~*~ This was gonna go up earlier, I swear, but my computer and conspired against me.
Angst Ahoy! This chapter is set during the movie, so of course its angsty. And that's a good thing.
Warnings: none that I can think of, besides violence.
Musical Muse: none
Disclaimer: I just own a bunch of plotbunnies, not Benedict or Chris or Zach. It's a hard choice deciding which I'd rather have.
Love and adoration to my beta Kat, and all the lovely people who review. You are all wonderful people.
~*~During~*~
The first time Khan thought his crew was dead, he had no one to blame but himself
That wouldn't stop him from seeking his revenge on Admiral Marcus and all the fools who had tried to use him. They would suffer, or die, or both - as long as they paid for his crew's death with their own in the end.
But it was all his fault, all his fault, that his crew had been killed. He hadn't fought hard enough for their release, he hadn't taken the proper precautions of looking after them himself. There was nothing worse than knowing his crew had died because he hadn't done enough.
He and he alone had loaded his crew into torpedoes in a last ditch attempt to save them. It was undecidedly the hardest moment of his life, much harder than it had been to seal them in their tube sealing every member into a weapon. This time, he didn't have Jhon at his side, couldn't whisper reassurances that they would all be safe, that everything would be better when they awoke.
Waking Jhon, or any of his crew for that matter, had been impossible during his current situation, despite his best efforts. He tried to the best of his not-inconsiderable abilities to persuade them to open another tube - for companionship, for assistance, for another brilliant mind to lend to starting their war - but it was all in vain. Claiming to be sick - he even made himself throw up for added effect - didn't move them to open his doctor's tube. Even when he could slip away to the storage room they were kept, he didn't dare risk opening one. It would take too long, he would be found out, and then his crew would be put to death before his eyes.
Khan knew this for a fact because that's exactly what Admiral Markus promised him would happen. And he always made good on his word.
He had been discovered, surrounded, and his only chance to escape with his own life, to seek revenge, was in running. And so his crew had fallen, and Khan knew he would never forgive himself or anyone else involved.
He had allowed himself to be used by that bastard, Marcus,with the feeble hope that his crew would be released after his work was done. Khan hadn't done enough, and now his crew was dead. And because he wanted nothing more in the universe than to be with them, he would follow them into the permanent blackness that awaited him...after his revenge.
The thing about Marcus? He was clever. With every move Khan made, Marcus had one to counter it. Khan blew up the cover building, Marcus declared him a rouge member of Starfleet. Khan shot up his meeting, Marcus survived. Khan went to Kronos, Marcus sent his Starfleet after him, armed with torpedoes that contained his crew, alive and well.. The Admiral's ultimate plan would have worked, resulting in the death of Khan, his crew, and so many dangerous loose ends, if it weren't for the Captain with a conscience.
When he first heard the transmission, mentioning high-powered torpedoes, he had allowed himself the barest sliver of hope, even though logic and sense told him to be on his guard. And when he learned that there were exactly seventy-two, his family ready to bring him to his death, his elation had even lessened the harsh blows delivered to him. Not, of course, that they hurt much in the first place.
Khan knew he should be somewhat more merciful to the arrogant young man for sparing his crew, but not while they were still locked in his high-stakes game. It was hard enough to think three moves ahead of two different opponents without drowning in cold relief that his crew was still, miraculously, alive. He managed to keep ahead, through every obstacle, until at last he saw the torpedoes beam into his hanger bay.
He thought, for one shining minute, that he had won, that his crew was safe with him, that he could leave the game and come back with a full crew behind him and Jhon at his side. It was a foolish hope, and one that was destroyed in a matter of seconds.
There was no doubt this time, no chance of a miracle bringing them back. Khan had seen the explosions himself, and felt it again, the stab in his heart telling him that he was again alone, and there was revenge and death to seek out. And this time, there were others to blame.
He retaliated against The Enterprise first, against Kirk and his Vulcan so they could feel the pain of knowing their crew would die. Why should he be the only one to feel this pain? When somehow, illogically, improbably, the ship survived her fall, he trained his ship towards Starfleet instead. One way or another, he would make them pay.
His fight with the Vulcan...did not go well at all. Khan knew how to do battle with powerful opponents, but even he had underestimated the Commander. Later he learned the reason for Spock's rage, and felt a hint of approval despite his pain. Khan had succeeded in making someone experience his pain, and after learning that the Captain had temporarily died to save his crew, he knew he had earned as much revenge as he could.
He would not forgive the Vulcan commander for his actions during the fight. He had accessed Khan's mind somehow, found his weakness, multiplied the grief until it nearly crippled him, and dug into his most treasured memory. Khan's rage knew no bounds. He couldn't bear the idea of this unworthy creature knowing Jhon's every expression, knowing what passed between them at their final moments. They were his, Jhon was his, and that man had no right!
When he finally awoke disoriented and alone (as seemed to be his unfortunate tendency) he was ready to fight once more. To the death, be it the Captain's or Commander's or his own. He was sick of this life, he was tired of being alone, and he wanted Jhon. He wanted his family so badly.
Commander Spock entered the room. He and Khan starred at each other, hatred palpable in the air between them. They had performed unforgivable acts against the other, and there would never be peace between them. At least they both recognized that.
Khan spoke first. "Whatever you want to do to me, go right ahead. I have nothing more to fight for and you have nothing to force me to comply. You may as well kill me so that I may join my crew." There was a challenge in his voice, and he wondered if the Vulcan would indeed take him up on his offer. Certainly he would have killed Khan earlier if the woman hadn't interfered.
Spock did not visibly respond, though Khan knew, from his unfortunate mind-meld, that he was not as emotionless as his pure-blood relatives were. Indeed, he should be simmering with rage, at seeing the man who had killed one so dear to him. Khan felt the same, until the Vulcan finally spoke.
"You crew is not dead." Khan scoffed, but Commander Spock continued like he hadn't made a noise. "We removed them from the torpedoes before they were beamed over to The Vengeance. They are all alive, and all in the best of condition. Unlike you, Starfleet does not so easily throw away lives."
That was definitely a fierce glare directed at him, but Khan ignored it in favor of stamping down the hope that reared its head again. "Do you really think it so easy to fool me?" he snarled. Rage was pushing aside the foolish emotion and threatened to consume him. "I would not believe a word you say without proof. So unless you have that, I suggest you leave me before I convince you to fight me again."
An infuriating eyebrow rose at Khan's angry words, but he made no move to follow up on the suggestion. Instead, he turned his attention to the pad in his hand and pressed something on the screen. He spoke into it. "Commander Chekov, if you'd be so kind as to show Khan his crew."
"Aye sir," Came the response from the other side. Khan couldn't breathe as Spock turned the pad around, allowing him to see the screen. He focused as hard as he could to see if what Commander Spock said was true. The image jiggled, then abruptly blurred and swung as the man on the other side apparently stumbled, saying "Sorry, sorry!" as he righted himself. The image steadied, and focused, and Khan saw his crew.
He was silent as the camera was passed over tube upon tube of men and women, all looking unharmed and still peacefully asleep. Khan drank in the sight of them all, and his heart leapt at seeing Jhon. He stayed motionless as the sight ended, and Spock turned the pad back to himself. His crew was all alive - still in the hand of the enemy, but alive. Khan made his decision. He would do all he could to ensure their continued safety, but he would not be used again. Thankfully, he was not the only one with this opinion.
"At the moment, it is widely agreed that you and your crew will be placed under guard, and will never be woken again. It is my hope that you will go quietly into cryosleep, as further punishment will be ineffectual against you." He wasn't looking at Khan, but the Vulcan's voice was softer than usual, and Khan could almost forgive him for his actions. Except for the unnecessary mind-meld.
"I'll..." Khan suddenly noticed the tightness of his throat, of tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry in front of this unfeeling Commander, but he was helpless to stop the tears. He tried again. "I'll go quietly, I'll do whatever you want, but please..." the word came out too quietly, and he licked his lips and tried again, "Please, let me see them again; let me check that they're all safe. That's all I want, for them to be safe. Please." When bribery and forceful action failed, Khan was not so far above it all to plead.
Commander Spock said nothing of the tears or the begging, or gave any sign that he saw anything out of the usual at all. He turned away, pausing at the door only to say, "You have my word," before leaving.
Khan laid back with a gusting sigh. The endless dark would greet him again soon, and he still had to worry about his crew's safety, but for the moment, he let himself cry, and rejoice the fact that Jhon was still alive. If all went as Starfleet planned, they would never be together again, but that didn't matter.
They were both alive. That was enough.
~*~ One more chapter...one of these days...