Kiss Me, My Pretty
Part Fifteen
Silence lingered between the people in the room, elongating until it became stifling and yet no one was willing to break it just yet. A pair of eyes cast over the two young men—poised provocatively on the floor—and the thoughts behind them were traveling to all the wrong places until it became apparent by the growing flush in her cheeks. Natural reaction had her hand trailing up to cover her mouth, watching the two stunned boys.
And it was as if a train hit Kanda, as he set his brain furiously to work to try and come up with the quickest and least ridiculous sounding explanation for why he appeared to be straddling one beansprout of an exorcist. This was just not his day.
Not his week either. Or his month. Fuck it, after the previous days of time, it wasn't even his year. He had decidedly had it. After all was solved and settled away to be forever forgotten—or at least ignored—he was going to shove Mugen down Komui's throat until the man gave him a long, very long, mission that would take him as possibly far away from any witnesses of the last days.
"Uh…" Lenalee's soft voice brought him right out of his humiliated daze and he shot up off Allen like the boy had suddenly become acidic. He stumbled over limbs and created distance between them. He couldn't even stand the way her gaze was shifting between them. It was uncomfortable and he didn't even know how to begin to explain that it was not what it looked like. Even he knew that statements like that made it look worse, but heaven help him, nothing was going to make this look good.
"I didn't… know that…"
No.
"You guys…"
NO.
"Were…you know…"
NO. TELL HER SHE'S WRONG.
"It's not what it looks like, Lenalee!" Allen flailed about, scrambling to get up himself. He was disheveled looking—with clothes disarranged and his bleached hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. It looked like absolute horseshit of a defense and Kanda could only stand there with his face blank, trying to consider what would be the most effective method of self termination…permanently.
"You fucking idiot," Kanda grunted, wanting to close the gap to smack him across his thick skull. The stupid brat didn't realize that was the last thing that should be said in a situation like that. It was the one statement that really just kinda…never actually convinced anyone any more. Too many people used that for situations in which it really did mean opposite of intent. So he was about as convincing as saying no while holding a sign saying yes and Lenalee was staring between them with a gleam that made him wonder if anyone was in their right mind. "Hey…"
"So…" She glanced between them. "You two…"
"N…no!"
"Fuck no."
"But…" Her eyes wandered between them and stopped on poor Allen, whose face was flushing pink so obviously on his pale face. It was too bad for him, because Kanda's embarrassment could be easily brushed off. But Allen…Allen was so pale with washed out hair and nothing to save him from that expression either. Then again, Lenalee could just see the way Allen looked at Kanda from even before. This pink faced boy wasn't fooling anyone anymore—especially not since the awkward late-night snack. This brought her to a discussion she'd had with Lavi right after Kanda'd run off. "…It's okay. I won't tell anyone, I promise."
Her hands clapped together, echoing in the room and on the inside of Kanda's now blank skull. He'd already decidedly vacated this entire discussion and wanted to just leave the rest on auto pilot and hope for the best. Unfortunately, he knew this was not going to work.
"Look, woman, there is nothing going on between this beansprout and I. His fucking golem is the cause of all of this!" He growled and turned—nearly jumping to find Timcanpy right on his face—little arms wiggling over his forehead. This thing… This fucking thing. The quiet growl turned darker and he swiftly threw his fist into the golem again, catapulting it around the room until it landed in a little heap in a far corner. Luckily, there was nothing it could really break in its bullet-like path.
With exception of Kanda's pride of course, but he assumed that gone when he lost his mind in the wash room.
"Wait! My fault again? You're the one who came barging in here mad because you missed me!" Allen shot back, not realizing just how little his words were going to help their situation. In fact, it was possibly the worst thing he could have said given the glistening way Lenalee was staring between them. She was clearly one of those forbidden romance novel readers, if she was seriously not as disturbed by this as Kanda himself was. In fact, Kanda was so disturbed by it that he didn't even know how to think.
"Missed you! Missed you! I didn't fucking miss you! This is all your fault!"
"Yeah, my fault, because you can't calm down and stop being so neurotic! Tim won't bother you of you quit overreacting and I left you alone! What can you possibly be mad about given that?" Allen was nothing short of confused. Kanda didn't know what the hell he wanted and after the trauma he and Lavi had given him, he wanted to kindly stay out of Kanda's way. But even that hadn't really worked, because he was hunted down by a ferocious beast named Kanda Yuu.
"If you weren't such a fuckin klutz, your stupid yellow pet wouldn't have even bothered me to begin with!"
"He's gold!"
"…Suck my dick, moyashi! Yellow, gold, tan, light shit colored, I don't care! You're missing the point. If you would learn to not suck at everything then I would have gone on about my business with having that damned thing or you creeping on my territory."
"Tim was doing the creeping, I was not!" Allen cried in defense of himself. He'd only started to feel like he was getting attached at about the point when he buggered off. He really didn't need to get his feelings into something that would obviously back hand him first. Being Kanda's friend wasn't likely. Let alone showing any sort of affection. It was Kanda's fault. He was always intrigued by Kanda, but seeing so much of him unrelated to a mission didn't help at all.
"No, you fuckin ran off before you could creep. But not before saying stupid mushy bullshit." Kanda sneered, unpleasantly, recalling the way he'd so carelessly spewed all that.
"…That was not bullshit. I do care about you. You just don't let people! You pushed me away within the first ten minutes of meeting me and I still don't know why. First impressions sticking never seemed like something you would do. Can you blame me for trying to mend that? I don't want you to hate me!"
"Well backing the fuck down when you say you're going to do something is not the way to make me hate you less. This creature is your responsibility and you made a big annoying spectacle about not leaving me alone until it was turned back over to you. Then you get fuckin weird and vanish. Make up your mind or just don't talk at all."
"Wait wait, so that's really your problem, Kanda!" Allen's fingers curled into an annoyed fist. He was teetering between angry and exasperated. Kanda didn't know what he wanted and he was going to pitch a fit no matter how this turned out; but no matter, Allen had had enough. "Okay Kanda. If that's what you really want then you're stuck with me until I get Tim back. And I mean stuck with me. I hope your bed is big enough for two." He leered at the dark-haired man challengingly.
"Oh fuck no. I didn't say you could fuck up my evenings too."
"You wanted me to stick to my convictions, didn't you? Since you can't just admit that you missed me… But it's okay. You don't have to miss me until I get Tim back, because you can now consider me your damned shadow!"
Kanda's face reflected the welling anger in his soul and he growled again. This was quickly coming back to bite him in the ass and legitimately, he didn't know why Allen's absence pissed him off. It just did. After an entire day spent with the little shit attached to him like an oversized mosquito, he'd actually gotten accustomed to having something to yell at. Or hit. Or blame for all of his miseries. "It's bad enough this woman thinks something's going on, you shit face, don't make it worse," he finally yelled—casting the first glance since they'd begun arguing.
He could almost see the stars in Lenalee's eyes at the way they were mangling words and hurling them at each other like razor edged Frisbees. The fuck was wrong with these people. He had once been under an impression that Lenalee liked that beansprout. But now he was just wondering if she was more interested in this elicit affair he and beansprout were apparently having.
Some part of him wished he made the same horrified expression at that thought that he did when he thought about Lavi. Fuck.
"You didn't like it when I left you alone, so now I'll be up your ass further than the stick that's been implanted since birth," Allen shot back. The little bastard was actually smirking now. Did he not care about how that looked?
Obviously not.
"This is not what it sounds like," he stared at Lenalee deadpanned and inwardly bludgeoning himself with his own brain. The very fact that he'd spoken it made him vomit a little in his soul. He'd need to hire a janitor to fix this problem if it didn't stop any time soon.
Timcanpy floated back around and unceremoniously dropped down into Kanda's hair—bouncing about with the vigor it held before it had been slammed across the room.
"Thank you for your input, Timcanpy. But go suck a dick," he growled and swatted the thing away again, only to have it flutter back with it's creepy little mouth open and spitting colors at him. It was a different behavior and it confused him a bit. What the hell was beansprout's creature even doing now? The stupid thing has almost become something he was used to at this point but…
What the f—
"Oh hell no! I wasn't being literal. Stay at fucking eye level with me, shit bag!" The angry voice howled in time with the foot that kicked into the golden golem's clay body—sending it on a pop fly across the room once more.
And of course…the beansprout was in tears of laughter behind him.
This just wasn't his day, week, month, year, decade…or life.
To Be Continued…
A/N: Sorry for any typos! Oh boy, I read some of the earlier chapters and ouch. I need to do some serious editing to uncheese this thing. It seems to be getting better though. I think I need more quality TimKanda action. How do you guys feel about the progress of this?