step up and face Mike Franks on Monday. He still wasn't quite sure he really wanted to, but if he kept on going like he was now, it would mean his certain death at some point and while he had considered committing suicide only a week previously, he suddenly didn't like that idea anymore. Tony had opened his eyes, had made him see that there were still things that were worth living for. Guilty conscience bubbled up inside of him again and he briefly considered driving by Tony's friend's house to apologize, but he discarded that idea quickly. He was pretty sure the kid wouldn't even want to see him and then there was still the fact that Jethro had no idea what he was supposed to tell him. Tony wouldn't accept a half-hearted apology, the kid wasn't stupid after all, but Jethro wasn't ready to talk about Shannon and Kelly. He really wanted to apologize, but he sure as hell had missed his chance tonight. Once again sighing, Jethro closed his eyes, internally vowing to himself that he would try to get his life back together to a certain degree.

It was only a couple of minutes later that he realized that Tony hadn't just gifted him to a couple of days of fun, but had also given him back his life.

*NCIS*NCIS*

Baltimore, 2001.

They had talked about the case for over an hour and while Tony had been friendly enough, had even given him a couple of smiles, Gibbs couldn't help but wish that Danny Price would just disappear, so that he could talk to the kid in private. But as soon as they had wrapped up for the day, Tony had disappeared from the squad room and never returned, even as Gibbs had hung back for a couple of minutes. Finally giving up, Gibbs slowly made his way out of the station, pressing a couple of buttons on his cell phone in order to call a cab. Just as he raised the phone to his ear, he saw Tony leaning against the wall of the building right across the street. Gibbs scrutinized him for a moment, but the younger man gave no indication that he had seen him. He had filled out a bit, but he was still all muscles, Gibbs realized. His hair was no longer a dark blond, but black and gelled back in a way that made sure that his hair wouldn't fall onto his forehead. He still looked good, maybe even better than before. He had grown up nicely.
Tumbled thoughts about a naked Tony over him, about Tony thrusting into him suddenly filled his mind and Gibbs shook his head. He had no business thinking about stuff like that, not when the kid wouldn't even talk to him, not when he had hit him in the face without a real reason. They needed to talk, Gibbs knew that, otherwise working with the younger man could be getting pretty awful.

He finally crossed the street and then leaned casually against the wall right next to Tony who didn't acknowledge his presence at all. Gibbs had come here to talk to the kid, had come here to apologize for what he had done to him all those years ago, but now that he was there, he just didn't know what to say. So, they just stood there in silence for a couple of long minutes, never looking at each other, never uttering a single word. Tony finally shifted next to him and out of the corners of his eyes Gibbs saw that he was running a hand through his hair.

"You still don't talk much, do you?" he finally broke the silence, even if his voice was lacking its earlier confidence.

Gibbs turned his head to look at him now and saw the same lost look in those green eyes that had haunted him a long time. It was the same one as when he had left Gibbs alone in that hotel room, it was the same one that had made Gibbs feel like he had just made sure that the kid didn't believe in anything anymore. He remained silent, though, waiting for Tony to make the next move.

"Guess not," Tony finally continued. "You know, I had big plans for tonight. Guess that's not happening anymore. Isn't the first time you do that either."

"What are you talking about?" Gibbs replied, trying to get eye contact, but the kid was still looking straight ahead as if the street held all the answers to the world.

"Big plans with my girlfriend," Tony answered, one side of his mouth quirking up for a short moment. "But I guess I'm not in the mood anymore."

Gibbs remained silent, waiting for Tony to elaborate, but it never happened. Instead they stood there in silence again, the minutes ticking by, until Gibbs, who usually loved quietness around him, couldn't take it anymore.

"Look, Tony," he started, but the younger man shook his head as he finally turned to look at him.

"Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear it, Ben."

Gibbs sighed and itched to reach out his hand to touch the kid in some way, but Tony clearly wasn't up for that, so he refrained and ran a hand through his hair instead.

"You seemed fine before," he finally said as he realized that Tony had actually been smiling at him only an hour previously.

"Yeah, well," Tony shrugged. "I'm the station's first choice when it comes to undercover ops."

"Okay," Gibbs replied, wondering how to start the conversation properly. Damn, it had been so easy to talk to the kid all those years ago. "I... uh…I'm sorry."

"No," Tony said and his voice was so low that Gibbs had momentarily trouble hearing him. "You don't get to apologize. All I want is for you to disappear again. Get someone else to do this job."

"Can't," Gibbs replied.

"Why the hell not? You're a fed, I'm sure you can make someone else do this with us."

"It's just NCIS. You didn't even know it existed two hours ago and we sure as hell aren't overstaffed. I have to do this."

"But we've been over this for weeks," Tony spat out, averting his glance once again. "Danny and I have been working our asses off to get the guy."

"I get that," Gibbs answered slowly, not willing to let it go. "But so was I. We'll have to do this."

"But I don't want that," Tony said now, raising his voice. "I don't want to work with you. Jeez."

"Look," Gibbs demanded. "I know I screwed up ten years ago, okay? I know I shouldn't have handled it like that."

"Then why did you?" Tony asked bitterly.

"I…" Gibbs started, even though he had no idea what to say. "I don't know. I was…"

"An asshole? Screwed up? A Mess? Take a pick," the younger man spat out.

"Yes."

"Yes?" Tony looked at him again. "Which one is it?"

"All of the above," Gibbs replied. "Was a rough time."

"That's your excuse? A rough time justified you hitting me? A rough time justified what you did to me?"

Gibbs remained silent, wondering not for the first time if what he had done to the younger man had somehow influenced his life. It seemed like it had, otherwise Tony wouldn't be looking at him like that, full of reproach and hatred.

"No," he finally said, trying to find the right words to say. "I've been… Back then, I didn't know what I was doing. I had no control anymore, I didn't want to have it either. And then I met you and everything got turned upside down."

"So it's my fault?"

"Didn't say that," Gibbs hurried to explain, wondering why he simply couldn't seem to say the right thing.

"Then what?"

"Like you said, I was messed up and I reacted poorly to something you said. It was my mistake, but I don't know what to say to you to make you stop looking at me like that."

Gibbs ran a hand through his hair again, internally scolding himself because he had let the fact slip that he didn't like the way Tony was looking at him. He had meant to play it cool, apologize and then go on as if he hadn't wondered for years and years how Tony had turned out. Even now, when he was finally able to look at the kid, he couldn't quite understand his almost-obsession with him. Yes, he had saved him from the darkest hours of his life and yes, he had made him see the light again, but Gibbs was pretty sure that it wasn't just that. There had been something about the kid, even back then, that had made him yearn for more.

"I don't know," Tony finally replied slowly, the thunder in his voice subsiding somewhat. "I mean, I know that it's been years and all, but…"

"I get it," Gibbs hurried to reply, even though it was getting a bit hard to look at the kid. "I messed up, I know it, but we'll have to make some kind of decision, Tony. We will have to work together in the next days, there's no way around that. I'm not asking you to forget about what's happened, but can't we be civil at least?"

"I guess, I could," Tony replied slowly and sullenly, fixing his glance right ahead again. "I'm the god of undercover actions. Guess it could be done."

"Okay," Gibbs said, feeling his heart sink because that hadn't been the answer he had been looking for, but he would have to deal. "Appreciate it."

"Look, man," Tony said and suddenly chuckled, looking at him again. "Leroy Jethro," he chuckled once more. "That's really your name, right?" At Gibbs' nod, he continued. "Damn, I bet you hated it growing up."

"Still do," Gibbs cut in.

"Yeah," Tony replied thoughtfully. "What I wanted to say…You seem to be okay, you know. And I'm probably not being fair to you right now, but it's not so easy for me to look at you and not punch you in the face."

"I get it."

"Okay," the younger man answered slowly, dragging out the word and for a moment, Gibbs was sure that he wanted to say something else, but then he subtly shook his head and pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning against. "I'll get going then."

"See you tomorrow?" Gibbs said and he hated himself for making it sound like a question as if he possessed no self-confidence in the world.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Tony replied without looking back as he walked away, leaving Gibbs standing there staring after him.

.

An hour later, Gibbs let himself into his hotel room, his mind still reeling from the conversation with the young detective. He had been relieved to see him again, was glad that he had turned out the way he did and even though they weren't exactly on friendly terms right now, it was enough for the moment. He would have to work hard to get to the kid again and he wasn't even sure if he could manage it at all, but he would certainly give it a try. Seeing him again had sent his mind swimming. All he could think about were those five days back in 1991 and how Tony had managed to be forever a part of Gibbs without even trying. Before today, his biggest worry had been how much money his soon-to-be ex-wife number three would milk out of him, but now he didn't even care about it anymore. Strange, how one little tackle could change it all.

Gibbs sat down on the bed now and pulled out his wallet that he had left in the nightstand because of his undercover gig. He rummaged through it for a moment before he pulled out an old Polaroid and stared at it for a long time. Tony and Gibbs' own smiling face looked right back at him and he suddenly realized that he wanted that again. He hadn't realized before because he had almost forgotten about what it was like with the other man, but he wanted their easy way of talking to each other back, wanted their easy way of living into the day again. It wasn't likely that Tony would forgive him, but Gibbs would certainly try to make it happen.

He simply wanted to. And he had to, too.