No Choice

It was like I had gone comatose. I was conscious of everything around me, but my body wouldn't listen to my brain, like my limbs had a mind of the their own. My legs barely moved as Mark led me through the streets of NYC by my hand. I didn't know where we were going, all I could stare at was our intertwined fingers and how big and cold his were. Not warm. I noted. Not warm like 'his'.

The tears had slowed to only the occasion stray, and the annoying hiccups. My eyes were swollen and felt dry and scratchy. I couldn't remember the last time I cried, maybe when I was really small, but nothing could have prepared me for the aching hole inside me that formed after I bawled my eyes out. I've heard it said people feel better after a good cry, but I didn't feel better at all. Maybe that wasn't a good cry, it certainly didn't feel good, or make anything better. Actually I think it made my life much more complicated.

Mark brought us to a halt and I stumbled over myself not to bump into him. I couldn't believe how clumsy I had become in my emotional state. It was humiliating. I wanted to curl up in a hole and never be found, but my body would not allow me to just walk away.

He knocked on a door with his free hand while the other tightened around mine. I wished I could ask him what was going on. I wished I wasn't here. I wished I had just kept my mouth shut to Jonathan. But that's all they were; wishes. Nothing good came from wishing. Actions got results.

The door open and out poured a yellowish light. The brightness hurt my eyes and like a stupid useless girl I hide my face behind Mark's shoulder. What the hell Mira? You are not this pathetic or weak!

"Mark? What are you knocking for? Where're your keys?" It was a girl's voice. Familiar but I couldn't place it.

"I forgot them." He replied quickly. He released my hand but only to wrap his arm around my shoulders and pull me in front of him. I hiccuped in a gasp of air. "Are mom and dad still out?" He asked the girl who stood in the door way. It was Helen her blue-green eyes easily recognizable.

"Yeah." She answered giving him a questioning look.

"Can you help me keep Mira a secret?" He begged.

Woah! WOAH. Hold up, what?

"What?" Helen gaped at her brother. At least I'm not the only one lost.

"She can't go home, and she doesn't exactly have many friends she can rely on." He explained, and I would have taken offense to the friends comment if it wasn't so true. "Come on Helen, just lend her some clothes, and I can sneak her out tomorrow after mom and dad leave, they go in early tomorrow." He pleaded and I could visibly see Helen's defense crumble for her brother. The Blackthorn's really care for one another. What a nice family. . .

Helen sighed and stepped aside. "Just don't do anything that'll get me in trouble. I'm still on probation for getting caught with Aline."

Mark pushed me inside the house and thanked Helen like she was a princess. His house was much like I thought it would look. Big yet slightly cluttered with toys, and evidence that the children way out numbered the parents. Family portraits on the wall where everyone looked happy, my heart throbbed as I gazed at the smiling Blackthorns. Some things just weren't fair.

"This way. My room is in the basement." Mark said after he took off his shoes. He took my hand and again led me to where he wanted to go. Down a flight of stairs behind a white door, and into a teenage jocks room. College and hockey posters on the walls, his hockey gear piled in a corner by a clutter desk with an old mac computer just sitting there like a rock. Across from the desk was a futon bed with it's blankets and sheets tossed to one side like he was in a haste to get up. Everything screamed MALE, even the scent; shower gel and the subtle smell of metal from sharpening his skates. Jonathan smells like that when he leaves practice, and comes to the bar.

My throat tightened and the prickling sensation I've come to associate with crying started behind my eyes. Why did the mere thought of him send me off into an emotional downward spiral? I didn't like it.

I hovered awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs as Mark became cleaning his floor, and by cleaning his floor I mean kicking stuff under the bed and tossing it in another pile by his closet. The door at the top of the stairs opened and a moment later Helen was handing me a small pile of clothes, a set of pajamas and something to wear tomorrow.

"These should fit you. Also," She said reaching into her back pocket. "Use these and it'll help your irritated eyes." Her smile was kind as she sat a bottle of eye drops on top of the clothes.

"Thanks." At least my body could still use manners.

Helen smiled at me then went back up stairs leaving Mark and I alone again. I continued to hover awkwardly by the stairs as he turned back around with a nervous half smile on his face that looked forced.

"Sorry for bringing you here without asking." He said stepping towards me. "But you actually do live with Jonathan don't you?" It was more of an observation than a question. I couldn't say anything as my body hugged the borrowed clothes to my chest, the bottle of eye drops in my left hand. "I heard the end of your fight, and I'm sorry he wouldn't listen, but that's Jonathan."

You don't know him. Shut up! How would you know anything! He let me touch his hand, we held hands. He took me home. Shut up Mark.

The tears were suffocating me now, like they were slamming against the dam of my will, determined to break it down for the second time tonight.

"And I know I'm not your boyfriend, but I wanna be. I'm not saying this to bash Morgenstern and make myself look better, it's how I really feel. I wouldn't make you cry. I want to see you smile, hear your laugh, watch you beat up Eric and Zeke," At that he quirked a smile and the lump in my throat shrunk. The tears still wanted to fall but it was slightly less painful. "I'll walk you home from your job, I won't let anyone hurt. I'll defend you, I really care about you Mira." His hand brushed away a lock of my hair that fell from my ponytail.

Mark was a good guy, kind and caring and extremely unselfish, the complete opposite of Jonathan. Everything said I should just date him, but I didn't like him like that. I don't know why, but I just didn't. He was a friend. That's all I saw him as. . . I guess it's possible to fall in love after time together. He even said I should just date Mark. My head hurt. Too much to think about.

Mark pulled his hand back as his face flushed. "I'll go get us something to drink, so you can go ahead and change." After he spoke he bolted up the stairs.

We had fallen into an awkward silence. I was sitting on his bed in Helen's pajamas that fit rather well, and Mark was fidgeting in his desk chair. It was just after eleven and I was getting tired. The eye drops helped and the aching in my head subsided. I didn't like the quiet, I had grown use to annoying noises and music always playing while staying at the Morgenstern's. My body had started to allow me regain control, making me feel less like a pathetic school girl.

"I'm moving out." I said looking down at my hands in my lap.

"Really?" Mark said sounding slightly hopeful.

"Yeah, at the end of this week." I nodded.

"Where to?" He asked.

"I have a couple of people helping me look, so I don't know where you'll be walking me to." I said clamping my hands together. Lily has a saying that she follows to a T and I know it's true, I've spent my whole life seeing the negative outcome, and now I'm gonna try for a positive one. "Only be with a person that can make you smile. If they can't make you smile then there's no point. There will only be pain." Mark can make me smile. Jonathan has only made me yell and cry.

"Wait, what?" He leaned forward in his chair almost falling out of it.

"You're the one that offered it." I muttered looking up at him. His blue and gold eyes were wide and a grin pulled up his mouth. "But that doesn't mean we're doing anything tonight." I added as he began to get up from his chair.

He laughed. "I know." He wrapped me in a hug. "I'm just happy. This is fine for now." He said gently as he leaned his head against my shoulder. I was slow to reciprocate, but as we just sat there I managed to put my arms around him. I think it was in an affectionate way, but I don't know much about hugging. . . Or affection.

That's all that happened. After the hug Mark piled blankets on the floor for him to sleep on while assuring me it was fine that I use his bed. When he turned off the lights it was pitch black which coupled with the familiar smell took me back to Jonathan's room, to the night he slapped me. The night he touched me, that night of anger. Even though it was a dark and miserable memory, it was one of him, one that made the choking lump form in my throat again. I pressed my face to Mark's pillow trying to force the tears away and the pale golden face from my head. I'm sure Mark heard my sniffling, but he didn't say anything. I don't know when I fell asleep but at least I was able to sleep. It was strange not listening to music, or having annoying headphones stuffed into my ears while I slept. I didn't like it.

Sorry it's kind of short, but I wanted this to just be about Mark and Mira and her crazy emotional issues. Leave a review. ^^ any questions just ask! And trust me things are just getting heated up. The following week will be interesting and by the time they reach Christmas in the story everything will be out in the open. I hope to have this story end on New Year's day so it'll be a blast and awesome! Just so you guy know the time span of the story. As for when I should be completing LS&C by June or July, same goes for NGT

BTW I love reading the reviews they make my day. You guys are awesome ^^ so thank you so much for reading