Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. It brings me sadness to say that, but it's true...
Author's Note: Another long overdue chapter mostly because I wasn't sure who to go with next until a friend suggested that I find a way to get the story moving and so we have this chapter with Jamie.
Chapter Twenty
Jamie
I woke up to find that the camp was being packed up. I frowned as I sat up and looked around me. "We're leaving today," one of the little Hobbits, Pippin, informed me with a bright grin. The younger male always seemed so excited about most everything. It seemed strange to me that he could be so happy. I was almost a little jealous of him really. What must it be like to always be able to smile?
I always smiled of course, but it was never real. Pippin's was. And I couldn't deny, at least to myself, that I was actually a little jealous of him. I wanted to be so happy and carefree. I didn't want to pretend to be that, I actually wanted to be it without having to question everything around me. Then again, I also wanted to be brave and have the ability to take care of myself. I knew, somewhere deep down that I couldn't acknowledge, that things like that would never happen.
It didn't make it any easier though. Wishing for something that you could never have was painful really. It always made the ache worse, but I had never been able to let it all go. I knew that I should. Some part of me said that I could be better. And when I looked at Boromir, I truly did wish to be those things. I almost believed that I could be brave. That I could do something worthwhile with my life. And maybe that was why I was so desperate to be a part of their journey even though a part of me knew that Annie was right and that we had to find Thea.
I sighed, trying to escape my thoughts as I slipped out from under my blanket and began to pack up the bedding I had been using over the past few weeks. Some part of me had hoped that we would never leave. There was something beautiful about the Elven land. Something solid and safe. A place that promised we could not be harmed. The outside world would not provide that comfort.
"Are you certain that you are up for the journey Lady Jamie?"
Looking up, I saw Boromir standing over me. He was dressed once more in the armor he had come in, though it was clean this time, his horn to one side and his sword on the other. A golden belt gleamed about his waist and a green cloak had replaced the fur one he had used before. He caught me looking at them and I was almost certain that a flush stole over his features. "A gift," he explained. "From the Lady Galadriel. I believe she wanted to see you and your sister as well. She said you would know where to find her."
I nodded as I stood up, brushing the dirt from my knees before I looked at Boromir. I forced myself to take a deep breath even as I did so. "I am going," I said forcing certainty to into my voice. "No matter what happens, I will be there for you. Remember, we have to get your back to your brother."
"Yes, of course," he murmured looking away.
I frowned at his back as he moved away. I wasn't sure what I had said that had upset him so much. It had to have been something bad though. And I couldn't take it back. I hated not knowing what I was doing wrong. It wasn't the first time it had happened either. Thea said I was simply socially inept. And maybe she was right. At some point in my life, alright I knew exactly when it had happened, I just didn't want to think about it.
With a heavy sigh, I started to move towards the garden where I had first woken up. I paused for a moment as I looked back over the camping area, wondering if Annie would know how to get there on her own. She was nowhere in sight and for some reason that made me uneasy. I hesitated a moment longer before I forced myself to continue towards the garden.
Tugging at the dress I wore, I wondered what I would have to wear on the journey. I hadn't seen my own clothes since I had arrived and I hadn't thought of them until now. They would probably be the better option, wouldn't they? At least then I would have pants and I had a feeling that they would be necessary. The others had spoken a lot about walking and climbing, something I knew I couldn't do in a skirt, much less a dress.
Wind tugged at the dress and my braided hair as I moved into the garden, Annie standing off to the side, staring at nothing in the distance while Galadriel stood waiting so patient and regal. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of her. I wished I could look like that. That I could be so beautiful, so utterly perfect.
"Hello Jamie," she greeted me softly. Annie turned and gave me a grin. I knew she didn't mean it though. I could see it in her eyes. That look that told me I was screwing up but she wasn't going to tell me because she knew it would upset me. That was true. It would upset me of course. But it hurt even more knowing that she realized that and was trying to protect me from herself.
Curtseying to Galadriel I managed to give them both a smile. "Boromir said that you wanted to see me."
She nodded, her eyes holding mine. I could feel the world around me dropping away. It was as if she was looking into my mind, perhaps my heart or soul if those were still left inside of me. "You must continue to be brave Jamie," she whispered. "From here, the road will become harder. The perils will be real, not simply those of the mind."
I swallowed heavily, anxiety bringing every part of me to life. Was I even up for this challenge? I knew that I wasn't. I might want to pretend that I had a chance, but I knew better. I couldn't do this. And yet, I couldn't back down now.
I'm not sure when she moved, but Galadriel was in front of me, her hand gently forcing me to look up at her. "You can do this Jamie. You would not have been chosen otherwise." I took a deep breath and nodded even though I wasn't sure if I really agreed or even understood. Taking a step back, Galadriel gestured for someone to come forward. One of the many elves of the small country stepped forward with a small bundle in hand. "These are my gifts to you child," she explained as I took the parcel in hand. "A cloak and things to wear of course. I would not see you do without. And you shall also find something else there. Something which will help you when the time comes."
"Thank you Lady Galadriel, but I-"
The Elf Queen held up her hand and smiled. "I give all of this freely. Take it with a glad heart and know that what you do, you do for us all. Now go and finish your preparations. You have far to travel yet today."
I nodded wordlessly not wanting to leave but knowing that nothing would happen until I did. I sighed softly and clutched the package tight as I left the little garden. I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever see it again. A part of me hoped that I would, but I honestly couldn't say for sure and so I forced myself to turn away and walk back towards the camp. After all, Galadriel was right. I did have a few things of my own to prepare.
And lots of praying to do.