HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN! So I decided to do something special for you since this is technically your first birthday that I've been friends with you so, with a lot of help from some friends, we wrote you a bunch of mini fics to one shots to ficlets on a whole range of your favorite Once characters. Have an absolutely fantastic, amazing, awesome, hilarious magical birthday you lovely lady. You absolutely deserve it you Emma Swan you ;) Hope you like them!
10. Snow doesn't get over the role she played in Cora's death. In fact, she deteriorates. Emma realizes something's up and has to intervene before she does something drastic.
Written by: Saskia
TRIGGER WARNING: mention of depression, suicidal thoughts and actions. Please do not read if this will cause you pain in any way.
Seven devils all around you,
Seven devils in your house
See I was dead when I woke up this morning
I'll be dead before the day is done.
(Seven Devils, Florence + The Machine)
It did not matter how many times Snow had the same nightmare over and over, it always ended the same. Her running into the room and finding Regina cradling her mother's body close to her chest, tears streaming down her face. It always ended with Snow imagining Cora transforming into her mother and laying a rose on top of her corpse. A scream would echo into the night, piercing the air as Snow cried out until her throat became raw. Charming's arm would instantly go around her shoulder, soothing her, lighting a candle and then trying to get her to sleep again. But the sadness was enveloping her, a shadow she could not escape.
One night, the sadness had gotten even worse following the nightmare. The darkness when she closed her eyes began to scare her and she clutched her arms tighter around her. Her tears found her pillow and she finally heaved herself from her bed. Arriving at the doorway, she felt a small smile cross her face upon seeing her sleeping husband. But even Charming's face was not enough to chase away the monster that she could feel eating her alive. She made her way down the stairs and proceeded to make a cup of cocoa. If anything, at least the drink could give Snow the nostalgia she was craving of happier times. As she waited for the kettle to come to a boil, Snow heard a small sound from behind her. Emma stood in front of the counter, rubbing her eyes as she attempted to wake up. The gestures made her look like a child awoken from a bad dream and Snow had to smile at her daughter's weariness.
"Emma, what are you doing up?" Snow asked, wiping her eyes once more to make sure no stray tears were visible. It was hard to go through this monster alone but she did not want to have to worry or burden her family with what was happening.
"I could ask you the same thing," Emma replied while smirking. She came closer to the counter where the kettle was beginning to boil. Sensing a strange air around her mother she stepped closer. Despite Snow's best attempts, Emma would always be able to see through her mother's wall. After all, she was not the only one who had one. Taking her mother's hand, she squeezed it and looked right into her mother's eyes.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Emma asked, concerned for her mother. Snow simply smiled it away, taking two cups down from the cupboard. "It's nothing Emma, don't worry." Emma bit her lip and pondered the situation. She knew trying to convince her mother to tell her what was the matter was like pulling teeth but she had to know. She instead decided to simply sit with her while they drank their hot cocoa together. Snow could feel her resolve disappearing while trying to talk animatedly about any subject that came into her head. Emma finally set down her mug and brought her mother into a long hug. Snow closed her eyes to stop the tears from slipping from them and pulled away. Emma kept ahold of her mother's hands as she whispered: "If you ever need to talk, about anything, I won't be far away." She gave her mom one last smile and quietly walked back up the steps. Snow drew her arms around her, sunk down onto the ground and finally let herself truly let go.
Snow woke with a start the next morning, her hand hitting nothing but mattress as she sat up. She frowned before finding a note on Charming's pillow: "Gone to the stables with Henry. Emma is probably still sleeping. See you sometime this afternoon. Remember, you can overcome anything, love your Charming."
Snow continued to frown before putting the note back down. Everything seemed off about the day. There were no birds chirping, ominous black clouds swirled in the sky, and she could feel the monster tugging at her even harder then before. It seemed to whisper from within that there was a way she could silence all the pain and all the sadness. However it of course came with a price. Snow mechanically shuffled over to her drawer and put on her favorite sundress and cardigan. She knew what she had to do, but the consequences plagued her mind. She could imagine her family visiting her grave, Emma sobbing at her gravestone; Charming hugging their daughter long after their friends had left. But somehow Snow knew that she had to conquer the monster and there was, in her mind, only one solution. Walking up the stairs, she peered into Emma's room one final time. Her daughter lay in her bed facing her mother, still sleeping but with a smile spread across her face. Snow put her hand over her mouth in order to keep a sob from erupting from her being before literally (practically) walking out of her daughter's life. Snow made her way back downstairs and tearing a piece of paper from a notebook, took a pencil, and sat on one of the bar stools.
She had never really imagined what she would put in her final note to the world. But she could only think of a few words, and through tears wrote: "Maybe we will all find each other in another life. Always, Snow." Folding the paper in half, she put on her favorite hat, coat and cast one long look around the apartment through tears. Her eyes finally came on the only picture the family had taken together. Henry sat on his mother's lap, chin in his hands as Emma rested her head on top of his while smiling. Snow and Charming sat beside the two of them both also smiling as they both had their arms around their daughter and grandson. Snow picked up the picture, tucked it into her pocket and set off towards her destination.
This is it, Snow thought, standing on top of the railing of the "toll" bridge. She felt the soft wind pick her hair up a bit and she felt a single tear slip down her cheek as she began to let her fingers go from the pole. "MOM! STOP, DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN," Emma cried as she ran and threw herself towards her mother. She grasped her fingers just in time and held on as tightly as she could. "Mom, don't let go, I've got you. I love you" Emma spoke through a strangled voice as tears streamed down her cheeks. Snow hung onto Emma's fingers but looked down and then back up into her daughter's face. She could see a million emotions on her daughter's face, but the most apparent was fear. Fear was what etched across her face, fear of what was to come, but most of all a fear of losing her mother. The look on Emma's face brought Snow back to a moment not so long ago when her and Emma were still in the Enchanted Forest, standing in front of the torched wardrobe that had been Emma's salvation.
"I was angry at you for so long, wondering how you could choose…to let me grow up without you. But after seeing all this, you gave up everything, for me, and you're still doing that. I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm not used to someone putting me first," the final words snapped Snow back to reality. And reality slapped her across the face while she hung, her life literally hanging in the balance. She could let go, let the monster win or she can fight. Fight as she always has, fight as she always will. And it's in this moment that she made her decision. She tightened her grip on Emma's hand and her daughter nearly gasped. "Mom?" she asks, the single word barely slipping from her lips. Emma helped her back onto the bridge with much effort and then they were sitting there hugging as if they would never let go.
"Don't ever do that again, do you hear me?" Emma asked between raspy tear ridden breaths. Snow's not quite sure who cried harder that day but she knows that she will never again think of death as her only solution. She knows all she needs is her family. As long as she has her family, she has all that she needs, and she is home.
Anyone catch the 'If I Stay' novel reference? If you didn't you totally need to read the book asap it's amazing. Also Megan, sorry if this was a little sad on your birthday but hey it had a happy ending so I hope that makes up for it!