Chapter 5 - Never Think

It was red. The once crisp white tiled floor, reflecting the harsh lights from above were stained with the dark crimson of the human life force. It was dark, haunting. Mimicking the pain and suffering that was yet to come. It slowly snaked it's way to the drain before disappearing into small grated holes in the floor. Every now and then there would be clots of this blood moving as one towards the drain. The water had turned cold. I couldn't move. The cool metal wall of the shower pressed to my back as a harsh reminder that I was still here. I was still alive. My baby was gone. Daryl's baby was gone. He would never know that. My blood, it's blood was washing away like it was nothing. It wasn't nothing. I had killed a living being. I would carry around that harsh secret, that daunting reality that I never even gave it a chance.

My tears had long been washed from my face mixing with the blood and water on the cold tile. My body felt numb as my arms covered my chest as I sat there curled against the wall. My empty gaze watching the slow death. It was cold and cruel. I felt my chest begin to heave as more sobs wracked my body. There were no tears, just heavy sobbing as my hand covered my mouth to keep from crying out. As I convulsed there on the floor my hand reached out to the blood that was moving along the floor towards the drain. I watched it move around my hand not caring about the extra obstacle. Laying there in the freezing water was not what made me feel numb.

I drew my hand back and out of the blood as more clots of the blood disappeared from sight. I put my hand to the wall before pulling myself up off the floor. My legs felt weak as I stood there the water cascading down my naked body. I reached over and shut the water off watching as some more blood went down the drain. I reached for the towel on the hook my hand shaking as it weakly grasped the cloth. I wrapped the towel around my body holding back the tears as I made a slow walk towards the door. I opened it slightly and looked in the hallway to make sure no one was around before I made my way out and down the hall towards the small room I was in earlier.

I closed the door behind me as I felt the blood begin dripping slowly down my leg. I tore the towel off my body as quickly rubbed the blood away that I could before slowly getting dressed. By the time I was completely dressed and cleaned up, the towel was blotched in blood. I let the towel fall to the floor before putting my hand to my forehead as my eyes began tearing up again. I shook my head bending down to reach for the bloody towel when the door swung open.

"Mel?" A small voice asked causing me to whip my head around.

My eyes widened as I straightened up the towel in my hands, "Carl-"

"Are you bleeding?" he asked his gaze locked on the towel. I pressed my lips tightly together nodding my head before taking a step towards the young boy watching as he took a step back. It broke my heart. Carl had never backed away from me. "Was it a walker?"

"No," I whispered. Carl looked from me to the bloody towel before turning around and bolting down the hall. "Carl!" I called out but he was already gone.

I tossed the bloody towel to the side before walking out into the hall judging which way he might have gone. I was in a pair of mesh shorts and a tank top I had found in the supply closet from earlier. I walked quickly down the hall turning the corner only to slam right into a very drunk Rick. He stumbled back disoriented before his eyes widened.

"Rick?" I asked hesitantly.

"Melody?" he asked a bottle of booze in one hand while his other reached up lightly touching my cheek before he lost his balance. My arms immediately went around his waist to catch him, but instead it only served as a cushioned fall for Rick. We both went tumbling into the wall before we landed on the ground Rick on top of me. As I hit the ground a sharp pain reverberated through my abdomen.

"Rick," I grunted trying to push the man off.

"S-sorry," he slurred as he sat up and climbed off me. I slowly sat up my hand to my stomach as Rick leaned his back against the wall taking another drink from the bottle.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" I asked carefully as I leaned my back against the wall next to him.

"Jesus, you sound like Lori," Rick muttered taking another drink. "She's trying to be a good wife, but-"

"But nothing, Rick, you are drunk," I nodded towards the bottle taking it from his hand and keeping it out of his reach as another sharp pain ripped through my stomach. I cringed but managed to keep the bottle out of his grasp.

"I don't think she really loves me anymore," Rick blurted out as he leaned over my body reaching for the alcohol.

"She does love you," I hesitated keeping the bottle of his reach.

"I try to do everything right..." Rick shook his head giving up reaching for the alcohol, but his body stayed close to mine our faces close. I could smell the liquor on his breath every time he exhaled. "I try to keep people safe." He shook his head as I stared into his eyes my stomach clenching. "But what if I can't? We're all going to die anyways." He pulled away from me before leaning his back against the wall.

"Hey," I snapped setting the bottle down before moving so I was kneeling in front of him. I could feel the agonizing pain ripping through my body, but I wasn't going to let that overshadow helping him. "You are a good man. Lori knows that. So what if she's not in love with you anymore, but you have Carl. You have every reason to keep him safe, Rick. Talking about dying no matter what is foolish. Yeah we're gonna die, but it'll be on our terms."

Rick nodded as he looked up at me his eyes partially glazed over, but I could tell he heard some of what I said. It wasn't all lost on him. I put my hand on his shoulder sighing before I felt his hand brush against my cheek. I should have pulled away, but I couldn't. Even though I could see it in his eyes I couldn't pull away. He leaned forward pressing his lips to mine in a sloppy exchange. I knew it was wrong the moment he put his lips to mine. A searing pain ripped through my body forcing me back and away from Rick as I slapped a hand on my mouth. Rick's eyes were wide, he knew what he had done.

"Melody-"

I shook my head climbing to my feet. I didn't say anything to him as I turned my back and walked down the hall keeping the tears at bay. This was all turning out to be one big nightmare.

My grip on the rifle tightened as I slowly stepped over some tree branches. The snapping of the twigs did nothing to calm my nerves as my eyes scanned the area around me. There was movement to my left causing my eyes to shoot towards the source. I visibly relaxed when I met the cool blue gaze. He nodded to me his crossbow held at his side ready to be brought up at any moment. The muscles in his arms clearly visible under the thin sheen of sweat we had both gathered by stomping around in the woods.

Daryl Dixon was a redneck with a hidden agenda. I knew that from the moment I had brought him and his brother, Merle, back to camp. Shane had blown a gasket at me, but he eventually calmed down when we found out these two guys could hunt and help provide food. That was the only reason Shane allowed them to stay. It was obvious that Merle was the calloused leader of the brotherly duo, but there was something about Daryl that I couldn't shake. Maybe it was the way he looked at the people around him or maybe it was the way his eyes seemed like they could see through the bullshit people would say to make them feel better. His snarky comebacks to talk about the walkers showed how much of a realist he was, but there was something deeper than that. This vulnerability that he refused to show the world.

"See something you like?" his voice cut through my thoughts.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Been staring at me for a while," he smirked over at me. There's the cover. The cocky badass thing he had going.

"Doesn't mean I like you." I shook my head quickly turning my gaze away from the man in question.

"Suit yourself," Daryl muttered turning back out to look at the trees. "You ain't so bad yourself."

I scoffed turning to look at him my grip on the gun slackening. "Did you just compliment me?"

"Take it or leave it," he shrugged. "Won't do it again."

I came to a complete stop as the man continued to walk on. I watched as he suddenly came to a stop looking around like he was trying to find something before his eyes landed on me. He rolled his eyes before propping his crossbow up on his shoulder before stalking back towards me. He was clearly annoyed judging by the look on his face that he had to backtrack, but it was reassuring to know he wouldn't leave me out here. Vulnerable, cocky badass with a heart?

"You don't handle emotion very well do you?"

"What and you do?" he retorted tilting his head slightly as his light blue eyes bore into mine. "Besides we can't exactly do that nowadays."

"Do what?" I asked amused by his retort.

"Emotional things," he stated awkwardly. "Emotions lead to caring, caring leads to commitment. Nothing I wanna do. Especially not in this shit..."

I shrugged before walking past Daryl a smirk on my face as I did. My back was to him when I said, "Doesn't mean we can't do other things."

I could hear the crunch of the twigs behind me. "You offering?" he called out as he caught up to me.

"You willin'?" I grinned.

A smirk crossed his face as he approached me. I let my rifle fall to the ground as Daryl tossed his crossbow next to it before his lips were against mine. Our lips melding together I felt my back pressed against the rough bark of the tree. His lips moved from mine down my jaw before I felt them on my neck. I moaned tilting my head offering more access. His fingers brushed against the skin of my abdomen before I felt my shirt slowly coming up along my skin. Daryl tore his lips from my body for a moment as my shirt came over my head before it was tossing carelessly to the ground near the weapons. Our lips found each other once more before his shirt soon followed.

My eyes snapped open breaking the pristine memory. The sound of doors opening and closing from the hallway had caught my attention. As I sat up I felt a warm sensation between my thighs which was odd considering how cold the room actually was. I pushed away the sheets quickly as I sat up before I felt more tears springing to my eyes. I was up and out of the bed before the first tears could fall.

I ripped the sheets off the small cot only to see that the blood had soaked all the way to the thin mattress. I felt the first tears fall as I quickly flipped the mattress over before turning to the bloody sheets trying to think of the best way to dispose of them. Before I could move the blood soaked sheets or change out of my bloody shorts there was a knock at the door before Jacqui peeked her head in.

I sat there frozen on the ground as she looked over the scene sympathy resting on her face. She quickly entered the room before closing the door tightly behind her. She knelt to the ground next to me as her hands wrapped around the sheets avoiding the blood before she set them to the side catching sight of my shorts. I felt my hand cover my mouth before the first sob left my lips. The woman wrapped her arms around me tightly pulling me close. I cried into her shoulder as she slowly ran her fingers through my tangled hair.

"Shhh," she hushed me softly gently rocking us. "It'll be okay."

"I don't know if I can do it," I choked the tears running down my cheeks.

"Do what, baby?" Jacqui asked pulling back slightly her hand resting on the side of my face.

"Live with what I've done," I whispered as more tears filled my eyes.

An empathetic look crossed Jacqui's face before she pulled me back to her holding onto me tightly. She moved away slightly before she pulled back looking me straight in the eyes while both her hands rested on my cheeks forcing me to look at her.

"We're gonna get you cleaned up, then you are going to go out there and eat something. You're bleeding too much to be starving yourself."

I felt Jacqui pulling me up by my arms, but I just felt numb. I wasn't sure how I could function. I shouldn't even be allowed to function. I felt Jacqui moving around me before my clothes were being stripped off of me. I stood there. Staring straight ahead of me, my eyes not moving as my skin grew cold before it grew warm again. The sensation of the blood along my thighs was no longer there, instead I felt the rough fabric of jeans. There was nothing but silence between us...me and Jacqui. She knew what I did, but she didn't judge me for it. There was no ill will, just understanding. And for that I didn't understand it. I wanted to yell at her for being so calm for not being mad at me. How could she not be mad at me when I hated myself for what I had done?

Jacqui put her hands on my shoulders before slowly walking me to the door. My gaze came into focus as we stepped out into the hallway. As Jacqui walked me down the hall Andrea appeared from her room looking not much different from myself. She had a distant look in her eyes as she nodded to me and Jacqui before walking down the hall in the direction we were heading. I gathered as much of my composure as I possibly could as Jacqui let us into the large cafeteria.

"Eggs," I heard T-Dog call out as we walked into the room. I shook my head turning around trying to get past Jacqui only to have her spin me around and force me to walk towards the table. "Powdered, but I do 'em good!"

Jacqui forced me down and into the chair right next to a very sick looking Glenn. He had his fork in his hand as it was pressed to his forehead his mouth hanging open as he groaned. Jacqui rubbed his shoulders before sending me a look that clearly said eat. I looked down at the empty plate in front of me staring at it for a moment before some bacon appeared in front of me. I looked up to see Lori reaching over adding some food to my plate a motherly look on her face. I nodded in appreciation as T-Dog slapped some eggs down on my plate.

"Protein helps...the hangover," T-Dog grinned setting some of the eggs down on Glenn's plate next.

I reached in front of me and picked up the crisp piece of bacon before my eyes slowly traveled across the table. Sitting there was Rick looking tired and ill as well as he gnawed on some of the food in front of him. His gaze suddenly shot up and connected with mine as an uncomfortable feeling shot through my body. I quickly averted my gaze back down to my food taking a bite of the bacon.

"Where'd all this come from?" Rick suddenly asked gesturing to all the food.

"Jenner," Lori answered as Rick handed her a Tylenol bottle to open. "He thought we could use it."

"Don't ever ever ever let me drink again," Glenn groaned from next to me.

"Hey," Shane's voice cut off Glenn as he walked towards the table where the coffee was brewing. My gaze snapped up to where my brother was standing and I couldn't help but feel the anger start to course through me. He had forced my hand. Maybe I wouldn't have taken that fucking pill if she hadn't of slapped me the way he did. "I see Melody's alive."

"Barely," I muttered as I shoved some of the eggs into my mouth chewing slowly to keep from saying anything else.

"Feel as bad as I do?" Rick called out to Shane.

"Worse," I whispered at the same time as Shane responded the same thing. I glanced back at my brother only seeing his back.

"What the hell happened to you?" T-Dog asked as Shane turned around. "Your neck."

As Shane sat down on the other side of me I understood exactly what T-Dog was talking about. Along Shane's neck were three scratch mark, definitely from nails. My eyes narrowed on his neck before I looked across the table at Lori who was sitting there her head hung low eating her food without even bothering to look up.

"I must have done it in my sleep."

"Never seen you do that before," Rick commented.

"Me neither...Not like me at all." As Shane said this he looked up at Lori who was doing her best to avoid his gaze.

I shook my head before quickly standing up my chair scraping against the floor loudly. That caught the attention of everyone at the table as all eyes turned to me except for Shane's as he turned his gaze to the table. I pushed away from the table and began walking towards the door.

"Where the hell you going?" Shane called out.

"Anyplace that doesn't include your bullshit!" I spat as I walked towards the door. As I did Jenner walked through sending me a confused look.

I pushed through the doors nearly running into Daryl as I did. He gave me his own confused, tired, hung over look before walking past me and into the cafeteria. I forced my way down the hall before sharply turning the corner coming to a stop as a cramp tore through my stomach the pain reverberating through my body. I cried out in pain before slamming the palm of my hand against the wall. I immediately regretted it as another wave of pain went through my arm from the hit.

"Well that won't help your condition," A voice spoke from where I had just come from. I whipped around, my chest rising and falling quickly as I stared at him. Jenner looked from the spot on the wall I had hit to me.

I shook my head my hand unconsciously going to my stomach. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your body does," he nodded towards my hand placement.

"Look-"

"I won't tell," Jenner responded putting his hands up. "Not my secret to tell."

"There is no secret," I responded more calm than I thought I would. But it sounded fake, almost like a robot was talking instead of...me. "Because there is no baby."

Jenner looked to the ground nodding his head. "I gathered that. The levels in your system were wildly off balance with the medication you used to..."

"Kill my baby?" I asked bitterly.

"It's the right thing to do," Jenner stated softly his eyes were glazed like he was thinking about something. "Bringing a baby into this world...it isn't fair. Let me get the others and I'll show you why."

Jenner turned to leave but I quickly reached forward grabbing his arm. "Please. They can't know."

"Trust me," Jenner nodded before pulling away from me. "Go to the main room, the one with all the computers." He pointed down the hallway.

He didn't give me a chance to say anything in response before he was walking back towards the cafeteria. I ran my fingers through my dark tangled hair before turning to look down the way he had pointed. The hall was pristine look, no signs of damage or anything. It was a juxtaposition of what was going on in the outside world. The world was bloody, falling to pieces and here it was like nothing had been touched. Like nothing had ever happened in this place.

I walked through the open doorway and into the main room Jenner had told me to. I looked around noticing the computers were set up around the room but there was a main set up on a circular platform. I hadn't noticed how dark and cold the room was before because I was in so much pain before. I put my hand to my stomach my thoughts brought back to the dark oblivion of my guilt.

My thoughts were pulled from my own self-hate as the sound of footsteps approaching me could be heard. The echoing of the train meant the whole group would be present, Daryl included. I made my way to the center of the computers keeping my head low as the sounds of movement ceased meaning that everyone had come to a stop somewhere. I felt a hand on my shoulder causing me to look up into a pair of familiar blues.

Rick's voice came out soft, "You alright?" I nodded crossing my arms over my chest looking over to see where everyone was at. "Melody-"

"Give me a playback of TS-19," Jenner's voice cut off anything Rick was going to say.

I tore my gaze from Rick before my dark brown eyes looked over at where Jenner was standing. I nearly jumped when the voice of VI repeated what Jenner had just spoke. The lights in the room dimmed revealing a large screen on the far wall. The first thing I thought was that if we had this back home Super Bowl Sunday would be killer. My eyes fell to the floor ashamed that I had even thought that. All of those things were gone. It was just survival now. Pure survival.

"Few people ever got a chance to see this," Jenner spoke out to everyone. My gaze snapped up to look back at the screen curious. "Very few." Up on the screen was a picture of the human head, before it turned into the skull, before finally turning into the brain and brainstem.

"Is that a brain?" Carl asked breaking the silence.

"An extraordinary one," Jenner told him a slight smile on his face before it was quickly gone. "Not that it matters anyways. Take us in for E.I.V."

"Enhanced internal view," VI clarified as the image on the screen began to move. The image took us into the brain down to the microscopic level of synapses. I felt a sense of familiarity flow through me as I saw the bright lights firing along the twisted pathways. For once I knew exactly what was happening. I took a step forward resting my hand on top of one of the computers as I stared up at the large screen.

"What are those lights?" Shane asked breaking the silence of the wondrous moment.

"It's a person's life," Jenner explained. My eyes were glued to the screen but I could hear everything that was being said. "Experiences, memories. It's everything. Somewhere in all that organic wiring, all those ripples of light is you - the thing that makes you unique and human."

"You don't make sense...ever," Daryl spoke out his voice clearly sounding confused.

"Synapses," I finally spoke up looking back at Jenner who pointed to me and nodded in affirmation. "Those lights...those are all our needs, our wants, our impulses. Thoughts, feelings, all decoded in a little flash of light. They determine everything about us."

My eyes shot over taking in Daryl as he stood there a confused look still on his face, but I don't think it was from my explanation. My gaze found Shane and he had an understanding look on his face. This was the closest I've been to any kind of familiarity since the world went to hell. My arms tightened across my chest as I looked back to the flashing lights on the screen. It was comforting.

"Those occur from the moment of birth...until the moment of death," Jenner added looking from me to the screen.

"Death?" Rick asked. "Is that what this is? A vigil?"

"Yes," Jenner responded immediately his voice seeming distant his eyes never leaving the screen. "Or rather the playback of the vigil."

"This person died?" Andrea asked taking a step forward. "Who?"

"Test subject 19," Jenner responded his voice sounding oddly cut off. My gaze turned to him recognizing the pain. It was someone he knew...it had to be. "Someone who was bitten. And infected...And volunteered to have us record the process."

I watched Jenner's face closely as his cheeks twitched like he wanted to smile but just couldn't bring himself to do it. He called out for VI to scan to the "first event" keeping his face as straight as possible. My gaze was torn from Jenner as VI repeated what the man had said. On the screen was the same brain, but instead of the clear, white veins and arteries leading to the brain they had grown a dark, black color. It originated at the brainstem and branched out like tiny vines. There were still impulses being sent through the brain but not as many as before.

"What is that?" Glenn asked what was on all our minds.

"It invades the brain like meningitis," Jenner pointed out. My brows furrowed as I listened to this new information. "The adrenal glands hemorrhage, the brain goes into shut down, then the major organs." As he was narrating what was going on the patient on the screen could be seen coughing and moving around in pain. Suddenly the entire brain went dark as the patient stopped moving. "Then death."

I closed my eyes and lowered my head at the sight of the brain growing dark. Death. Death was everywhere. My arms lowered so they were wrapped around my stomach as I listened to Jenner's analysis of what this disease did. "Everything you ever were or ever will be...Gone."

"Is that what happened to Jim?" I heard Sophia asked. I closed my eyes tighter as I heard Carol tell her daughter it was. Lori then explained that Andrea had lost her sister two days ago. No one knew I had lost someone just a few hours ago. I looked up at Jenner noticing his eyes were on me before he turned to Andrea.

"I lost somebody too. I know how devastating it is."

My gaze went around the room noticing everyone was drawn into their own thoughts Daryl included. I wanted to walk over to him and say something, but as soon as he looked up his blue gaze meeting my dark one I had to turn away. If I couldn't keep eye contact with him how would I even fathom beginning a conversation with him. He didn't know and maybe it was better that way. It was better that he didn't know what I had done.

"Scan to the second event," Jenner called out. VI obediently repeated. "The resurrection times vary wildly. We had reports of it happening in as little as three minutes. The longest we heard of was eight hours. In the case of this patient, it was...two hours, one minute, seven seconds."

The soft way Jenner ended the time I knew it was someone he knew. It had to of been. My gaze was focused back on the screen as the same dark brain came up on the screen. I watched closely, surprised when at the tip of the brain stem a sudden red spark ignited. Then more and more until there were flashes of red light almost like the synapses from earlier but this was different. This one was just centralized near the brainstem. A few impulses would get sent to the outer brain but those were very few.

"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked horrified.

"No..." I shook my head taking another step closer to the screen standing at the edge of the stares. I could feel the stares on my back as I looked up at it. "Just the brainstem."

Jenner nodded behind me. "Basically, it gets them up and moving."

"But they're not alive," Rick finally spoke up his voice sounding very close to me.

"You tell me."

"It's nothing like before," Rick stated as he came to a stop next to me. "Most of that brain is dark."

"Dark," I repeated causing Rick to look over at me. "Lifeless...Dead." My voice sounded hollow as I spoke those words. Concern flashed in Rick's eyes seeing the empty look on my face.

"The frontal lobe, the neocortex, the human part...That doesn't come back," Jenner added. "The you part. Just a shell driven by mindless instinct."

Suddenly the outline of a gun could be seen at the top of the screen as a bright light ripped through the brain leaving a hollow trail after it. I shook my head turning away from the screen as Carol asked what had happened. I felt the initial annoyance kick in at the stupid question before Andrea told her Jenner had shot his patient.

"VI, power down the main screen and the workstations," Jenner ordered. The room around us started to grow dark again only leaving a few lights on so we could see.

"You have no idea what it is, do you?" Andrea asked sounding emotional.

"It could be microbial, viral, parasitic, fungal."

"Or the wrath of God," Jacqui spoke up for the first time.

"There is that," Jenner stated softly.

"Somebody must know something-"

"Jesus, Andrea," I snapped glaring over at the woman who sent a glare right back at me.

"We need to know!"

I took a step towards the woman only stopping when Rick wrapped his hand firmly around my arm holding me back. He had a stern look on his face that clearly said now was not the time to be doing this. I yanked my arm out of his hand before taking a step away from him. I could hear Carol asking if there were other places like the CDC out there. I scoffed hearing Jenner's answer of there might be.

"But you don't know?" Rick's resolve was cracking. "How can you not know?"

"Everything went down. Communications, directives - all of it. I've been in the dark now for almost a month."

"So it's not just here?" Andrea asked. "There's nothing left anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?"

I turned my gaze back over to Jenner. As much as Andrea currently frustrated me she had a valid question and a valid point. If there was nothing left out there then what were we supposed to do? It meant that there was no cure being created, no research being done. The world was just...gone. The overwhelming silence of Jenner spoke volumes. My chest felt heavy like a weight had been placed on it. Maybe I made the right decision not bringing a baby into this.

"Man..." Daryl started as he put his hands to his head. "I'm gonna get shit face drunk again."

"Doctor Jenner," Dale spoke up formal as he could be. "I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but...That clock it's counting down," Dale stated pointing to the large, red, bold faced clock on the far wall. It was currently at one hour. "What happens at zero?"

After a moment of silent contemplation the man spoke up. "The basement generators run out of fuel." he said it in such a quick manner it made me nervous.

"And then?" Rick asked his voice stressed. I watched as Jenner looked around at all of us before shaking his head and silently walking away. I could feel my blood boiling as he kept his back to us as he walked. "VI, what happens when the power runs out?"

"When the power runs out, facility-wide decontamination will occur." Her robotic voice did nothing to put me at ease.

My eyes went to Jenner who continued to walk away from us not giving us any explanation of what was going on. Rick, Glenn, T-Dog, and Shane decided to take it upon themselves to figure out what was really going on. The rest of us were told to sit tight in the rooms while they went and did their macho routine. Usually I would be fighting tooth and nail to be going with them, but right now I couldn't give enough of a damn.

Everything passed in a quick blur. I remember having to clean the blood off my thighs once more. I remember the numbness of seeing the blood. There wasn't as much this time. It was slowing down. It was all almost over.

I threw the bloody remnants of cloth out of sight before walking back to the sink. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath trying my hardest to keep from looking in the mirror. If I looked now it was just a confirmation of everything I had done. I couldn't hide from myself. I reached down turning on the cold water faucet before cupping my hands gathering some water. I could feel the tension in my shoulders slacken as the cool water hit my face. I didn't bother to dry my face as I straightened up, my eyes fluttering open. I immediately regretted it the moment I saw my reflection in the mirror. I let out a short scream seeing the blood spattered on my face where the water should have been.

I instantly shut my eyes willing for all this to be some bad hallucination. My hands immediately went to my face quickly rubbing off the wet feeling before I opened my eyes once more staring in the mirror. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes when I noticed there was no trace of blood anywhere on my face, just the smears of water. I slowly fell to my knees my hands still gripping the sink as my shoulders shook. This was my overreaction. Was I really overreacting? I was too weak.

"Jesus Christ," I heard a familiar male voice from behind me. I felt a pair of strong hands on my arms before I was being forced to turn around. "Mel, what happened?"

"I can't do it," I whispered as the tears streamed down my face. I couldn't meet his gaze. I couldn't do it.

"Can't do what?" I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"I can't live with myself," I spoke softly my dark gaze turning up to me his blue one.

"What happened?" he asked more forcefully his eyes expressing concern as he checked over me like he was looking for anything wrong: bites, scratches, cuts, anything. "Melody-"

Daryl's response was immediately cut off by a whirring sound before the lights suddenly went out. Both our thoughts were pulled from what had just happened as we looked up as emergency floodlights came on. My gaze immediately went back to Daryl as he stood up.

"Stay here," he pointed at me as he picked up the bottle of booze he had in his hand earlier. He quickly walked to the door ducking out to see what was going on. When he completely exited the door way I was immediately on my feet following after him. As I walked out of the room Carol and Lori had just walked past me with Carl and Sophia in tow. I shot the women confused looks before looking down at the frightened kids.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"Zone five is shutting itself down," Jenner's voice echoed through the hallway.

"Hey!" Daryl called out as Jenner continued walking briskly with Daryl's bottle of alcohol in his hands. "Hey, what the hell does that mean!" Jenner offered no response as the building seemed to be powering down around us. As a group, minus Rick, T-Dog, Glenn, and Shane we moved behind Jenner, Daryl pulling up the front right next to the doctor. "Hey, man, I'm talking to you! What do you mean it's shutting itself down? How can a building do anything?"

"You'd be surprised," Jenner finally supplied as the other four men came running out of a doorway nearby. Lori shouted for Rick looking down to him. Jenner and the group began making their way down the stairs leaving me, Carl, and Sophia the last to start going down. I suddenly doubled over as a pain ripped through my stomach causing both Carl and Sophia to stop and look at me.

"Melody!" Sophia looked back at me confusion on her face. I looked up at their frightened faces and put a finger to my lips in a 'shh' motion. I quickly straightened up to keep from worrying them any more ushering them down the stairs.

We all were gathered around Jenner as he came to a stop just in front of that main group of computers in the big main room. He had been telling Rick about how the facility kept the computers running until the last possible moment while it shut down power everywhere else. We all came to a stop as Jenner handed back the nearly empty bottle of booze back to Daryl. Everyone fell into a tense silence as we all stared at Jenner.

"It was the French," he then said out of the blue breaking the silence.

"What?" Andrea asked stepping forward.

"They were the last ones to hold out as far as I know," Jenner told her. "While our people were bolting out the doors and committing suicide in the hallways, they stayed in the labs until the end." He paused glancing around at us. "They thought they were close to a solution." I moved closer to Daryl as Jacqui as what had happened to the French. "The same thing that's happening here. No power grid. Ran out of juice. The world runs on fossil fuel, I mean, how stupid is that?"

I watched as Shane shot up the stairs after Jenner his resolve cracking as Rick grabbed a hold of his best friend holding him back. Rick immediately whipped back around towards us and told us to get all our things because we were leaving. His voice was stressed and demanding, something was definitely wrong. I immediately whipped around with Daryl right by my side as we made our move towards the doors when a loud alarm began blaring. Red lights began flashing around the room, my nerves instantly becoming frayed.

"30 minutes until decontamination," VI's voice echoed around the room causing everyone to freeze.

"Doc, what's going on here?!" Daryl shouted over the loud alarms.

I grabbed Daryl's arm pulling him along with me as Shane yelled for everyone to get their stuff. He sent a stern look at me as I continued to pull Daryl along. We came to a sudden stop as a large steel door came crashing down locking us into the main room with Jenner.

"Did he just lock us in?" Glenn cried out. "HE JUST LOCKED US IN!" he shrieked.

I could feel my heart beating wildly as Daryl ripped himself out of my grip quickly racing up the stairs yelling at Jenner. I was shouting at Daryl as Rick yelled at Shane to grab Daryl. "DARYL STOP!" I yelled as he went to attack Jenner grabbing the man by the doctor's coat nearly pulling him out of the chair. Shane grabbed Daryl before he could do any damage to the man pulling the angry redneck away from the doctor who kept his composure.

"Hey, Jenner," Rick's voice broke through Daryl's shouting sounding low and deadly as he approached the man. "Open that door, now."

"There's no point, everything topside is locked down. The emergency exits are sealed."

"Well open the damn things!"

"That's not something I control, the computers do," Jenner shook his head. "I told you, once that front door, it wouldn't open again. You heard me say that!"

Shane had finally let go of Daryl as we all stood there around Jenner listening to our fates. My heart would not stop racing, I didn't wanna die in here but maybe it was only right. This was karma or God or whatever turning around and biting me in the ass because I had taken an innocent life. This was how I was gonna pay for my sins.

"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PLACE IS?!" Jenner roared causing Shane and Rick to both take a step back. "We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out, EVER!" I watched on with wide eyes as Jenner sat down regaining his composure from his outburst. "In the event of a catastrophic power failure, in a terrorist attack for example, H.I.T.s are deployed to prevent any organism from getting out."

"H.I.T.s?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest tightly. Jenner looked over at me an empathetic look on his face.

"VI, define," Jenner called out.

"H.I.T.s, high-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives consist of a two stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration of any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen between 5,000 degrees and 6,000 degrees and is useful when the greatest loss of life and damage to structure is desired."

I could feel my heart beating faster and faster as VI told us what was going to happen. I put the back of my hand to my mouth in shock at the sound of this kind of death. It lights the air on fire. The oxygen we breathe meaning it would incinerate us from the inside out. Jenner kept saying there was no pain, but the mental torture of knowing how we would die was pain enough. I could hear Carol and Sophia crying while Lori tried calming Carl down.

"An end to sorrow, grief..." Jenner looked up at me locking onto my gaze. "Regret. Everything."

A deafening silence fell over the room as Jenner looked down at his hands knowing what this meant. He had led us into our deaths without telling us. I slowly sat myself down in one of the computer chairs as my hand fell to my lap. Daryl, Glenn, and Rick ran over to the steel door and were trying to get through it. I heard the shattering of glass meaning that Daryl had thrown the bottle at it as he yelled, "OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"

I should be over them helping them, but I couldn't find the will to move. If I was going to die I wasn't going to go down a hysterical fool. If this was my punishment then goddamn it I would take it. I wouldn't get eaten by walkers, I wouldn't starve to death, I wouldn't get turned into one of the mindless beasts. It would be over in one quick rush of flames. Like hell. The sound of the axes scraping against the steel door caused me to cringe.

"You should have left well enough alone. It would have been much easier," Jenner stated looking around at me, Carol, Lori, Andrea, and the kids.

"Easier for who?" Lori spat holding tightly onto Carl.

"All of you," Jenner shook his head like it was obvious. "You know what's out there - A short brutal life and an agonizing death." Jenner then turned on Andrea and asked for Amy's name. Then he turned to Rick asking if he wanted a cruel death for Lori and Carl.

"I don't want this!" Rick spat.

"We can't make a dent," Shane's exhausted voice stated from behind me.

"Those doors were designed to withstand a rocket launcher," Jenner told them.

"Well your head ain't!" Daryl yelled as he came running at Jenner with his axe raised ready to strike. Dale, T-Dog, and Rick immediately grabbed onto Daryl holding him back while avoiding the very dangerous weapon in his hands.

"You do want this," Jenner stated standing up looking at Rick. "Last night you said you knew it was just a matter of time before everybody you loved was dead."

I scoffed shaking my head. That was definitely a drunk Rick thing to say. I shook my head as Shane asked if Rick had really said that the betrayal evident in his voice. They were hurt by the fact that their fearless leader had no hope in what was happening. He was drunk. He said the truth and no one wanted to hear it.

"He was drunk," I spoke out my voice shaking slightly. "Rick said and did a lot of things he didn't mean. So you're gonna penalize him for that, now?" Shane shot me a dirty look before shaking his head.

"I had to keep hope alive, didn't I?" Rick defended himself.

"There is no hope," Jenner argued. "There never was!"

"There's always hope," Rick snapped stepping towards Jenner." Maybe not you, maybe not here, but someone somewhere-"

"What part of "everything's gone" did you not understand."

I immediately stood up causing Andrea's gaze to turn to me. I could feel the anger course through my veins. "I'm so, fucking sick of your shit," I snapped causing her eyes to widen in shock. "You lost someone, but so have we Andrea. We have all gone through the same pain you are feeling, but have you noticed the rest of us aren't moping around. So why don't you cut the shit and grow up, buttercup because the pity train has left the goddamn station."

Andrea stared at me horrified when someone touched my shoulder. I quickly jerked away seeing that it was Rick standing there. Breathing heavily I sat back down in the computer chair I had been sitting in before the silence in the room deafening. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears as the rage settled in my stomach before I sent another glare at Andrea.

"This is what takes us down..." Jenner said looking from me and Andrea to Rick. "This is our extinction event." Another silence fell over us as we listened.

"This isn't right," Carol sobbed. "You can't just keep us here." Her arms were wrapped tightly around Sophia.

"One tiny moment - a millisecond, no pain." Jenner tried explaining to the hysterical woman.

"My daughter doesn't deserve to die like this!" Carol's sobbing took over once more as she hugged Sophia close to her body. I lowered my head hearing the woman beg for her daughter's life. It was never something a mother should have to do and my heart went out to Carol as Dale pulled Sophia up, Carol following after her daughter.

"Wouldn't it be kinder?" Jenner asked. "More compassionate to just hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?"

"Just stop," I stated drawing Jenner's gaze to me.

"Your guilt about what you had done...don't you want to just erase all that?" Jenner's gaze was directly on me and I looked back at him horrified. He wouldn't.

The sound of a gun cocking pulled my attention away from Jenner as Shane came barreling at the man with a shotgun in his hands. Rick was shouting at Shane to stop but the Walsh temper seemed to be on full blast because Shane just pushed Rick out of the way pointing the gun in Jenner's face. Lori and Carl were immediately pulled away from the incident while T-Dog reached over and pulled me out of the computer chair and away from the possible massacre. I was actually grateful to the man for pulling me away.

"Open that door, or I'm gonna blow your head off. You hear me?!" Shane snarled.

"Brother, brother, this is not the way to do this. If you do it we will never get out of here," Rick stood close to Shane.

"Shane, you listen to him," Lori spoke up her eyes wide as she held on to Carl.

"Lori, stay out of it," I snapped looking at her before turning my gaze back to Shane. Lori was only gonna make it worse. If anyone could calm my brother down it was Rick.

"If he dies, we all die-" Rick was cut off by Shane yelling at the top of his lungs at Jenner his face ferocious. Still screaming Shane turned to the computers near where T-Dog and I were standing before firing off a shot destroying those computers. T-Dog grabbed my shoulders and shielded me from any possible debris with his body as the two of us looked over at Shane horrified. He continued letting off rounds while T-Dog kept his body over mine in a protective way before the gunshots ceased and Shane was on the ground on his back with Rick standing over him.

"Are you done now? Are you done?" Rick snapped holding the shotgun.

"Yeah, I guess we all are."

I shook my head pulling away from T-Dog as Rick handed T-Dog the gun. I quickly walked towards Jenner determination set on my face. Rick was giving me a cautious look as I came to a stop next to the man who had his back to us. I knew Rick was watching for that lovely Walsh trait both Shane and I had exhibited today.

"You're right," I said causing Jenner to look up at me. "I would love to erase it all. The guilt, the pain, but I deserve to make that choice. Not you. These people deserve to make that choice. You have no right to sit here and play God. I don't care who you think you are."

"You think I want to be doing this?" Jenner snapped at me.

"Yeah...I do," I responded shaking my head. I could feel the gazes of everyone on my back.

"I didn't want to. I didn't want to stay..." Jenner responded. "I stayed for her," he pointed to the large black screen. "For my wife. I couldn't save her, so I'm going to save you all."

"Test subject 19 was your wife?" Lori asked.

"She begged me to keep going as long as I could," Jenner explained as he stood up. He was a few inches taller than me forcing me to look up at him. "How could I say no?" As he said that the pounding of Daryl's axe against the door met my ear. A constant reminder that we were still stuck in here. "She was dying. It should have been me on that table. It wouldn't have mattered to anyone. She was a loss to the world. Hell, she ran this place, I just worked here. In our field she was an Einstein! Me? I'm just...Edwin Jenner."

"And I'm just Melody Walsh," I responded flinching at the sound of the metal scraping on metal. "And I deserve that chance to make my choice. Just like your wife choose to help you in finding out about this thing. She may not have been able to control what happened to her, but we control this, right here right now."

Rick nodded stepping forward stopping next to me. "We just want a choice. A chance."

"Just let us keep fighting for as long as we can," Lori spoke up.

Jenner looked between me and Rick before shaking his head. "I told you topside's locked down. I can't open those." He then walked over to a small keypad and scanned his card before dialing some numbers. The metal door instantly slid open.

"Come on!" Daryl called out as he raced through the doors. T-Dog and Glenn were right on his heels. Carol, Sophia, Lori, and Carl were quickly making their way to the door.

"Thank you," I whispered to Jenner as I passed him.

I quickly jogged towards the door glancing to see Rick talking to Jenner. I felt a hand pressed to my back urging me on and saw Shane standing there a stern look on his face. My brother and I were at odds with each other but in this situation it was like nothing mattered. We were both temperamental people, he more than me, but we both saw that. We were family and would be until the day we died.

"Hey, we've got four minutes left, come on!" Glenn shrieked when Jenner grabbed Rick's arm pulling him closer as he whispered something in Rick's ear. Lori ran down and snatched her husband before we were all racing up the runway to get out of there before I heard Jacqui stop short saying she was gonna stay. I turned and started walking back towards Jacqui when Shane grabbed my arm shaking his head.

"Don't even think about it," he whispered. He pushed me towards the door where Daryl was waiting. Shane nodded to Daryl who grabbed my arm forcing me to run.

I could hear everyone behind us as we ran through the hallways. We made it to the stairwell but it was pitch black. We couldn't see anything without a flashlight. Shane came barreling ahead of us flashlight in hand before we all started running up the stairs. My heart was pounding. Why didn't I stay? I deserved to die with them, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. It was a cowardly way to die, but was I really a coward?

"GET THEM DOORS OPEN!" Shane's voice echoed as we reached the main lobby of the CDC.

Glenn and T-Dog were trying to get the doors open while Daryl and Shane set to work slamming their axes into the glass windows. Come to find out the windows weren't fragile glass. They were a specialized tempered glass meant to withstand just about anything. T-Dog tried slamming a chair into it, but all that did was scrap it. Shane even took the shotgun to it and still nothing. Sophia cried out as Carol quickly called out Rick's name saying she had something.

"Carol, I don't think a nail file's gonna do it," Shane commented as Carol pulled out a hand grenade.

"You really wanna die an asshole?" I asked him causing him to glare.

"LOOK OUT!" T-Dog yelled seeing the grenade.

I immediately ran for the stairs with Glenn. I ducked down slightly behind the wall while everyone followed my and Glenn's example. I looked up to see Rick setting down the grenade before yelling and running, but before he could reach us the grenade detonated sending Rick flying through the air. The sound of shattering glass was like music to my ears as we helped Rick up before one by one we carefully climbed out the window doing our best to avoid getting cut by the glass.

Once my feet hit solid ground I felt a gun being shoved into my hands and for good reason. There were several walkers coming towards the CDC. Clutching the gun tightly I let off a round as I ran watching as I hit the walker in the head and the body going down instantly. Shane, Rick, and Daryl were doing the same as me as we pressed on across the grass running at full speed to get away from the building behind us. We had maybe a minute before the place exploded.

Once the walkers were taken care of it was just a matter of getting to the vehicles. The bodies lying on the ground no longer bothered me, the stench no longer existed in my mind. I was running on pure adrenaline. I wanted to live. Reaching our caravan I quickly got into the RV with Rick, Lori, Carl, and Glenn.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Lori pointed out the front window. "They're coming!"

I looked out to see Andrea and Dale climbing out of the shattered window before they began running in our direction. Rick looked at his watch before honking the horn while Lori screamed for Dale to get down. Rick was immediately pushing Carl and Lori back telling me and Glenn to get to down. Glenn and I were pushed to the floor just behind the front seats while I tucked my head down pressing it against Glenn's chest as he wrapped his arms around me. Lori and Rick had Carl squished between them as they huddled on the floor next to us.

I closed my eyes tightly as a loud explosion ripped through the air. I could feel Glenn's arms tightening around me before the RV was suddenly rocked by the wave of force coming from the explosion. Carl cried out in fear as his parents tried shushing him. Glenn's grip didn't loosen until the sound of the explosion faded and the distant crackling of flames could be heard. I opened my eyes to see that we were all still here. We were alive.

Glenn and I let go of each other both of us breathing hard as he opened the door yelling for Andrea and Dale. I quickly moved out of the way as the two came into the RV both panting heavily. They threw themselves down into some seats as Rick started up the RV. I looked out the front window seeing the flames reaching into the sky intertwining with the rising black smoke. I shook my head as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I pressed my forehead into Glenn's chest once more as the RV jolted forward alerting us that we were moving. Glenn and I stayed sitting on the floor his arms wrapped around me as the RV moved.

We were alive, but that didn't mean my heart still didn't twist with the guilt of what I had done.

Whew! The conclusion to season 1! Quite spastic wouldn't you say? Oh and there are banners on my profile as well check them out and let me know what you think!

Anyways I would like to give a huge shout out to all my reviewers: Dean's Dirty Little Secret (i still love your name), Auburn and Green (it's always a pleasure!), Maddy (sweet Anon!), and happy-in-oz (thank you!). You guys are fantastic! NOT TO MENTION all the wonderful people who added my story to their favs and alerts! You guys are fantastic!

Now with Season 2 just around the corner what's in store for Melody Walsh? If you have any suggestions or you REALLY REALLY wanna see something from her in the upcoming season shoot me a review or a private message and I'll see what I can do!

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!