It Ain't No Sin To Be Glad You're Alive
Chapter 3
Hershel's eyes followed his youngest daughter as she cradled Judith, and then went to get the baby's bottle. There was something different about her, and he thought he knew what that was. He noticed the way Beth looked at Rick and how studiously he avoided looking back at her. If he had feigned indifference then Hershel might have overlooked it, but the former sheriff's deputy was trying too hard not to give himself away.
He sighed and cast his eyes down to the floor in sorrowful contemplation. His daughter was humming to the baby and appeared to be buzzing with happiness. He took no pleasure in knowing that he was about to burst her bubble.
"Beth, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me," he said in the way he used to when she was younger and had misbehaved.
"Okay, daddy," she replied with a hint of fear over what he was going to ask, although she already suspected.
"Have you slept with Rick?" He asked in a calm voice that belied his inner turmoil.
Beth swallowed hard but she was prepared to take the consequences of her actions.
"There wasn't any actual sleeping involved, but yeah," she said brazenly.
Hershel shook his head wearily.
"I don't know which of you I'm more disappointed in," he let out a heavy sigh.
"Don't you go looking to blame Rick for any of this; he didn't force me to do anything. I went willingly, very willingly. I love him, daddy," she tried to plead their case.
"Oh, Bethy, I thought you were smarter than this. Don't you see the trouble this could cause?" He questioned.
"Rick doesn't want to upset anyone, especially not Carl, and he was worried about what y'all would say when you found out about us. He tried to put a stop to it, but I wouldn't let him. I love him so much, and I'm not gonna give him up," she vowed defiantly.
"You have to. If he can't walk away, then you must," Hershel was insistent.
Beth was about to angrily protest, but he cut her off.
"If you love him like you say you do, then you'll leave him be, and we'll say no more about it. If you carry on you'll destroy him, and Carl, and most likely this whole group too," he said.
"No, I don't accept that. We can talk to Carl, and everyone else, they'll come around, you'll see," she argued with desperate optimism.
Hershel shook his head.
"I'm begging you, before it's too late; you have to put an end to this today. I'm giving you the chance to show me that you're as grown up as you seem to think you are. If you don't, I'll go to Rick myself," he warned.
"Why? You're not even giving us a chance. Maybe everyone else won't be as bull-headed as you. Maybe they'll think he deserves to have the support of someone who loves him," Beth speculated.
"The Governor is still out there, and God knows what else. This isn't the time for distractions; there are too many people's lives on the line here," He countered.
"But I love him," she said in a small voice.
Her heart sank as she reluctantly acknowledged the truth in her father's argument.
"Despite everything, Rick is a good leader, and we need him. His son and daughter need him, and all the people here need him. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go, not because you want to, but because you know it's the right thing to do," Hershel counselled.
Beth's eyes filled with tears and she was defeated. She nodded her understanding and got up to settle Judith down in her crib.
Beth watched Rick from afar as he enjoyed a brief moment of respite with his son. She had been looking out for a moment to get him alone all day, but he was always surrounded by people. There was always somebody who wanted to ask him something, or needed him for one reason or other. He was the centre of their little world, and for all its hassles, he seemed to really relish it. She knew it was selfish of her, to want to hold onto him when there was so much else at stake. But her feelings for him were so intense, that the mere sight of him sent electric pulses through her body culminating at her centre. It was a new feeling, but one Beth couldn't get enough of, and she wasn't sure she was ready to give it up, or even if she could.
Hershel kept a watchful eye on them both, but he didn't say anything. Beth assured him she would do the right thing, but to her that still meant being with Rick. They hadn't even tried testing the waters with other people, and she wondered if they really would be as judgemental as Rick and her father feared. After all, the world was a different place now, and the important priorities in life had been reordered. She couldn't help but think that who a person was sleeping with was no longer at the top of the agenda of things to be concerned about, so long as they were two consenting adults.
Rick caught sight of Beth from across the cell block, and he surreptitiously made his way over to her. They hadn't made any plans to meet up again, after they'd had sex the previous evening, and he could see she was looking quite forlorn. He assumed the reason to be because of his reticence over their relationship. But he had been unable to carry through with his intention of putting a stop to it. He knew he should keep his distance, because that was the sensible thing to do. This time, he didn't want to obey his natural pull towards pragmatism. After doing so much for other people, just this once, he wanted something for himself. It wasn't the kind of love he had with Lori; that took years to build. But he felt there was real potential for it to become something meaningful.
"Hey, you okay?" Rick all but whispered standing as close to Beth as he dared.
"We need to talk," she replied without turning to look at him.
He nodded and moved nearer to her.
"Follow me out to the yard. We'll find someplace quiet," he instructed in a low voice next to her ear.
They went outside under Hershel's watchful gaze and found a spot away from everyone else, in the old machine room. Rick pulled Beth to him and passionately kissed her. But he soon released her when he realised she wasn't responding.
"What's wrong?" He asked with confusion.
Beth looked deep into his eyes, and for a moment she couldn't make any words come out. She wanted to kiss him back, and more besides, but her father's words were echoing around in her head.
"I shouldn't have argued with you last night, when you wanted to walk away. You were right, we can't be together, and we have to stop this now," she said with as much conviction as she could muster, although there were tears in her eyes.
Rick looked shocked; he ran a hand over his face and then through his hair.
"What changed?" He asked.
"Daddy knows. He's promised that he won't say another word about it, but he made me realise how selfish I was being," she explained.
"I, I can talk to Hershel, I was planning on doing it anyway. This doesn't have to be the end for us," he argued.
Beth shook her head.
"No. Don't make this any harder than it already is. I'm going to turn around and leave now, and we'll just go back to the way things were before," she clenched her jaw and tried to stop her tears from falling.
"And you can do that? Because I sure as hell can't," Rick questioned angrily.
"I thought it was what you wanted," she cried.
"I thought I did, but then I realised that this, us, means something to me, and I don't want to let you go," he said his voice cracking with emotion.
It had been one of his big failings with Lori; to not tell her how much she meant to him when he'd had the chance. He wasn't about to profess his undying love for Beth, but he did want her to know that she meant something to him.
She couldn't hold back the floodgates any longer and shuddering sobs started to surge through her body. He reached out for her, but she evaded him and started to run for the door. He moved swiftly to catch up to her and pulled her back against his chest. She fought against him at first, but then she wrapped her arms around him and wept against his shirt. He maneuvered her over to the guard's desk and gently eased her back against it. Then he started to kiss her, and pulled off her pants while she helped to undo his. He was ready and he needed to get inside her as fast as he could. She gasped as he entered her with one hard thrust and started to pound into her. This was the first time they'd done it unprotected, and she had to admit that it felt amazing to feel every part of him. She was worried about the possibility of pregnancy though.
"Don't worry, I won't come inside you," he whispered as if he could read her concerns.
Beth smiled and let the pleasure take over as he worked her to completion. He slammed into her and when he was on the brink of orgasm, he pulled out and let himself spill over her smooth exposed skin.
When they had caught their breath and cleaned up as best they could, Beth realised that they were back at square one.
"What should I tell daddy? He'll be waiting for me when I go back," she fretted.
"Just tell him what he wants to hear," Rick said.