Hey faithful readers, thanks so much for the reviews. You're all incredible.
I've made a playlist to go along with this story which you can find at 8tracks(dotcom)/lushcola/me-you
Part Two - Our Last Days As Children
The next few weeks fly by, and nothing really changes. They still haven't talked about any of the issues since the night she came back to the bar.
Occasionally when it's just the two of them she'll try and broach the subject but Jackson is always more than willing to distract her with sex,
and for the most part April's happy to agree.
It becomes a habit for the two of them, to lose themselves in each other instead of talking about what's going on around them.
And it works. For awhile.
She babysits Zola once a week, and cooks dinner for Jackson and Alex every other night.
They watch movies and read magazines around the apartment and have drinks with everyone at Joe's on nights when they're not on call.
Life goes on and nothing really changes.
A month after she's back at work, Catherine Avery comes to town for a surgery.
Jackson doesn't know his mothers in town, so while he's doing a craniofacial surgery, the elder surgeon pulls her out of the attendings lounge and takes her to the restaurant across the street for lunch.
As they wait for their food to arrive Catherine starts talking, and April's not sure what's more surprising; when she asks her to scrub in with her on her upcoming surgery, despite the embarassing experience with the dorsel vein she had last time or when she wants too know how long she's been dating her son.
"Uh.. What?" She know's Jackson hasn't told his mother, they haven't really told anyone apart from Meredith, Christina and Alex.
"Honey, it's written all over your face. And it's about damn time if you ask me. Now tell me when I can expect some grandbabies."
Despite being embarrassed, she can't help but smile, she's always admired Jackson's mother, as a surgeon and as a woman so she eats her pasta salad and answers Catherine's questions and even manages to laugh when she insists on telling her all about her own sex life, which April finds out with a grimace is currently involving her former chief of surgery.
After a slightly awkward talk involving the loss of her own virginity and an inquisition on her boyfriends workload, she spends the next five hours in surgery with Jackson, his mother, Dr Webber and Dr Bailey.
When they finally make it home at four in the morning after the end of a 36 hour shift, she can tell the idea of his mother and Dr Webber is bothering him. She'd seen the little confrontation they'd had outside the patients room, but Jackson doesn't want to talk about with her, instead insisting they watch a movie. She's too tired to argue so she agrees and is asleep before the credits roll.
He's already at the hospital by the time she wakes up, and she doesn't get the opportunity to speak to him again until the following day. Jackson paged her to meet him in the cafeteria for lunch and by the time April can manage to get out of the ER and down there he's already in line.
She's about to cut in and join him, when she see's him talking to Stephanie the intern. That would never normally stop her, but it's the way their heads are so close together, and the hand on his shoulder that holds her back. She slips into an empty seat and watches them continue their conversation, before the darker haired girl smiles and walks away. Jackson would never cheat on her. She knows that deep down.
But just because he wouldn't physically commit the act, doesn't mean he wont want to, right?
When he sits down beside her and hands her a caramel latte and half his fries she smiles at him and tries to forget what she saw.
By October, Christina is back from Minnesota and everything in the hospital is back to the way it used to be.
Meredith is happier, now that she has her person back, Alex is busy harassing the interns and Jackson is taking on more and more surgeries.
As happy as she is with the way things are going on lately, the unresolved issues in their relationship are still there lurking beneath the surface.
It's the same push and pull. She asks him questions, he changes the subject, or distracts her with sex. He spends more nights on call or in surgery.
She know's he's still having nightmares, she's the one that wakes him up almost every night.
When she tries to start a conversation with him after a brief liaison in the on call room he manages to sneak out while she has her back turned getting dressed, and she spends the next few hours looking for him around the hospital.
She finally pulls him into a storeroom on the fifth floor after she has a nurse send him a false page.
"Will you stop avoiding me. You don't get to have sex with me and then just walk out whenever I want to talk about something. I deserve more than that." He rests his hands on the desk behind him as she paces around the room.
They still haven't really defined their relationship, despite the fact she thinks of him as her boyfriend and they spend nearly all of their free time together, in and out of the hospital. She know's she's being insecure, but whenever she feels they're getting closer together, he begins to pull away. It's driving her crazy, and distracting her from work.
"What about me, what I want?" He says, and she can't help but be a little confused.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore April. With you or with anyone. "
"Jackson, you've been burying yourself in surgeries. Even your mother's worried. You're going to burn out at the rate your going. If you're avoiding me, or you want out of this, just tell me."
"I don't want out of this, April. I just.. " He's interrupted by his pager.
"Look, I've got to go, I have a surgery."
She's too speechless to say anything as he darts back out the door and down to the OR.
She prays to god for an incoming trauma to take her mind off her relationship troubles for the next few hours and can't help but smile at the roof when her pager goes off with a 911 from the ER.
He finds her later to apologize when she's updating her patient files.
He's still not ready to talk yet, but he holds her hand on the way to the car, and he buys pizza with olives and extra pineapple for dinner,
even though he doesn't like them, but he knows she does. They have a long way to go, but it's a start.
The other shoe drops a week later when she's listening to the plans for Dr Baileys wedding and realizes what date it is.
November 10th.
She's been so busy with work, and Jackson that she hadn't even realized that she was late.
It takes her two hours to track him down in the ER and pull him into an exam room.
He tries to kiss her, but she makes him take a seat on the bed.
"I'm late."
It's obvious he doesn't understand what she means when he asks "Late for What?" so she says it again,
looking at him in a way that implores him to understand.
"Four days. I've never been four days late in my life."
"Oh… Wow"
After he gets over the initial shock he takes her hand and tells her they'll get a blood test, that there's no reason to worry out until they know for sure.
It calms her down, but only slightly.
Of course, there would be consequences for having pre marital sex, and she's sure Jesus is punishing her.
Before they can do anything else she's rushed into an emergency trauma surgery and Torres assigns him on Shepherds case.
When she's finally out of surgery three hours later she's exhausted and waiting for him in an exam room, when Meredith finds her.
She doesn't want to tell anyone, but she can't help being honest with the other surgeon.
They've built a strong friendship over the last couple of months, with the plane crash and Christina leaving, the other surgeon has taken April under her wing so she tells her the truth.
"You're pregnant?"
"I think so. I don't know." She doesn't know, not yet. But she has a feeling she doesn't need the blood test to tell her what the answer is.
"April, plans never really work out the way you think they're going to, especially with babies. You try and try to get pregnant, and you cant and then a baby comes when you least expect it. Probably because you didn't plan it. Plan's don't mean anything." Meredith says, and she can't help but find some comfort in the words.
But April's had her life planned out since she was seven, and having a baby wasn't a part of that yet.
Then again, neither was failing to become a board qualified surgeon so she's 0 for 2 right now.
She stays there talking to Meredith until Jackson finds her a few minutes later, taking her hand and leading her into the exam room.
Her arms trembles when he starts drawing her blood, so he uses his free hand to rub small circles up and down her wrist.
His shoulders are slightly tense and his eyebrows are creased in concentration and she can tell he's nervous too,
but the brave face he's putting on is comforting. At least one of them can stay strong.
"You okay?" He asks, and it shakes her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah. You?"
"Yeah.. I don't know"
"Jackson, I can do this myself. You know, if this isn't what you want.."
It's a way out, if he's not ready to do this with her. They haven't even exchanged I Love You's yet, although she knows love is exactly what she feels towards him. He's from a long legacy of outstanding surgeons, and she's from a farm in Ohio.
If he thought taking her virginity was unbecoming of an Avery, what would he think of having a baby out of wedlock.
Of course she doesn't want him to take the out, but the option's there. She would never force someone to stay with her because of a baby.
Before he can answer they're interrupted by Karev, who needs her in surgery.
He finishes taking her blood and gives her a long look before she's pulled out the door, leaving her to fend off Alex's questions and sleazy comments on the way to the OR.
Her nerves get the best of her when she's in surgery with Dr Robbins, and can't get a hold of the suture she's grafting. It'll take awhile for the test results to come back, so she finishes her surgery, then decides to take a nap as soon as she's scrubbed out.
That's where Jackson finds her hours later, gently shaking her awake.
"Hey." He says when she opens her eyes, and she can't help but smile.
"Hey, I was just taking a quick nap. I.. I don't have the results yet." She says sitting up.
He takes her hands in his as he sits down on the bed beside her.
"I'm in." He says quickly. "All the way."
"What?"
"I know this isn't what you planned or how you planned it, but we can do this. We'll get married, have an awesome kid, be amazing parents.. I'm in."
He's speaking so quickly now that she barely has time to process what he's saying, but when he starts speaking about the future they can build,
with a big house and a wedding with butterflies she cuts him off and kisses him.
"We can really do this?" She asks, and his only reply is his lips meeting hers.
For the next six hours she feels like she's floating on cloud nine, practically skipping around the hospital.
Meredith gives her a small smile when she passes her in the hallway, and when she sits down next to Alex in the attending's lounge she even laughs at one of his jokes.
Her life feels like it's finally going in the direction it's supposed to be, even after the saga of events that have happened the last two years.
The only thing missing are Charles and Reed, who she can't help but think would have been their best man and maid of honour.
When her pager goes off that the results are ready while she's at the coffee station she practically dances towards the elevator.
She spots Jackson on the way past the nurses station talking to Meredith and is about to interrupt when she hears the conversation.
"So April's pregnant, huh? I'm really happy for you guys." Meredith says, and April can't help but smile.
"Yeah. We think so." It's the tone of her boyfriends voice that instantly has her a little worried.
"You okay?" Meredith asks and April feels frozen to the spot waiting for him to answer.
He'd seemed so excited with only a few hours ago, he'd practically proposed. Maybe now he was having second thoughts.
Thinking about the out she had offered him earlier.
"Yeah.. I think so. I don't know. What if I'm not ready to be a dad?" He says, and the bottom of her stomach drops.
"My own was barely around when I was growing up, and after everything that's happened recently. The shooting, Mark, Lexie.. What if this isn't the right time?"
She doesn't hear the rest of the conversation, instead just turns back the way she came and collects the results from the lab.
She texts him ten minutes later to meet her outside, and when she gets there he's already sitting on the bench staring straight ahead.
He puts his arm around her, and they don't speak for a minute. Just sit there, in silence.
Finally she takes the envelope out of her pocket and opens it up.
"Negative." She exhales, trying to calm her shaking hands.
"Not pregnant."
He doesn't say anything, just looks at the ground, but she knows he's relieved.
He'd basically just told Meredith he wasn't ready for a baby. Of course he didn't want his.
"We dodged a bullet." She says, trying to smile although it feels so forced it hurts her cheeks.
"Now we don't have to get married. We're free. Everything can be just like it was." Except that it can't be. She knows that.
When he turns to look at her, it's obvious what he's about to say, she can see it in his expression.
It makes her want to take back everything she's just said, tell him that she didn't really mean it, that she's just trying to protect him, but she can't.
So she closes her eyes and waits for him to say it.
"Maybe this was a sign. That we needed to stop."
It's like a physical punch to the stomach to hear the words, even though she knew they were coming. It still takes the air out of her lungs and makes it hard to breathe. She want's to tell him he's wrong so badly, argue it at the top of her lungs, but instead she holds her silence because the important thing is to keep moving, and to make it quick.
"Honestly, I think it's for the best."
"Okay." She says, even as the tears burn her eyes.
"If that's what you want."
When he tells her that it is and leaves her there sitting on the bench, she straightens her skirt, checks that her hair is in place,
and then takes several deep breaths.
He's halfway across the parking lot before she allows herself to look, see's the muscles of his back tensing as he walks away.
She re-opens the piece of paper in her hand and stares at the words written on the inside, unable to process anymore than the first line.
Positive.
Thanks so much for reading and all your reviews. I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate them.
Just a quick heads up now, the next few chapters are angst filled and a whole lot darker.
Part three should be up in a few days. Look forward to hearing from you all XO.