Chapter Seventeen
Morning.
Tasuki opened his eyes, half-wishing he hadn't bothered as the gleam of sunlight through the window dazzled him, reminding him cruelly of the events of the previous night. With a muttered curse, he dragged himself into a sitting position, assessing his aching body ruefully as he realised that, at the very least, he was in one piece. As he glanced around him, he almost let out a yell of surprise as he took in Anzu's form curled up beside his bed, huddled beneath a blanket as she slept peacefully. For a moment he stared at her in disbelief, then, very carefully, he got to his feet, moving around her as he sought to leave the confines of the small room.
Somehow, having her so close unnerved him, but he could not quite put his finger on why.
"You're up and about. That's good to see, you know."
Chichiri's voice from the doorway made him glance up, nodding ruefully.
"I'm all right. Jus' mangled. I'll live."
"So I see." Chichiri grinned, leaning up against the doorpost. "Hungry? Aidou's gone in search of breakfast."
"Yeah. Starvin'." Tasuki admitted, running his hand through his wild red hair as he nodded his head. "I really didn't eat anythin', yesterday, feelin' so weird an' all. I could eat a horse right now, if you gave me one with a pair o' chopsticks an' some sauce."
Chichiri chuckled, appreciation glittering in his ruby eye at this.
"You are better." he said frankly. "So I imagine we won't stay here long. We still have people to find, you know? And we have to decide what to do...about Mitsukake."
"Mm." Tasuki nodded. He frowned, then,
"You're all right?"
"Huh?" Chichiri looked startled.
"You...used your life force to help me last night, didn't you?"
"Yes." Chichiri agreed. "And so did Hotohori-sama. What about it?"
"You didn't blast yourself out on my account, did you?"
"No." Chichiri's expression softened, and he shook his head. "I'm fine, Tasuki. Like you, I slept off our battle with the demon and I'm hungry and ready to face the next challenge."
"Good." Tasuki looked relieved. "Because you and me - we're the only ones not dead, and all of that. I don't want to lose another friend, especially not because of me and a stupid demon."
Chichiri laughed.
"You and I are much more difficult to kill than that." He assured the bandit. "You needn't worry. We've both got things to do in this world, I'm sure of that - Suzaku won't take either of us yet."
"Well, if he tries for either of us, I'll whack him with my tessen." Tasuki said decidedly.
He turned, jerking his head in the direction of the sleeping Anzu.
"Has she been there all night?"
"Yes. She didn't want to leave your side, so in the end, she wound up sleeping with you." Chichiri's good eye twinkled with mischief, and Tasuki grimaced.
"Quit it with the innuendo." He ordered. "I don't even remember much about last night...if she chose to sleep here, it had nothing to do with me."
"Actually, I think it probably had quite a lot to do with you." Chichiri looked pensive. "She loves you, you know. More than I imagined she did - last night she really proved it. You should be thanking her, too, Tasuki. She's probably the one that turned the scale in your favour."
"Huh?" Tasuki looked startled, and Chichiri nodded.
"It was her determination and her strength that brought you out of your coma." He said gravely. "She's just an ordinary girl, really, but she has something extraordinary about her - and that's how strongly you've touched her. You probably don't realise it, but she was willing to take the demon into her own body last night, and die with you, if that was what it meant. She was completely determined - totally without hesitation. And her strength and faith in you brought you to yourself. Without Anzu's gamble, Tasuki-kun, it might have been a different ending."
"Shit." Tasuki swore softly, staring at the young acrobat in consternation. "Noone asked her to put her life in danger over me!"
"No, but then, I suppose it came naturally to her." Chichiri shrugged. "People protect those they love, after all."
Tasuki bit his lip, slowly shaking his head.
"I don't understand women." he said at length. "I ain't done a damn thing to make her feel like that. I've pushed her away, more'n anything. Why is she so persistant? I don't get it - I really don't."
Chichiri laughed.
"You should just be happy someone loves you enough to want to help you live." He said wisely. "And not be afraid of it, either. Last night, she made it clear that even if you didn't love her, she'd still do everything she could to help save your life. She's resolved her feelings and she knows where she stands, now. Noone's asked anything of you - just be glad she's that fond of you. And be nicer to her, perhaps. That wouldn't hurt. But noone's asking you to marry her or anything like that."
"Shit, I should hope not!" Tasuki only just remembered to keep his voice down. "Yeesh, I can't handle this."
"You're not over what happened with Miaka yet, are you?" Chichiri sent him a piercing look, and Tasuki grimaced, shrugging his shoulders.
"It's past, right?" He said slowly. Chichiri spread his hands.
"I don't know." He said carefully. "I think it is. But I'm not sure you do. Listen, Tasuki. That demon fever - the byouma - it took you so hard because you still have doubts lurking inside of you. Things you might think you've resolved - or that you've pretended to yourself you don't need to bother with. But it would never have taken such a grip if they hadn't been there. I warned you about negative emotion before - that something in the atmosphere is already creating doubts and that you had to ward against it as best you can. But you're not the kind of person who should fall so easily under a byouma's spell. So whatever it is you're still hashing out inside of you, put it aside. If it is Miaka - stop torturing yourself and let it go. We all understand it wasn't your fault - and that everyone has weaknesses, even you. But you can't change the past. So learn to let it go, huh?"
Tasuki looked taken aback. Then he smiled ruefully, the tips of his fanged teeth protruding over his lip as he digested Chichiri's words.
"It ain't so easy to do as say, but I take your point." he said finally. "And I know...I know that Miaka...well, that what happened was...not all me. Just part of it...must have been. And it's that bit I'm still wrestlin' with. The whole hatin' women thing - but...yet..."
He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.
"Havin' Anzu around is complicated." He admitted slowly. "Because like Miaka, she's a girl. An' I'm startin' to realise more an' more that girls...aren't just my sisters or my Ma. That sounds screwed up, I know, but before I met Miaka I never really saw any woman as anythin' but jus' like Aidou an' the rest. Not even Reirei - I guess Reirei was like another sister, in her own kinda way. An' then, all that stuff happened...an' now I can't help but notice it. You know. That they're...not...like...men."
He reddened at the awkwardness of his last words, and Chichiri came to join him, ruffling his hair playfully as he sent him an amused look.
"It had to come to you eventually, you know?" He said lightly. "Nineteen makes you a late starter, but I'm sure you'll catch up."
"Don't tease me." Tasuki pushed the monk's hand away, but there was no real anger in his tone, and he offered his friend a sheepish smile. "I know. It's messed up. But it was easier before I realised it, that's all. Anzu's got damn pretty, since we last saw her - either that or I've woken up more than I thought. But she is, an' it doesn't help. I guess...I don't want to end up in the same situation with another girl."
"Do you think you will?" Chichiri asked seriously. "Don't be silly. That was Hikou's spell. Even if you had fallen for Miaka hard and fast, Tasuki-kun, you wouldn't have acted on it without that magic giving you the push. You and Tamahome are good friends. Miaka is someone you like and respect, like a member of your family. So stop thinking of it as something you did. Take it from someone who knows all about self-doubt and blame...sometimes, things happen, and you have to let go."
"I guess you know better'n me about those things." Tasuki admitted ruefully. "All right, I guess so. But Anzu..."
He sighed, shrugging his shoulders.
"I don't know." He admitted finally. "Look, I'm goin' out to get some air, an' think things over. If Aidou comes back an' yells about food, gimme a shout, huh? I jus' need some space an' to clear my head. It's still kind of clogged up, after last night."
He glanced at himself ruefully.
"An' a bath, if I can find somewhere I ain't likely to drown myself."
"All right." Chichiri agreed. "I'll do that. Just don't try bathing in the Shouryuu - believe me, with your swimming skills..."
He trailed off, and Tasuki snorted.
"I'd already figured that much." He said baldly. "I ain't totally stupid, you know."
"Matter of opinion." Chichiri's eye twinkled. "Don't go too far, huh? I don't want to have to hop all over the place looking for you."
"I won't." Tasuki assured him. "An' Chichiri?"
"Mm?"
"Thanks." Tasuki sent him a wolfish smile. "I'll think about it. What you said. I promise."
With that he pushed open the door, creeping carefully past the little chamber where his sister was preparing food, and then out into the open air.
"Anzu's in love with me, huh?" He muttered, dropping down at the water's edge. "To the point she's willin' to die for me? Yeesh...just like Reirei...shit, and I'm not going to let that same thing happen over again. What is it with girls an' melodramatics, anyway? Still..."
He frowned, trailing his fingers in the water.
"Still, if she did risk her life, an' she did help me last night, I...suppose I should be nicer to her." He admitted with a resigned sigh. "It's not that I don't want to be friends, either. She's not so bad, really, for a girl an' all. It's just the other thing, buttin' in on me all the time. I wish that I didn't look at her an' realise she's a woman. If she was just a random person, it would be fine. Even if she was an ugly girl, it might be okay. But she ain't. Dammit, she ain't. She's pretty. An'...an' I can't switch that off. Maybe Chichiri's right, but even so...I don't need any of this."
He rubbed his temples.
"An' I'm thinking way too much for someone who just got over a raging fever." He acknowledged out loud. "Forget about it, Genrou. Jus' be glad you're alive and worry about whatever we're doing next regarding the other Seishi. For now, being Tasuki an' saving Kounan is more important than some circus girl with a bandit fixation...that's the safest thing to do."
-----------------------------
"Anzu?"
Back inside the derelict farm building, Chichiri gently shook the girl awake and her lashes twitched and fluttered open as she gazed up at him uncomprehendingly. The monk grinned, offering her a playful smile.
"It's morning." Was all he said, however. "Aidou's gone to see about breakfast...and then, I guess, we'll be moving on."
"Genrou!" Anzu's memory flooded back to her at this and she struggled up, turning to gaze down at the bed, frowning as she noted that it was empty.
"He's up?" She asked softly. Chichiri nodded.
"He's outside." He agreed. "He seems all right, this morning. Maybe still a little tired - well, that goes for us both. But considering...I think you probably helped save his life, Anzu. Whether he admits it or not."
"I don't care if he does or if he doesn't." Anzu's cheeks flushed faintly at this, and she got to her feet. "I love him, so I was glad to help."
"You're not uncertain about your feelings any more, then?" Chichiri arched an eyebrow, and Anzu shook her head.
"I believe in them, and things seem clearer." She agreed. "You were right. It makes sense now."
Chichiri's smile widened, but he did not make any further remark, and Anzu returned it with a shy one of her own. Carefully she pulled her tattered cloak around her, heading out into the sunshine as she scanned the land for any sign of the missing bandit. At first she couldn't see him, but then she spotted a figure lounging at the water's edge, idly skimming stones across its smooth, even surface. Her eyes lit up, and she hurried towards him, glad at this visible proof of his recovery.
"You don't have to come lookin' for me, you know." As she drew closer, he spoke without turning around, and she hesitated, then sat down on the grass beside him.
"You heard me coming?"
"You ain't exactly stealthy. I coulda heard you a mile away."
"Well, I'm not trying to be quiet...I'm not hiding from you or anything." Anzu pulled her cloak more tightly around her shoulders. "You're better this morning. Chichiri said you were...and I can see you are."
"Mm." Tasuki turned to face her now, a strange, reticent look in his bronzeish eyes. He held her gaze for a moment, then he smiled ruefully, the tips of fanged teeth protruding from his lip as he once more adopted the look of the predatory wolf. "I guess it takes more than a fever and a demon to kill a Reikaku-zan bandit."
"Yeah, guess so." Anzu agreed pensively. "So we can go on, now. Can't we?"
"Wherever 'on' is." Tasuki frowned. "We were looking for Mitsukake, but I don't know if we can go back there in case he pulls another demon trick on one of us. Next time it mightn't be someone as strong as me who gets burned by his backwards magic...and he's no use to my father like that. Plus, we still haven't managed to track down that moron Nuriko, either, and Chiriko seems to not even exist. So...I hope Chichiri has some ideas. I'm clean out. I just don't know...what we do from here."
Anzu eyed him in surprise, and he shrugged, offering another rueful smile.
"Guess I'm still tired." He said flippantly. "That's all."
"Well, it was a long night for all of us." Anzu admitted. "We were all worried about you. Even Aidou. Whether you believe it or not, she was crying last night, at one point. She really cares about her younger brother, underneath it all. You mightn't know, but she does."
"Hell, I don't understand women." Tasuki snorted. "I've survived this long without trying too hard, so I'm not going to bother about it too much now. I speak and Aidou hits me. That's the general rule, so if you don't mind, I'm keepin' clear of her brand of sympathy until my head's a little less like it's been put through a drinkin' contest with real raw ale."
Despite herself, Anzu laughed, shrugging her shoulders.
"I suppose that's fair." She agreed. "Either way, I know she's glad you're all right."
"Maybe." Tasuki pursed his lips, and for a moment there was silence between them. Then, at length, the bandit sighed.
"I told you, last night, didn't I?" He said softly. Anzu looked startled.
"Pardon me?"
"About Miaka. I told you. I wasn't myself - all kinds of shit was goin' through my head. Chichiri said it was the nature of the demon, or somethin'...but I still think...I told you somethin' I shouldn't. About...Miaka."
"Oh." Anzu pinkened at the memory, and she nodded. "Yes. And I'm sorry. I know...talking about...that...it made your fever worse. I didn't realise - I was slow - but Chichiri said that the demon fed on your negativity, and that...I should have realised sooner that it was the demon making you react that way. I should have had more faith in you then, Genrou - I'm sorry. But when you said those things to me, I just felt..."
She faltered, and Tasuki grimaced.
"I don't remember much after that." He admitted. "I know you said...somethin'. But I'm not clear on what, or on whatever it was you said to me after the demon was driven out. It's a blur...maybe a dream. Hell, I can't tell the difference. But I thought I'd said something...and I wanted to set it straight with you. Not that it matters if I do or not," He added hurriedly. "Because we ain't...I mean, I ain't interested in any woman. It's just, I wanted...to clear things. So you understood."
"It's all right. I do understand." Anzu said calmly, reaching down to pluck a flower from the riverbank as she toyed with it between her fingers. "You don't have to tell me anything about it. Like you keep telling me, Genrou...I'm not your woman. You don't owe me an explanation for anything. It's fine."
Tasuki was silent for a moment, digesting this. Then he smiled again.
"No, but we are...friends." He said finally. "Even if you are a girl...last night you did somethin' to help me out. From what Chichiri said, you put yourself right in danger, doin' it, too. So...so you're not as weak as I thought you were. And because of that, I want to be straight with you on things. Okay?"
"Okay." Anzu's eyes softened at this, and she nodded. "If that's it, then sure. Go ahead. But I'm sure that it won't change my opinion, whatever you say about the Priestess of Suzaku. And as for last night...I told you that I was going to be a bandit, and be part of Reikaku-zan's gang ethic. Well, you're Kashira. What else would I do? You don't think Kouji would've done any less, do you?"
"Probably not." Tasuki agreed grudgingly.
"Well, then. You don't owe me anything."
"What exactly did I say to you, last night?" Tasuki asked carefully. "I mean, I remember - I think. Mostly. But...when things went hazy - I want to know what I said. I wasn't totally in my right mind, and I might've...confused myself."
Anzu's eyes became grave, and she frowned.
"I'm not sure it's all that important, in the light of day." She reflected. "We both said things last night that probably should be left alone right now, anyway. At least until we can resolve the problems that you and Chichiri are trying to get to the bottom of."
"Tell me." Tasuki was not to be dissuaded. "Or do I have to order you to, dammit? If you want to be a bandit, you gotta learn not to answer back to the kashira when he asks you a question - tell me, already!"
"All right." Anzu sighed, resting her chin in her hands. "You told me...that you tried to rape her. And that when Tamahome...when he came to rescue her, you tried to kill him. That's what you said last night, Genrou. Pretty much word for word."
Tasuki flinched, and for a moment, there was awkward silence between them. Then the bandit cursed.
"I wasn't ever gonna tell you about that." He admitted. "You or anyone, save Kouji."
"I didn't believe you, when you said it." Anzu admitted. "Because I know you - and that you're not that kind of person. You may hate girls - or say you do - but you go out of your way to rescue them, on occasion. Your family - your sisters - you'd defend them in a heartbeat, and we both know it. Reirei gave her life because she believed in you - and when I stopped and thought on it, whenever you tackle me about Reikaku-zan, it ain't just about hating women. You always mention her death - like you're trying to push me away from the mountain in case I wind up going the same way. Getting hurt, just like she did. You don't really hate women as much as you pretend - and I couldn't imagine you ever hurting a girl. You won't even fight a girl if she's trying to kill you. There's no way you'd assault someone you considered a friend...no way."
"It happened." Tasuki spoke quietly. "Whether you want to believe it, or not."
"Chichiri explained it to me." Anzu admitted. "Because I was so...I didn't like the way you'd said it. And then when the demon got worse inside of you, I understood that I'd made you feel all those things about it. That it had made you doubt yourself even more, and I hated myself for being so tactless."
She looked rueful.
"You're rubbing off on me." She added. "It's a worrying sign. But it's all right, Genrou. I know that it happened, but I know that it wasn't your fault. Chichiri explained everything - about the spell, and all of that. That you broke the enchantment by turning the tessen on yourself rather than betraying the people you cared about. He said that your strength of will was the thing that protected Miaka-sama, in the end. Not hurt her. That it was powerful, sly magic - and it took a lot to overcome. But you were able to. And you shouldn't be ashamed of something that wasn't your fault."
Tasuki stared at her, momentarily robbed of speech, and she grinned.
"Chichiri knows a lot about magic." She added unecessarily. "And I believe him when he says that, because he also knows you better than most people. Better than I do, I think, or at least I'm coming to realise it. When he told me...when he put it into context like that, I realised something important about you that I hadn't fully realised before, I don't think."
"Do I want to hear this?"
"It's nothing that bad." Anzu grinned. "Just that there really isn't anything you wouldn't do for your friends. That's all. Even die, if it required it. Even if turning the tessen on yourself was the only way out of the spell...you'd still do it, rather than hurt a friend."
Despite himself, colour rose in Tasuki's cheeks and he pushed her away, getting to his feet.
"Now you're talking stupid stuff, and you're making my head ache more." He said bluntly. "Chichiri said we'd be moving, huh? We shouldn't be sitting around here doing nothing, if that;s the case. If he has a hunch, we'd better..."
Whatever else he was going to say was cut off in mid sentence, however, as Anzu kissed him, taking him off guard completely by the sudden and impulsive nature of her action. To begin with he was too startled to react, then, as he registered what she was doing, he pushed her back, glaring at her in discomfitted indignation.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Kissing you." Anzu said calmly. "I told you last night, Genrou. I have no doubts any more. If you do, they're yours to deal with. I can wait for you to get over them - or your issues where what happened to Miaka is concerned. But last night, after hearing Chichiri talk - and after having seen you fight that demon - I knew one hundred percent that I'm going to stay with you from now on. Whether you want me or you don't, it's tough. That's what I'm going to do. I'll prove myself to you eventually - whether as a bandit or as a woman. I don't care which. But I'll be here, and you can count on that. No matter what."
"You're an idiot." Tasuki turned his back on her, but the sound of her laughter made him pause. "Hell, now what's so funny?"
"You." Anzu said, amused. "Your cheeks are clashing with your hair."
"Anzu!" Tasuki wheeled round, glaring at her, and Anzu shook her head, her heart suddenly lighter than it had been since she had left Sairou.
"You wanted to speak to Chichiri." She said evenly. "Am I distracting you?"
"Oh, shut up." Tasuki grimaced at her, as he regained his colour. "I don't have time for this. We have too much to do. Stop being a girl for a moment and start being a bandit, huh? If you're so tough, then prove it and make yourself useful."
With that he was gone, and Anzu dropped back against the trunk of a nearby tree, a smile touching her lips.
"He called me a bandit." She realised. "Does that mean...he finally...sees me as being someone who could stay on Reikaku-zan?"
She reached up to touch her long dark hair, loosening the ribbon that held it in place, and glancing at it for a moment. Then she reached back to pull the sleek locks into more of a warrior's queue, binding the hair back in the same way she had seen Hotohori manage his own long mane. Stray wisps still framed her face, and she brushed them back with a frown, unlooping the sash from her clothing and using her teeth to tear it down the middle, as she wound one half of the fabric around her brow in a makeshift headband. She knotted it firmly behind her head, moving to the glittering water's edge to examine her reflection.
A young woman stared back at her, but it was not the same circus performer who had left Sairou. Instead, as she touched her cheek absently, she realised that something inside of her had changed.
"I look more like a bandit, but it's something more than just tying my hair back this way." She murmured. "It's something in my heart. Something about being strong enough to help Genrou heal. Do you see me, Reirei? Oneechan? I don't have any doubts any more. I'm going to make sure I get to go back to the mountain - that he won't want to leave me behind. He and I, we'll be all right, and I'll keep my promise, Reirei. I'm finally going to learn to be the kind of bandit you were, and I swear, I won't let him go so easily. Not now - now I know how strong I can be. Noone is going to hurt me again - I'm not going to be a victim of anyone, whether at Reikaku-zan, or anywhere else. I'm going to be the best bandit I can be, and I'll show Genrou that he wants me by his side. I won't ever, ever give up on proving myself to him - I swear! Keep watching me, both of you - I promise, I won't let you down!"