Chapter 16

From the bottom of my heart: Thank You!

Dan has never once been a man of faith. From a young age he has known that the sacrifice and loss in life is too large in its number for there ever to be an omnipresent, omnipotent mystical spirit above them all. Life would surely not cause so much pain if there was someone so all-forgiving and so great. Not at all. Humans would not turn to murder like mere animals consumed by blood lust and the ones he loved would not break his heart in two.

But for one glorious moment, he is certain he can see heaven.

Because suddenly he's falling out of the chair, shrouded from the shooter and he lands behind the coffee table that's arranged just in front of the chair. And somehow, he's staring up at Serena van der Woodsen, and she is looking back at him, and she is so beautiful.

Serena's eyes are wide with something that looks like surprise or possibly anger, lacing throughout the several complex and weaving shades of blue in her eyes. Her body is pressed into his, arms braced above his shoulders as her chest heaves with exertion. And if this is heaven, he doesn't think he minds admitting to being wrong in his beliefs. He doesn't mind at all.

She doesn't say a word, and then suddenly she is clambering from his body, shoving him back down when he attempts to follow her lead. He's completely disorientated, finds the room spinning sickeningly as she crouches behind the coffee table, arms locking in position and pointing a gun at the man in the doorway. Vaguely, he thinks he can register the loud pops that explode inside his ear drums, reminiscent to some sort of bullet sound. Are there bullet shots? Is this real? Is she really back?

Why does she keep saving his life if she doesn't want him in hers at all?

He tries to push up again, flinching when he hears the sound of bullets flying around him, mostly flying free from Serena's own gun. Her eyes are narrowed, unrelenting and furious as she pulls the trigger over and over again with no hint of remorse. And in this position, in this expression that she's been masking all along and the absolute malice he finds there, he sees for the first time the assassin that he had been struggling to find within her all along; the woman that opposed the dream of which he'd molded her; the reality which absolutely conquered his fantasies like some unforgiving beast.

"Dan, get down!" She yells, ducking beneath the table again.

It's the shock that forces him to stay stuck still, transfixed on her. Serena grabs his shoulders and yanks him down just in time for a bullet to skim past his ear. Missing by mere millimeters.

"Dammit, Dan." She hisses at him between the gunshots, eyes wild with fire. "What were you thinking? You idiot."

That last part doesn't sound as though it's directed towards him.

"Me?" He almost- yells anyway, feeling the bitter betrayal rise into his corrupted lungs once again. "What the hell were you thinking by leaving in the first place?!"

"I was trying to protect you, you ungrateful ass." She snarls, turning once again to shoot the man in the doorway.

She must almost be out of bullets. He knows her tell. The look on her face screams of terror, and her eyes keep glancing towards the door to their right which leads to the kitchen. That's where she keeps a spare gun, hidden in the fruit bowl. This is just one of the dozen of things that he's learned about her over the course of the time he's been spending with her.

"Dan, I need to get to that gun."

"You don't have any more on you?"

"In my car, yes. But then I saw the other damn car outside and I didn't have time to grab them."

He understands what she's really saying: you make me panic.

"What do I need to do?" He asks her, not really remembering when he began to trust her implicitly once again.

"Be my cover, Dan." She says, pressing her gun into his hands and eyes staring directly into his. "There's one bullet left. Don't aim for anywhere that could kill him, okay? We need him alive. Just...Distract him."

"Distract him. Right." He repeats breathlessly, hand curling around her gun.

"You know how to shoot one, right? From all your researching from that one mystery novel of yours?"

Even admist this raging war he finds his lips curling upwards. Teases her. "Why, Serena, if I didn't know any better I'd say you're a hardcore fan."

She rolls her eyes at his comment. "My own research, Dan. I had to know as much as possible about you before heading after you to kill you."

Serena turns to leave and he raises himself to gauge the distance between himself and the other shooter. The shooter has now currently hidden himself around the corner of the door, head popping out briefly as his eyes scan for Serena.

But before she leaves completely, her hand touching his shoulder pulls him down with a gentle tug. Her hands curl there as she sways towards him and presses a chaste yet tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. He can taster her apology hidden there, a secret that he'll keep to himself despote not being able to forgive her just yet. They need to talk. Now is not the time.

Serena's eyes lift to his for a moment as she pulls away, and he feels something strange pass between them. Before he can finde the time to dwell on it, she's already ducking down and sprinting to the kitchen door.

Dan lifts from his cover, finds the shooter has poked his head around the door frame again and he releases the safety catch, finger tensing around the trigger as he studies the guy. He's never shot anyone before in his entire life. When he'd been doing any sort of research, he was shooting at dummies, at paper targets. Not real life people. People with a working heartbeat and functioning lungs. People with nerve endings like fire and thoughts whizzing around their brain. People just like him- killers or not.

His finger relaxes on the trigger for a brief moment, a sudden wave of the unfairness of this situation dawning on him, something humane settling disjointedly into his lungs. Is this what he has become? Thinking like a trained killer?

His eyes flicker to Serena briefly, watching her sprinting across the room with no emotions playing on her face. Has he started to become like her? Thinking like her? That's not what he wants; he wants to stay as he is.

But when his finger lifts from the trigger, a bullet whizzes past Serena just as she flies through the door, narrowly missing her.

He's not quite sure what happens. there's no coherent thought in his mind at this point, not even the last strand of a thought that he can catch onto. It slips from his fingers like ribbon when he tries to remember even the barest scraps.

He just knows that one moment he's watching Serena and pondering upon the complexities of human beings, and the next minute, he's standing upright and the guy with the gun is on the floor. Hands wrapped around his throat to stem the bleeding. The shot of a bullet echoing over and over again in his mind until he's numb.

Serena practically falls into the room at that moment, gun poised and turning straight to the man in the doorway. She catches sight of the gunman and flounders for a moment, before throwing the new gun aside and running over to him, panicked.

Serena's hands cover the man's bleeding on the floor, turning to Dan with wide, alarmed eyes.

"What have you done?"

The words are barely a whisper, but they make him flinch.

He drops the gun in his hands and stumbles towards her, towards the man he's just shot. He's just shot a man. He's just shot another human being.

Dan closes his eyes. Presses his hands into them until he sees all-white. Breathes in. Out. Shot a killer. A threat. A man. A killer. Shot. Murder. A Killer. Murderer. Not just in your book anymore.

"Serena-"

"Don't...Dan, don't."

Dan falls to his knees before the pair of them, watching the man's wild eyes flutter as his hands tremble beneath Serena's, choking on his own blood. Yet somehow admist the panic and the utter desolation, the man finds Serena, his eyes widening and lips curling upwards. Sadistic. More of a smirk of victory than the violent smile of a dying man.

"Funny." The man chokes. "Al- Always though-" He coughs, spilling blood everywhere.

Dan's hands reach out for the man but Serena shoves him away viciously, practically growling at him as her stained crimson hands collide with his chest. Anger flaring behind those mask of eyes.

Serena's hands press down on the man's throat, exhausting him of his last few minutes on Earth. Alive.

(Murderer).

"Who do you work for?" She growls.

The man laughs, blood spitting in her face. She doesn't even flinch. Dan watches in horrified awe.

(Murderer).

"Who do you work for, dammit!" She cries as the light begins to fade from his eyes.

The man's hand raises limply, outstreched towards her chest but drops suddenly, unable to muster the energy to complete the action. Serena's eyes widen suddenly, brain figuring out the logic faster than he can this situation. The situation of a murder.

(Murderer).

"You work for the guy who shot me?"

He feels bile rising his throat, and he needs to leave before he pukes his guts up on a dying man. But nothing can make him leave. He's transfixed on this scene; the bubble of blood beneath her hands; the unflinching anger sketched into the hard lines of her face; the thump of his heart in his chest.

"N-No." The man gurgles, chucking somehow. It's the most disgusting sight Dan has ever seen. "I- I- Put...That there."

"You..." Serena whispers, hands suddenly weakening in their movements.

(Murderer).

His eyelids flutter again, the light all but gone from them now as his head lolls back onto the wooden floor. Useless. Crimson blood staining his body, the hole in his throat, leaking from his mouth. Everywhere. On Serena's hands, her clothes, her hair. Blood of her attempted murderer. Blood, blood, blood. Everywhere. It's too much- not enough. Punishment. He deserves punishment- But it's not his fault. Not his fault. The guy was trying to shoot her. Surely that counts for something?

"No!" Serena yells, shaking the man's shoulders despite the fact that they both know it's too late. "Tell me who you work for! TELL ME!" She roars, tears leaking from her eyes in desperation. "TELL ME!"

Silent. Silence. Nothing, no one, no life. Nothing. Silcene- He's gone. There's nothing. Useless. Blood.

(Murderer).

Dan reaches out for her again, needing to touch her. Just to remember. Why he's done this. He needs something to anchor him to reality right now and usually that's his morals, his goodness. Now it's her; a cold-hearted assassin. Aren't they just the same in all aspects now? Before it had just bee a fascination with murder. The need to glorify the dead who couldn't speak for themselves. His writing and her, a lawyer. Now they're both murderers. How has this happened? When had he become the bad guy?

Serena flinches when his hand wraps around her shoulder, but he instantly relaxes at the contact. Real. She's real. This is real and this is okay, they can work through this somehow. She is alive. She is so gorgeous.

"I love you." He tells her.

She turns her eyes to his, wiping at her tears with her hands. He stares at the streak of scarlet she leaves there.

"Dan." She croaks into the silence. "Oh, Dan, what have you done?"