Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but Stephenie Meyers does. I do own Melvin and the story idea.

Moose on the Loose

Chapter 2 – Hunting Edward

Emmett

Jazz and I were hanging out playing a little xbox when my phone rang. Damn it was Alice. Why couldn't she leave us alone and just shop for the world.

"Hi Alice. Whatcha doin'?"

"Hey Alice, why you calling Em," Jasper yelled over.

"For heaven's sake, I called you Em because I know you're totally up for the 'I know what we're doing today.'" Hell yeah I'm totally all over it; Agent P is on the job.

"Really, so what am I doing today?"

"You're going to find Edward. Something's very wrong. I had this vision of him sitting against a tree talking to himself and it keeps fading in and out."

"He's talking to himself? Hell, I'd be talking to myself too if I was having no sex. He seriously needs to get laid." Hell we all need him to get laid.

"Whatever, just you and Jazz get yourselves over to Bella's and pick her up. She's going to have to help you guys. Then head east. Let me talk to Jazz."

"Hey sweet thing…." I just tuned them out until he was done talking.

When he hung up I asked, "You ready for this? I get the feeling this is going to be very entertaining."

"Yes, Alice was a little concerned about me wanting to pick Bella up, but I understand now. Let's go."

We headed over to Bella's and knocked on the door since that's what Alice said to do. Unlike Edward, I accept the fact that Alice knows shit and you just go with it since she'll get you to do it anyway, no use fighting, cuts into my prank planning time.

"Hey Em, Jazz, what are you guys doing here?" She looked at us with confusion.

"Alice sent us over; she had this vision of Edward…"

Bella's eyes went wide and she grabbed onto the front of my shirt shaking me as she rambled, "OMG Edward! What happened? Where is he? Hunting Accident? He's hurt? I shouldn't have let him go alone, I should've gone too! Let's go, I need to see him?" All-righty then, she's as hyper as Alice. Edward is to Bella what shopping is to Alice. Alice would be like this if the mall was on fire. She probably needs to get laid too. Only thing is she isn't holding out she wants to do the horizontal mambo.

"Hold on their sweet cheeks. No he's okay; just she had this weird vision of him talking to himself. We're going to investigate and Alice said you had to come along. She's calling Charlie to tell him that you're staying at our house tonight for a sleepover." Yeah another sleepover, maybe one day they'll be no sleeping and actually get it on.

"Okay, so who do I get to ride?" Then she blushed after realizing what she just said and I laughed which caused Jazz to laugh.

"Bella, just hop on Emmett, he needs to be ridden as much as Edward," Jazz laughed and I was shocked.

"What the hell, you're making sexual jokes now? Should I be worried you're going to be competition?"

"Not at all, that just begged for a response."

"Yeah, yeah. Bella hop on." She hopped on my back and off we flew in an eastward direction.

"You smell that Jazz?"

"Yeah, smells like moose blood. Let's follow it."

We continued in our eastward direction. After two minutes we came across an area of ground that was noticeably disturbed, but only by a very discernable vampire eye. Yeah that'd be me, the one with the eye, as in eagle eye, not a Cyclops monster. I ain't no monster.

"Jazz…that looks like…you know." I didn't really want to speak it out loud and freak Bella out.

"You mean an animal burial site from Edward's feeding?" Bella blurted out and my eyes went a little wide with concern.

"Ummm…yeah…but…" I stammered and Jazz then cut in, "Bella, Emmett didn't want you to get upset, but yes that's exactly what it is. Do us a favor and look away while I check it out."

"Why I can handle it. You know that someday I'm going to be hunting with you guys." As if Edward would actually let her hunt with us, pfft, those two will be jumping each other's bones left, right and center during a hunt. I don't think they have a clue how sexually charged a hunt can be with your mate. We tend to hide it when Edward's around.

"Yeah while that will be fun, right now not so much if Edmundo finds out we let you see it. Our ass will be grass. Just do us a solid and look away, please." I stuck out my lip and gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, okay, I understand that my nutty overprotective vampire will flip a fang. Besides I don't think your ass would look so good being grass, green's not your color," she chuckled.

"She's so right, green's definitely not your color, especially a green hairy ass, ewww," Jazz laughed.

"Ha ha you guys are a riot, now get digging Jazz and you close your eyes missy." She huffed as she turned around.

Jazz dug up the animal and sure enough it was a moose, a very large moose. I noticed him sniffing around the moose and thought that was odd.

"J-man, what are you doing?"

"Just want to be thorough. I smell Edward's venom on his neck and he's definitely drained dry. The odd thing is there is this unusual scent coming through its pores, smells like dirt. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was some type of human food spread all over its fur."

"That is weird. I mean who would spread human food on a moose?"

"Really, human food? I bet if I smell it I'll know what it is." And before I could stop her, Bella slipped away from me and was over at Jazz's side. Fucking hell Edward's going to kill us. If I'm going down, Jazz is coming with me. I don't travel the road to hell alone.

"No Bella, stop," Jazz yelled.

"Stop worrying, you're acting like two Grandpa's," she rolled her eyes at us.

"Hey, I resent that, I'm no grandpa, okay maybe old enough to be one, but still, you're the one dating a gramp-vamp."

"Yeah, guess, since he lives by gramp-like morals and all which sucks, and not in a good way."

"One little suck by you on his dick and I bet all those morals would fly right out the window like a bat out of hell. Oops, did I say that out loud?" She gaped at me and then a wicked smile came across her face. Somehow I really didn't want to know what that was all about, but yet I did, because I'm a perverted ass.

"Yeah, you kind of did," she giggled.

Bella, circled the moose sniffing and humming, but then she knelt down next to it and almost had her nose on the fur taking a few deep sniffs. Cripes, when old man vamp sees this he's going to hit the roof and get his walker in a bunch, probably beat me to death with his cane. It's times like this that it's too bad we couldn't get him drunk on some hooch. Although, Doc Holiday and Annie Es Oakley wouldn't look too kindly on my moonshining enterprise in the garage or for that matter the Chief Fuzz of Forks, also known as Charlie.

She sneezed several times and I couldn't help but laugh.

"So not funny Em, but he smells like apples. It's seriously weird, why would his fur smell like apples? Wonder if maybe apple juice spilled on him." She leaned over and was touching the smelly thing. Maybe we can knock Edward out and drag him home and we can never think about this again. Yeah, like that's ever going to happen, not likely in this timeline. This was just too funny not to think about.

Hell, now she was petting it like he was a pet and if that wasn't bad enough, she started talking to him. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and from the look on Jasper's face he was thinking the same thing. He also looked like he wanted to vomit if that were possible.

Then the talking began.

A/N: So what do you think Bella's going to say? Who would've thought Emmett was the voice of reason? Please review and receive a cookie from Santa.