A/N: I was really sick yesterday and there is a lot of stress in my household ATM to I couldn't update. Mum is having tests today (medical) so pray for her please that she okay and nothing is amiss
Anyways, onwards to the story! For the song, sing it in your head with the tune of the Misty Mountains from the movie :) words are mine
Thanks for all the review guys, keep it up!
This chapter is more of a filler, really. It's kinda fluffy. Im making Thorin a nice man because I think Kili needs someone by his side instead of constantly facing anger, hatred, etc. Plus, Thorin is smart and there is no reason he should blame Kili.
Anyways, hopefully in the next chapter I'll figure out what to do to show the extent of Kili's mental state and put some action. He can't heal quickly, I'm afraid.
Kili dropped to his knees. He continued sobbing. All the other dwarves looked at him sadly, some shaking their heads and others sighing. Thorin, however, was huddled around Fili, feeling for pulse on his neck.
"Oin!" He called out. Oin ran to get his aid kit from the pony and returned, studying the arrow wound. Thorin looked at him, waiting for good news.
"The wound is not too bad." Oin decided at last. "Azog has very bad aim, so the arrow mostly grazed his side. It didn't fully enter his body." He told Thorin, smiling sadly. "Don't you worry. He will be up and well in no time."
Kili watched, still on his knees and barely blinking. Thorin sat beside Oin as he took out the needed medical equipment. "The arrow won't be too hard to take out." He informed Thorin. "The head is not embedded in his body. He is lucky. The wound is not serious." He reassured Thorin, who nodded in return.
Suddenly, Kili felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to find it was Dwalin.
Dwalin smiled and knelt down beside him, grabbing his shoulders tightly. "How are you feeling, boy?" He asked. Kili only stared at him in response, tears refilling his eyes. Dwalin sighed. "He's gone, don't you worry. He will never mind control you again, I promise."
Dwalin had always been there for Kili. When Kili was a child, he would always run to Dwalin for help, comfort or simply to talk or play. Dwalin was like a second father to him, after Thorin. Kili sniffed then, and Dwalin remembered the days when Kili would come crying to him when he just a babe. In truth, Kili was still nothing but a child.
"I don't want to live anymore." Kili whimpered. "I messed everything up. I... I can't look anyone in the eye... I just want to be away from everyone."
"No, don't give me that stupid talk." Dwalin said firmly. "If you run away, Azog will find you again. Next time he won't have mercy on you. You stay with us. Plus, Fili would want you by his side when he wakes up, and your uncle would need your support."
"Fili would never want to see me... I hurt him." Kili said, exasperated. "I hurt him, I hurt uncle... I almost killed Uncle! I almost killed him was it not for Fili! Dwalin I was going to kill Thorin!" He yelled out, stammering. Dwalin held him in place.
"Kili, look at me." Dwalin ordered. Kili still thrashed around, but he looked at Dwalin. "What you did was wrong, but you were not aware of it. Focus on Fili's health now, and then you can fall into regret after we've reclaimed Erebor. By then, you will understand that it's not your fault. Now," Dwalin stood up, pulling Kili along, "stop moping around. Fili needs the attention and the care, and we don't want another child to babysit." He said, smiling.
Kili, however, began to tear up again. "I am so sorry, I don't want to burden anyone. No one needs to babysit me. If anything happens let me die, let me get injured or I'll. Don't look out for me." He said. "I don't deserve anything."
"Kili, snap out of it!" It was Bofur this time. "It's hard for you, boy, but being so pessimistic won't help you, Fili or Thorin. You're brave, lad, you've made it this far. I know you ca get over this too. Stop hating on yourself, you're only adding more trouble to yourself. Do you hear?"
Kili flinched at Bofur's surprisingly harsh tone. But they were right. They were all right. However, it was not as easy as it sounded. "I'll try my best," he said at last, "I promise." He exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know if Thorin would want go see me now." He admitted. "He will never trust me again."
Bofur sighed. "He will have a hard time trusting you, you're right," Dwalin elbowed him sharply, "but he will get over it very soon. Thorin is smart." He added.
"Go see your brother while we all clean up and fix camp." Dwalin told Kili. When Kili didn't move, he nudged him. "Go, go!"
Kili made his way between the dwarves, feeling them eye him weirdly. "He's got short hair!" Gloin exclaimed mockingly as he saw it for the first time. "I bet Azog made him do it to himself. What else did he make you do to yourself, Kili?"
Kili bit down on his lip and walked quicker, ignoring the snorts and snickers from the other dwarves. He stood beside Thorin, who was sitting down and singing to Fili as he ran his fingers through Fili's hair.
Thorin did not seem to notice his presence, for he kept singing. His eyes were focused on Fili.
The dwarves of Durin
Always being brave
The strength within them
Made all their enemies... Run with fear
They fight through illness
They fight through pain
Known for intelligence
And bravery so reckless
Kili sniffed.
Thorin stopped his song and looked up at Kili. "Kili? How long have you been here?" He asked, not unkindly. Kili looked at his sleeping brother, now bandaged up and looking peaceful.
"How do I apologize?" He asked in a low voice.
Thorin raised an eyebrow. "Apologize? Kili..." His fingers stopped playing with Fili's hair, and he looked at the ground. "Kili, don't worry about that now."
"How can I not?" Kili asked. "I wanted to prove myself to you, to show you I was worth living and worth coming on this quest, and I only did the opposite. The extreme opposite. I almost killed you..." He bit his lip. "And Fili is hurt because of me..."
"You had no control over what happened, child."
"If you want to punish me, do so. In fact, please do so. Punish me in the hardest way you can." Kili pleaded.
Thorin sighed. "That I will, don't worry. For now, let us watch for your brother. Oin says his wound is not grave, but there is a chance he will get fever. Fever is bad." He said.
For the next while, Thorin continued to sing for Fili, while Kili stood beside him. Thorin felt a new sadness fill his heart as he felt Kili stand still behind him, simply watching him as he sung to Fili. He wanted Kili to be by Fili's side, or bugging him in any way possible. He wanted Kili to sob into his shoulder or to hug him close. He wanted, for once, for Kili to act childish and young again.
But was he ever going to see the same Kili again?