PART FOUR:

Facing Reality

NOTE: My opinion is that all we see in the episode 'Forever in a Day', from the moment Daniel loses his hold on the handgun at the end of the teaser, until his sidearm reaches the ground, is only imaginary. I believe that all events occur in the vision Sha're was sending her husband through the hand-device. So this fic tries to show what might happen when Daniel wakes up in the infirmary, this time for real.

All my grateful thoughts to Stonedtoad, the wonderful beta who finds time to help me with this stories and without whom I would never have posted anything… Thanks a lot!

Headache. That was the first thing Daniel felt waking up. For a second, he couldn't remember anything. But it was just a blessed painless second, which fled like any other second. The next moment, it all came back to him. The message from Kasuf, going to the coordinates his father-in-law had given them, setting the Abydonians free, seeing her, following Ammonet in the tent, the ribbon-device, the physical pain… And then the strange dream. Or was it a dream? Yes, kind of. Dream, vision, something like this. He had to forgive Teal'c. He'd done that, right? Well, probably not completely, but he'll do it in the days to come. He had to find the boy. He'll do it. He promised he would, so he'll do it. And than the imaginary scenario ended abruptly and again, he was caught in Amaunet's hand-device. And then… a shot… and she fell… and told him she loved him… and then… she was gone… Gone. Forever. Dead. Oh, God!

He lost her. Why did he have to live any more…? He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to face reality…

"Daniel…? You awake?"

Jack. His friend had been sitting by his bed for a long time, Daniel thought. So he decided to open his eyes and live again for now…

"Hi," he said, but hardly could he take a glimpse around him, that Janet was already shining a penlight in his eyes. Just like in his dream…

And just like in his dream, he saw that Hammond, Carter and O'Neill were all there, while Teal'c was standing in the doorway. But this time he didn't want to hear the same conversation. He remembered everything. Her death, his short discussion with Jack, the way back to the Stargate, arriving home, the check-up, and a sleeping pill. It was all there in his mind; he didn't need somebody to remind it to him. He knew damn well that she was dead… And it hurt.

"Hi, Daniel. How are you feeling?"

"Headache. Not a very big one, though," he answered to Janet's question.

"Ok. I'll arrange for some medication," the petite doctor said before leaving Daniel for a moment in the capable hands of his friends.

Silence again. Only than had Jack seen the great sorrow that was mirroring itself in Daniel's clear blue eyes. Man, they had to do something to help him… But he couldn't say anything… Instead, Daniel himself was the one to speak first.

"Come in, Teal'c, you don't have to stay in the doorway…." Daniel's words surprised everyone, but especially the Jaffa.

"I am indeed sorry, Daniel Jackson. It is I who am responsible for what had happened. I assure it was done only to save your life," he said while taking some steps into the room.

"I know, Teal'c. I think I should thank you for saving my life, but I just can't do it now, so…"

"I understand," the Jaffa told him in return.

"You know, she asked me to forgive you," the archaeologist continued.

"She did…?" was the only thing Jack could say.

"Yes. In the message she sent me through the hand device."

"Ah, about this message, Daniel, we really need to speak…."

"Later, Sam," he cut her off. "Right now, I… can't think of it."

"Ok." Carter didn't want to make her teammate suffer more than he already was, so she didn't push the matter any further. When Daniel would be able to talk to her, she'd be there.

"May I… may I see her?" He asked uncertainly, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He needed to be strong now, so he never let them drop. And he needed to go once more to the morgue… just to convince himself this was real… Oh, God, how it hurt, just the thought of Sha're in a morgue hurt more than he ever imagined…

This time, he didn't need a wheelchair, because he was totally able to walk. Jack and Teal'c came with him, making sure their friend was going to get through this experience. The colonel understood his wish to go to that horrible place, and, although he knew this wasn't going to make Daniel feel better, he accompanied him.

Not seeing anything else, Daniel entered the morgue slowly. Taking him by the arm, Jack guided the younger man to where a dead body was laid on a metal table, covered with a white sheet.

The archaeologist wasn't realising what was happening to him. But when the material was taken off her face and he saw the beautiful features frozen, and the death-pale skin, reality struck him. Yes, yes, it was real. There was no doubt now. She was death, her corpse exposed in the morgue. He felt a terrible pain in his soul, and had to lean against Jack as the painful memories swirled around his mind. O'Neill made a small sign for the nurse, ordering him to cover the body again, and Daniel felt he couldn't take it anymore. The pain was too deep and too fresh. He wanted to run away and to escape the truth, but he knew that wasn't possible. Sighing, he left for the infirmary again, Jack and Teal'c following him.

"Daniel," Janet said with some tablets in her hand, "these are going to ease your headache. Take one now and one in the morning."

"Are you releasing me?"

"If General Hammond allows, yes. From my medical point of view, you're physically all right. And… well, I don't think you should stay here any longer than needed. General?" Hammond was still there; he had waited with Sam the whole time.

"Very well. Doctor Jackson, you can take some time off. I think you need it."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Ok, Danny-boy, so you're coming home with me."

"No, Jack."

"No, Jack…?"

"Jack, I really need some time… on my on. I have to think about all this and decide what's going to happen with my life. I hope you can understand that."

"I do. But I want you to know we're here in case you want to talk to us."

"Yes, Daniel, we'll be here. We're your friends and we want to help you. If you need us, well, we're here."

"Indeed we are, Daniel Jackson."

"Thanks, guys, but… just not right now."

"Ok."

"Ok. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for leaving the base."

"As you wish," the Jaffa nodded and exited the chamber.

"Bye for now, Danny," Jack said also, and, followed by Sam, he too left the room.

"Son, I'd like to say you can also talk to me if you want."

"Thank you, Sir."

Hammond stepped out of the infirmary and finally Daniel was alone.

But it was worse. While the others were there, he managed to keep off the horrible thoughts that were hovering in his mind. Now, with the solitude went the memories. She was dead. He couldn't save her. It was all his fault. He'd lost her. Forever. Why? It was all so unfair… It hurt. He wanted her back. Not possible. God! He hated the Goa'uld. How could this be happening? And why?

It felt like his heart had been slowly torn apart by pain, by incredible pain. His soul was screaming at the unfairness of it all. But what could he do? She was lost. He'd never be able to hold her again, and…

He violently shook his head. He couldn't continue thinking about it. He'll think when he got home. There he could grieve and mourn her death properly. But not now, and not here. If he started to cry, he won't be able to stop. So he had to keep fighting away tears. He had too…

Sighing, he looked at the civilian clothes, which were lying on a chair next to his bed. Not allowing himself to fall into a sea of thoughts again, he quickly dressed and left the infirmary, saying good evening to the nurses that were looking at him with pity filled eyes.

Wishing he won't have to meet anyone else, he hurried to the way out of the facility, but his wish didn't came true. Just by the entrance, Jack and Sam were waiting for him, talking to the soldier on duty there.

"Yes, Sir," the young private said, answering to an order he had been given.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

"Well, we thought you might need some help, and just in case you changed your mind and accepted --"

"Sorry, can't do that. I… need some time on my own. Please understand…"

"We do, Daniel, and we're here for you…"

"I know, Sam. Thanks."

"Ok. But at least let my drive you home."

"Jack, I… don't think it's a good idea."

"Then take a facility car and a driver. I don't want you to drive… after that sleeping pill."

'…and in this condition,' the linguist guessed what the real reason was.

"Ok."

"Ok."

Sam didn't understand how could the colonel let Daniel go just like that. But Jack knew that solitude was just the thing his friend needed more for the moment.

"See you, guys, and thanks for everything," the archaeologist said after another short moment of silence. He turned to the waiting soldier and signed out, preparing to leave. But hardly had he taken ten steps that he heard Sam's voice calling his name. He stopped, but didn't look back.

"Just in case you need anything, give us a call."

Nodding, he exited the corridor, not hearing the short discussion his teammates were having.

"Major. Let him go," Jack had told Sam with a little reproach in his voice. "We'll have all the time in the world to comfort him, but right now he really needs to be alone… with her memory…."

END OF PART FOUR