Chapter Four; Too Far Gone

I was now at home again, and it was the day after I had seen everything that people had said about me without even knowing me. That's what hurt the most were that they were utter and complete strangers. To say the least, I had harmed myself yesterday and it had never felt as good as it did yesterday. The relief of everything just floating away from me momentarily was great, I must admit but it all came crashing back down harder than ever when I woke up this morning.

Standing in front of the mirror, I lifted the hem of my shirt up to reveal my stomach which protrude quite a ways and I sighed. This was gross. I mean, I ate less than one hundred calories yesterday and I never seemed to get any thinner. I would always be fat, no matter how much I exercised or how little I ate. I felt gross and nasty.

Sighing, I left the shirt fall back down to rest at its natural place. I always wore loose shirts to hide the excess fat on my body. Why couldn't I have the model body and the gorgeous facial features? I was known as the fat girl throughout middle school and high school no matter how hard I tried to rid myself of that label. I was still fat to myself, so imagine what I looked to other people. Groaning at this, I heard my phone ring out in shrill tones that indicated I had received yet another text. No, not another one from those boys, I don't think I could handle another catastrophe.

Reluctance overtook my body as I slowly made my way over to my phone to look at it. This time it was from Harry.

From: Harry Styles

Hey, love. I was just wondering if you could meet me outside. We have to go somewhere and we need you to come with us.

~Harry

Frowning at this elusive text that avoided giving any specific answers I texted a quick reply.

From: Me

Sure, I'll go. Where are we going?

~Sky

He didn't text back. Damn you, Harry Styles. Moaning at the prospect of having to go out into public after yesterday's fiasco, I stripped down and put deodorant and a warm vanilla perfume before browsing my wardrobe for possible apparel. I wanted to look okay, so I chose some more skinny jeans. I had almost twenty pairs of skinny jeans, and I didn't even wear them all sometimes. Slipping on these black ones, I searched through my shirts that swayed on their hangers. Finally, I chose a tank top with a transparent shirt on top, both hued in black.

Applying makeup that matched the dark theme, I slipped downstairs and put on regular Converse before awaiting the ring of the doorbell, which actually came only three minutes later. Opening the door to reveal a grim-looking Harry, I scowled at the serious look on the boy's face and followed him out the door to his car, which was different than the one that I had seen twice before. Climbing in, I sat in the passenger seat.

"Well you tell me where we are going?" I asked.

"No," he said seriously.

I huffed indignantly at him before turning my head to face out the window. Leaning my forehead against the cool glass of the window, I gazed outside of the car at the flashing things passing us by, cars, trees, buildings so many things.

It was only ten minutes before we arrived at a large, corporate building and Harry got out of the car while waiting for me silently. As soon as I was out, he led me into the building among the twisting hallways and corridors of the building. There were pictures of several celebrities including One Direction, who I now realized that I had met. Sighing at my own stupidity, I followed the older boy in front of me.

There was a certain room that Harry barged into and I saw four of the other boys along with their manager and the one and only Simon Cowell. I tried not to react as Harry sat down next to Liam and motioned to sit next to him. I plopped down into the little desk chair next to him around the mahogany conference table.

Simon just started talking immediately, "You boys befriended this girl without even considering the risks. Now, she will get hate, you will get hate and things will start to go downhill."

"But, Uncle Si-"

"No, Louis. Don't say anything. I have thought of a solution that might make the fans a little more peaceful with Skyler."

"Yeah, what is it?" asked Liam eagerly. He seemed to care for how I felt. I stayed silent not wanting to screw up in front of Simon Cowell, so I just zipped it.

"Well, you can start to date either Harry or Niall since the others are already taken," the man said with a smile. He seemed proud of his idea; however Harry's, Niall's and my jaw dropped nearly to the floor, possibly below.

"What the hell do you mean date one of them?!" I screeched indignantly, my eyebrows dropping into a scowl.

"Exactly what I said," confirmed Simon. "You can choose to date either Niall or Harry, and then you will be able to stay with One Direction and not be judged."

"Oh, I will still be judged. In fact, I will be judged more than I previously was for dating one of them!" I exclaimed. This was madness. Sure, it would be cool to date a celebrity…but, why me? I'm the girl with low self-esteem that cuts her and thinks she is fat. I mean, seriously?! Why would One Direction's management do this to me?

"I will give you ten minutes to decide. You will make your decision then," Simon ordered before leaving the room.

Why me? Once more I ask you.

"Because we decided to befriend you," Harry said. I must've said that out loud. I tend to do that a lot when I think too much. I start to mutter to myself. I'm so messed up. I could probably qualify to get into a mental asylum if I truly tried, but somehow I doubt that would help my peace of mind.

"Well, you have to choose one of us," Niall said timidly. I glanced back and forth between the two boys. Harry didn't seem to care otherwise, and I didn't want to hold him down since he was the 'player'. I made a mental list of pros and cons before finally deciding.

"Um, Niall, I suppose," I said hesitantly, feeling scared of their reaction.

Niall nodded, not showing emotion and neither did Harry while the onlookers being the other members of One Direction watched silently. I turned away, stood up from my chair and walked out of the conference room, unable to handle their stares. Striding down the hallway, I tried to remember how to get out of the building.

There were footsteps pounding behind me and an Irish accent yelled out, "Skyler, wait!"

Turning around, I saw Niall stand there, unsure of whether to comfort me or not. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Simon gave me no choice," I stated tiredly.

"Well, you could have chosen Harry," he suggested.

I gave him a look and he raised his hands up in defense. "Harry is a player. I wasn't going to choose him, if I did have to choose," I sighed.

"Let's just go back, Simon is probably expecting us back," he said.

Nodding, I fully turned and followed him as he weaved his way through the building and back to the same conference room. I was skittish about going back in there, but I did so anyways. Again, I received some glances from the boys, but I sat next to Niall without any comment or anything to say.

Simon returned and from the choice of seat that I had taken again, he knew my choice and yet he still asked me. "Who did you choose?" he asked, staring at me with his intense stare he was known for, and probably famous for as well.

Refraining from giving him a look, I said, "Niall."

Niall nodded, confirming this and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eyes. I also caught the stare Liam was giving me and the occasional looks I would receive from Louis. I don't' know why they were being like this. It wasn't my choice to have one of them been my boyfriend just to keep up One Direction's public image.

Simon also dipped his head in a single nod, scribbling something down on his clipboard. "You are free to go," he informed us and I shot out of my chair and was out of the door before any of them could react. I may be fat, but I was also pretty tall for my age so I could sprint relatively fast. Waiting outside while the boys got out, Simon bid us a farewell and turned in the opposite direction, walking deeper into the building.

Niall led me out of the building where there was a small crowd of paparazzi waiting for us to emerge from the building. Questions were shouted at us and my new 'boyfriend' found my hand and held it with his, nearly covering the small hands that were mine, giving me a reassuring squeeze as he tugged me gently along through the seething mass of cameras and microphones.

Finally, we arrived at the car Harry had driven to this place and the boys hopped in. Louis was at the wheel, Harry beside him. Then, there was Niall, Zayn, and Liam squished in the backseat. There was no space for me. Louis wiggled his eyebrows at me and motioned toward Niall's lap.

"No," I whined at him. "I'm too heavy!"

Niall scrunched his eyebrows up. "What do you mean? You are thin!"

"Say what?" I asked in confusion. "In no way am I skinny!"

"Yes you are!" he said, trying to convince me.

"Skyler, just get on Niall's lap!" groaned Louis, already tired of this conversation and, honestly, so was I. I didn't like talking about my eating, or my self-harm. Scrambling over Zayn and Liam in the process of getting over to Niall before tentatively settling myself down on his lap, I was surprised when he wrapped his arms around my waist and laid them lightly over my stomach, probably as a human seatbelt.

I winced however, when his hand grazed a fresh cut on my lower stomach from yesterday. That one had been deeper than the others, so it was more noticeable. Niall frowned and gently lifted the hem of my shirt up so he could see the only visible part of the cut, which was the end, an inch or so. There were scars cluttered around it as well and his frown deepened. "What is that?" he whispered.

"Um…" I didn't have a lie for this as normally nobody saw my stomach.

I knew I was in trouble now as Niall made me turn to him. Muttering in my ear so no one else could hear, he said, "Do you…harm yourself?"

Ashamed that this is how he found out, I nodded once, knowing it was enough confirmation for him to know that I was indeed a cutter, but he would have found out sometime.

"I will help you, Skyler, if you want. You don't have to be like this," he urged so quietly that it was inaudible.

"You don't understand. I'm too far gone. I've been doing this since I was eleven," I muttered. "My depression is too deep now. I'm broken beyond repair."