Chapter Six; Falling Hard

It had been a couple days since that particular incident, and I had tried to avoid the boys. It was awkward, knowing what I did to myself and how they had tried to stop me. The most embarrassing part was the fact that I had a panic attack and utterly freaked out. It wasn't totally my fault, as I would blame it on the anxiety disorder I had, but I think I could have controlled myself better if I had really put myself to it. If only Niall would have stopped running his fingers along my thighs, maybe that wouldn't have happened and my fluke panic attack could have been avoided. I wasn't blaming the boy, no. He wasn't trying to do anything wrong.

Sighing as these thoughts ran through my head, I strolled along the hallway of the third floor of the mansion. It had become the place where I could think. I always went in the hallways that had the glass window stationed beside it since there was a great view out of there and a small smile would always tug its way at my face whenever I would examine the view.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" asked a quiet voice. I turned around to come face-to-face with Harry who was clad in dark skinny jeans and a gray t-shirt. He had his hands shoved deeply inside of his pockets, causing his shoulders to hunch over slightly as he scrutinized me with those sparkling green eyes that shifted shades on occasion with his mood. His head tilted to the side as he came closer to me and stood beside me from where I had stopped my frantic pacing.

We stared out of the glass window together without saying anything. It was companionable silence, not awkward or anything, like I had expected it to be. No words were exchanged and he stood an appropriate distance away from my arm, which hung limply by my side. It was like they were extra careful around wherever I cut myself which I found to be good so that no accidental bumps were made, causing me to flinch back in alarm and wince.

I realized I hadn't answered his question and murmured, "Yes, yes it is." I didn't know how else to answer that question as I just stared out the window, my eyes not even absorbing any of the views that I was taking in. It was too busy whirring around with different thoughts; one of the most important being why is Harry talking to me?

"You know," he started. Oh no. He was going to take for one of those guilt trip things in that he would try to make me feel guilty for pushing everybody away from me these past couple of days. Or maybe he just wanted to talk and trade pleasantries, but I highly doubted that was a possibility. He took his time in finishing his sentence. "Niall really does care for you. He just wants you to get better, in fact, we all do."

"I know," I sighed. "But, it has been a part of my life for nearly six years. Nobody else has known about this and it is hard to register that…somebody else actually knows about the problems I possess," I said, trying to phrase as best as possible what I felt. "And, nobody has cared before. Anybody who cares about me is dead now," I added in a quiet undertone, mentioning my mother. I knew she had been deceased for five years, but it was still hard to wrap my mind around that my mother was dead. I had gone through prom without her and had to figure out my own girl problems when I was younger, while my dad was abusing me.

"We understand that it is hard for you, but it is possible to recover from this," he said softly, his deep accent slow and steady, in fact it was actually pretty comforting to me in a time like this.

"I don't even know anymore if it is possible for me," I sighed with my shoulders sinking.

"Don't give up!" he said fiercely. I was taken aback. He had gone from gentle and caring to fierce and determined in a matter of moments and it slightly scared me. He had faster mood swings than a hormonal pregnant woman, geez. While I was thinking about that, Harry said something else that I didn't quite catch.

"What?" I asked distantly, zoning back into our little conversation.

"I said, Niall really does like you, maybe even as more of a friend," Harry repeated, even if I hadn't heard him the first time.

This was even more surprising where this conversation had gone. "Why? I'm not pretty, I'm fat, and I'm broken. I don't understand how anybody could like me," I whispered.

"Don't ever say that about you, alright?" he said, frowning down at me. He was extremely taller me, I'd say he had about five inches on me.

"I can't help it," I muttered back, hanging my head. I truly was fat and ugly and broken. Why would Niall, a pop star that had everything, like me as more than a friend? We were from two different worlds, and I understood that, but did Niall? Sure, I liked the guy as a friend and stuff and he was pretty sweet, but did I see him like that? Thinking about romance was difficult, tense, and dramatic. I hated this. No wonder I hadn't had a boyfriend in my life.

"We will help you!" Harry said, his frown not leaving his face.

"I don't understand why, though! I'm a girl from a suburb of Los Angeles and you are from like England and famous and have all the money. I just don't get it," I shot back, my own scowl swooping onto my face, my lips pursed at the thought.

"You don't deserve to be like this, that's why. We want to heal you, and we will do whatever it takes, especially Niall," he said. "Now, go talk to Niall. He is pretty down because he thinks you've been avoiding him." That's actually exactly what I have been doing, but I wouldn't say that to Niall's friend's face, so I just turned in defeat and began to walk downstairs to talk things out with Niall.

The stairs went by too fast and before I knew it, I was in the living room. Deciding that it was now or never, I chose now and plunged forward into the living room to find Niall sitting on the couch facing the TV, watching something random. He looked haggard, his face pallid and his eyes were dull. There were dark purple bruises under his eyes and his hair was all scruffy from having his hand run through it so many times.

"Hey Niall," I greeted nearly silently.

His eyes shifted from the TV to where I was standing, his blue eyes blank with no emotion. They were a tinged red from crying probably. "Hello, Skyler," he said in return. I inwardly winced. The past couple days he called me Sky and now he wasn't. This couldn't be good. He truly was mad.

"Harry told me you were upset. I wasn't avoiding you!" I blurted out and surprise overtook his face.

"Y-You weren't?" he asked hesitantly.

I shook my head vigorously. "I truly wasn't, not even close. I just thought that you thought I was a burden and that you wouldn't like me anymore once you found out about all my problems," I whispered hoarsely.

Suddenly, his arms engulfed me in a hug and I, for once, felt secure and safe in his arms. Never before in my life had I felt like this with a person, not even my own mother. I wrapped my arms around his torso, squeezing lightly and then I started to just stand in his arms, while he stood in mine. We swayed there silently, and I sighed mentally with relief. His Armani cologne smelled so enticing and I pulled back slightly to face him in the eyes.

His turquoise eyes were so entrancing that I wouldn't ever be able to leave them if I sunk too deep. "Can I tell you something, Skyler?" he asked timidly, his grasp tightening on me slightly.

I nodded and made a slight humming sound to urge him to go right ahead and ask.

"Um, I really like you. I think I have since I first met you. I know it sounds cliché to say it was 'love at first sight' but I think it truly was. It is totally fine if you don't feel the same way and" I cut off his rambling by giving him a swift peck on the lips. That would have counted as my first kiss.

Niall smiled at me. "Would you actually be my girlfriend, not by Simon's orders?" he asked, the usual color of his eyes returning with pure joy. I nodded and grinned at him and he smiled just as brightly back at me before kissing me once more. It felt nice, his lips, so soft and warm against mine and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Do we have to tell the other boys?" I asked after we had separated. "Like right away?"

"No, of course not, love. Only when you feel comfortable, I would never make you do something you feel comfortable with," he returned instantly with another beam at me.

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It was now a couple days after Niall and I had officially become a couple and I had loved every moment. Stealing kisses when the others weren't looking and having someone who truly cared for me as more than a friend, everything was great, and I wouldn't have it any other way, I finally realized what I have been missing out on all this time from middle school throughout high school. Sighing with contentment, I leaned back against him while we watched a movie.

He wrapped an arm around my waist as both our eyes were glued to the screen. There was a bunch of tumbling and the boys claimed they were leaving to go to the grocery store, Niall's arm left my waist, which I felt with slight disappointment. The four boys emerged before leaving us just as quickly and locking the door.

"Now, that we are alone, what do you want to do?" he asked cheekily, with a cheesy wink aimed my way.

Laughing, I said, "Let's go upstairs at least to your room."

He let me pull him upstairs not even bothering to turn the TV off on the way. We arrived at his bedroom and he shut the door before turning to me and wrapping his arms around my waist once more, pressing me closer to him as I stared up at him. I met his lips with mine and they moved in sync for a while before Niall moved us closer to the bed and pushed me gently onto it.

Things became gradually more heated and intensified. We had shifted from chaste kisses to 'snogging' as he called it. He was currently on top of me, his legs on either side of my hips and he lightly let his tongue run across my bottom lip, but I refused him entrance just to what he would do. Using his teeth, he bit gently down on my lip, which made me open my mouth in a gasp and he took the opportunity. Little bugger, that one is.

Minutes progressed and we had to separate for air eventually, I panted while Niall just left electric kisses along my neck before moving back up to my lips. "WE ARE HOME!" screeched Louis, bursting into Niall's bedroom, probably expecting him to be asleep or something or eating, I don't even know.

"What the hell?" he asked in confusion as he stared at us in an awkward position with our lips still slightly locked. We parted and I struggled to keep my breathing even. Louis scowled at us before storming downstairs to tell the other boys. I don't understand why he was so mad, and neither did Niall but I guess we would find out.

Sighing, I pushed Niall off of me and he led me down the stairs in Louis's track. He kept his arm securely around my waist, seeing as there was no point in hiding it any longer as we had been caught red-handed in making out.