I WANT TO JUST SAY I'M SO EXTREMELY SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING THIS. I've been having the worst case of writers-block with Malec and I've been on a Jonathan kick lately, just because Malec has been making me so utterly sad and upset, so I had to take a small break. AGAIN I'M SORRY. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME, CAUSE I DO LOVE YOU GUYS.

Also that last chapter was me being too lazy to write the conflict between Alec and his mom so I just skipped over it so now there's only a week left until the Fashion show and the Malec date, and then soon (sadly) the end of this story; another reason I've been sad. But every story must end.

So stick with me I promise to be better about updating. I swear on this Fandom!

One Or Two

I had once again managed to sneak out of Warlock without meeting up with Magnus for the fourth day in a row. It was Sunday and I collapsed onto my bed when I finally returned home only to be called down to dinner by my father who had come home two days ago. He wasn't exactly in a pleasant mood since his election or whatever wasn't going the way he wanted. As an over all the Lightwood men were all depressed with thick gray thunderous clouds looming over our heads. Jace was having extreme issues with Clary and her family which seemed to have more secrets and surprises than a midday drama, like apparently Jonathan was her brother, and Jace was having his own mental break down that left the rest of the family in an awkward silence as we ate mom's cooking.

Magnus had taken to messaging me every day at least once a day whether or not he would be attending classes or not, and he didn't. So at school I could relax enough not to worry about seeing him, but at Warlock Fashions I was a jittering mass of nervous that could barely focus on what I had to do. The fittings, the practices, everything was so intense and serious that Woolsey took to yelling at me for never getting my smile right. I seemed to be the only one enduring the monocle man's wrath at full force, whether it was just because he was stressed with my performance or because I was avoiding Magnus like the black plague I wasn't entirely sure. Probably a strong combination of both.

"Alec," Isabelle knocked on my door. It was long after dinner and I had buried myself in my blankets trying to ignore the painful throbbing in my chest every time I thought about Magnus -which I always was. His handsome face smiling, his evergreen eyes sharp and clear with a slight squint from smirking, his large hands that were soft and warm. He had taken up a permanent residence in my head and it was slowly driving me mad. "You okay?" Izzy asked as she closed the door behind her.

"My life has become a swirling vortex of emotional turmoil and silver glitter. Does that answer your question?" I replied flatly as I stared up at my ceiling.

"Are things with Magnus that bad?" She inquired plopping down at the end of my bed. "I thought you two were getting along fabulously. Late night sleepovers and playing dress up. Did your shoes not match your belt or something?" She joked.

I groaned and buried myself further under the navy sheets pulling a pillow over my face so I wasn't visible to the world. I just wanted to disappear into a black hole that would spit me onto a planet without another living beings so I could wallow all alone.

"Jeez, Alec I was just kidding." Izzy said pulling the pillow away and staring down at me. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can date Magnus." I admitted and my heart practically twisted in half in my chest. Tears stung the backs of my eyes and my throat tightened painfully.

"Why?" She asked, her expression calm yet serious.

I explained my encounter with Storm and how I agreed with her. How could i date Magnus when we couldn't tell anyone? It wasn't fair to him. I felt horrible about it. My stomach had been a mess for the last four days, my heart either pounding in my chest out of admiration or throbbing from the pain of making my choice. Izzy listened quietly until the end just like my school breakdown. It was comforting that my sister wasn't all about herself, that I matter to her.

"What should I do Izzy?" I asked desperately as I sat up in bed. I could feel that my hair was a static mess like a horror wig, but my sister didn't say anything about it as she seemed truly deep in thought.

"You have two options." She stated holding the right number of fingers on her hand as she spoke. "You can either tell everyone that you're gay so you don't feel to helplessly guilty, or you can keep your secret and just give up on Magnus." She looked me right in the eyes, showing how serious she was being.

"I can't tell anyone. That's the problem." I said clenching my fingers around my blankets.

"Then you should give up on Magnus. There's no future if you can't be completely honest, Alec. Why do you think Jace is having such issues with Clary? They're always too honest with one another, but that just means they can make it work. . . Eventually." She explained, and it only made me feel worst.

"Could you give up Simon?" I questioned.

Her midnight blue eyes widened in surprise. "He still loves Clary, but even so, no. No I don't think I can. We're getting better, almost there. I think." She admitted running a hand through her long black hair.

"I can't give up Magnus." I stated pulling my knees to my chest, feeling the heavy weight of my only choice pressing against my shoulders.

"No, but you can't date him."

"Yeah." I breathed. "So it's stalking from afar." I tried to joke but it only punched a wide gaping hole through my chest where my heart was. . . or use to be.

Izzy patted my head like a dog with sad eyes."It's your choice Alec. Just don't hurt yourself." She said before leaving me alone in my room.

The tears threatened to spill, and even though I was in the safety of my room I wouldn't let them fall. I really had no right to pity myself with crying. It was my choice, my decision that I couldn't revel my secret to everyone. I was indeed ashamed of being gay. I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I didn't want Jace and others to look at me like I was a freak. I really wish I had figured all that out before I fell for Magnus. It would have saved so much pain and fighting. I was even avoiding him so he wouldn't see my detestable side.

I was startled by the chime of my cellphone ringing. I scrambled to find it, and before I could wonder who was calling at this time of night I had answers it with, "Hello?"

"Bonsoir, mon garçon aux yeux bleus." Replied a deep and smooth voice. I instantly knew it was Magnus, and my whole body reacted. My limbs went stiff with fear like he knew what I had been thinking, while my heart sped up like a hummingbird's wings.

"I really need to learn French." I muttered trying to sound natural.

Magnus laughed into the phone. I loved that laugh. I wish I could have seen him laughing.

"Then I'll have to start using Indonesian more often." He teased and my heart felt like it had just been pierced with a jagged shard of glass.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat I tried to get to the point of the call. "So what's up?"

"I needed a break." Magnus huffed and I could clearly hear the exhaustion in his voice. It was tight and slightly lacking it's proud sarcasm. "And I've been so busy I haven't been able to talk to you. I figured that made me a bad friend, so this is me atoning for my horrid sins." He snickered, and the shard in my heart was suddenly twisted.

I felt sick, but I continued the phone call. "You text everyday. You're definitely not a bad friend. You are one of the best. So don't worry about me, I know you have a crazy load of work to do."

Magnus groaned and I heard another voice calling out behind him. It sounded like Scott, probably was. "I can't wait for this show to be over. People are so irritating."

"And here I thought you were a socialite." I forced out doing my best to sound light and funny.

"You alright Alexander? You sound off." He asked and my instinctively tightened on my cell.

"I'm just tire." I lied. Thank god this was a phone call. I couldn't do this to his face. "Preparations are insane."

"Oh god do I know." He sighed dramatically. "Well break's over. Good night inspirasi saya." He said quickly then the line went dead.

I pulled my phone away from my ear and stared at it with a brow raised. What did her call me? Damn I really needed to learn French and Indonesian.

As I laid in bed trying to fall asleep I realized I didn't need to learn any languages. I had already decided I could date Magnus, so there was no point in knowing what he was saying. An admirer from afar, that was going to be me from now on. Isabelle had given two options, and I made a third. I couldn't date, but I couldn't give him up either.

Option three: continue loving someone who you know you could never be with.

STORM: Welcome, Alec, to the hard life.

ALEC: At least I'm not alone.

STORM: *punches him in the arm*

ALEC: OUCH. what was that for?!

STORM: For being an idiot.

ALEC: I already know that.

Anyway, thought I would add that since it was pretty much true. Thank you again for sticking with me. I finally got the push to finish this chapter and more chapters are on their way this week. I SWEAR. I have found the inspiration, and there's like five maybe eight chapters left until the end. I KNOW CRAZY RIGHT.

So leave a review, and also tell me me WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR. (curiosity has struck me)