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The Third Drop

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Kumo no Kanata

The sun sank beyond the horizon, giving a farewell wave to the night, ordering it to take over. The fallen night didn't mean much to him. If it managed to do anything, it would be scaring him. Kouji wouldn't admit it but the mere thought of what hid behind the heavy curtains of his brother's starry room horrified him.

Coming back to earth, he felt his twin's touch above the healing scar on his cheek. The reason beyond that wound remained unspoken. The touch was as tender as a soft lost feather. Its magic was dazzling and comforting and nice. If it weren't for the guilty expression his brother's facial expressions wore, he would beg for that touch forever. He sighed voicelessly and gripped his brother's palm that was apologetically stroking the mysterious light cut on his right cheek. The bleeding had stopped much earlier yet that didn't prevent the guilt that was killing the elder twin. Kouichi dared a glance at him as if protesting but Kouji merely shook his head and returned his brother's hand tore his lap.

'I am fine, Nii-san. Besides it has nothing to do with you.' The second part was added a bit harshly in order to stop the expected apologize that was slowly forming in his twin's mind.

Kouichi didn't say a word but his eyes were obviously blaming himself without even knowing why.

'It is my fault.' He whimpered in a small, broken tone.

Kouji sighed again and replied, keeping his voice as gentle as he could. 'No, it wasn't. I was helping 'Kaa-san in the kitchen. I was clumsy enough to get hurt. You should be happy, though. You aren't the only clumsy one in the family.'

That was a lame lie. But Kouji couldn't think of any alternative. It was a miracle and a relief that Kouichi didn't remember anything. Thankfully, Kouichi wouldn't question his obvious lies. He had to notice bitterly how his brother accepted his silly story. Just like how he accepted everything else.

'You need some rest.' Kouji pushed him gently to lye on his futon.

Kouichi accepted his help and snuggled under the covers. The silence fell shortly after till Kouichi's hesitant words cut it. 'About the festival. I don-'

'I will take you there.'

Kouichi gazed at him in disbelief. 'It is okay if we don't go. I don't really want to…'

Kouji pointed out, 'You wanted to go and we will go. Okaa-san and Otou-san agreed.'

The elder twin closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling. 'I see. I don't even know why I want to go.'

The joy he had felt earlier evaporated. He had been so eager to go but he wasn't sure if it was the right choice.

Kouji breathed and muttered softly, 'It doesn't matter.'

Once Kouichi hid under the blanket sheets, he allowed his mind to wonder. Questions attacked him mercilessly and he surrendered to them simply because he couldn't do more than asking them to himself. Answers weren't available. What had he done? Why were they so scared over him when he opened his eyes? Why was Kouji shouting at him? Why was everything broken around him? Kouji's right cheek and his wrists were wounded as if a sharp blade played roughly with them.

He did something bad. Really bad. But he didn't know what it was.

Whatever he had done had made them scared and worried. He had scared Kouji and hurt his parents. His mother was crying. Was She scared because of him or over him? He didn't know what made everything upside down and he secretly didn't want to know. Maybe that is why he accepted the childish tale that Kouji narrated to him.

Was it wrong to ask for a time to be out? Maybe it wasn't his right to say no. Maybe he shouldn't have asked them in the first place. He had only thought about his desire to leave and forgot why he had been stuck at home in the first place.

And Kouji? What about him? He was important to him yet most of the time he forgot that he was even there. That he could be by his side. That he was a beautiful memory he should clutch.

Why can't he remember Kouji for once when he was in a dream? Was it because Kouji was a pillar of his real world? The strongest chain that tightened him to reality. But he loved Kouji. He would do anything to make sure that he was all right but somehow he wound up hurting him every time.

And now, he was skillfully pretending to be asleep, covering his whole body with his blanket. Kouji stayed with him after they had left the living room. They didn't talk much and Kouji was helplessly trying to explain the mess from before. The way Kouji looked at him was what worried him the most. It was as if Kouji was struggling not let him blame himself which meant that he had truly done something that he should be blamed for.

He couldn't remember anything after the heated argument he had with his parents. It seemed as if reality and dreams changed places. Usually he wouldn't remember reality while dreaming but now he couldn't remember his dream. Strange, it was midday. Attacks accompany the night.

Despite all the loss and confusion he felt, he couldn't deny that he had been slightly happy. After all, Kouji had promised to take him to the festival. It was selfish to be happy after the misery he caused his family but he couldn't help it. It was quite weird to hear that Kouji's sentence was the first thing that occurred to him after receiving a confusing slap. He hadn't even felt its pain and he had been glad for that. Otherwise, Kouji would have felt guilty.

Under the bloody looking sky, the feather was dancing towards him. He had reached out for it. And touched it for less than a second. The chains that had mysteriously vanished when he had found himself under that sky had returned more stronger than ever. They tightened him roughly, pulling him far away from the feather that had left after brushing against his palm. It was a strange feeling that he couldn't even describe. The few milliseconds felt like ages then. A burning sensation had overcome him . His back seemed as if it had been ripped apart. The wind's sound had reached him then. It had been a weird feeling but it had been welcomed by every fiber of his being as if that burning sensation was what he had looked for for ages.

He closed his eyes, returning to the thoughts of how the festival would look like. He sounded like a three-year-old child who was going to the zoo to see the brown teddy bear's large family. Hopefully, he wouldn't be startled like that child once realizing that his sweet teddy bear wasn't the same bear that existed in the zoo.

He felt cold. Freezing even. The coldness had nothing to do with the temperature in the room. His body was shivering, teeth stuttering illogically. He hugged himself tighter but that didn't stop the coldness that radiated from his very core. Kouji was alone and that enabled him to express his fear. The fear that he would rather die before showing it in front of his brother.

Shivering there alone was frightening even to him. Just thinking about what the horrifyingly pure wings could do was killing him slowly.

"I imagined them. They weren't real. No way that could be real. The wind has nothing to do with Nii-san!" he muttered to himself as if seeing those words would reassure him of their claim. He shook his head, dismissing the wild ideas before even allowing them to occur to him.

'I am sick of everything…'

For some reason, he hated the small, starry room. Maybe because the wallpapers were their father's first attempts to isolate his brother from the night sky outside. Back then, Kouichi hadn't dismissed their concern. A five-year-old child wouldn't say no to his parents when the tears were so obvious in his mother's eyes. Especially if he had been as timid as Kouichi.

And it continued. The starry sky was the elder twin's gate to the real sky outside the walls. He had never complained before. And that hurt his family even more. Kouichi had finally complained and their normal life shattered. After what happened, a small voice told him that nothing would be normal again.

A light knock on the door made him jump. His heart thumped fearfully. Since when did he grow so scared of the unexpected? His father's voice on the other side placated his illogical fear.

'Kouji, are you inside?'

'Yeah.' Fortunately, his voice was calm and strangely accepting his father's presence.

Kousei entered with a gentle smile. He gazed towards his elder son in concern. 'How is he doing?'

'Like always.'

'I see.'

Kousei wasn't sure if his younger son's avoiding eyes were crying or simply thinking deeply. He would be lying to himself if he claimed that he understood what had happened earlier. His son was perfectly fine after that. He hadn't even seemed to recognize what happened. He had continued hugging Kouji for another few minutes before chuckling suddenly, announcing that he could smell burnt cookies. However, the broken glass and their scared faces rang worried bells in the elder twin's heart. Luckily, Kouji was collected enough to take his brother to his room and fabricate whatever story to explain what had happened. No one talked about what happened after that. Even the obvious red mark on Kouichi's right cheek remained unnoticed by him or rather he was really good in pretending not to notice. Nevertheless, Kousei could expect how worried he was over his brother's light cuts.

'Do you really intend to take him to the festival?'

Kouji raised his head slowly and gave his father a helpless look that was foreign to him. 'What else could I do?' His voice cracked slightly.

'That will be dangerous!'

'As if I don't know!' Kouji shot back loudly even though his father's tone remained flat as if the elder man was hiding his worry miserably.

His father sighed then surrendered to the comforting ground to sit by his son's side. He looked much older than his age with dark circles around his eyes and few easily noticed white hairs just like how their mother looked. It made Kouji feel sorry for them. They were trying everything they could do, knowing that it was pointless especially when they don't seem to understand what was happening to their son. Not that he himself could.

The elder man ruffled with his pocket, thinking for a moment about taking a cigarette then remembering quite quickly where he was. It felt strangely good to smoke when he was worried and unable to think about what he was supposed to say. When Tomoko wasn't around, he could smoke few cigarettes to clear his mind. Another sigh was his reaction after the simple realization of his inability to smoke. After few minutes of flat silence, he resumed his talk, hoping his younger son would pay him some attention. 'You know that your birthdays are few days from now. It is dangerous to have an attack so soon. It is enough tha-

'That he would stay in the hospital for a month at least after turning fourteen. I know that! It had happened every damn birthday.'

Luckily for him, Kousei was calm enough not to hold back after his son's outraged words. 'We don't want this to happen this year too. I intended to take him to the hospital before your birthday. Two days before the festival. The doctors said it will be better to observe him earlier.'

'They don't care about him, Otou-san. To them, he is a freak.' Kouji muttered, breathing heavily after every word. He paused for few seconds to swallow his anger. There was no point in shouting at his father yet he couldn't help adding bitterly, 'Why do you take him to the hospital anyway? They couldn't help him. The medicines you buy just to relief your guilt are lying under his desk. You know that he wouldn't take them no matter what yet you didn't try to persuade him to.'

The words opened a wound that hadn't recovered yet. How could he persuade his son to take useless medicines when the first and only time Kouichi took something other than the normal vitamin, he fell into a comma for more than 48 hours. It was a miracle that he had lived then. His fragile nine-year-old body couldn't take the strong sleeping pills that were supposed to send him into a dreamless slumber.

Kouji had said a freak and his father couldn't really protest to the tactless use of the word. It was true that his son hadn't been normal since his birth. It was impossible to believe that the one-day baby managed to survive even after three weeks of being under artificial caring devices. About fourteen years ago, the doctors had said sorrowfully that the elder twin wouldn't survive yet they refused taking him off the life support machines. It was too cruel to kill a born baby when he was going to die on his own eventually. He had left the hospital with his wife few days after the twins' birth. Strangely, Tomoko was perfectly healthy as was the younger son. Back then, they had accepted the awaited death of their baby. Just as they started accepting their life with an only child which wasn't so hard as they didn't expect twins at all, the miracle happened.

The hospital had called but not to inform them with the expected death of the born baby but to tell them that the child is alive and able to go home with them anytime. His body was healthy without any trace of the weakness they assumed when he was hardly breathing.

The happy family had gone home but the happy life they waited didn't come. The child, Kouichi, was back to the hospital less than a month later because of a sudden fever. Since then, he had become a constant visitor. And in a way an interesting patient who magically attracted ambitious doctors to monitor his condition. It wasn't that Kousei had liked it but at least he felt that he was doing something even if it wasn't working. It was better than watching helplessly..

'He needs some change. Kouichi had concealed his desire to be outside long enough.' The words were flat and carefully uttered. The blue eyes crossed the small space that separated him from his sleeping twin. He murmured softly when his father didn't reply, 'He became sick of everything around him. He promised that he would be fine if we went there and Kouichi would never break a promise.'

Speechless, Kousei sighed. 'Seriously, you two are too stubborn.'

He smiled kindly and added. 'Just take care of him. I wish me and your mum can come with you but I think he would like to be out alone with you. We still have few days from then. It is a bit early to think about it now.'

He stood and looked dawn at his son. 'Get some sleep, Kouji. I know you don't like sleeping in his room.'

Kouji nodded but didn't offer further affirmation.

He turned again to look at his now sleeping brother. He knew that Kouichi wasn't asleep in the first hour or so but he hadn't tried to show him that.

Why did he promise to fulfill Kouichi's request? Was that because he was so sure that Kouichi wouldn't have an attack there? He surely trusted Kouichi's promises but that was different. Somewhere inside him, a feeling told him that this visit was important. That it was a matter of death or life. That feeling was part of the coldness he felt. However if that feeling would lead him to get some answers then he would go. His fear wasn't because of what might happen to Kouichi there. He was terrified of some unknown answers that were playing with him like a toy. H e was yearning for unknown answers which he could hardly find questions to and horrifying explanations that he was so sure he would be much better without.

Yet, he would go. Because he had to. He needed to.

To Be Continued ...!~...

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Author Note

Title Translation: Beyond the clouds

Admitting that I am so late won't help much ,ne? *Sigh* Gomen nasai Minna-san but you know what exams/university work mean... A better way of apologizing is updating as fast as I can (I am doing my best !)

Certainly not my best ! But it half of it had stayed for a while in my documents! Well, this is a more explanation-like chapter. The coming chapter is quite cute(Almost done ) The real fun would start after that.

Feel free to tell me what you think! Cookies for everyone!(not burnt though). And sorry again for being late! *repeatedl bows*