Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but Stephenie Meyers does. I do own Melvin and the story idea.

Moose on the Loose

Chapter 3 – The Voice of Reason

Emmett

"You know you must've been quite the guy in your group, look at all those points on your antlers. Sorry that you ended up being dinner for Edward." I slapped myself in the forehead thinking WHAT THE FUCK! She's apologizing to a dead animal for having been Edward's meal. Holy Moley, no one would believe this if I even told them. Glad Jazz is here to witness this ultimate slide into the loony bin because they would surely think I was nuts.

I stared at Jazz and he stared at me, neither one of us having any idea what we should even say at this point. I shook my head to the side to indicate he should say something and he looked all wide-eyed at me. Did he not realize that I was not the one to really say something? I started to make all sorts of hand signals at him to get him to take the freakin' hint. Finally he did and I breathed a sigh of relief. You'd think he'd have an empathic clue with me freaking the hell out over here, jeez.

"Bella…sweetheart, um…" Jasper started. "Bella…"

Oh for Christ's sake he didn't have a clue what to say either, so what the heck; I might as well just toss myself into the pits of hell since I was already at the door and knocking. Gee just can't wait for satanic Edward to answer.

"Bella, here's the thing, it's the law of the jungle, only the strong survive. It's the circle of life." Great, now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head. Although, a little lion snack would be nice right about now or another moose. I shook my head to clear it; I need to focus on the craziness at hand.

"I know, but we should still have a moment and thank him for being what he is so that you guys can survive." She looked up at me with those doe eyes and I knew I was a gonner. How the hell did Edward deal with those eyes and have held out on sex this long?

"She has a point Emmett." So helpful Jasper.

"What do you think we should have a funeral or something? I just don't think we have time for that since we need to find Edward, you remember him, the love of your life." I waved my hands dramatically in the air. It's a sad day when I'm the voice of reason!

"I think that's a great idea Bella. It will give us all closure." My eyes went wide and I looked at Jasper like he had ten heads. CLOSURE! Closure from what, we didn't drain, eat, snack on him, whatever.

Jasper gave me the look as he tilted his head to the side indicating it was for Bella and I knew what we had to do.

"Okay, everyone join hands and we'll say a small prayer. Jasper, since I did it last time, it's your turn." There, serves him right for suggesting this.

"Not a problem. We are gathered here today to thank this wonderful moose for just being himself. Without him, we, the Cullen's couldn't survive. If Edward were here, he'd want to say that he was grateful for your contribution of blood and existence. So in conclusion, we thank you for keeping us alive."

"Bella, did you want to say anything." I seriously hope she didn't, this was clearly getting weirder by the second and to think I wasn't even the one being weird for a change. I know hard to believe, maybe I should pinch myself.

"Well…" Of course she would. "Just would like to say thank you Mr. Moose for sustaining my Edward and that you should know that I love him very much." What the hell does that have to do with anything? "Okay, I'm ready. Let's find my Edward."

"Good, now turn around while we bury him back up. As it stands now, when Edward finds out everything I'm going to be hiding behind you so you can protect me from him."

"Why would this weak human have to protect the giant vampire?" She scrunched her eyebrows in wonder.

"Have you met Edward? He's going to kill me and Jasper first and ask questions later when he finds out you witnessed this." Seriously, didn't she realize that?

"Oh, well, of course I'd protect my favorite brothers. Don't worry, you can hide behind me any time and I will take care of Edward." She declared and wiggled her eyebrows. Yeah, hope some of that taking care of included sex because then he'd forget all about us.

"Alright my favorite sister, hop on and let's get going before Alice reams us for slacking off on our mission. And if you tell Alice that I said you were my favorite sister I'll deny it, just saying, because the pixie can get downright territorial." Not to mention vindictive and I have no intention of being on the receiving end of her vindictiveness.

"Wouldn't think of it, I love you too much to let that happen." I knew that was the truth. "So Em, Jas do you think that I'll like moose when I'm changed?" Great, another subject that shouldn't be discussed if we valued what little of our lives were left.

"Probably, we all tend to like different things as our favorites, but you never know. You might love mountain lion like Edward or bear like me."

"Uhh, Jasper what's your favorite?" Yeah, Jasper spit it out before I do and you'll be sorry.

"Well…if we're being honest, there is nothing comparable to human blood, but my favorite animal is antelope. Please don't be offended by the human thing, it's just that I spent many years doing that and while I loved the taste of it, I never enjoyed having to feel the emotions of the person I was doing it to. It was really difficult for me. The day I met Alice and she told me there was another way, I didn't believe her, but soon found out she was right. After that day I never looked back. Yes, I've had some slip ups, but I don't want to ever go back to that way of living ever again and I knew I could never subject Alice to that way of living, she loves being a part of a family and so do I." Wow, I'm surprised he admitted all that. I always suspected that was the case, that his love for Alice trumped everything, just like me and Rose.

"I do understand because I love Edward just the same as you guys do your wives and would do everything in my power to be with him no matter the cost." And then she mumbled. "…maybe some sex would be nice too." I had to hold back my laughter and thought, oh yeah little bro, she's going to give you a run for your money. Once the cat is out of the bag there is no way it's going back in, did I say cat, I really meant dick out of your pants. You have no idea bro, no idea.

"Emmett do you hear that?" Jasper said bringing me out of my thoughts.

A/N: Please review. So what do you think they are hearing?

Three good friends of mine, Michele, Laura and Lisa have published a New Valentine's Day Anthology, called Life is More Than Candy Hearts (The Candy Collection) and is available on Amazon www . amazon . com (remove the spaces). You should definitely check it out, I plan to.