Disclaimer: I don't own Thor.
Thanks so much for the reviews for the last installment. I'm really sorry this update has taken so long to get here! I hope that everyone enjoys this, and I would love it if y'all reviewed and whatnot! Thanks to everyone again!
Alphabet Soup
003. C for Cryptid
Loki found himself with a problem.
Now, this problem had been presenting itself over a vast amount of time, but only now did he find that it was - indeed - a very pressing issue.
This issue shouldn't have been an issue in the first place. He was supposed to be the Trickster, not the one who was Tricked. This whole problem was becoming increasingly frustrating, and the fact that Loki couldn't do anything about it was just as vexing.
The problem, you ask?
Loki just couldn't say no to Darcy Lewis.
Of course, this hadn't been a problem until Darcy decided - after a marathon viewing of that damned stupid Finding Bigfoot show - that she wanted to, in fact, find Bigfoot.
Or something.
"Apparently," she started as she stepped over a particularly gnarled, upturned root, "there are Bigfoots. At least, that's how the gang refers to them as. I, personally, would say Bigfeet, because Bigfoots just sounds like we're all - "
Loki interrupted her before she could go off on another rant. "Because actually looking for these creatures isn't what makes you look crazy. It is the term used to describe them."
"Hey, now - "
"And you call the people on the show the gang," he continued, drawling in an infuriatingly superior manner, "as if you are longtime friends, when in reality, you just stalk them - "
"That was one time, Laufeyson," Darcy threatened, spinning around and nearly toppling over due to the immense amount of weight in the backpack on her shoulders. Despite himself, Loki reached out and steadied her by placing a hand on her back. She turned, setting a beaming grin on him that could make other men weak at the knees.
Okay, so maybe Loki could be looped in with the "other men."
"Brother," Thor's booming voice sounded out, "do not be so quick to dismiss something such as this! I am sure Darcy is perfectly capable of - "
Loki tuned out the rest of the golden-haired god's rant. Of course Darcy had blabbed to Jane about the two of them going Squatching or whatever the hell that awful term was. And then Jane had told Thor. And then Thor, being the consummate adventurer that he is, insisted that they make it a group outing.
Oh, Loki hated them all.
Jane seemed to be on the same level that Loki was, at least. She wasn't wide eyed and bushy tailed at the prospect of Bigfoot. Or Bigfoots. Whatever.
"Darcy!" Thor thundered, pressing a hand against Jane's shoulder as the two of them walked. "Where would we be headed?"
"I dunno," Darcy shrugged, seeming suddenly chilled out. "The people on the show usually walk around and make noises."
"Like an animal call?" Thor looked genuinely intrigued.
Darcy perked up, turning to face Thor while precariously walking backwards. Loki knew potential disaster when he saw it. "Yes!" she chirped. "Yes! Like this - "
And Darcy cupped her hands around her mouth as if to amplify the sound of the most horrible sound Loki had ever the displeasure to hear.
Thor beamed. "Clever!"
And he copied her.
Loki turned to Jane, a pleading look deep in his green eyes. "Kill me. Please. Of the many questionable things I have done, they should not warrant this torture."
Jane blinked lamely at him. "If I have to endure this, then so do you."
"You people of science are evil."
Jane shrugged.
The dueling Bigfoot calls were the only thing heard in the wooded expanse of the forest. That, and Loki's constant pleas for some kind of creature to come eviscerate them. But Loki could not be so lucky, of course.
Darcy and Thor took the head of the party, calling out with the strange noises and grunts that were so often heard on the television show that really tickled Darcy's fancy more than it should. It was moments like this that made Loki really question what in the name of Odin he was doing here, with her.
But then she giggled at something Thor said, and her entire face lit up, and that gave Loki all the answer he needed.
Unfortunately enough.
"Where are we going?" Jane asked, exasperated but in a good mood. Unlike Loki who was exasperated and at his wit's end.
"Finding a place to set up camp," Darcy called. "That can be our base and then we can go out Squatching."
Loki cringed at the use of the term. "Glad to see you have a...plan."
"Oh, yes," Darcy said, her voice strange and lulling despite the crazed look in her eyes. "I definitely have plans."
"This is going to be the place of my death," Loki said in realization before turning to Jane, who just snickered and turned away from him before walking to catch up with Thor.
After a while, Darcy found a clearing that she deemed acceptable for the Squatching elite, and they set up camp. Thor did most of the work, fixing the tent in record time and only getting tangled up in the canvas once, much to Loki's amusement. Jane helped pick the exact location in the clearing, one that wouldn't fry them when the sun was out and yet one that the wind couldn't tear freely through.
Loki stared at the two tents, side by side, and heaved a great sigh. The momentary reprieve given by the setting up of the camping equipment was short. Too short. And now they had to go back to their task.
Squatching.
Darkness was settling around them as they finally made progress, leaving their campsite for yet more of the wilderness that made Loki feel increasingly out of place as they ventured through it.
The Bigfoot calls started not five seconds after they left camp.
Jane had provided each of them with night-vision cameras, expensive ones that she had used back when she was studying the fluctuations in the sky that had eventually brought Thor to her. Loki's job was to randomly snap photos; Darcy clenched her camera as if it were something incredibly precious, using her free hand to magnify the awful, horrible sounds of the Bigfoot call.
What was bad was that Loki could actually tell the difference between the two. Thor's was deep and frightening sounding. Darcy's sounded a bit like a mouse with allergies.
Each time they would emit one of those godawful noises, they'd pause for a bit, waiting for a response that Loki was sure would never come.
After one particularly vicious round of calls, a hooting sound came in response, causing the group to collectively jump.
Of course, Loki would never admit that he jumped the highest.
And might have let out a little shriek.
After Thor had thoroughly made fun of his girlish reaction, Loki snarled at him and said, "It's just an owl." He pointed over to the tree next to them. Two bright amber-colored eyes were staring out from the branches at the group. As if pushing his point home, the owl made its appearance by nudging through the branches and tilting its head to the side.
"D'aww!" Darcy exclaimed, almost dropping her camera in the process. "Screw Bigfoot, I'm going to take you home!"
The owl flew away faster than Loki had ever seen one.
Growling at her misfortune, Darcy stomped forward, continuing to emit sounds that would be better associated with a rodent in a blender. She was determined in her movements, every clumsy action was followed with an even clumsier Bigfoot call. Loki fought the urge to laugh.
Okay, he totally didn't fight it.
"Watch it, brother," Thor warned just as Darcy turned around him and unleashed a glare on him that could curdle milk.
"Yeah, yeah, wouldn't want Darcy to unleash one of her cryptids on me."
"...what does that word mean, brother?"
Jane snickered, but Darcy went from absolutely angry to absolutely beaming. "So you did do the research I told you about!"
Loki plead the fifth.
Walking back to the campground that night was an adventure in stupidity. Every turn they took, they seemed to get lost. Every minute they were out in the woods, it seemed to decrease there intellect.
As soon as they arrived at their campsite, Loki collapsed on the ground in front of the tent he would share with Darcy. He wasn't necessarily looking forward to spending a night listening to her recount the evidence, but he couldn't say that he minded enough to not be in her company. He was that far gone.
He watched as Thor started to build a fire in front of the two tents. Not close enough that sparks could catch their tents on fire, but close enough that it would be felt towards the sleeping area. Loki snapped his fingers and a brilliant orange-red flame started in the center of the pile of logs, startling Thor enough that he stumbled backward into Jane, who shrieked when confronted with the larger than life presence of her significant other.
Darcy started giggling like a child.
And a roaring noise was heard in very close proximity.
The startled reactions of everyone around were almost comical. Loki leaped up, the camera that was seated in his lap fell off and flashed, illuminating the forest and showing that nothing was there.
A silence passed over the group.
"Did...everyone hear that?" Darcy asked. It was only now that Loki noticed her fingers were twined with his.
"Yes," Jane chimed in, her voice high like a bird's.
"But nothing's there..."
The roar came again from behind Loki, followed by the rustle of bushes.
"Tent?" he asked.
"Tent!" came the shouted confirmation from all three, except Thor, who was stubbornly taking out Mjolnir.
"No, Thor! Just no!"
After trying to talk Thor off his ledge, the four of them ended up crammed in one tent for the night.
No one spoke of it the next morning.
Three days after the Squatching fiasco, Loki arrived at Darcy's apartment with the developed film in one hand and a bowl of chicken noodle soup in the other. Spending all that time in the wilderness didn't treat her well; she arrived home and immediately came down with something, and that in and of itself was enough to convince Loki that the wilds were evil, evil things and should not be investigated by two unprepared Midgardians and two...well, unprepared Asgardians.
"Here," he said, handing her the photos. "I haven't looked at them yet."
Darcy leaned forward and kissed his cheek before taking the photos and leaning back in her nest of blankets and used tissues. Loki fought the urge to be sick himself.
Loki placed the bowl of soup on the coffee table in front of her and took off the lid. Steam rose from the still-hot liquid, and Loki went to go get a spoon from the kitchen.
Just as he was about to find an eating utensil that was not completely filthy, Darcy cried out, "Loki!"
Faster than he cared to admit, he sped to the living room where Darcy lay, photos clenched tightly in her hands, her eyes wide with fright that might have crossed the line to manic excitement.
Loki walked closer, peering over her shoulder. "What is it?"
Darcy shoved the offending photo in his face; Loki's eyes grew impossibly large in his face.
The photo showed an upside down view of the forest, the lower half of Thor's body off to the side, the beaming fire, and...
"What is that?" Darcy said, eager to have someone else's opinion other than her own.
Loki blinked a few times, as if to clear his vision. In the moment in which he dropped the camera - completely by accident - he had caught this strange figure, at least seven feet tall, standing amongst the trees and looking at them with large, dark eyes, a mammoth hand placed on the trunk of the tree nearest him.
"I...believe your Squatching mission was successful, Darcy."
"I think I'm going to be sick."
End 003.