A/N:*In a hushed tone while eyes dart around suspiciously* Hi, guys. I'm currently escaping prison, so I thought I'd post this up while I'm at it. Sadly your reviews didn't work (something about Stockholm's Syndrome). Anyway, this chapter, like the long title suggests, isn't actually something I wrote a three am as a product of caffeine induced insomnia. Hope ya enjoy-
*A security guard suddenly rounds the corner* Security Guard- There she is! Get her!
Me- Uh Oh! Gotta go! Thanks for all who tried to bail me out, loved your reviews!
Disclaimer: If I had actually fallen asleep, I might of dreamed of owning PoM, but until then, I claim no such thing.
Chapter 3: Not Really a Chapter, and Completely Irrelevant to the Story Itself, but I Really wanted to Write This (Aka: Author's Inspiration)
Author Miscellaneous Thief plopped down on her bed in her extremely cramped bedroom. After she readjusted her left pigtail, her usual choice of hair style, she grabbed her favorite pencil and notebook. She flipped open to where she had left off with the story and found herself staring at a blank page.
She wrote the heading Chapter 3: and continued to stare at the still blank page. She knew what she wanted to write, she just didn't know how to write it. Miscellaneous Thief hated this problem, it had an annoying habit of showing up a lot.
A sudden gust of wind alerted her to the window in her ceiling. It stood open a good ten inches. Miscellaneous Thief thought that was strange, because she could of sworn she had closed it earlier that day. Suddenly she was on high-alert.
She cautiously stood on her knees and went to close her window, being able to reach it from there with her high bed and low ceiling. She carefully checked the room, without being obvious about doing it, as she did this. She didn't know who, or what, she was looking for, but she knew they were in her room. She could feel the eyes on her back.
As she closed the window, not bothering to latch because she knew she would just open it up again later, she heard a sudden noise from behind her, making her jump a good three inches. She flipped around in a defensive position, even though she didn't know a lick of karate, ready to take on whatever invisible ninjas had entered her room. All she got, however, was an annoyed 'meow' as she discovered to her embarrassment that it was only her cat jumping on her bed and inadvertently landing on her notebook.
Miscellaneous Thief relaxed her tense body as she reached over to pet him. "Oh, it's just you, Ace. You had me fooled into thinking you were an invisible ninja. Guess I'm just paranoid today." She said, talking to herself more than anything else.
She sat back down on her bed, scratching Ace behind his ears as she went. She had just picked up her pencil and resumed her staring contest with her paper when she heard another noise, this time coming from across the room. She looked up just in time to catch a black and white flash, before she felt a sharp slap on her neck and her world went dark.
When Miscellaneous Thief woke up, it was so dark she wasn't sure that she'd actually woken up. Deciding that she must indeed be awake, she tried to get up only to discover that she couldn't. She was tied to a chair.
This is great, she thought sarcastically. She wasn't worried though, far stranger things had happened before in her life. Growing up around her 'odds and ends' family had taught her to just take whatever weird things were dealt to her.
So, instead of worrying, Miscellaneous Thief decided to assess her situation. She was gagged, which she found rather annoying, bound, and in a dark room. She didn't even know where she was or what time it was. She sighed in boredom.
Her dad had once told that people go insane in this kind of isolation. She had replied to her dad's comment by telling him that if that ever happened to her, the worst thing that could happen would be that she would be driven sane, considering the fact that she was already crazy.
She wondered if anyone was looking for her yet. Now she knew how Princess Peach felt, waiting for some Italian plumber who's high on mushrooms to come save her, (A/N I don't own Mario) and Miscellaneous Thief hated it. She hated feeling helpless.
Suddenly a single light flashed on, leaving her temporarily blind as her eyes tried to adjust. When her vision finally cleared, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had to blink several times to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Standing right in front of her was Private, Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico.
'I must be hallucinating' She though, amused. 'Might as well play along. Could be fun.'
Skipper stepped forward "Miscellaneous Thief, we would like to have a word with you."
The addressed tried to reply, but the gag restricted her. The only sound that came out was something that sounded like "Mmm-fffffd."
Noticing the gag, Skipper stepped closer to Miscellaneous Thief and looked her directly in the eyes "If I take the gag off, do you promise to not scream?"
She rolled her eyes. Then she thought better of it and nodded yes.
"Kowalski, untie the gag for her" Skipper ordered.
Kowalski walked over to her backside and quickly untied the gag, being careful not to pull on any of her hair which had by now mostly fallen out of its pigtails.
She spat out the gag, glad to finally have freedom of it, and watched in confusion as Kowalski walked away from her.
"What, don't I get untied, too?" She asked, hopeful.
"Not until you understand our situation and agree to our terms, doll face."
Ignoring the last comment, Miscellaneous Thief decided to try her next question, one that had been bugging her since she first saw the penguins.
"Hey, aren't you guys, you know, supposed to be on your way to rescuing Mary and Aly right now?"
"That is a scientific impossibility" Kowalski replied "Considering the fact that you haven't written
it down, it hasn't actually happened yet."
She decided to take a moment to process all this in her mind. Once she took it all in, she realized how wicked this truly was. Not only did she actually get to talk to the characters she loved to write stories about, and, if they allowed her to without putting he gag back on, she could even discuss said stories with said characters. Now how many writers could say they've done that?
"So, where's Aly and Mary? I kind of would like to meet my own character. That would be totally epic." She asked out of curiosity. I mean, it most certainly was enough to meet the idols who took up most of her free time, but the tip of the iceberg (pun intended) would definitely be chatting with the penguins who originated from the depths of her own imagination.
"Well, they wanted to come, but they're still trapped at the pound. They obviously couldn't make it." Private explained.
'Oh, guess that makes sense.' She thought. Then she re-thought it 'No actually, that makes no sense at all.' Her eyes squinted in confusion.
"Wait a minute, then why the heck are you here?" She asked Private "If things work out the way you and Kowalski say they work out, then shouldn't you be in Central Park running to HQ right now?"
But before Private could answer, though, Skipper interjected by holding a flipper, signaling him to shut up.
"Now we could spend all day talking physics, something I have no doubt Kowalski would love, but I would like to get to the point here."
"Well, what do you guys want to talk about? The story?" She asked.
Skipper cocked an imaginary eyebrow in inquiry, almost as if she had guessed the subject head on.
"That is exactly what we brought you here to talk about, Thief. The boys and I just so happen to know what you have planned for the next chapter, and we have some suggestions of our own."
She was in shock for all but two seconds before realization dawned upon her. They wanted to write their own chapter?
"Okay... Um, what did you guys have in mind?" She wondered.
And with that, the penguins formed a tight circle with her, each whispering their ideas in hushed tones. They did this deliberately as to protect against any nosy readers who might try to eavesdrop on the conservation, possibly ruining the next few chapters or so.
"You guys are genesis!" Miscellaneous Thief exclaimed suddenly, breaking their huddle in the process. "I never would have thought of this stuff!"
"So, you'll use our ideas, then?" Private asked rather shyly.
She nodded her head vigorously "Yep! And I'll even make sure to give you guys get credit, too. Except, I'm sorry Rico, but I can't make it so that you suddenly grow huge muscles, it would be illogical to the story."
"Aw..." Rico pouted.
"You write stories about anthropomorphic commando penguins, a diabolical tyrant dolphin with lobster minions, and humans that can turn into penguins and you're worried about being illogical?" Kowalski pointed out.
"Yeah." She offered.
"Alright men, let's get her untied." Skipper ordered.
They moved so fast and swiftly that Miscellaneous Thief could of sworn that it was not even three seconds later before she was free of that accursed chair. She rubbed her raw red wrists where the rope had been. It was a great relief t to have those ropes off, not only because she hated being tied up, but the stiff rope had been very uncomfortable.
Grateful for the ideas and finally being untied (she didn't blame Skipper for tying her up , she knew how paranoid he could be) she felt like she owed Skipper at least something. Suddenly, she realized what she could do. She leaned into Skipper, cupping her hand around his ear hole and began whispering something. Only, this time around, nosy readers were blessed by being allowed in on this conversation.
"Hey Skipper," She said quietly "I just thought I should let you know that tomorrow is Mary's birthday, just in case you guys want to do something or not."
Skipper nodded "Affirmative, Thief. The boys and I will think of something later."
"It's Miscellaneous Thief, not Thief, thank you very much."
Skipper nodded again, and then his face turned very serious all of a sudden.
"It's time for me to go now, isn't it?" She guessed from his expression.
He nodded again.
Miscellaneous Thief sighed "Yeah, I figured as much. But I do have one question before I go..."
"What's that?" Private asked.
"How is it that you guys are real?"
Skipper looked her directly in the eyes "What makes you think we are, Thief?"
She was about to reply, but a sound had barely escaped her before she felt another slap on her neck. She once again fell unconscious.
Miscellaneous Thief woke up to find herself lying on her bed. Her notebook and pencil were resting neatly beside her on her nightstand.
She twisted her face in confusion. Had that really happened? She felt her wrists again, which were sore but no longer showed any signs of redness. She at least knew that felt real.
Just then, her mom stuck her head through the doorway, causing Miscellaneous Thief to jump three inches into the air from fright.
"Oh, sorry," Her mom apologized "Didn't mean to scare you. Be wrapping it up, dinner's ready in five, 'kay?"
"Mm-kay." She grumbled groggily, still in the process of waking up.
Her mom took notice of this immediately and asked "Did you fall asleep?"
"That's one of the three options I'm considering." She replied. It was true, she had come up with three things to explain what had happened: either she just had thee best dream ever, she had finally gone completely insane, or, to her the best one yet, it had actually happened.
And with that, her mom left, leaving her alone to deal with her thoughts. Her face broke out into a wide grin as she suddenly had an idea. She turned to her bedside table, grabbing her notebook as fast as she could. Flipping back to where she left off, she wrote Chapter 3: Author's Inspiration. There was no way she was letting this go undocumented, whether it really happened or not.
A/N: *Now behind bars* Well, they caught me... again. *sighs* Maybe I can try the air ducts tomorrow. Everything described in here (i.e. my room, my cat, my notebook, things my dad told me, etc.)are all real. Now as for if this really happened to me, that is for me to know and for the readers to never find out. Mwahahaha...!
Warden- Hey, keep it down in there!
Me-*in a hushed voice again* Bye, guys. Keep the reviews rolling, the lift mah mood!