I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters

Chapter 3

Edward left the bathroom holding the dress in front of him and went to his room. He went through his suitcase and the dresser but all of his clothes had mysteriously vanished. He ripped a blanket off the bed, wrapped it around himself and stormed off to find Mustang.

He found him in the kitchen. He was sitting in the middle of a myriad of take-out containers from which the most delicious smells were coming. The bastard was eating.

Roy looked up at him with a smirk. "Is there a problem with the outfit Fullmetal? I got it in a small so it should fit."

Ed ignored the putdown and held the dress under Mustang's nose. "You're damn right there's a problem! You can't seriously expect me to wear this!"

"I most definitely am serious. After all you were the one who started this little game of dress-up as you so creatively called it," the older man answered, his face turning cold. "And I expect you to as I say without question or suffer the consequences."

Ed stood there a moment glaring at him but really what could he say?

At that moment his traitor stomach decided to growl impatiently making the bastard start smirking at him again. He turned angrily gathering the blanket around him and stomped back off to the bathroom.

Roy sat there gloating as he ate waiting for Edward's return. He was about to go and see what was taking so long when he heard tentative clicking footsteps coming toward the kitchen. Then Ed appeared in the doorway bracing a hand on the wall to steady himself on his high heels, blushing beet red.

"How on earth is a person supposed to walk in these shoes?" he complained bitterly.

Roy gestured him to come forward. Ed walked out into the middle of the room Mustang got up and circled around him looking him over. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. The dress barely covered anything – it was low cut with puffy sleeves that hung on Ed's shoulders and the skirt barely covered the tops of the stockings orlacy panties underneath. He straightened out the apron straps that were twisted at the back.

"Happy?" Ed asked him sourly.

"Not yet," Mustang said. "Here sit down. Where is that cap?"

Ed sat down after pulling the cap out of his apron pocket. "Just exactly how is that thing supposed to go on?"

"We'll pin it in, after we do your hair and make-up," Mustang said producing a comb.

"Make-up!" Ed protested.

"At least make-up washes off" Mustang said darkly.

Edward sat there obediently while Roy combed and parted his hair putting it into pigtails high on his head. They weren't perfectly even but they had the desired effect. Then there was the task of putting make-up on him. Mustang was kind of at a loss as to how to apply it so he just did his best to make it even. Finally he stood back and admired his handiwork. It was a bit overdone but not too bad. Ed looked like a doll he decided with such rosy cheeks and red lips.

"Are you done?" Ed asked sighing, obviously tired of the whole ordeal. "Can I eat now?"

"Alright, Fullmetal but don't smudge your make-up," Roy said leaving the room. He came back with the paperwork he been working on and put it in a large envelope. He checked the time and then sat across from Edward watching him eat.

Ed glanced up at him between mouthfuls. "You really are a sick bastard, you know that?"

"Am I really?" Mustang asked apparently thoroughly amused. Ed did look a lot like a girl with his hair done and the makeup but he definitely acted like himself. He did his best to clean out each takeout container one after the other and wolfing the food down. Then he ended his supper with a very satisfied sounding belch.

Roy was quite entertained watching as Ed hobbled around on his heels cleaning up after the meal. As he carried the empty cartons and dishes to the counter he dropped a spoon and bent over in a very ungraceful fashion giving Roy a very candid view of the tops of Ed's stockings and his lacy panties.

"That would make a good picture," Roy commented.

Ed stood up quickly when he realized what Roy was referring to. He almost lost his balance in the process and gave Roy a dirty look. "How long do I have to stay dressed like this anyway?" he asked peevishly.

Roy glanced at the clock smiling. "Oh not that long," he answered a smile playing on his face.

Ed was just finishing up when the doorbell rang. He looked over to Roy suddenly worried. "Who is that?" he asked a note of panic creeping into his voice.

"Go answer the door and find out, Fullmetal," Roy suggested.

"What?" Edward asked incredulous. "Are you serious? You can't mean…"

"I'm perfectly serious. Didn't I already tell you that you were to do as you were told and not question me?" Mustang said with a cold look.

Ed blushed deeply. He fought his impulse to kick off his shoes and run to his room barricading the door. H thought of Al and how he was doing this to save him from being turned over to Basque Grand. He really hoped his little brother appreciated all that he did for him.

The doorbell chimed again and he turned to the front door. He did his best to balance on his heels as he walked trying to think furiously. Maybe it would be someone he didn't know and they would think he was the real maid who happened to have auto-mail prosthetics. He gripped the knob of the front door considering perhaps he'd been a bit hasty in his religious beliefs because he could sure use a God to pray to right now.

He opened the front door to see Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye standing there in her military uniform. Ed felt himself get redder than he would've believed possible. He was at a loss for words as the seconds passed. She stood blinking at him a moment then nodded at him.

"Edward," she said greeting him as if nothing at all was unusual about his appearance and stepped briskly into the house. "Colonel Mustang has some reports for me to pick up."

"Ah…yeah…" Ed stammered shutting the door. He pulled at his skirt trying to make it longer.

Suddenly Mustang strolled into the entrance way up carrying his envelope. "Oh Lieutenant Hawkeye, how good of you to drop by. I knew how important these documents were so I finished them up this afternoon."

"Very good, sir," she said in a business like tone. She took turns looking at each of two men.

Edward gave her a rather weak smile, turning and wobbling out of the room as fast as his shoes would allow. Mustang and Hawkeye both watched him leave.

"Edward's staying here for a bit. I think he misses Al," Mustang explained smoothly, as he played the compassionate commanding officer. "I think dressing like that helps him relax."

"You too, sir?" Riza inquired.

"Pardon?" asked Mustang politely unsure to what she was referring to.

"You play dress-up to relax? The cat whiskers?" She pointed to her face indicating the marks on her superior's face.

Now it was Roy's turn to blush. He had totally forgotten. "Yes, something like that," he answered rather lamely unable to come up with a clever excuse for them on the spot.

Somehow he thought looking into those amused eyes of hers he felt Hawkeye might know more about what was going on than he liked.

"I'd better return to Headquarters, Sir" she said in her most soldier-like manner.

"Yes well, good night then Lieutenant" Mustang said showing her to the door.

When he closed it he felt like an ass. The joke hadn't turned out at all how he'd planned it. He went back to the kitchen and found a rather depressed looking Edward sitting at the table. He'd taken off his heels. They lay on the floor next to his chair.

"Can I change now?" Ed asked.

Mustang nodded.

Ed got up to leave and then turned around. "Oh I need my clothes. Where are they?"

Mustang took off his robe and handed it to him. "Here use this I don't feel like getting them at the moment."

Ed started walking away again.

"When you're done meet me in my room," Mustang said suddenly.

Ed turned back and gave him a dark look.

"I could do with a massage. I'm feeling a bit stiff," he said in answer to his unspoken question. If he was going to let Ed know the whole thing was a joke in the morning he might as well make the most of it. Besides he felt like he still needed some payback after his joke had backfired on him.