02 - #48. unknown
Eren isn't fond of her. Or so she thinks.
Said mom, "close proximity always makes hearts part". Apparently so. Back when they were still strangers, he used to look at her with even warmer eyes than he does now. Actions more gentle, and words an edge more kind. It makes her wonder in nights alone and days without him that maybe he doesn't need her anymore, that perhaps he's now strong enough to step out of her protection and to leave her behind. Leave her desperate, defeated. Alone. Fleeting thoughts, she tells herself, and forces them away very often, but after days of thinking she starts to dread the moment they become strangers again.
Sometimes she thinks, maybe it's just the way she acts. Constant nagging, with even more constant protecting. Over time she knows that her every attempt to protect Eren will just turn out to be one more time treating him like a baby, but life just isn't fair that way and she's scared of what will possibly happen to him once she's not nearby. So be it. Let him hate her. She's willing to pay that price, as long as he's safe, to hate her again like he means it.
But sometimes she thinks, maybe there's something about her look that he just doesn't like. After all, they are different – their races are different; time after time she feels the numbing pain in her arm and is reminded that she is an Oriental, an outcast, the one who doesn't belong. Nine feet underground with the rest of her clan, maybe, but never here, never will be here. Annie was right, was detestably right: she's not one of them – her eyes hold no light and hair dark as night can never find its way into a lover's arms. She's not- so of course, of course he would like another girl. Hell, even she would like to be another girl. Someone with bright blonde hair and eyes as blue as his. Someone with a smaller frame, prettier smiles, and knowing how to defeat him without using sheer force. Someone very unlike her.
Someone weak enough for him to protect.
The one she can never become.