Fluttershy was busily dusting out a new habitat for homeless wasps when she felt somebody grab her from behind.
"GOTTCHA!"
"Who-what?! Rainbow, is that-?" But before Fluttershy could comprehend the situation she was being carried out the window at lightning speed.
"I don't know what you think you're doing out of the soil!" Rainbow Dash yelled over the rushing wind "Or how you're still alive after that long, or even how you got out of there in the first place! But I do know this, you're getting back in there right NOW! There's no way I'm going to let you wither and die!"
"Oh, well...um,.." Fluttershy sighed as they landed back by the dirt pile "...okay."
Rainbow Dash stuffed her back in the soil and immediately went to work reburying her legs.
"So, uh..." Fluttershy blushed as she tried to put the previous day's conversation with the counselor out of her mind "...I thought you were at Applejack's?"
Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed "Yeah, she tried to keep me there. Guess it doesn't matter to HER whether you wither away in the summer sun. You would think someone who works on an apple farm would care more about taking care of trees!"
"Well, Rainbow Dash, you see I'm really not a tr-"
"TREES DON'T TALK!" Rainbow Dash bellowed. Fluttershy couldn't help but start to notice that Rainbow would only seem to remember this rule whenever Fluttershy was trying to contradict her.
"Anyways," Rainbow Dash continued "She TRIED to keep me there. Drugged me even, imagine that! But the devotion in my heart was stronger than the alcohol in my bloodstream. So I fought my way out of unconsciousness, sent her flying up to Cloudsdale with a swift kick to the head and then immediately rushed to your side. Pretty impressive huh?"
"Well, yes, actually that IS very impressive. And quite thoughtful, though I'm wondering if keeping me inside the soil is really-"
"Yeah yeah, I know. Kind of makes you want to start like 50 fanclubs for me, doesn't it?"
"Umm...right."
Actually a Rainbow Dash fan club might be a bad idea for me. I might have to go all Flutterage on the other hussy-horsies who wanted to get flashy with my Dashie. Oh dear, I just thought the word "hussy"! I'm an awful person...
While Fluttershy was busy angsting in italics, Rainbow Dash found herself staring at her fluttery friend and doing some deep pondering.
Somehow this isn't...somehow...I'm missing something here. There's something about this situation that I'm just totally off base about...
The electricity started with a few sparks and started to build up until it became a figurative lightning bolt that zapped Rainbow Dash in the brain.
"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh..." Rainbow Dash gasped, and then hung her head "Fluttershy...I'm sorry."
...maybe she would think I was sexier if I wore ears like Angel Bunny...oh no I thought the word "sexier"! They'll have to lock me up in the Canterlot prison for naughty ponies-oh wait, she's talking to me.
"Sorry for what Dashie? I don't think you have anything to be sorry about-"
"Yes I do." Rainbow Dash's head snapped back up and her eyes fixed on Fluttershy's with an intense gaze. "The truth has been in front of me this whole time, and I've been too blind to see it." Rainbow Dash started tearing up "I'm sorry Fluttershy, I don't know what's been making me see things the way I have until now..."
Fluttershy smiled with relief. Oh good, we're over the tree phase. Now maybe we can get past being stuck in the ground and get dirty in a different sense-NO! OH MY GOODNESS DEAR WHY ARE MY THOUGHTS SO NAUGHTY?
"I don't know why I couldn't see before that you weren't-"
I'm almost free!
"-just another friend to me. You're...something different..."
...oh wait, WHAT?
"Fluttershy, I think I want to marry you."
Fluttershy's mouth fell open. WHAT?! This is...actually this is quite wonderful but why in Equestria couldn't she have this revelation AFTER she realizes I'm not a tree?
"Rainbow I-"
Rainbow Dash held up a hoof "I know that you're a tree right now, and that you cannot verbally accept my proposal, but judging by my awesomeness levels I can just assume that you'd say yes if you could talk to me."
The pink circles were back on Fluttershy's face as she beamed "I like that assumption!"
"TREES DON'T TALK!"
"Oh...right. Sorry."
"So now I just have to find a really huge flowerpot, put some wheels on it, transplant you, pull you over to the courthouse so we can-" Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide with realization "Oh no, the courthouse. Rrrgh! They'll try to stop our union because you're in a different kingdom of life, I just know they will. Closed-minded batch of freaks!"
"Umm..."
"That doesn't matter! All the courts in Equestria could be turned against us and I would STILL find a way for us to be wed Fluttershy! Nothing will stop me, my bride!"
This whole situation is sort of ridiculous...but my brain is melting into a cotton candy mash of happiness since Dashie just referred to me as her bride. I'm...happy. ^-^
"Now to think of a plan...it may take a while since my brain is not as speedy as my wings, but it will come to me-"
"Miss Rainbow Dash!" the cutie mark corporate lawyers came trotting over the hill.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes "Not now! Can't you see I'm struggling with a solution to marriage inequality?"
"But we thought you might wanna know your court date. Granny Apple Smith and Rarity are suing you for the damage done to their businesses by your recent Sonic Rainboom. We'll be seeing you over from the prosecution table next Wednesday."
"WHAT? Rarity too?! What...I-? My friends suck. Not you my darling," Rainbow Dash patted Fluttershy reassuringly on the side. "But Granny Apple Smith and Rarity are crummy mc-scummies! Are you guys just rounding up cases against me?"
"It's nothing personal," Scootaloo stated matter-of-factly "We'll take a case for anyone who will pay us."
"You loyalty-less lo-wait, did you say you'll take a case for anyone?"
"Anyone who pays."
Rainbow Dash's eyes lit up as a solution to at least one of her problems started to come together for her.
"You guys have a slot open the morning before the court case?"
"...we could make one if there's a good reason for us to."
"Oh I have a reason for you. Oh do I ever have a reason..."