Kiss Me, My Pretty
Part Five
"You wrapped it too tight."
"Are you still complaining? You were leaned over the sink, what was I supposed to do?" Allen growled at the man's still pissy attitude.
"Your golem licked my face. That's harassment."
"He just cares."
"Do you hear what you're saying!" A smack against the table echoed in the lobby when his open palm came down.
"You've already damaged enough furniture, BaKanda, please refrain from making it worse," Allen rolled his eyes and sat back against the sofa, directly across from Kanda and Timcanpy—who was nestled close against Kanda's neck, lovingly nuzzling the underside of his jaw. It wasn't that Kanda had accepted this, it just so happened that Kanda's terrible headache made it harder to effectively drive the damn thing away. It didn't help that Allen was not leaving him alone.
He's managed to have his meditation, training and meal ruined. He was still healing from his burns and now had poorly fixed bandages on his arm. His day was in shambles and he was close to marching into Komui's office and demanding a mission so he'd have an excuse to slice something.
"Put your tongue back in your fucking mouth." He muttered at the disconcerting feel of Timcanpy's tongue on his cheek. Without hesitance, the little critter returned its tongue and continued to cuddle his jaw. "You see this, beansprout? This is harassment."
"Why are you looking at me, like it's my fault?"
"Because it is."
"You punched him!"
"You tried to cook me alive!"
"Again, that was an accident!"
The door opened just before Kanda could release the next furious scream. He was getting painfully good at throwing scathing words. It certainly helped that he was in a bitchy mood. So much that he wouldn't have given a shit if someone referred to it as "bitchy".
"Hey you guys!" It was Lavi, much to the visual dismay of Kanda's expression. "How's it going Allen?"
"It's…going."
"And what about you, Yuu? Having any luck with your new girlfriend? Or is Tim a boy? Wait…what is he, she…it?"
"DIE."
"Now that's not nice, Yuu." Lavi grinned and turned back to Allen, "So what is Tim? Is Tim gay now, or is Tim a girl?"
"I…always called Tim a 'he'." Allen stuttered a little, not really sure if he himself liked the direction of the conversation. It was like the redhead was asking to be clocked by the angry swordsman. He had a feeling he'd be intervening a hostile attack at some point.
"So Tim's a boy? Aww, look at that forbidden romance~"
Kanda shifted in his seat and repressed the tingling urge to leap up and break his spine. He didn't have the energy to end every other living person in the room and deal with an un-killable little motherfucker. His arms folded up in each other and he sat with a snarl, looking like someone had spit in his tea. If he didn't open his mouth, maybe they would leave him the fuck alone until Komui figured out how the hell to make Timcanpy stop clinging to him.
Timcanpy perched on his shoulder, his little wings drooped down. He looked quite content to simply cuddle the face of the angry man. Allen actually thought it was kinda…cute, if that was a fair word to use. Even if Kanda had a pissy expression, it added a charm to the way the two of them gave off a rather silly image. He supposed that's how he looked when he pulled a serious expression with Timcanpy sitting on his head.
"At least he's not in your hair," Allen said casually.
"Because I had to barter with the fucking thing. It's more annoying than you."
A little twitch started at the corner of Allen's eye. It was the same involuntary reaction that started every time he and Kanda were about to start jumping down each other's throats. "You're the one being annoying, BaKanda."
"I didn't invite you to follow me around like a vulture, beansprout."
"You have my golem!"
"Your. Mother. Fucking. Fault."
"Quit blaming me, BaKanda!"
"Then quit life. And get out of my sight, you cursed little shit!"
"I'll do whatever I want!" Allen growled, his face scrunching up to match Kanda's. He wasn't backing down to that asshole any day and today was especially not the day. When Timcanpy was back in his possession, he'd happily walk away.
"You can want to leave me alone then." Kanda's hand slammed down on the table again and he learned forward on it, teeth grinding and giving him a threatening glare.
"How about, NO." Allen returned the obnoxious hand slamming with his own, right next to Kanda's; leaning forward until they were face to face to the point where a fire could spark between them at any given moment.
"Hey….Hey, come on you two, don't be like tha—"
Both men turned their glares on Lavi and growled together—perfectly synced, "Shut up or die."
Lavi held up his hands in defense and backed away from that double threat. If they wanted to jump down each other's throats with guns drawn, then he wasn't going to stop them. He'd already learned the hard way that getting in between them was asking for a personal ass whooping. Allen and Kanda were practically destined to get into fist fights on a daily basis. Busted lips, black eyes, broken noses and bruised egos were practically what the two of them ate for breakfast together.
"I don't wanna see your face anymore. I want my peace. I haven't eaten today, I didn't get to meditate because of you and I'm sore. Now back the fuck off or I. Will. End. You." The threat spilled out of the man's mouth as his fingers collected the material of Allen's collar and pushed them, teetering over the table, in a harm promising situation.
"I'm not afraid of you, BaKanda!" Allen sneered, sticking his tongue out and placing his hand over the man's wrist, squeezing unrelentingly.
"You break my wrist and I will shove my foot so far up your as—" A light sound of wood splintering silenced both of them for a moment and they both looked down at the table they were placing the full extend of their weight over. It didn't take a genius to determine what that meant and before either of them could back off and regain balance, the table cracked down the center.
Allen pulled back with a yelp, unable to stop his backwards descent from grace. He unknowingly took Kanda with him—by the wrist—when the table sloped in Allen's direction. With a pain "oof", he landed back on the floor. Kanda rained down on him, one hand up to brace his fall. Allen thanked his luck stars that Kanda was quick on the reflex. If that one hand hadn't caught some of the man's weight, he'd have been crushed between the man and the floor.
"Tch…" The dark haired man grunted and tried to pick himself up, but the table catching his legs made it a trying challenge of getting up without busting his shins or making the situation more awkward than it already was. His arm, shoulder and head also happened to choose that moment to throb uncomfortably. "Goddamnit, I think my foot is caught under one of the table legs."
"Stay put, I'll slide out from under you," Allen suggested and realized he'd still been holding Kanda's wrist. He let go and noticed the bruising already. "Um…sorry…"
"I'm not fucking surprised, now hurry the fuck up," Kanda strained, his body pressed too close over Allen's for his own comfort. In fact, being that close to any other body just made his blood rush to his head. Whether it was in pure embarrassment or something else, he didn't care; he just needed the situation amended.
Allen wiggled and tried to pull from under him without kicking him, despite the subtle desire to. He didn't actually need to abuse Kanda more than he seemed to have already done. He noticed a fluttering by his face and just before he could grab Timcanpy and prevent him from making matters worse, Kanda's other arm gave out and he dropped down on his elbow; face at about hip level to Allen. This was enough to prevent Allen from catching the golem.
"God fucking—" He stopped mid-swear and Allen knew why, because he saw it first. The shaking coming from the body trapping him was a sign that Kanda was about to start breathing fire.
And Lavi could not stop laughing for anything.
"T…Timcanpy…Please…get off Kanda's…He's…" Going to kill us both.
His fists clenched so hard that he thought he busted some blood vessels. He was so angry that he thought he could actually start crying in rage, if such a thing existed. Both of his arms were abused, his shoulder hurt just enough to annoy him, and he'd determined that his boot lace was the cause of his inability to pull his foot free from the broken table. Yet another thing I'm going to have to pay for.
Oh and to top it off, there was beansprout's fucking golem, gently nesting in his new location. Happy as can be.
And about to be murdered violently.
"GET THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK OFF MY ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!"
To Be Continued…
Marufu-chan: Tim is just asking for it now XD
EXO718: LOL. Golem styled Frenching. That had me in stitches.
WakeToSanity: Kanda's so violated in this, it's not…no wait, yes it is funny :'D I'm so mean, aren't I?
Exile Wrath: xD Glad you Enjoyed.
The Mad Puppeteer: I see you changed your pen name! And Kanda's brain is one mess of angry explosions I imagine XD
Raicheda: xD Imagine how it feels to sit down and think of this shit. The temptation to draw it is painfully inviting too.
Lotus Seed: Tim is totally seme ~! So forward!
Styrie: I get sick pleasure out of Kanda's suffering. I'm a terrible terrible person like that. Comedy is my forte I like to think, so I'm glad I'm still doing it well!
MexiJew: Thanks!
Anonymous: Don't go breaking any ribs now! I can't afford to be sued over bone crackage!
And to my Moyashi: I know you lol when I write this. Just imagine the horrors that will come of the sequel to this :'D Poor Kanda amirite? You are forever the best muse in the world. I lav.