Walk Away from the Son
Parker Sister Saga continues - Season 2 of SoA
Chapter 25- Past the Point of Rescue

By BG and Reaper

We are super sorry for the long delay. We know it was brutal on ya'll but real life has come down hard on us lately. Hopefully things are settled now and we can get back on track. Thanks for your continued support!

XXX

Vix blinked and stretched out, "Time is it?"

"Really late or real early... take your pick." Juice shifted position slightly in the over-crowded hospital bed.

She glanced up at the wall mounted TV that was casting a bluish tint on everything in the room. "You're watching Public Broadcasting?" She quizzed, eyeing the donor drive for monetary pledges to keep programming going.

"It was either this or reruns of Rosanne... and growin' up with my Gram, she listened to this old shit... ooh Neil Diamond, sweet!"

Vix smiled and jutted her chin towards the screen where the singer was taking the stage. "Ruby listens to Neil Diamond? Really?"

Juice smirked, "HUGE fan...Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show, Holly Holy, I am.. I said, Crackin' Rose and all that shit. Sweet Caroline, bomp, bomp bomp." As she bit back a laugh, he shook his head, "Ok, could you maybe not mention the fact that I know the fan-added accompaniment?"

"Your secret's safe is baby."

On the TV, old Neil, and he was aging rapidly but well, began singing a song Vix didn't recall ever hearing. Out of the corner of her eye she caught Juice's grin as he said, "Love this one... reminds me of... us." She leaned her head on his shoulder and listened.

Money talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
And long as I can have you
Here with me, I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans
Honey's sweet but it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat

And if you pardon me, I'd like to say
We'll do okay
Forever in blue jeans

In the blue-hued darkness, Vix smiled and felt tears prick her eyes. She heard Juice clear his throat in a way that didn't sound the least bit medicinal. "We will… we'll do okay... good, even. Maybe not great, maybe never great... "

She shifted again, sitting up and pulling away from him so she could see his face, looking slightly-smurfy though it was."Adjectives, Jean... they're relative. From person to person, from situation to situation... so okay to someone else might be great to me. But you're right... we'll make it through whatever, together alright. Cause I'd rather be busted and flat broke with you than have the world at my fingertips."

He stared at her, still processing her words, then grinned, "College has made you a real smart ass."

She laughed out loud, "I've always been a smart ass... college has made me a smart-ER ass." Shaking her head, she turned and settled back down next to him, just in time for him to say…

"So, I guess I should probably marry you before your uncle emphasizes the need with say a shotgun, hmm?"

Vix closed her eyes. "Are you only askin' because of the baby?"

"Would you only accept for the same reason?"

"I asked first."

"No. I knew I was gonna marry you the second I saw you walk into the clubhouse." He chuckled, as if he were reliving the moment from the previous February. "Loud, obnoxious, Southern, pink haired, gorgeous... like being hit by a lightning bolt, I've never been the same since. Your turn!"

Vix swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. Christ, it was gonna take a strong prescription of chemically altering drugs to get her through the next 7 ½ months or so. "I don't know what to say, everything going through my head at warp speed sounds like it oozes Velveeta but no, Jean. I'm not saying Yes, just because I'm having your baby... " She waited... a full 6-M.I.S.S.I.S.S.I. P.P.I -count, before he reacted.

"You said Yes?"

She smiled, "Yeah I did, Juicy."

And long as I can have you
Here with me I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans, babe

XXX

Later that morning at Teller Morrow, Bobby drove the black cargo van onto the lot and parked near the clubhouse entrance. Vix popped out of the back and helped the still gingerly walking Juice out of the passenger seat.

Chibs spotted the arrival and shot up from his perch on the picnic table. Grinning he yelled, "Ritalin in the house!" He looked to Vix and then added, "And in the company of Kermit the Frog no less. You're lookin' a little green about the gills, luv."

Vix rolled her eyes, which set her world a-spinning and glared at Juice, fake but convincingly. "God damned breakfast pizza... who ever invented it should be shot. No! Tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered and then shot for good measure. Eggs on pizza!" She gagged and not just for effect, the mere thought was revolting. "And then that one... fuck! Drove back here about 1 mile slower than Dale Earnhardt Junior on a Sunday afternoon!" She breathed through her mouth, closed her eyes and made a weird groaning noise. She shook her head and dashed off towards the nearest trash can.

All the guys that stood around watched her hurl. Happy winced. "Breakfast pizza is some nasty shit, dude."

Rough greetings were given to Juice, with the guys hugging and slapping his back, some almost forgetting his injury. Opie grinned as he pulled away from Juice. "Oh, someone named Dion called, wants to know if you're free for prom?" That set off a round of laughs from Hap and Bobby who were very much aware of the real meaning of the joke.

The horse play was cut short though as Clay and Jax walked up. All are shocked to see Jax and with his VP patches back on none the less. The two welcomed Juice back warmly but then their smiles faded. Jax nodded toward the clubhouse door, "Need to talk to you guys."

Clay glanced at Chibs and then nodded to the boxing ring, "Wake the sleepin' beauties."

XXX

"Come on, wake up my lil' day trippers!" Chibs yelled as he slammed his hands down on the boxing ring where Tig and Half Sack laid passed out. He grabbed a leg of each man and shook violently until their attached owners roused. "Chapel in five. You with me?"

Tig finally sat up and managed a scowl and a grunt in the Scot's direction. He watched as Chibs grinned and pointed at him before walking inside the clubhouse. He squinted, the daylight hurting his eyes as he looked around, wondering just how in the hell he had made it back to Teller Morrow. The last thing he could remember was kneeling in a field…shit, had he been crying? He shook his head violently and immediately regretted the rough movement. He took stock of his appearance the best he could…his clothes were disheveled and dirty. A run of his hand over his head found his hair unruly and he smelled, desperately in need of a shower.

He cleared his throat and looked to his right. Half Sack was lying face up in the ring with him, blinking slowly. As his eyes scanned the length of the kid, a smile crossed his face. The Prospect's feet were bare and covered with dried mud. His boots sat a few feet away. He kicked at the kid. "Good trip?"

Half Sack sat up and gave him a goofy smile, remembering his trip and mumbled, "Cwarm." He snorted a laugh at his own joke which had Tig frowning and then asked, "How was yours?"

Tig just shook his head, not about to discuss his horrible trip. The key to a good shroom trip was a happy mind. You needed to be calm and chill and in a good mood and if you were, you'd more than likely get a good trip. The dipshit Prospect was always in a good mood, freaking goddamn oblivious to any real stress so of course he got the smooth trip. Tig on the other hand knew he had had no business scarfing down the psychedelics. He was in a damn downward spiral of emotions and pissed off in general lately, couple that with a mounting guilty conscience and his troubles with Jaci…it was a recipe for a disastrous trip.

They slid off the mat and stood stretching their stiff muscles. Just as they started to walk the few feet to the clubhouse Half Sack suddenly grabbed his stomach and looked around frantically. He finally ran for the trash barrel and for the second time that morning it was assaulted as he buried his head inside and hurled violently for a minute or two. Tig stood calmly smoking a cigarette alongside of the kid while he finished.

"Sorry." Half Sack mumbled as he wiped his mouth with the hem of his plaid shirt, embarrassed to be showing any weakness in front of the hardcore SAA.

"Shrooms tear your stomach up...that'll probably happen all day." Tig retorted. "Drink a lot of water, get some sleep and you'll be fine."

"Any other side effects? Last night was my first time."

"Awww, you popped your shroom cherry?" Tig teased and then decided to fuck with the kid. "Let's see… stomach problems, blurred vision, light sensitivity. And…well…sometimes people get stuck in a trip and never get out."

Half Sack's eyes went wide, "I thought that was with LSD?"

"Can happen with shrooms too."

"Shit, are you serious?" The Prospect asked with a frown as he started to pull at his hair, his trademark nervous twitch. "Oh man."

Tig nodded and held his cigarette between his teeth then grabbed the kid's shoulders with fake concern, frowning deeply. "You're not still tripping right now are you?"

"No...I don't think so." Half Sack blurted, worried. "I mean, I feel ok…mostly."

"Then you should be fine...probably." Tig retorted and watched the kid's face scrunch with leeriness. He fought back a smile and slapped the kid twice on the cheek as he walked to the clubhouse.

Half Sack stood outside for a second, staring at his hands, waving them around to see if everything looked normal. He mumbled to himself, "I'm fine...right?" After more paranoid hand waving, he nodded tentatively. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said with a sigh and followed Tig inside.

XXX

All seats around the table were filled. There had been a few seconds of further welcoming Juice home and a one or two jabs at the rough appearance of Tig and Half Sack but it quickly fell quiet. Then began the stares between the SAMCRO members, wondering just what was going on. Bobby ventured a guess as to their required presence, "I'm guessin' this has something to do with those patches being back on your cut?"

Jax eyed Clay and sighed heavily "I'm not going NOMAD." He cut the anticipated happy response short, "Listen up." He turned his gaze to Clay: his President, his step-father, Gemma's old man...

Clay gathered his internal fortitude and said quietly, "Night of bobby's party, Gemma didn't drive her car into no barrier... she was jumped. Out on 18, Weston and three of his crew... gave her a message to deliver to the club, Stop Running Guns." He paused, not so much for emphasis but as to find the strength to say the words, "They raped her."

XXX

Juice pushed through the clubhouse door and sucked in a breath. His brain was boiling after hearing the horrible news about Gemma. He had one person on his mind though. As he crossed the lot he asked one of the garage techs, "Seen Vix?"

The guy nodded, "She left about half hour ago."

Juice thanked him and dug out his cell. Dialing her number he got voicemail and left a simple message of 'call me' and text the same thing. He paced around in a tight circle until his phone rang in his hand two minutes later. "Where you at?" Juice asked, failing miserably at keeping a worried edge out of his voice.

"Twisted. you sound horrible. I told you you're not 100% yet, baby. You need me to come back for you?"

"I'm fine... I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up before she could question him further. Snagging the keys to the work van, he drove off in the direction of Vix's salon, inconveniently located directly across Main Street from Impeccable Smokes and Zoebelle, Weston, and whichever of his scumbag asshole associates who'd joined in on the rape of Gemma Teller. Even after being told they were all M.I.A. he still floored the gas. He and Vix were on a good run of bad luck and it would be par for this course to have them make a sudden appearance while his ol' lady was alone and unawares. But she wasn't alone, was she? She was carrying around some pretty precious cargo. Juice ran a red light and swerved to miss a Towncar who had the right-of-way. The driver of the vehicle blasted his horn, screamed "MORON!" out the window. Juice cringed and yelled "Sorry!" but kept on going.

XX

"Vix!" Juice hollered as he entered the silent salon. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that the smokes shop was deserted. A second later he heard footfalls upstairs and watched as she descended the steps. At the bottom she stopped and eyed him with a frown then without a word crossed the salon, switched the OPEN sign off and turned the locks on the door. He followed her back upstairs to her office, shutting the door behind them. As she took a seat in the big, leather chair on the opposite side of the desk, he was hit by a flash of their last time together. There in that very seat, before he'd gone off with his brothers to the fated FURBAR meeting at the Christian Center, the one that landed them all in County. In County, where he'd been shiv'd; an Injury from which he was still recovering. Christ, that last time feels like it happened a lifetime ago. So much has gone down, everything's changed, we've changed... she's having my kid. Hell, I guess we're engaged…I asked, she said yes.

"Juice? Baby, you look like you're gonna hurl."

He shook his head, "Nah, I'm alright... how are you?"

Vix shrugged. "Ok, little tired. I haven't slept well since you've been gone... what's going on?"

He moved, taking a seat in one of the two chairs on this side of the desk and proceeded to tell her the ugly truths. He'd watched her make slow progress through the reaction spectrum.

"Jesus Christ, Jean!" She scoffed, "Holy Shit! Going after Gemma... that, that's like a rogue chess move. You don't go after the queen, not first... not before taking out all the underlings, the ones that will rise up and ...strike back."

"They've been trying... I'm sure of it. The fire here, that stunt that landed us in County, fire at Cara Cara, Chibs blowing up, shuttin' down business, plusall the other shit that's been happening. They've been sowing the seeds of war all along."

"And now it's reapin' time?"

Juice nodded, his jaw clenched. "Soon…we gotta fortify first, protect the family. Gonna need to tap personal stock. I know you and your sister have a small arsenal sitting at her place... we're gonna need it."

"Daddy was paranoid, always said if you got caught off guard you should be able to hole up in any room. Guess it half ways rubbed off on us. We're outfitted for a zombie holocaust. I even got a flash bang…Preacher is one of those survivalist who had some military grade stuff. I helped myself to one before I dumped his ass last time. You guys are welcome to whatever." Vix rattled in reply then scrunched up her nose. "What are we gonna do 'bout The Olds?"

Juice had been asking himself that same damn question. The club house was gonna be tight as it was, no way could he move four senior citizens in. "I ain't got a clue... send 'em on another cruise?"

Vix grunted then sighed, "We'll think of something... I'm gonna call my sister, tell her to meet us at Parker Place."

XXX

The call to her sister was not going as planned. "What do you mean you can't run home? It's not like I'm asking you to come all the way from fuckin' Oakland, you're IN town today."

Jaci sighed and rolled her eyes. Her morning was not going well and the cryptic call from her little sister was irritating her when it probably should be concerning her. Distractedly she answered, "Vix, I've got a client in twenty minutes. Now I know that Charming isn't a huge thriving metropolis by any means but by the time I leave, get to the house, you tell me what ever all important, can't possibly wait until I get off work news you have and get back to the office, I would be late. So you're just gonna have to drop whatever bomb you got on me now or hold your tongue until tonight."

She should have shut up then but she was on a roll and Vix was getting the brunt of some misplaced office aggression. "I can't be up and leaving work all the freakin' time. Someone has to earn some damn money. At this rate maybe you should looked into becoming a certified nurse assistant or something and not a hairdresser... your salon hasn't been open a full week since the grand opening." Jaci ranted as she held the phone in the crook of her shoulder and used both hands to frantically search her desk for her pen that seemed to have grown legs and scurried away. She finally spotted it and grabbed it. "Ok, spill it or hold it, sister. What's it gonna be?"

Vix took a deep breath, figuring well hell, you asked for it, and then blurted, "Gemma was raped by Weston and a couple of his goons."

"WHAT?" Jaci gasped. The prized pen plopped back on her desk, forgotten. Vix had her full attention now. "Oh my god. When? Is she ok?"

"Happened back when she had her wreck…wasn't any wreck, that was her cover story. She's been keeping it a secret until now." Vix replied and relayed what details Juice had told to her.

"Holy shit." Jaci breathed and sat down in her chair. "That's horrible."

"Yeah, you see why I wanted you to come home?"

"Sorry." Jaci shook her head in disbelief but then started thinking over the past few months with any and all interactions with Gemma. There had been a few odd moments. "She's said some weird stuff since then..."

Vix nodded on her end of the line. "Yeah, she warned me away from Weston and them more than once, like adamantly. I noticed her acting weird a few times but she always said she was fine."

"Yeah and we've had so much shit of our own going on we didn't think to press her." Jaci rubbed the space between her eyes and felt selfish and self absorbed. "So what's going to happen now or is that a dumb question?"

"Oh Hell shall reign down for sure." Vix replied. "Just wanted to give you a heads up. Let you know the monsters we're dealing with are even worse than we thought. Hey…speaking of the Hell reigning…the guys need to supply the troops so to speak. Need to raid our arsenal."

"Ok…take anything ya'll need…just leave Dad's .30-.30. Pretty sure the guys don't want a deer rifle anyway but I don't want to lose a family heirloom. Everything else is fair game."

"Cool, thanks." Vix said and looked to Juice, giving him a thumbs-up. "I'll keep ya posted. Be careful, sis."

"You too. If you see Gemma, let her know we're hers…whatever she needs."

"Will do…see ya." Vix replied and ended the call.

Juice looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "That was a pretty harsh way to…"

Vix shrugged. "She told me to just tell her so I did. Said to take whatever we need outta Parker Place. Let's go."

XXX

I'm a liar…so it seems
My desire could justify anything
So is there nothing that lies in between
This cold silence and a scream?
~Listen, Toad the Wet Sprocket

Tig leaned back on his ass and pressed his back against the tub. With his knees pulled up and his head in his hands, he sucked in a series of deep breaths. His stomach was in knots partially due to normal side effects from tripping on 'shrooms the night before but more due to the fact that he'd just tried to fuck his best friend's wife. "What the fuck? What the fuck?" He hissed as he smacked himself in the head with the heel of his palm.

Going to Gemma's had been a horrible idea. He had left the clubhouse after hearing the rape news and was completely spun out, half hung over from the drugs still in his system, half drunk from the whiskey he had slammed down at the clubhouse before heading out to gather Clay's stash of guns. On the drive over, he had been thinking how his life couldn't get any worse…his club was in shambles, he was alone after pushing Jaci away for the last time and he had spent the prior night in a field apologizing to an Indian doll that kept morphing faces from Donna to Jaci. But life could get worse. Knowing what had happened to Gemma at the hands of LOAN had broken something in him. He couldn't even imagine how lost and alone and hurt she had been feeling for all these months, keeping that horrible secret to herself.

Gemma had looked so fragile that morning and he hated that. She was NOT fragile, she was a Class A ball buster and he was furious that someone had ripped that fire out of her. He had just wanted to help her, to fix her, to set her back to right. Hell, he had wanted to set himself back to right. Granted, he probably could have helped her just by talking to her but as always his emotions took a sexual route. They had gotten so wrapped got up in each other's pain that before either one of them knew what was going on, faces were slamming together and he was pushing her up against the wall in the hallway. Thank God they had stopped before it had gone too far.

But now, sitting in his dingy bathroom floor, he sure as shit didn't feel fixed. No, his pain lied with other women. He sat and thought for a long moment about how get that burden lifted off his back once and for all. It would be a brutal and messy process but it was one he had to do…now. He stood up on shaky legs and rinsed his mouth out with water at the sink. After splashing water on his face a few times he finally left his house and fired up his bike.

XXX

Jaci's client had been a real pain in the ass; guy was drowning in debt but hadn't wanted to compromise on anything. She had finally lost her patience and told the guy 'fine, do it your way and see what happens.' The client had been stunned, frowning then not so politely reminding her that she was supposed to help him which allowed her to remind him that help wasn't easy. Help was not a finger snap instant solution to all problems…sometimes help was painful and full of sacrifice. Finally after a very blunt chat, he had seen the light and made some self-sacrificing concessions.

She stared at the closed door of her office after the guy had left trying to remind herself that she did in fact love her job. She was short on patience for trivial things after hearing about Gemma this morning from Vix. It was hard to grasp something so horrible,so out of bounds happening. And the fact that Gemma had dealt with the horror by herself for so long made Jaci sick to her stomach. No one should have to walk that path of trauma and grief alone.

You may be right…I may be crazy… Jaci's head jerked around at the sound of her cell phone ringing. She frowned thinking that surely her cell must be having a malfunction of sorts, no way was HE calling her. She picked up the phone and stared it but when she saw the name Kevin displayed, her alias for Tig, she knew it wasn't a mistake. Instead of answering, she hit the ignore button, ending the call. The last thing she had time for this morning was his bullshit. Two minutes later the Billy Joel song fired up again, Tig wasn't giving up.

"I have NOTHING to say to you." Jaci breathed tiredly into the phone.

"I need to talk to you." Tig replied in a quiet tone.

"If it's about Gemma, I already know."

His heart stopped and he tried to get her to clarify, thinking he was busted somehow for his sickening indiscretions of the morning. "Gemma?"

"I know what happened to her, Vix called me."

"Oh." Tig replied and swallowed hard with relief that his secret was still safe. That was one he and Gemma would hopefully be taking to the grave. "It's not about that."

"Well in that case, we've said more than enough to each other lately. We're done with all that. Fuck you, goodbye." She spat and started to pull the phone away from her ear.

"Jaci, please."

She froze upon hearing please, that wasn't a word that readily came out of Tig's mouth. She held the phone and stopped breathing. A moment of silence passed before he spoke. "You still there?" She grunted the slightest bit and he began to plead his case. "Look…I just…I need to talk to you. Just come outside for a couple of minutes then I'll leave you alone. Swear to God."

"Outside? Are you in the parking lot? We are NOT doing this here!"

His patience was wearing thin. "Yeah, we are. Either come out here and talk to me or I'm coming inside. You've got five minutes." He waited a half beat then added, "I don't wanna make a scene, Jaci. Don't wanna put you through anymore…whatever, ok? Just come talk to me."

She listened to his plea/demand and decided he sounded off in a big way and that honestly scared her a little. She argued with herself in her head for a moment on what to do but she didn't doubt for a second that he would come barging into her office if she declined to see him voluntarily.

"Ok, just stay outside…I'll be right there." She ended the call and grabbed her purse, telling the office secretary she was heading to an early lunch.

XXX

In the parking lot, Jaci spotted Tig standing at the rear of her car. She kept her eyes locked on him as she walked over. "Well? Talk."

He shook his head and nodded toward her car. "Inside."

"Fuck that." She spat back. On the walk from her office she had conjured up every long forgotten news story about some poor girl's crazy ex storming an office building and killing her and a few innocent co-workers. Now her certifiably unstable ex was wanting to 'talk' out of the blue and demanding that she be isolated in her car. She suddenly wished she had text Vix to let her know what was going on…just in case she was about to become a statistic and the lead story for the 11 o'clock news. "I'm not getting in the car with you."

Tig rubbed at his right temple like his head hurt. "Jaci...come on, this shit's between you and me." It was only then he really took a close look at her and registered the emotion on her face. She was pissed but there was fear there too…she was scared of him. His heart dropped as he realized just how broken they had become. "Jesus…you think…I'm not gonna touch you." He held his hands up in earnest. She eyed for a long moment before deciding to believe him and finally popping the locks on her Mustang. She hoped she wasn't a complete sucker as they took their seats and shut the doors.

He stared out her front busted windshield and his eyes landed on the dents in her hood and the cracked side mirror that he had caused during his roadside tantrum. No wonder she's scared of me. He cleared his throat and nodded toward the damage. "I'll pay to get that shit fixed." She growled that she didn't want his money and he smiled sadly. God, she really did hate him but he supposed that was ok. He was just going to take them to rock bottom in a minute anyway, probably better that they didn't have far to fall.

Jaci glanced over at her ex and took in his appearance. He looked like shit, his color was ashy and his eyes were red rimmed. She noticed that he couldn't keep his hands still, they fluttered from resting on his legs to balling up in fists to running through his hair; he was in a word…twitchy. "Are you high or drunk?"

"Little of both." He answered honestly. "Did some 'shrooms last night, fuckin' bad trip. Been drinking this morning to calm down but it's just fucked everything up."

"Nice." She retorted, sarcasm and distain thick in her voice. She had never known him to do anything more than pot when she was with him. Maybe life without her sucked though and he needed something harder. Wow, THAT'S the man I loved? He's a fuckin' loser and I'm an idiot.

It was then her eyes landed on the bruise midway down the side of his throat. Her stomach dropped involuntarily with hurt as she realized the bruise was actually a hickey. She guessed she really couldn't complain, he was single and free to fuck anyone he wanted, it just hurt to actually see the evidence of it. "Nice hickey." After he didn't offer an explanation, she raised her eyebrows and stared at him. "So what's so goddamn important?"

He was a wreck in the seat next to her. On the drive from his house, he had planned out exactly what to say but seeing her had made him forget it all. Being next to her just brought all the pain and hurt front and center and he felt like he was smothering. He shook his head violently for a second, trying to focus but it was a lost cause. He decided just to ramble and hoped it made sense. "Ok, …ah, goddamnit. I had everything planned out but now you're sitting here scared of me…that's so fucked up. Fuckin' hate that." He stopped abruptly and tried to focus, even pushing the palms of his hands against his eyes as he took in a deep breath.

Jaci watched him with sudden worry; she had rarely seen Tig this emotional. Sure, she had seen him furious but never upset like this. The anger she felt toward him began easing down as curiosity and concern rose in its place. Something was very wrong.

"I'm at the end of my rope here, Jaci. I can't do this shit anymore." He blurted and glanced at her for a second then back down to focus on the gearshift knob. "I thought I could handle it but I can't do it, just can't." He shook his head slowly. "Before you came along, I could just push stuff down, fuckin' bury it. I didn't feel shit…no remorse about nothing, you know? I was fuckin' hard."He hit his chest with his fist to emphasize his point. "Nothing got in, I didn't THINK, I didn't FEEL. Then you went and ripped a big fuckin' hole in me so now this shit…it's fuckin' awful. It's eatin' me alive."

His rambling wasn't making any sense. "Tig, what are you..."

He didn't acknowledge her interruption, just kept on rambling. "But it's ok, you know? I mean…something this horrible, I SHOULD feel it. Every fuckin' second of every day, I should feel it. I deserve that." He nodded his head, agreeing with himself. "But I shouldn't drown you in lies. You deserve better than that, after all the shit we've been through. I'm tired of lying…do so damn much of it lately, I can't keep shit straight. I don't want to do it anymore."

Concern switched to near panic as he kept talking, especially when she noticed that he had tears welled up in his eyes. Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to figure out what had gone so wrong to bring Tig to rock bottom like this. Surely this wasn't the result of him finally seeing the light because a woman had been hurt and now he realized how much he cared. When's the last time you've seen him upset? Think about it…when has he ever been the least bit spun out? But she didn't have to think very hard, she knew, had known for months, but had just lied to herself, made excuses, had drank the bullshit Kool-Aid that had been served after it had all happened. The last time he had been upset was right after Donna had been killed.

Jaci's chest heaved with deep breaths as she looked at him. "Tig…what did you do?"

He locked eyes with her, looking so lost so sad so sorry. "I never meant to hurt you. You gotta know that. I pushed you away to keep you away from this shit but then the salon fire happened and I thought we could make it work. I mean, I know I fucked shit up but I wanted it to all work." His voice cracked slightly and he clenched his jaw. "I fucked up, Jaci. I fucked up really bad."

She felt tears welling up in her own eyes and gritted her teeth as she asked him again, "What did you do?"

"I killed her…I killed Donna." He breathed and watched her face fall as the truth hit her. She slumped back against her seat and swallowed hard. She kept looking at him and then back at her steering wheel, shaking her head. As soon as he confessed he wished he hadn't. There was more to it than the words he had just blurted and he hated himself for the sick sort of self-preservation that kicked in. He started to try and explain. "It was an accident. Stahl…she set up Opie as a rat. That shit you found in his credit report was just the tip of it. There were federal money transfers in his accounts; I found wire taps in his truck, in his phone."

Jaci felt like she was having a stroke. Her brow creased sharply and her mouth started to form the word 'what' but neither action completed, it was like her brain just short circuited. Instead she leaned forward and rested her face in her hands against the steering wheel as Tig came completely clean about his actions. Tears started to stream down her face as she thought about Donna, that beautiful mother being ripped away from her kids, from her husband and the fact that she had loved the man that had pulled the trigger.

"It had to happen. I didn't know what all he'd told them, how long it had be going on…could of brought the whole club down."

She noticed he was being very careful to say I, but she knew there had to be more people behind it all. You didn't just decide to pop a brother on your own, it was a group decision…or at least a power decision. There was a WE and she was pretty sure the other player was Clay, there was no way any of the other guys would have voted yes. She remembered Tig telling her all those months ago that Op had cleared everything up, that everything was fine. That was probably the story the other Sons had heard too.

Tig watched her cry silently and finished the last part of his confession. "The worst fuckin' part of it was that I didn't want to do it…not when it came time. I watched him with his kids and with everybody at Abel's party and I thought I could be wrong. But there was all this shit against him…I couldn't risk it…I had to PROTECT. He could have brought us all down…and that might have brought you down too, I couldn't let that happen."

The mention of Abel undid Jaci. She slammed her fist into the steering wheel as she thought about how her whole life in Charming was a fake, a sham. She had taken a huge risk coming to California, getting involved with this charter of the Sons. But she had done it because she thought family was first, that it was all worth it. She fallen in love with a fuckin' monster, thinking he had enough good in him to be saved, that he was worth it but now look where it had gotten her.

Watching her tears fall so quietly was killing him. Tig reached out with a shaky hand and touched her shoulder, only to have her knock his hand away violently. "DON'T!" She seethed.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Tig said quietly and gave her a long moment before reaching for her again. She shrugged him off again but this time she didn't let go of his hand. In fact, she squeezed the hell out of it. She needed an anchor and his hand was the closest thing, even though it was the cause of all her pain at the moment. It had been a long night and an even longer, harder morning for him and he was tapped out, nearing a numb mode very quickly. He sat stunned and staring at their intertwined hands as she finished crying. He blinked when Jaci finally let go of his hand.

Her sadness clicked off and gave way to a new set of emotions. Suddenly the car was too small a space, she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, she was overwhelmed and needed out. She looked nervously from side to side. "I can't…I can't do this."

Just as she made a move toward the driver side door, Tig hit the button on his passenger side door, locking her inside. He knew it was a lot to take in but he couldn't have her running off all crazy emotional in the parking, in her office. "No no no…just stay put for a minute."

She glared at him as sadness gave way to anger in a flash. "Really? You're locking in my own car?"

He just stared at her, sort of pleadingly, "You can't tell anybody."

"Who the fuck would I tell, Tig? This isn't something you brag about, like hey my boyfriend's got a big dick. You think I'm gonna tell anybody that I was involved with a guy that gunned down a woman cause a Fed played his ass?"

Tig took the barrage without a word in return; at least her ranting kept her inside the car. She sucked in deep breaths as she fought hard to find any level of calmness but her mind kept racing. What else has he done? What other horrible shit has he been hiding this whole time? And then another victim suddenly came to mind, another bullshit story that didn't make any sense if you thought about it for too long. "What about Jenkins? He's not just missing is he?"

"No." He didn't even think about lying.

"So that was you too? What'd you do?"

Tig avoided eye contact and justified the act, "He was down the street from your house, watching you, us, your family. I wasn't going to let him hurt you again."

"Jesus." She replied. "Is that your answer for everything? You hit a snag you just pop somebody?" She sat back in her seat and wiped her eyes with her hands. She wanted to scream at him, hit him but knew nothing would really make her feel better, nothing would fix their pain. Her voice was shaky when she finally ventured words, "Why…why tell me now? We hate each other, why tell me NOW? I mean, what do you want? You want me to fix it for you? Too fuckin' bad…I can't. I've tried to fix you for a goddamn year and I can't and …"

"I just…I wanted to come clean with you. This got between us, ruined me…ruined us." Tig averted his eyes from hers. "There's no fixing this…it is what it is."

She blew out a breath and nodded her head along numbly with his statement. They were most definitely ruined. She fought to get her head around everything that had happened. Twenty minutes earlier, she had been trying to hate Tig, had been working on becoming completely happy to never see or speak to him again. But now suddenly, instead of the violent angry monster she had seen the last two weeks, there was this damaged shell of Tig sitting next to her. A very spun out, very remorseful, very human individual. Days ago she had loved him, where was all that supposed to go? The truth about Donna had rocked her to her core and she wasn't sure about hardly anything at the moment.

"What do I do with this? Now what?"

"There isn't a now what." Tig shook his head and answered sadly, "I don't think you'll have to do anything with it, Jaci. I just wanted you to know. It explained shit." Satisfied that she was calm, he shifted in his seat, unlocked the doors and put his hand on the door handle to leave.

The desperation in his voice flipped a switch in her head and she realized that the confession had been about more than just telling the truth, it had been a goddamn goodbye. "You're lying right now. There IS a now what…you're going to tell him, aren't you? You're going to tell Opie the truth." She saw him drop his eyes and before he could start to squirm she cut him off, "Don't start lying to me again, Tig. You're gonna tell him."

He finally nodded and panic bloomed involuntarily in her gut. She shook her head at his foolish redemption path. "He'll kill you."

"I can't keep going like this, Jaci. I'll take whatever I got coming to me. I just didn't want you thinking it was an accident if something happened to me. I wanted you to know I deserved it."

"You've got a goddamn bullet coming to you! If not by Op, then by Clay." She watched him frown at the mention of the SAMCRO President. "Don't think for a second, I believe this shit was all your idea. If by some goddamn miracle Op doesn't kill you, Clay will, you know that, right? Ratting on yourself is ratting on him."

As she spewed too much logic, Tig suddenly regretted his confession. He realized that he messed up; it would have been easier if she had thought everything was an accident. What the point of causing her all this pain if he was just going to die? He should have left her in the dark. Stupid fucking idiot. He shook his head in frustration with himself for messing up again then unlocked his door, pushed it open and climbed out.

"Tig, wait!" Jaci called out. He stopped and finally bent down. The pair locked eyes. She couldn't think of anything to say, by this point she was just as spun out as he was. It seemed wrong to want to protect him after what he had done but it seemed even worse to stand by and let him get hurt. Or was that what he deserved? She didn't know.

He saw the hurt and confusion in her eyes. At least she was confused, that meant there might be a tiny shred of love for him left. He drank her in her dark hair and her fierce green eyes and a shockwave of memories flooded over him. They had had a good run, it could have been a lot better but there had been some good shit between them at times and that was something. A ghost of a smile crossed his face and he nodded at her. "Take care of yourself, Jaci." He said quietly and shut the door.

She blinked tears away as she listened to him fire up his bike and roar out of the lot. As he rode to TM, he could admit a tiny part of him had wished she had had some brilliant plan to fix everything for him but he knew deep down that impossible. The best he could do was to get the weight off his shoulders once and for all and live or die with the consequences.

XXX

Jaci had spent the rest of her 'lunch hour' trying to get a grip on the Donna confession and what the fallout might be. She had made it through the rest of her work day by some miracle of automatic functioning. Now she sat at home alone. Lord knew if she ended up having a nervous breakdown, she didn't need an audience. The silence was brutal and teasing, either Op had taken the truth entirely differently than she had feared or the Club was still trying to cover up the horrible outcome.

Her phone had finally rang at seven thirty. Upon seeing Tara's caller id, she cringed, fearing the worst. She could just picture her friend calling from the ER at St. Thomas while she looked over Tig's dead body. But instead Tara had told her two things, prefaced with the warning that the doctor wasn't sure Jaci would care about either item. First thing was that Kipp's manhood implant had indeed been ill-fated. He had a nasty infection and was now at the hospital having the stupid thing removed. And secondly, Tig had gotten in a fight at the garage, she hadn't known the details, figured he had ran his mouth to one of the guys about something and they had had enough. His face had been busted up pretty bad. She had seen the damage first hand and had cleaned him up.

Jaci thanked her for the info and hung up the phone. She wandered down the hallway to her bedroom in a bit of a daze, utterly confused by Opie's actions. If Tig had confessed, was a beat down all he had coming for punishment? Was Opie lying to Tig, assuring him the same way Clay and Tig had done to him? Everything's fine, just relax…then the death blow would come later? Who all had seen the fight? Was it even Opie that had hit him?

She groaned as the endless questions started swirling in her head. Staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she went round and round on the topic of Donna's death for the millionth time that day…how it had happened, why it had happened and the only certainty she had come to was the fact that there was more than enough blame to go around for the tragedy. Sure the bulk of the guilt lay at the feet of Clay and Tig for making a shitty decision behind everyone's backs but she couldn't help thinking she had done more than just leaked info about Op's finances.

You went and ripped a big fuckin' hole in me. Tig's words kept swimming to the forefront of her mind. He had accused her of making him feel where before her, he had been cold. Under normal circumstances, in a normal relationship those words would be a compliment. But as it was, his emotional shifts were a liability. They had made him weak…or maybe that was the wrong word. He wasn't weak but he wasn't strong enough. She had been with him long enough to make him start re-thinking his actions, his way of being in day to day life, but they hadn't been solid enough, long enough to make any permanent changes.

She got the sick feeling if the Op situation had occurred early on in their relationship, Op would be a dead man. Tig would have never hesitated, would have pulled up next to him in the car and shouted something before shooting him in the face. Or if the hit had happened later in their relationship, Tig would have changed his mind completely about taking Op out, might have even told Clay they needed to wait. But as it was, the test came right in the middle of things with them. Tig had hesitated, had stopped and thought…which was a good thing…but not enough to prevent any trouble. He and his conscience had flinched just enough to fuck things up.

Her mind flashed to her Uncle BB…he had always had a lot of rules for his girls when he came to being around the club but perhaps the most important one was the seemingly most simple…Don't fuck anything up. Tears started to fall from her eyes as she realized she had fucked something up big time…she had fucked up Tig. She had tried to fix him, to pull that good she knew he had in him to the forefront but had only succeeded in making a huge mess of things, including his head.

All the looks from people, the little words of caution from people…they had known what they were talking about. There was no happy ending, there was no finishing what you started, neither one of them were going to leave that relationship BETTER than they had started it. There had just been a lot of emotion that left them both more screwed up than they had been before the day they met each other.

Don't fuck anything up. So much for that idea, they were both broken now with no fix in sight. She started to cry harder, sobbing before she knew what was happening. She sunk to the bathroom floor and didn't even try to fight the breakdown. She cried for Donna, for Op and his kids, for herself, for Tig, for every kiss and touch between them, for every harsh word, for every lie. After that wave had crashed and started to recede, another rounds of sobs hit and she cried for her sisters, for Chibs and Juice being hurt and for Gemma and the horrible attack she had suffered and kept quiet for so long. She cried for the Club that was turning out to be a sham and for the whole damn God forsaken town and knew she hated and loved them both.

XXX

That night at the clubhouse, Opie stared at the Reaper carved into the table after listening to Clay make assurances they all wanted to make amends, to get passed what had happened to Donna. What had happened…that wasn't the right way to say it, what had been done to Donna was more like it. He glanced at his brothers, even the ones he now hated. "I wanna keep this shit quiet; doesn't do the rest of the club or my family any good to know the truth."

Everyone around the table nodded solemnly except for Tig, who sat perfectly still but said quietly, "There's one more." Clay frowned at him. He swallowed hard. "There's one more…that knows. I told Jaci before I came to Op."

A muttering of disbelief snaked around the room. An incredulous look over took Clay's face. "You told your ex goddamn girlfriend…who HATES you?"

"Why would you…" Op started to ask.

"Stahl was going to tell her." Tig lied. He had told Jaci the truth because he figured as soon as he told Opie, he'd be dead. He was actually still sort of stunned to be alive and sitting at the Chapel table. "Stahl knew what we did, how she made Op look. When we were in County lockup, she said she was going to tell Jaci. It was just a matter of time before she dropped the bomb. I didn't want her hearing it from someone else and then asking around about it."

Clay ran his hand over his mouth. "She HAS to keep her mouth shut."

Jax glared at both of them, "Or what? What's she gonna do, tell Op?" The betrayed VP shook his head in anger and stared at Tig. "Fuckin' asshole, putting that on her. Like she needed to carry that shit around on her conscious."

"Dick move." Bobby muttered.

"How'd she take it?" Jax asked with concern after a long moment. He knew his sister in law wasn't stupid about the goings on in the Club, sometimes violent things happened but her moral compass would be just as outraged as he had been about the whole horrible thing.

"Bad…hates me." Tig replied. "She'll stay quiet though…she's club born and bred. She understands shit."

Op frowned. "She's gotta come in for lockdown, no matter how much she hates you. Can't have her in the wind with Zobelle and those shitheads out there. Someone needs to talk to her."

"Absolutely." Tig replied. The thought of Jaci being hurt like Gemma had been made his hands curl into fists on the tabletop.

Clay pointed a finger at Tig. "Not you, asshole…you've done enough."

"I'll talk to her, first thing in the morning." Bobby volunteered and got an approving nod from Jax.

XXX

Vix dropped onto the sofa next to Juice and curled her legs up under her, sighed and informed "Well, I just saw Ms. Sadie and Ms. Millie off to the trip they conveniently won to the Weekender Spa. We'll fanagle the cost baby, keeping The Olds safe is important. It'd be just like those scumbags to pick on the old folks next."

Juice rubbed his hands down his face. "Yeah I know. I talked to Henry, he and Gram have been meaning to go see his family, tell them the wedding news. Apparently, his daughter Gwen is a hot mess... won't take the news to well."

Vix smiled, "Hot mess, hmm?"

He sighed and pitched forward, elbows resting on his knees, looking back over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, I know, Vix-speak is starting to seep into my everyday lingo. Trust me, the guys are noticing."

"Ok, so we've squared them away." She announced with a smile then nodded, licked her lips and eyed him. "Don't even think you're shipping me off somewhere. Oh no, I ain't leaving, you know me better than anybody. I'm a Parker. I was raised to always be ready to nail the flag to the fuckin' mast and go down with the goddamn ship!"

Juice sat staring at her then he shook his head, blushing and chuckled. "I'm sorry... I was seriously waiting for you to jump up onto the coffee table, raise your fist in the air and start shouting 'We've Not Yet Begun To Fight!!"

Vix glared at him but then rolled her eyes and added her laughter to his. "Yeah, well when that happens be sure to record it. We'll get a million hits on YouTube."

She suddenly sobered and took a shaky inhale. "I'm scared shitless, Jean." Blowing out a breath she continued, "Yesterday, hell, this morning, I was deep in my little bubble of happiness. Now, our world is being Fed-ex'd to Hell in a hand cart - murder, malice, lying, cheating, stealing... now, gang rape! Jesus Christ!"

Tears spilt over, running down her cheeks. "Who in their right minds would want to bring a baby into that shit storm? It practically constitutes cruel and unusual punishment. How am I supposed to do this? I have a goddamned throbbing headache and with the shit that happened with Abel... I'm scared to death to down two Aleve. I'm going through nicotine withdraw and if there was ever a call for a shot of Jack D... "

"Woah, woah, woah, woah! Listen to me." He turned towards her, practically grabbed her by the shoulders, but then loosened his grip, sliding his hands up and cupping her neck. "You're NOT your sister. you're NOT your mother. There is a huge fuckin' difference between shooting crank and poppin' an aspirin. As for the world, it's been fucked for generations. Just calm down, let's evoke a little tunnel vision, kay? Let's focus on getting us - me and you through this mess. Do what we can to see everyone we care about clear of it too."

She nodded as much as his hold on her allowed. He swallowed around the emotions threatening to clog closed his throat, "There is no one else on this planet that I trust more to see that kid through whatever life tosses at it, than you." Juice chuckled, because if he didn't he was cry like a goddamn baby, Fierce mother, will get a whole new definition."

Vix blinked, cleared her throat and swallowed hard. "I think you have more faith in me than anyone I've ever known. But you're right. I would walk into Hell for my family."

He nodded, "That's my girl." Leaning in he kissed her lips then pulled away and stood up, "Let's go."

"To?"

"I'm gonna get you two Aleve, a shot of Jack, a cigarette... then I'm gonna fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again."

XXX

Once the tears had dried and Jaci had composed herself, she felt the overwhelming need to talk to the one person that would understand all the shit in her head at the moment…BB. It wasn't too late at night for the call to scare him, he'd probably be home by now, maybe just finishing up with supper. She found her cellphone and sat down Indian style on her bed and dialed her uncle. He answered on the fourth ring with an enthusiastic, "Hey there, J-bird."

"Hey." She smiled sadly. He seemed to be in a good mood and here she was about to mess it up. "How are things?"

He recognized the sadness in her voice instantly. That was a gift he had acquired over the years of raising the girls, he could judge their moods in two seconds flat just by hearing a word or catching a look. Jaci was worried about something. "Well, things are good in my neck of the woods…but you only seem to call me these days if something's wrong, so what is it this time?"

His observation was sad but true and she was honestly sorry for it, knew she should call him and Roxy more often without any ulterior motives. "Sorry….I need some advice."

Sighing he stood up and stretched his back. He had been tinkering on an old car for a friend out in the garage but the mechanic-ing could wait. After he grabbed a fresh beer from the ancient fridge and took a swing he finally replied, "Let's hear it."

"Well…we might need to use the pre-paids." She cautioned and heard him mumble shit on the other line but he obliged and a few minutes later, they were on secure lines.

She gave him a rundown of the shit-storm that had been brewing in Charming up till that morning. She didn't want him hearing about any of it through the MC grapevine so she spilled the beans about Chibs being hurt, the guys landing in jail, Juice being shanked and how Spawn had been killed and how Vix had went toe to toe with a few guys that had probably later killed Luann.

"Jesus Christ. So that's white surpremistists, Nords, true IRA, scumbag porn producers…am I forgettin' anybody?" BB asked.

"Well, you can probably toss in the regulars…Mayans and Niners and there's some Chinese coming into play now but I don't really know about it all."

BB muttered another curse under his breath and closed his eyes. "Why didn't you call sooner?"

"Well…everything's happened so fast and all…but there's really nothing you guys can do about any of it." Jaci replied, then paused for a long moment, working her way up the through the levels of awful reveals. "There's more though, BB." She gave him a very condensed version of what she had learned about Gemma's attack and that it was the same crew that had burnt Vix's salon to the ground.

He took a long moment to let the last bit of shocking news set in. He shook his head sharply to prevent himself from even putting his wife and girls in Gemma's shoes, knowing he'd go crazy if something like that had happened to any of them. "So what's the play on that?"

"I figure revenge is coming swift and hard, hopefully be over in a few days."

"Well, you know what I'm gonna say here, J. Times like this you keep your head down, your mouth shut and do what's needed of ya."

"Yeah." Jaci replied lamely, knowing she was still holding out on a full reveal to her uncle.

"All that's horrible shit but you guys will make it through. The Club will make that shit right, no doubt about it." BB paused for a moment then added, "You know I ain't all that religious…but God gave you strong shoulders for a reason, Jaci. People need to lean on you now and you're better at carrying weight than others, we both know that. You just keep on doing what you do."

"Yes sir."

"AND…anybody outside that MC comes at you and yours, you take em out, J. Watch everybody's back, don't let anybody else get hurt if you can stop it. I know Vix's is more of the physical one but you're no dainty flower. There's a time for talking and a time for...well you know. Don't sound like no amount of talking is gonna fix shit out there."

"So much is happening out here…I swear it feels like we're burying ourselves."

"And no one has the good goddamn sense to stop diggin'?" BB retorted but listened again to the tone of her voice. "What're you NOT tellin' me? You haven't mentioned Tig in this whole little convo. Ya'll break up again or something?"

"Yeah, hell probably a few times since you last heard."

"He cheat on you?"

"I wish...I know how to deal with that." Jaci replied and took a deep breath, here came the hard part. "The reason I called, the advice I really need…I know something I shouldn't know, BB. And it's really bad, I mean, I can't tell you what it is…it's that kind of bad."

BB felt his heart skip a beat and knew his girl was in deep shit. He nodded along even though she couldn't see him. Another father would have yelled and screamed until she had cracked with the truth but he knew if Jaci was willing to hide something from him and tell him she was hiding it, it was for the better of him, her and the club. He was oddly proud of her for keeping quiet but at the same time pissed off and worried for her. But he'd go to Hell and back before he'd break her trust in him.

"Ok…let's dance around it and see where we get. It's bad and it has to do with Tig?" He heard her very quiet reply of yes sir and kept up his questions until he knew enough to be dangerous. Putting all the pieces together, BB surmised that Tig had told her something club related that she had no business knowing and now she was scared. The possibilities of what was really going on were damn limitless and it frustrated the hell out of BB. "Goddamnit…you never should have started shit up with Trager."

"I know. We fucked each other up more than we ever helped. I broke your Golden Rule."

"Yeah…well…you got a big heart…its bound to fuck you over a time or two in your life, baby girl. Who all knows that you know this thing?"

"I'm not sure, it might just be him." Jaci sighed heavily. "BB, I don't think I wanna be out here anymore."

"You feelin' crosshairs on your back over this, Jaci? If you think for a second that…"

"No no no. Nothing like that." She stammered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I just…I don't want to be around this place anymore. I can't stay out here."

"This thing you know…it have anything to do with the Gemma situation?"

"No."

"Then you tend to your responsibilities for now. Look after your sister and Abel…look after Gemma. They'll need you. With that other shit…it sounds like you're neck deep in quicksand. What do you do in quicksand, J?"

She thought back over all years of useless facts and advice she had amassed from him and the other guys in Bama. "Stay still."

BB agreed, "Exactly...stay still, stay calm, trudge through real careful and you'll find a way out. Move too fast and you'll get buried. You get what I'm saying?" He asked very pointedly, hoping she was listening to what all he wasn't saying. "That's my official club friendly advice."

"Yes sir." Jaci replied and suddenly she did understand perfectly. Until she knew how she played into the whole Donna drama in relation to the club, things needed to appear business as usual. Anything sudden moves on her part would just spark a panic in Tig and Lord knew they had all had enough panic lately. She'd see that Zobelle and his crew got what was coming their way, see Gemma through anything she might need, watch out for Vix and then she'd figure out an exit plan.

BB took a long swing from the beer bottle that was now warm in his hand. "But here's my official Daddy advice… you feel the SLIGHTEST bit of heat over that shit you know, anyone looks at you cross eyed over that shit…you bail. You hear me, J? Don't tell anybody…just hit the road and call me."

To be continued….

Stayed tuned for our version of LOCKDOWN. And there will be Kozik…oh yes, there will be Kozik!