Flynn tries so hard, and Yuri knows. He notices it, and when he feels normal, he tries to let Flynn know he appreciates it. Be it a simple thank you, doing chores for once, behaving or even getting him little gifts. Although the gifts part was hard—Flynn had their shared account wired to his phone since Yuri's impulsive moods sometimes lead to him trying to buy too much at once. And it was hard to call it a gift when he had to explain it to Flynn to reassure him he wasn't trying to buy another house or a couple cars again. Or a person.

The things one finds on Ebay…

It was hard for Yuri to focus some days. Not because of his disorders so much as it was the medications. It seems no matter what Yuri does, something fucks him up. He really does try to be good, to comply with his regime of meds and therapies and doc visits. He used to be able to go to them himself, but eventually he found himself not caring and didn't bother anymore. Flynn has to step in when he starts to reach that point again, and when he isn't looking, Yuri stares at him and wishes telepathy was actually a thing. Because if Flynn could really see what was in Yuri's head, maybe he'd be happier.

Maybe he'd hate Yuri more and finally leave.

Yuri is fairly sure Flynn hates him. Maybe he won't ever show it, but it was there. Yuri had done too much to him, ruined so much of his life, to not be hated. It was why Estellise left him. Why Judith left him. Why Raven stopped hanging out with him and won't let his adopted kids near him. It was why he gave Repede to his grandfather across the US. Yuri knows he can't ever have nice things, wasn't worth them, couldn't handle them. He wants them—whether or not he really does or that was due to his disorder he wasn't sure—and he seeks them out. But he wasn't worthy of them.

He wasn't worthy to get Flynn's kisses, or to sleep with him, or get his smiles and touches. He wanted them, he always did, even when he was teenager and they would purposefully get into the same core classes together in high school. But by graduation it was apparent there was something wrong with Yuri, and he was afraid what it meant.

Yuri got around. Women, men, if he wanted them he went for them. Once he was tired of them he left them without a word. He never thought he would be that way, but after a few intense meetings and sleepings he found himself wanting to get away. So he does. Estelle was so sweet, but he did the same to her. He avoided her until she finally "officially" ended it. Yuri wasn't sure what else happened to her. He really didn't care.

Judith hung around for a bit. A friend with benefits after the actual relationship failed. But despite her being so beautiful, so model-perfect, Yuri got sick of her too. And after he started to get into fights and steal—and one time he did crash her car on purpose just to make her angry—she finally gave him the bird.

Raven was actually a friend of Flynn's, and although Yuri did try, the older man wasn't interested. His kids, Karol and Rita, were good kids if Yuri remembers correctly. Rita was a bit of a bitch, and Karol was easy to scare, but they were good kids. But it was strange to him they were relatively well behaved. Eventually, he tried to get them to not be.

It didn't take much more for Raven to start distancing his kids from Yuri, and also Flynn. It was, however, what got Flynn to realize something was wrong.

Yuri doesn't remember the actual thing that tipped Flynn over to restrain him and literally throw him into the car to go the nearest psychiatric clinic. He doesn't remember if he did something, or said something. Maybe both.

He actually doesn't remember a good few years after he really started to notice he wasn't well. Maybe he shouldn't.

Yuri knows he had done bad things. Hurt people. He hurt Flynn a lot. Some days he left bruises on him, some days he knows he makes Flynn want to cry. On the good days he tries to make up for it.

When he was diagnosed and started on treatment, Yuri didn't care. He pretended to, went along with it for a bit, then stopped. He relapsed and ended up in jail, and only thanks to Flynn did he get out. That was when Flynn became his unofficial guardian.

During the years with such an arrangement, Yuri had to battle with himself—when hewas himself, whatever that really meant though—to not touch Flynn. Oh, he loved him. Yuri has problems with his thinking and emotions, but he knew what he felt something. He loved Flynn, to be sure. But that was on good days. Every other day, he wasn't sure if he loved Flynn, or just wanted him because he was Flynn.

They had frequent trysts. Sometimes they were dating, and then they break up. It was always, always Yuri's fault. He knows it hurts Flynn, because Flynn thinks he's being sneaky but Yuri sees. He knows, and he knows their off-and-on set up was only hurting Flynn and killing what friendship they had left.

Yuri wishes Flynn would leave him. Maybe it would hurt less if he did.

But even when Yuri really does try to stay away, to keep his hands away, he can't. Flynn is there. Flynn can't resist his charms anymore than Yuri can resist using them on him. They were on a destructive path and the worse part of it all was Flynn followed Yuri down. Yuri was used to pain, was used to being the disappointment and failure and fuck up of every relationship. Estelle and Judy were smart. They quit. They left him and made sure he had no way to contact them again so they wouldn't fall for his charm.

But Flynn stays. Flynn stays and falls for him over and over and Yuri wants to scream and hit him to get away because he was destructive. He was going to completely ruin Flynn's life, he knows it, he tries not to but even Yuri knows he can't fucking help it. Being who he was, was not worth anything. Yuri being Yuri was not a reason to stay around. The good days couldn't possibly make up for the times Yuri hits him, ridicules him, sneers and manipulates and cries on his shoulder.

He loves Flynn, so much. The 'good' part of him that needs Flynn to get away and the 'bad' part of him that reaches out to him. Flynn thinks it's the 'good' Yuri that kisses him so sweetly, touches him so sensually. He has it backwards.

Yuri tries. He tries so damn hard.

But Flynn keeps coming home.