Hais! Sooo, I've finally managed to make my reluctant laptop cooperate and update. Sorry to all of you who were hoping I'd be updating my other stories instead, but they really do take an unreasonably long time to write, especially when you're almost dropping off whenever you actually find the time to sit facing the computer screen.
So here it is, Chapter Three to my easy-written parody-make-do. Hope you enjoy it. ;)
3. Four-and-Twenty Riders
The very next day, the search for the baby dragon's Rider began. Oromis went around each house asking for young men and women who were come of age, asking the dragon if that was its Rider.
But the pink dragon turned down everyone Oromis managed to visit in the morning – which was not many, because at each and every house she visited there was a great deal of excitement –, albeit with some pleased humming each time a door was opened by a young woman or girl who excitedly squealed and rushed about the house screaming that the most adorable pink dragon she had ever seen was at the front door.
By noon Oromis gave up and simply went up to the village Chief and asked him to summon every young person in the village. Why didn't you do that in the first place? Glaedr asked him sleepily from his perch on the rooftop, a huge yawn punctuating each word. Wait – stop right there, I'm coming down.
Noooo! Don't! Can't you see I'm right in the middle of savouring my onion-jalapeño bagel?
Where'd that come from? The saddlebags again?
Obviously. I'm vegetarian. I am protein-intolerant.
You're made of protein. You, me – we're all big lumps of protein.
Aaaarrghh!
Glaedr sighed. You'd better hurry up. And tell me when you're finished.
Sure. I will. After I've had my fill of that famous papaya soda they're selling here. Apparently they only have it in this area – that's why I volunteered to come here in the first place.
Glaedr did not bother to answer. He just growled.
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Later that day, young Galbatorix was roused from his love-depression by a rude bang on the front door. He stumbled down the stairs to get it.
'Hey! That Rider just summoned everyone down to the town square again. I think you'd better come, too.'
Galbatorix quickly got dressed, his heart fluttering in suppressed excitement, flattening down his frizzy hair with hairgel. He did not bother to tell his mum where he was going, but simply shot through the front door and down the dingy town streets. 'Hey! You forgot your shoelaces!' His mum called after him. Then she shrugged and went back to batting a beef chop with her wok.
In the town square, Glaedr sat with his long fingers splayed out over a manhole beside Oromis who had finally finished his bagel and soda. Twenty four youths from the day before and lots of other nosy neighbours crowded the tiny clearing. "We're squished like sardines in a can," someone complained. "Make way for the young'uns!" Someone else shouted.
The young men and women lined up in a ragged line and began to take turns winning the baby dragon. Oromis happily cradled the baby dragon in his arms while he hummed Kara.
The pink dragon raised her small triangular head and stared up at Oromis with a mildly bewildered expression. I prefer Big Bang, she commented.
I like The Beatles, Glaedr said rather sheepishly. At least you can understand the lyrics.
The pink dragon snorted. Then you're outdated, she told him flatly. Most of them died a while ago, in case you haven't noticed.
How'd you know that? Oromis asked, surprised. You were literally born yesterday.
The dragon pompously ignored him, and then it was Oromis's turn to stare as she sang;
Four and twenty black-birds baked in a pie
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing
Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in the counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey,
The maid –
She never got to finish her song, because at that moment she was interrupted by an ear-splitting scream issuing from the girl next in line.
"Oh my goodness oh my freakin god! You are totally adooorablee!" She immediately began to pile Oromis with questions. "Where did he come from? What's his name? What's his favourite treat? Does he like jerky? Wait – I think I have some here." She jammed her hand into her pink bag and pulled out an oily plastic bag.
"Here," she said. "You'll like it." She tore off a tiny piece and shoved it towards the dragon's face. The dragon sniffed it. Doesn't smell too bad, she remarked. Perhaps a little snack… wouldn't hurt? She glanced up at Glaedr with round, innocent eyes.
Go ahead, he sighed.
The baby dragon snapped the piece of jerky off the girl's fingers. She jumped back a few feet, then immediately rushed back up again. "Awwh, don't be so meeean. I know you're a little sweetheart. Don't be afraid, I'd never hurt you. Come to mama, sweetiepie," she cooed, her lips puckered. She tentatively reached out and stroked the dragon under her chin.
Watch out there, I'm gonna throw up, Glaedr said.
The baby dragon purred as the girl's fingers reached a particularly effective spot. It's not bad not having a Rider, really, if I get to do this every time.
You're a Rider's dragon, you need a Rider, Oromis told her.
"Pleeease can I have him? He's just so adorable. I can't bear to leave him here with all these unprofessional people. Anyway I'm quite sure this is my dragon."
Oromis shared a glance with Glaedr.
"Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?"
I hate cherries, Glaedr said.
That's made it, then, said Oromis. "No, you can't, not unless the Dragon chooses you," he told the girl.
"What do you mean? Of course he's mine! How can he not be? You are, aren't you?" The girl asked the dragon. "Of course you are. Anyway you can't talk." She turned round on Oromis without waiting for an answer. "This is unlawful! How can you refuse a Rider her dragon by telling her she needs approval from an illiterate animal? There is no such thing! I know why you don't want to give him away. I understand, it's hard, he's so adorable. But you already have your own dragon and you can't have another one just because you like him better. You're such a greedy fool. He's mine, I tell you, and I'm taking him back to where he belongs whatever you say." She glared at Oromis and made a grab for the dragon.
At that moment Glaedr felt the dragon's temper blow up, and she suddenly released a bolt of brilliant-pink flames.
The girl screamed – really screamed, as if the world was at an end.
When the smoke cleared, she stood in the centre of the square, hair singed and still smoking. Her bag was burned down to ashes. Her clothes hung in charred tatters.
Glaedr wrinkled his nose as the smell of burnt hair wafted over to him.
The girl screamed at Oromis. "Look what that monster did to me! Take that thing away from me! It deserves to be drowned for all I care! It should have been killed at birth! Ugh! It's a hideous creature!" She spat at Oromis and the baby dragon, then ran away down the street howling.
The eyes of every young man followed the bawling young woman in her partly-disintegrated undergarments as she pelted across the square.
Pervs, growled Glaedr, his gaze fixed intently on the girl's missing top.
The pink dragon snorted.
Yup, that's definitely longer than the previous one. I just hope it doesn't keep getting longer and loooonger till I need ages to write each new chapter... :/
Why am I going all vague and depressed? xD
Oh, well. Please review and tell me what you think. ;) And please do point out any mistakes I might have missed - that is if you can take the time and trouble to - because I'm pretty sure there are some, and if you have you have my most gracious thanks for any kind of comment.