I really don't like the idea of you being home alone for Christmas.
Serena stared at the text message on the screen of her phone and smiled. It was Seth Rollins, who spent the past week trying to convince her to come home with him for Christmas. When word spread around the locker room that she was spending Christmas alone, people were inviting her to come home with them for the holidays, everybody from Chris Jericho to John Cena. Even Damien Sandow had offered. Well, she was pretty sure he offered. She couldn't understand what he was saying to her, but it whatever he said seemed genuine. She turned them all down. She didn't her problems to put a damper on everybody else's holiday.
It was Christmas Eve and Serena's cottage in Roselle Park, New Jersey, was blanketed in snow. There was a fire roaring inside the stone fireplace and hot chocolate on the coffee table. The living room was decorated for Christmas, complete with red and green garland, and decorative snowflakes that hung from the ceiling. In the corner beside the window stood the Christmas tree, well-lit and decorated, complete with Christmas presents underneath. A box of Belgian chocolates sat opened on the table, a treat Serena's mother dropped off to her before leaving for her Christmas cruise to Alaska. Considering she was never that close with her mother, Serena wasn't too upset that she wasn't going to be home for Christmas. Everyone on the roster who spoke to her, on the other hand, was horrified.
Serena lived in a three-storey cottage that she purchased with the inheritance her father had left her. The third floor was an attic, with a circular window that gave a little light to the small room. It was topped with a light blue roof that complimented the light brown siding. The second floor had a balcony, furnished with a barbecue and an outdoor dining set, while the ground floor had a patio equipped with a bench and a coffee table. In the spring it would have a beautiful garden full of gardenias, chrysanthemums, daffodils and violets. When the snow melted, it would reveal a stone walkway that led up to the front steps.
The first thing Serena did when she moved in was install alarms and motion-sensitive lights. If anybody even stepped foot on her property the front yard would light up like Christmas. She had the police on speed dial on both her cell phone and landline. She knew she was still suffering with the fallout, that she was still paranoid. Her attacker was behind bars, sentenced to life without the possibility of parole for eight murders, along with her abduction and assault. A long-time opponent of the death penalty, once she became the victim of a violent crime, she found herself wishing that New York hadn't disestablished the death penalty. She felt like a horrible human being for thinking that the only way she would ever be safe was if another human being was dead, but it was the reality she woke up with every morning.
Serena stoked the fire and sat down on her comfy white couch, rearranging the pretty throw pillows. The TV was on ABC, playing the cartoon Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, one of her all-time favorite Christmas movies, next to Gremlins. Her cell phone vibrated again. She smiled.
You could have come home with me. I wouldn't have minded…
This time it was Dean Ambrose. Often aloof, distant and cold to the other people on the roster, Serena and Dean seemed to click for reasons that made everybody scratch their heads. Dean wasn't known for being the friendliest of the Shield guys, but he treated Serena like a little sister, like someone who needed to be protected. It took Serena a while to realize that they wanted to be her friends out of genuine care, and not out of the pity that has trailed her since the trial.
I don't want to be a bother, Dean. Besides, you hardly get to see your family…
She sighed. There were a lot of invitations for her to go other places for Christmas. The trial had only ended six months ago, and everybody – outside of her mother – knew that this Christmas was going to be very tough for her. She was desperate to prove she was strong, though. That she could handle being by herself. She didn't want to be a damsel in distress; she wanted to be a warrior, a fighter.
On the fireplace mantle she kept a photograph of her with her ex-boyfriend, Shaun. He was supposed to be the ninth to die, but had ended up the eighth. Serena still suffered from survivor's guilt over the ordeal. They had only been dating a couple months when they were abducted on the way home from a night at the movies. After weeks in captivity, being tortured and picked at, she had seen him die. It had been very close for her, but she had survived. Some days she wished she hadn't. Shaun's death still haunted her. No therapist, no amount of medication would help her un-see what she had saw during her time as a deranged killer's prisoner.
She sipped her cocoa and tried to focus on the cartoon. It was easy for her to slip into the bad thoughts, and the worst part was she had nobody close to talk to about it. She still felt uncomfortable burdening her co-workers with her problems, issues that included anxiety, depression, vivid nightmares and irritability. She had medication, but she was reluctant to take it, afraid of the side effects. If he escaped from prison, she wanted to be alert. The police assured her that he would never bother her again, but she didn't believe it. She was the sole survivor, the one who had fingered him in court, had cinched his conviction. Serena had already come to the conclusion that one day he was going to come back and try to finish the job. She would never feel safe again.
The phone vibrated again. You're no burden, Serena. You shouldn't be alone at Christmas.
She smiled. Very quickly, she was gaining a circle that was becoming like a family. Seth, Dean and Roman were like the big brothers she always wanted but never got. Her mother was vain and shallow, the kind that demanded perfection because she was far from it. As it was, her mother didn't even accompany her to every day of the trial for the man who had almost cost Serena her life. Some days she felt so awkward sitting alone in the pews, openly weeping at the crime photos, mourning the other victims, her only comfort coming from a few of the news reporters for channels like HLN, CNN and In Session. They were always respectful enough to not ask her where her mother was. She always refused their requests to do interviews, not wanting to draw any more attention to what she had survived. Serena never had the dream of becoming famous, and she didn't want this to be what she would be known for to millions of people.
I'm okay. I promise.
She sat back and sighed. Last week, she turned down Layla again. Now the Divas all had their nose out of joint with her, which was the last thing she had wanted. She felt so embarrassed at dinner, eating alone at a table, noticing Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes pointing, whispering and laughing at her. Dean, Seth and Roman joined her for dinner, but it didn't make her feel any less self-conscious. She was desperate to not become the reclusive agoraphobic, but she was having a hard time doing the things she used to do. She never felt safe anymore. Turning her head, she looked into the kitchen, at the kitchen table where her current puzzle was half-finished. It's what she did with her insomnia.
The phone vibrated again. She jumped, startled. Verbally berating herself for being so jumpy over the tiniest of things, she picked up the phone. It was Dean. I worry about you. I know Seth and Roman do, too.
She felt the familiar sting of hot tears behind her eyelids. It was nice to feel cared for. But she didn't know what to say to him. "What am I supposed to tell him, that I worry about me, too?" she sighed. She texted a quick thank-you, and put the phone down on the cushion beside her, feeling stupid for having such a response. She sipped her cocoa and watched as The Grinch turned into Frosty The Snowman. The phone vibrated again. She sighed.
I think we should come see you in the next two days or so.
She smiled. You guys don't have to do that. I'll be fine. I will see you guys on Monday. She sent the message. She heard a sound outside and struggled to steady her breathing. Serena rested her head against the couch. "I really should look at getting a dog or something," she sighed. She popped one of the chocolates in her mouth and smiled. The phone vibrated again. Instead of answering right away, Serena went into the kitchen to fix herself another cup of cocoa.