Chapter VIII

Blue Cat has no Sense of Humour

"But he didn't know if he was Zhuangzi who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he was Zhuangzi."

Snapping the book shut she concluded her lecture with a low, languid sigh. Closing her eyes she turned her face towards the warming, already setting autumn sun. Radiating its light over the rooftop of the mansion it was pouring the courtyard into a warm, orange shade and glistened onto the surface of the little pond in its midst.

"Do you understand the meaning of this parable?" her composed voice asked into the silence of the afternoon, her eyes still closed tightly as if she were fast asleep.

Way too fascinated by her cold beauty which I could admire now completely undisturbed, since she had closed her eagle eyes, I entirely forgot to answer but it immediately fired back when her eyes snapped open again and glared daggers at me. No, she wasn't the most patient of teachers. In fact she was very easily annoyed.

Putting the book which was still lying in her lap aside she reached for her cup of tea standing right next to her on the stony bench.

"Did you understand it?" she repeated her question in an icy tone of voice while mercilessly glancing at me.

I silently nodded while swallowing a large gulp of tea to buy me some more time to frame an answer.

It had been almost one month now since I had agreed to stay at the house of Yuesheng Du, the great leader of the Quibang. And in that short amount of time many, many things had changed. Actually they had changed so fast and drastically that I still came to terms with them and this strange new world evolving around me with every further day I stayed at this impressive mansion.

I had been given new clothes that could actually be called clothes and not rags and which were worth several months of work down at the docks. My hair had been cut and I slowly was getting used to be around this place and its inhabitants. I was glad I didn't feel like an alien outcast anymore, although, I still felt rather silly when the twin-like servants Xao and Xing asked me about my wishes and stubbornly stuck to calling me that ridiculous name: young master. But nonetheless… even though I was wearing silken robes, even though I was learning manners and writing skills, the thought that I might actually ask one of them a favour or give them an order was still completely out of the question.

Because one thing hadn't changed at all.

While Ran-Mao was reading to me, sitting on the tiny bench near the little pond with the golden carps drawing circles, I was sitting cross-legged on the neatly trimmed lawn right at her feet - meekly looking up to her in silent admiration. But the disdainful look she had given me when we had met for the first time at this very place hadn't vanished at all. Not in the slightest.

Her aversion was so tangible, so omnipresent one could almost grasp it with bare hands and I still had no idea why she still rejected me in such a blunt, overly obvious manner when at least my appearance had adapted to this new place by now. Yet she still looked down at me like I was nothing but a rat - a trained rat at best but a rat, nonetheless.

She made it more than clear that she did not like the fact that her father had chosen her to be my teacher at all. Although, Yuesheng was teaching me a lot of things when it came to mathematics and overall manners, most of the time it was Ran-Mao who did her best – at least I assumed it was her best – to teach me how to read and write. And although, in my opinion I wasn't such a hopeless student, she never seemed to be satisfied with my accomplishments at all. It was simply impossible for me to meet her expectations.

With careful little sips she drank her tea, eyeing me over the lip of the tiny cup, still waiting for an answer.

"Yes... I... I think..." why the hell was I always on the edge of stuttering when I was talking to her?

"I think... I understand the story," I hastily replied her silent inquiry although I had actually no clue at all.

Why was this philosopher who was sharing a name with me thinking about such impossible and unimportant things like being a butterfly anyway? It simply did not make sense to me and furthermore, it was so completely and entirely meaningless. There were more important problems to be solved, for example where homeless children should stay the night, where to get something to eat, how to survive without a single yuan in your pockets, how to get rid of these hideous English bastards. These were problems philosophers should brood about and not some stupid dreams about butterflies.

"There you are my dear children," the dark voice of Yuesheng suddenly echoing over the courtyard brought me back from my silent cursing. Stepping out of the shadow which was provided by the arcades into the dazzling sun, he was shielding his eyes with his wide, dark red sleeve when he came closer, carefully balancing a tray of calligraphy utensils in his left hand.

"Does our little pupil make progress?" he asked when he put the tray next to Ran-Mao onto the bench. His daughter was nodding slightly but her facial expression said otherwise. Her pale, stoic face made her look more than ever like an expensive china doll in a very bad mood. Her porcelain skin that wasn't exposed to sun very often was flawless, except for the deep corrugation running across her forehead now which was framed by two long, golden tresses in the shape of cherry blossoms, dangling from the odangos she was wearing today. Her eyes were staring at me like a tiger at his prey, glimmering in a deep golden hue due to the now quickly setting sun.

"We are working on the butterfly parable right now," she stated calmly, her fingers clenching around the cup she was still holding between her small-boned hands. Her father instantaneously split into a broad smile.

"Very good, my dear. Splendid to hear that. How do you like it, Lau?"

He beamed at me when he straightened himself and hid his arms within his sleeves like he always did. I had realized weeks ago that it was only one of his strange habits. Just like the constant smile he was always and everywhere displaying.

I quickly did my best to put on an air of interest and smiled as convincingly as my aching facial muscles allowed.

"It is very interesting indeed," I lied and frantically hoped he wouldn't see right through me. "Although... although I still have a lot of questions," I added quickly when the line on Ran-Mao face got a little deeper in silent disapproval.

Her father on the other hand seemed perfectly satisfied. Chuckling lowly he turned towards his brooding daughter.

"Keep up the good work."

He gently patted her shoulder. She kept looking straight forward and right through me but for a split second I imagined her flinching under his touch.

"Take good care of him and be a good older sister," he said mildly when he turned around, heading towards the arcades again.

He left us in the almost-silence of an almost ended day. A few birds where still twittering here and there up in the trees, the dull noise of the traffic outside of the mansion's walls slowly died down, the water was gurgling lowly. It could have been such a very relaxing, soothing atmosphere... if Ran-Mao hadn't been sitting there as stiff as a china doll, still clenching her fingers around the emptied cup as if she wanted to break it to pieces with her bare hands.

Why on earth was she always so serious and earnest? How was it even possible that she never smiled, especially when her own father was literally smiling all day long? I never saw her smile just once in the entire time of my stay.

Maybe a joke might cheer her up a little... I thought but hesitated immediately. I had never known good jokes... at least no good jokes one could tell a young, spirited lady without making her blush like a peony.

Think, Lau. Think... make something up...

"I always thought that all cats were grey by night," I started warily. I smiled but it didn't reach her. She just blinkered at me, frowned while raising both of her eyebrows in surprised disbelief. I could feel my heart sink and my courage fade.

You've started it, now go through with it! the little voice inside of my head teased and I harrumphed loudly to clear my sandpaper-dry throat.

"But... but I think it is not true," I continued in a tone that was supposed to sound airily but I doubted it actually fulfilled its purpose. In my ears it sounded rather pitiable. "Here sits a blue cat and it is almost night.* So I suppose all cats have to be blue at night. Right?"

I smiled although I knew pretty well the joke wasn't a particularly good one.

Obviously Ran-Mao thought just the same.

"You are an idiot," she stated plainly after a few seconds of tensed silence. Shaking her head she got up onto her feet. The shingles were clattering under her silk slippers when she quickly smoothed down her dress with a few versed movements while she was heading for the mansion.

"No... no. Don't run away again. I simply wanted to see you smile once in a while..." I tried to explain myself. "You... you surely look even more adorable when you smile."

She simply kept shaking her head when she headed for the arcades. Unimpressed, pretending that I wasn't even there.

"Come on, smile," I plead while walking right behind her. She was increasing her pace, I was almost running to keep up with her quick steps.

"Don't be so uptight all the time. Just smile... just a little," I teased her while reaching out my arm and squeezed one of her cat-ear like odangos between my fingers.

"Stop this nonsense already!"

Turning on her heels so fast that her long black braids brushed against my cheeks she turned around, glaring at me with an expression on her face I had never seen before: there actually was an expression on her always so stoic face. The large golden eyes were narrowed until there was nothing left of them but two small slits, glowing like they were boiling iron. The thin, black brows knitted, the line running across her forehead was getting deep and deeper when she stared back at me.

"I know perfectly well what you're trying to do here but believe me, I'm not as stupid as my father thinks I am," she hissed dangerously low through tightly gritted teeth. Her whole body had stiffened, her always so perfect composure was crumbling, out of my eyes corner I could see her fists trembling.

"No... I... I don't..." I tried my best to explain to her that I had no idea what she was talking about but not a single word came out of my mouth. I wanted to apologize for making her angry and for making a joke about her name and for squeezing her hairdo but every word seemed to slip right through my fingers. Completely taken aback I tried to approach her. Carefully I reached out my arm in order to calm her down and to gently touch her shoulder but with a sudden harsh movement she just pushed me away as if it was nothing.

I stumbled backwards, desperately fighting to keep my balance but I failed miserably. Like a stone I fell hard onto the ground, the sharp little shingles were digging into the flesh of my lower arm. The expensive cloth of my Thangzuan tore apart and I could feel warm, sticky blood running down my elbow where the thin skin had been grazed. Where was this frail appearing girl hiding such an amount of strength?

Gritting my teeth to bit back a gasp and ignore the searing pain while holding my badly aching elbow I could do nothing but look up to her when she started to walk towards me at a very slow pace, crossing her arms in front of her small chest defensively.

The same blank expression again, like nothing had happened. The same stoic look as ever, she did not even bat an eyelash.

"Now listen to me carefully, Lau," she snarled when she positioned herself right above me and her voice suddenly sounded way deeper than her usual speaking voice. The way she spit out my name made me wince, she made it sound like it was the worst possible insult one could come up for a person.

"I will say this only once so you better listen. Just because I allegedly don't suffice as a successor in the eyes of my father it does not make you my brother, nor do I have to recognize you as such. You are not my brother and you never will be. Do you understand that?" she almost yelled when she suddenly bent down to grasp for my robe, almost dragging me onto my feet in the process. I could feel her hot breath onto my sweaty face when her lips came dangerously close to mine before she stopped abruptly and I saw for the very first time an expression onto her face that I had longed for so long but right now it appeared just terribly distorted and wrong.

She was smiling.

"So don't you dare touch me ever again!" she whispered, her words brushed against my lips when she suddenly let go off the collar and tossed me aside so that I landed for the second time onto my already bleeding elbow.

She snickered lowly when she was heading for the dining room.

"I hope you like the smile, Zhuang Lau."

* Most of you will probably know but for those who don't: Ran-Mao's name literally means Blue Cat in Chinese.

Oh and nasty Ran-Mao... nasty, nasty Ran-Mao. But I like her so. :) I always imaged that there is more behind this stoic face and behaviour. :)

Well, I hope you liked it too and see you soon. Stay tuned. ^^