Kiss Me, My Pretty
Part Seventeen

Kanda woke up to a face full of yellow and it took him all of that split second to recognize that he would already hate this day just as much as the last many. Timcanpy, in all his golden glory, was flopped over on his cheek—his damnable little tail limp across his face. For a moment, Kanda hoped this meant that the stupid thing died in mid-harass; but that hope was instantly extinguished when he moved and Tim sprung back to life. The faceless little thing perked up and had the nerve to use his tail to grip Kanda's face to right itself. Kanda was a second away from introducing the little bastard to the dark brick of the opposite wall.

The only thing that stopped his hand from balling up and pounding it into the mortar was the movement at his side; the movement of another pain in his ass that he was just about sick of seeing. How many mornings would he have to be greeted by that dumb face, he didn't want to consider.

He also didn't want to consider that he turned his head and actually was literally greeted with his face. Two slate-gray eyes blinked wearily at him—clearing the fog of sleep out of them. Kanda wasn't quite sure that Allen was awake enough to realize he was staring directly at him.

"Didn't I fuckin' tell you to sleep with your head in the other direction?" He questioned, squeezing Timcanpy as if the little shithead could work the stress out of him by being compressed.

"I didn't move, Kanda, you rolled around in your sleep and I have the bruises to prove it! You were the one who decided to change positions."

"You're full of shit."

"I'm pressed against the wall!"

"You're also cursed, with a freak hand and an ugly face, you can make things happen. Fuckin' witch, aren't they supposed to burn your kind?" Kanda grumbled and rolled back over on his side. He figured if he didn't get out of the bed yet, then he wouldn't have to acknowledge the day entirely. Actually, he was more than considering just sleeping until Timcanpy decided it wasn't going to be stupid anymore. Or at least until the antidote to fix it was found. There were only so many times he was willing to let his personal business be invaded by an animate rock with wings.

"That's the best you have? You're not very quick in the mornings, Kanda. Well, hah, you're not very quick at all anyway, but still," Allen chuckled moved to sit up in the tiny bed. "I feel bad for anyone who ever has to share a bed with you." He rubbed his sore muscles from being rolled on by Kanda. He'd never seen Kanda so active while sleeping and he only assumed it had to do with Timcanpy's constant shifting. "I'm really stiff."

Kanda grumbled, his voice travelling into the room, "I'm sure you are, you fuckin homo. Now get out, I need to exist without you in my line of sight."

Allen leaned over Kanda, but not enough to be seen—just enough to be felt and be annoying about it. "I'm not in your line of sight anyway."

"You know what I mean," the reclined man turned to give the little fool a heated glare. The heated glare died really quickly when he saw Allen's face. It wasn't what he was expecting to see at all. He was expecting an annoying, toothy grin—yet that was not what his eyes caught. The lack of smile was quickly fixed, though; and Kanda had to question himself in that split second and wonder if he'd seen what he thought he had. "Augh."

He grunted and rolled out of the bed in place of his demands for Allen to vanish. If the younger brat wouldn't move, then he would. He'd hop around and get dressed and fend off the annoyance like usual.

"You know, if you'd wear tighter pants, Timcanpy wouldn't be able to get in them." Allen's voice was accompanied by the squealing of the springs in the old mattress as he worked his way to the edge of the bed—tousling the sheets all across the bed.

"Tighter pants? The hell tighter pants, then I'll have him rubbing on my dick from the outside and then people will have to actually witness me being fondled by an animate pile of shit that shouldn't be animate."

"At least he wouldn't be licking it. Though I'm pretty sure you could use the release—masturbate more, will you—I think the rubbing bit is better than him trying to swallow your things."

"I want my shit to breathe, thank you. I'm not like that red-haired assclown and enjoy having to peel my pants off with pliers. I also don't like having to shove my shit up my ass to wear pant—and did you just tell me to masturbate?" Kanda turned around at the realization and stared at Allen, who was nearly spilling out of the bed with his lazy desire not to get up just yet.

Allen's face was almost in the mattress again from the way he'd drooped forward and laid there—not willing to move. He was tired and a bit sore and he didn't care that he was staring at Kanda's barely clothed body—or that he was about to watch the man change pants and be naked again. He'd already seen everything anyway. "I bet if you self soothed a bit, the stick might loosen up and we could finagle it out of your rectum. Or then again, maybe it'll just push it deeper. I guess it depend on how you—."

"Shut up," Kanda snapped and shook his head, looking through a couple pairs of pants to check the tags. He'd give Allen the benefit of the doubt for about as much as he would admit. Unfortunately, he usually destroyed his clothes and didn't exactly have too many to choose from when it came to smaller things. That would require that he still have his old clothes and that wasn't a thing. "I'm borrowing your pants," he announced—really annoyed that he could even say that and pick up the boys slacks at the same time. The fact that this little shithead was sleeping in his room was more than bad enough.

The flash of yellow from his left was not unnoticed, but he ignored it. If he didn't give Timcanpy attention, though, it would get his attention the hard way. After several long—and rather painful moments—he turned to face it. The golem fluttered in front of him and wiggled its arms and waved its tail like it was trying to impress him or something.

"You're not a peacock; don't try to look beautiful to seduce me. It's not working."

Tim's tail flickered a bit more and the golem flitted about his head frantically, before diving into Allen's empty pair of pants—the same pair that Kanda was currently holding.

"Man, he's ready for you, Kanda."

"Why don't you go hop a train to the country of 'eat shit and die', beansprout. I didn't ask for your commentary."

"Tim, come on, you don't want in my pants," Allen offered his voice; a polite attempt to be helpful—and a politely failing one at that. "Tim…"

"He's not listening to you anymore. Sorry beansprout, he's in love with me," his voice was almost mocking and it felt a little good to condescend Allen's attempts—and the fact that Allen's precious sidekick still wanted nothing to do with him. "Now, get out you little flying paper weight, I have to get in beansprout's pants and that doesn't include you."

Timcanpy fumbled around the inside of the black slacks until he rolled right down into a pant leg. He crawled out the bottom and hopped along the floor a moment before bouncing right up to the bed—moving with enough velocity that he collided with Allen's head unintentionally hard and making the teen exhale a loud, pained grunt. While Allen was recovering from a minor golem related injury, Kanda had taken the opportunity to slip out of one pair and into the beansprout's pants—having to almost wiggle to get them to slide all the way up.

They weren't so tight that he couldn't move, but they were tight—they were hugging his body like leggings and his thighs were being choked a bit. At the waist, he had more room; but his hips felt caught in a vice. It made him frown, because that meant Allen was less hip and more thickness in his middle. He refused to think he was curvier than that little dipshit, but the hips didn't lie.

"Your pants are really fuckin' out of whack here."

"What do you mean, out of whack?" Allen questioned, finally sitting back up and moving off to the edge of the bed so he could start getting himself ready for the day. "They fit me just fine."

"Yeah, but they're tight on the thighs, tight on the hips and yet the waist is fine. The legs are too. What are you built like a straight board?"

"Or maybe your perfect hourglass figure can't handle my britches, Kanda," Allen snickered; using his hands to wave in the shape of an hour glass in front of him. "Maybe just get a bigger belt and tie your pant legs? Then you won't have to wear my pants?"

Kanda's brows furrowed in annoyance as they settle back on the messy haired idiot in his bed, "you could have suggested that before I painted you pants on my body."

Timcanpy rolled around and settled on Allen's shoulder—acknowledging his actual master for about as long as it took to secure his place; before he turned his attention back to the object of his affection. Allen was exasperated by this now and he almost flicked the golem himself, turning his head to frown at it. "I didn't think about it until now."

"Well now your dumbass can help me get them off. You can do this, but I'm afraid if I bend a leg, I'll crush everything down there and that's not gonna work for me."

"Just tuck it up."

"I don't have room to tuck it up, it's like a fucking vice, you fool."

"Fine, fine, don't be such a girl about this," Allen shook his head, disrupting Timcanpy's wing fluttering—a thing that Kanda was intensely ignoring. He really didn't want to give that golem any reason to keep trying these dumb tactics and he really didn't want to even look at it period. Allen wasn't too stupid to see that. "Tim, stop or go find another bench," Allen hissed slowly—only to receive Tim's strange little tongue across his cheek. "Yes, thank you for licking me, now you can put your tongue back and save it for Kand-aaAAh!"

"What?"

Allen plucked Timcanpy off him and threw him at Kanda—who caught he little stressball with ease. The pale-haired boy by the bed made a disgusted face and wiped his cheek a few times. "He licked me after he licked your—."

"Hah," Kanda barked derisively, "but damn, what a little slut."

To be Continued…

A/N: Been a while eh? Sorry about that loves! I got side tracked with a few other things and I let this one sink a bit. As I promised to some of my tumblr friends, I will try to be more active with this one. Thanks for sticking with me if you haven't left!