AN: It's literally 2 am. I have to wake up early in a few hours.

I wrote stuff though.

The impact from the lamp wasn't enough to knock me out of course, but I seriously almost prayed that it did. The only other person who I knew I gay was Matthew, and the only reason that was for was because he told me I was. I guess it's sort of like, wearing a huge stain on your shirt and not being able to see it until someone says it's there. But maybe it's different for everyone.

I turned to my side on Arthur's bed to face the wall, his laughing sort of stopped after I didn't want to face him. I felt the weight of him at the end of the bed, I guess that he came over to sit down.

"Al, did you die?" He shook my leg.

I sat up in front of him, pretty close to his face actually. Enough that if I was a zombie he'd be really dead right now.

"I should really throw out that lamp..." He said looking behind me at it. "I also uh... Maybe shouldn't have told you that."

I was really confused now. "Told me what?"

"That I have OCD, it's not too bad though," he said. "Sometimes I have to do things in a certain order or routine I guess. For example, I have to eat skittles in a certain color order. It's pretty stupid."

I never imagined Arthur being embarrassed about something towards me, I always felt it would be the other way around. I don't even know how we even started confessing the first things that had popped into our heads, to be really honest though the last thing I expected from him was being a fan of a 90's boy band.

"I think that's okay." I wasn't smiling exactly, but I tried to sound uplifting.

He smiled though, not like the smirking he normally does like when I'm the one to get yelled at by a teacher for talking.

"Thanks, Al," he said awkwardly, then patted me on the shoulder. "And I think being gay is okay too."

Fuck, I had almost forgotten about that. I felt my face heat up but I caught myself smiling. Someone actually saying that out loud sounded weird, but felt right, like getting stabbed in the tongue with ice cream.

"Thanks." I replied.

He bit his nails as he started talking again. "Do you want to go to the library?"

I crinkled my eyebrows and tilted my head. "Uh, sure."

He smiled excitedly, switched his dark boots for some dirty white sneakers and swung his messenger bag on his right shoulder. Arthur was sort of comical in how he looked, thick eyebrows and slightly crooked bottom teeth. His fingers were awkwardly lean and so was the rest of his body, especially without that leather jacket on. Sometimes if you got close enough you could see his chapped lips and light brown freckles, probably handed down to him by his mom.

I laced up my shoes and followed him downstairs to the front door, he had left his keys on the table by the side of the living room couch like he always does, and we left to the library.

I still had yet to go anywhere in PA except for Arthur's house, Rowling High School, my apartment and a few gas stations, so I was looking forward to getting to know another place. The library, to no surprise at all, had a shit ton of books. There was only one floor though, and not a lot of people were there except for a few adults reading about European history and little kids getting shushed at by their moms. It was really just a regular library, I mean, there wasn't any confetti releasing when we walked in, but when I looked at Arthur's face, it might as well have.

Arthur pulled out his wallet from his bag and put the library card in his pocket. I think his library card was like his weapon of choice or something.

We didn't stay there for too long, mostly because after a few seconds of taking in my surroundings I got really really bored. I didn't exactly share a passion for obscure literature like Arthur did, well, not books at all. I tried to explain to him that it was because I couldn't focus well enough to sit and read quietly, but I don't think he believed it, since he just said it was very childish of me.

We left with Arthur's books in his bag and a promise of stopping somewhere for ice cream so I could shut up while he read the summaries on the back of some book on World War II. After noticing the types of books Arthur gets, along with the music he listens to and the clothes he wears at home, I've come to conclude that Arthur is a very interesting person.

As I sat there with my ice cream cone inside the shop since it was still too cold to stay outside, I wondered wether Arthur ever thought I was interesting. I mean, both of us were really different. He gave strangers cold shoulders while sitting at the table and always looked like he wanted to punch something in the face, except for when he was reading. I tried to smile at everyone I meet, and could never just stop tapping my foot. But then again, I did start noticing things about Arthur that we had in common. Like how most of his pencils that I borrowed were chewed up like mine, and how our laughs sound like dinner plates crashing on a hardwood floor. Also we both had some air of "awkward weirdness" like when I would accidentally stutter when asking someone a question or how Arthur was sort of lanky especially when he wore skinny jeans and his eyebrows were always just... there.

I guess our differences and similarities just sort of complimented each other, like we had just enough differences to argue for hours yet enough similarities to understand each other. It made me feel like he was really my best friend.

….

"So, he was chill with it?" Matthew asked through having to chew 10 pretzels all at once. Even though it was over the phone, I always somehow knew what he was eating. Most of the time it was pancakes or pretzels, both always drowned in maple syrup.

I had told him most of what happened the last time I was at Arthur's, maybe twisting the truth a little. (I told him I had told Arthur I was gay and I didn't say absolutely anything about it being a tongue slip or when I caused myself physical pain with a ceiling lamp) I also asked him if he would ever come visit me and maybe I could introduce him to Arthur, but he just said maybe. Matthew never really liked being in small towns, so it was always my dad and I visiting his family in the Vancouver.

"Yeah, I'm kinda glad about that." I unconsciously started twisting the telephone cord.

Matthew stopped chewing, and there was an odd silence. Like that kind of silence after someone tells you there's no more slices of pizza left.

"He's a really good friend." He said and I heard a pretzel break.

"I think so too."

"But you want more than that right, bro?" He asked. "Why haven't you like, slapped his ass yet or something?"

"What the fuck why would I do that?!" I felt my face heat up.

"Why don't you do the thing?"

I threw myself onto my bed faced down.

"No."

He sighed. "Al, do something at least."

I hugged my pillow tightly and hung up the phone, throwing my sheets over my head without really moving the rest of my body. I was still wearing the my shoes, my sweatshirt, and my glasses, but I really didn't feel like moving at all.

I didn't want to consider Matthew's suggesting of kissing Arthur. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start and it'd be really awkward for the both of us. I wasn't even sure if he liked me or not. It'd probably ruin our friendship if I kissed him, and I really didn't want that.

Like, yeah, maybe kissing him or holding hands or doing couple-y stuff seemed nice, but most of the time I just loved being with him. We could make each other laugh easily, even though I might have to poke Arthur's face a few times before he cracks a grin, and I just really loved making him smile like that because he's someone who barely does it and I want to be the person to change that.

I buried my face into the pillow again just thinking to myself, shit, I actually really like him.

AN: I should really try going to sleep now.

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