Chapter 8: Apologies

Rachel and Finn sat facing each other on opposite ends of the couch in her apartment. Their seating arrangement felt oddly formal and awkward to him. He just wanted to reach out and hold her. He was amazed how far they had grown apart in a year.

"I'm sorry I ran away." He began.

"You should be." Her mouth set in a scowl. She was angry.

"You'd think that sort of thing would be easier hearing a second time." Finn said. "It isn't."

Her expression softened, "I'm sorry to put you through this again. "

Finn didn't say anything. They sat for a few minutes in silence that was almost comfortable.

"It's more complicated than it was in high school though. " He told her.

"I know." She smiled apologetically.

"Especially cuz this time there was so many other things involved, so many other things I was beating myself over already. And then when you told me I wasn't father it brought a whole load of other things."

"Like?" Rachel prompted.

"First I was upset with myself because I had ruined your life." He began, not looking at her. "All the times I had told you that you were going to be this big Broadway star. And one lonely night, took that all away."

Finn chanced a glance at her then, and continued, "Anyway when you said I wasn't the father, like I said, there were more things I found to stress about, more decisions I'd made to agonize over. Not the least of which was putting you on that train a year ago."

Rachel was silent. She loved that he was so concerned about her. At the same time though, she didn't want to make him worry about her. He finally knew what he wanted to do, and she was making that impossible.

"Can I ask you a question?" Finn inquired suddenly.

She owed him at least that much. She nodded.

"If it were mine, what would happen now?"

"I'd keep it," She said before she realized she had said it.

Finn cracked a smile, thinking about what could have been, but it quickly disappeared.

Rachel's heart softened. She loved his smile and hated herself for doing this to him. Again. She wished she had never been with Brody. She should never have broken up with Finn. She should have begged him to give New York a chance. Her heart belonged to Finn, she knew that. No matter who it was that came along and disturbed their relationship, they always found their way back to each other. How she wished she could break up with Brody now, she knew it wasn't right anymore. Try as she might to say she'd moved on, she was still in love with her ex-fiance. But she couldn't just break up with Brody either, not when she was carrying his child.

"Finn," She began, not knowing where to start. "I'm-I'm sorry."

"Me too, Rach. More than you know."

Rachel felt tears coming, she tried to fight them, but not before Finn noticed. He scooted closer to her on the couch, reached his hand up and with his thumb stopped the tear that had escaped.

"Hey now, I know the timing wasn't exactly ideal, but this isn't so bad."

"That's easy for you to say!" She exclaimed.

"No, it isn't. This is all my fault. I screwed up. Big time. It may not be my kid, but I still feel responsible." She was surprised with how calm he was remaining. That wasn't exactly his strong suit.

More tears escaped. Finn came even closer to Rachel, wrapped his arms around her and held her.

"Look, I'm not sure where we stand, and I don't know what this baby will change between us, but just know that I'm here for you if you need me."

"Thanks Finn."