A/N: Life happened. I could make a ton of excuses as to why I haven't updated sooner, but I'm just going to leave it at that. The good news in all of this is that there is a light beginning to appear at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully things should be back to some semblance of normal within the next couple of weeks. It might be a little while before I update again, but rest assured, I fully intend to finish what I've started. I hope you'll all stay with me!
To all who have left me a comment or review, thank you. They are extremely encouraging. Please continue to let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!
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Adam stifled a yawn as he made his way from his room to the top of the stairs, a small smile breaking out on his face at the silence that greeted him. The first rays of sunlight had barely begun to creep across the floorboards of the sleeping house, and he relished the quiet moments of solitude that seemed to stealthily disappear as soon as the house's occupants began stirring.
It had always been his favorite time of the day; a time where practical and necessary thoughts and plans could be pushed aside for the more impractical. It was the only time during the day that the responsible, sensible young man let his mind wander afar. His thoughts would travel all over the place-hopes and dreams for the future, remembrances of good times past; he always found this quiet time to be his opportunity to get his thoughts together for the day ahead.
His father would often join him, Adam taking after Ben Cartwright in being an early riser. In fact, all of the Cartwright men, with the exception of one young man in particular, were known to take turns being the first to rise in the morning. Adam couldn't stop his smile at the thought of his youngest brother, Joe never being too eager for the day to begin. He could just picture Joe now, his little brother protesting quite loudly at his somewhat forced removal from his bed. The thought caused Adam to cringe with a slight wave of sympathy for his younger brother Hoss. More often than not, the pleasant task of rousing their younger brother from his bed at a respectable hour invariably fell to the good-natured teenager, Hoss's patience and gentle touch with his little brother far outlasting that of his older brother or father.
Adam rubbed the rest of the sleep from his eyes as he made his way slowly down the stairs, and crossing the front room he opened the door, stepping out onto the porch. He stood silently as he couldn't help admiring the sun slowly rising, the faint light reflecting off of the misty fog that was still clinging to the peaks of the hills in the distance. His mind began to wander aimlessly on the tasks of the day, a contented sigh escaping his throat as he breathed deeply in the beauty of the morning.
It didn't take long for his thoughts to be interrupted, a curious noise suddenly catching his attention. Adam listened intently for a moment, the barely audible, slightly repetitive sound echoing through the still barn yard, and noticing for the first time the open barn door, he made the realization that he hadn't been the first to rise after all. His growing curiosity getting the better of him, he made quick strides across the yard, slowing his stride just a little as he entered the dimly lit barn.
'Joe!'
He couldn't help the slight shock in his voice as he discovered just who was busily working at mucking out stalls so early in the morning. While there were many mornings that Adam had grumbled about how he wished his youngest brother would get an earlier start to his morning chores, the actual sight of him doing just that was a rather surprising one. Adam frowned slightly as he watched his younger brother, Joe continuing his work almost as if he hadn't even heard his brother's voice.
The out of character behavior his little brother was exhibiting was disconcerting enough, and the slight unease that had crept into Adam's stomach only grew as his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the barn and he could clearly see his surroundings. It was plain to see that something was going on. The amount of work done, in addition to the fact that the person who had been doing it was of a rather small stature, led Adam to the slightly alarming conclusion that his little brother had been at the task for quite some time, perhaps hours before he or anyone else had even awakened. He forced himself to swallow his mounting concern and found his voice again, working hard to keep his tone soft.
'Joe? What are you doing, buddy? Everything okay?'
Joe had inwardly cringed when he'd first heard his brother's voice; it had been a somewhat vain hope, he now realized, that his actions wouldn't be discovered. He sighed inwardly at the realization, knowing an explanation for his early appearance in the barn was now going to be necessary and, in all honesty, he just wasn't feeling like dealing with the situation.
He was tired. He hadn't been able to go back to sleep, as was becoming quite usual after a nightmare, and he had grown restless. Joe had felt as if he would go crazy just lying in his bed, trying to remember something that stubbornly resolved to remain hidden. So he'd made his move the moment he'd been able to see that the darkness was beginning to fade into daylight. Hoping that doing something, anything would get his mind off of the nameless thoughts that relentlessly plagued him, he'd snuck out of the house as quietly as he could to go to the barn. While the activity was tiring, he had found the repetitive motion required by the barn work slightly comforting. Steeling himself for the inevitable questions to come, he did his best to appear nonchalant, and turning his eyes to his older brother he finally acknowledged him in a quiet voice.
'Morning, Adam. Everythin's fine. Just thought I'd start my chores, that's all…'
Adam narrowed his eyes slightly, his gaze falling over the young boy critically. Joe felt the heat on his face as he blushed slightly, his eyes lowering back down to the barn floor at the intensity of his older brother's scrutinizing stare. The little boy bit his lip as he waited miserably for his older brother's response.
'It's awfully early.'
He tried to keep his tone light, but Adam was far from convinced that everything was as fine as his little brother was trying to make it appear. Adam couldn't help noticing how his brother had visibly tensed when he'd first called out to him, and when Joe had turned around to face his older brother, Adam hadn't missed seeing the paleness of his brother's skin and the dark smudges under his eyes that indicated a lack of sleep. He took a deep breath as he decided to try another approach, getting right to the heart of the matter at hand.
'Sleep alright?'
'Fine.'
The one word response was decidedly unconvincing, and Adam frowned again as Joe turned his back to him and continued with his chores. As much as he suddenly felt like shaking a more truthful response out of his little brother, Adam knew that pushing the boy too hard was not the answer. So he just stood patiently, waiting for his brother to continue. Joe didn't keep him waiting for very long, the words almost tripping over themselves as they came from the younger boy's mouth.
'Like I told ya, I just thought I'd get started on my chores. Mebbe I'll start getting up early from now on.' Joe stopped his work again and turned to face his brother, a ghost of a smile thrown in his older brother's direction. 'It's kinda nice.'
His heart quickened at the ridiculousness of his brother's response, and Adam bit his lip to keep from verbalizing out loud the retort that was on the tip of his tongue. All he could do was shake his head as Joe turned away again, back to his chores, a signal his older brother took to mean that the younger boy had nothing more to say. More concerned that there was something seriously wrong with his little brother than ever before, Adam rather reluctantly decided to let the matter drop for the moment. After another moment of awkward silence as he intently watched his little brother work, Adam turned around and slowly made his way back to the house.
Joe had just kept to his work, holding his breath as he felt the crushing weight of his brother's stare on his back. The pressure from his brother's scrutiny seemed to melt away when Adam's eyes finally turned away, and he released a relieved breath as his older brother's footsteps faded into the morning. He sighed wearily and rubbed the back of his hand across his suddenly damp eyes.
A part of him wished he had just told his brother what was wrong, but how could he tell Adam what was wrong when he didn't even know himself? Joe felt himself growing angry at his own weakness and he channeled the anger, pushing himself to work even faster. His breath caught in his throat as the tiny voice began repeating the words in his head again, and he couldn't help the slight shudder of terror it stirred in his heart.
You can't tell him…you're all alone now…
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'Pa, I think there is something really wrong with Joe.' Adam couldn't keep the concern out of his voice as he looked at his father solemnly. 'He was working in the barn at least an hour before sunup.' He spoke with urgency in his voice. 'He even told me he thought it was kind of nice to be up so early and that he was thinking of doing it more often.'
Ben had been relaxing with a cup of coffee when his oldest son had found him, and suddenly he found himself sputtering on the hot liquid, trying to choke back the laugh that had caught in his throat at the absurdness of Adam's words. Trying to control the grin that was spreading across his face, he lifted twinkling eyes to meet his son's face, expecting the punch line of the joke to come at any moment. The smile fell from his face, however, when he took in the quiet seriousness covering Adam's features. He felt his own worry beginning as he took in the deep concern in Adam's brown eyes, and his own eyes darkened, his head nodding slowly as he considered the words thoughtfully.
'I don't think he's sleeping, either,' Adam continued hastily, seeing by the marked change in Ben's facial expression that he now had his father's full attention. 'He's real pale and he had dark circles under his eyes.'
Ben set down his coffee cup and sighed heavily, the words only validating more the knot of concern he could feel beginning to form in his stomach. Joe had always been the most impressionable of his three sons, overly emotional and with a very vivid imagination. Throughout his short life Ben's youngest had been almost continuously tormented by horrible nightmares that had affected his sleep.
He couldn't help being slightly puzzled about the current situation, however. It had been several years since the last bout of sleepless nights had plagued his son. The thought that the nightmares could be starting again, after so much time had passed, was a disturbing one to the now-worried father. The adoring patriarch also couldn't stop the sudden twinge of guilt he felt at not noticing sooner that his youngest seemed to be again having the problems with the nightmares. Adam, perceptive as always, was quick to read the look in his father's eyes and rushed to reassure him.
'Pa…you couldn't…how would you have…' his words trailed off as his father looked at him gratefully, nodding his head in understanding as he recognized his son's efforts to console him. The relieved smile Adam felt quickly faded as a new thought suddenly struck him, and he sucked in his breath sharply.
'What is it, Adam?' Ben frowned slightly at the suddenly troubled look that appeared on his son's face.
'I just remembered something,' Adam said slowly, his own feelings of guilt starting to churn in his stomach. He swallowed hard before he spoke again. 'About a month ago, Joe came to my room. He'd had a nightmare…and…'
'And, what?'
'He couldn't remember it.' Adam shuddered again at the memory of the haunted look in his little brother's eyes. 'He stayed with me…and he went to sleep…I thought it was just a one time thing, that he was okay. Maybe I should have talked to him about it again.' He shook his head, suddenly disgusted with himself for his inattention to his brother's apparent suffering. He looked at his father imploringly. 'Oh, Pa, do you think I missed something?'
Ben looked at the despair welling up in his son's eyes and shook his head. Adam had always taken his responsibility as oldest, as protector, very seriously. It had always been an extreme reaction; his oldest son often left reeling from the waves of unjustified guilt he burdened himself with. Even still, regardless of how critical the young man was now being of himself, Ben couldn't stop the small swelling of pride he felt as he watched the struggle of emotions on Adam's face. It was obvious how much his sons loved each other, and the thought warmed his heart.
'I think you did at the time all you could possibly do for your brother,' he consoled gently, hoping his words brought his son the reassurance he needed. He was going to say more when he was suddenly interrupted by the slamming of the front door, the loud bang resonating through the quiet house.
Ben turned quickly enough to see his youngest son crossing the front room practically in a run, almost blindly hurrying to the stairs. He watched silently as Joe rushed up the stairs, pushing past Hoss as the teenager was making his way down the stairwell. Hoss's pale eyes widened in surprise at the sight of his younger brother plowing straight in his direction, and he nimbly moved his large frame aside to avoid the collision.
'Hey Shortshanks, watch it!' he called somewhat good-naturedly to the smaller boy's retreating back as Joe finished charging up the stairs to his room, the door to his room also slamming shut behind him. Hoss turned and looked at his older brother and father with a puzzled frown.
'What was that all about?'
Ben didn't answer as he continued to stare at the empty stairwell, his heart sinking as a slight feeling of dread came over him. He'd caught a glance of his son's pale skin and dark eyes, and he didn't like what he saw. Turning back to his oldest, Ben nodded his head at Adam, letting the young man know that he now understood completely what had caused the older brother such concern. There definitely was something wrong with his youngest child, and it pained him that he had no idea what it was.
'What's goin' on?' Hoss demanded again, his brow creasing into a scowl as he took in the concerned looks on his father's and brother's faces. Something about the way they were staring at the stairs set the gentle teenager on edge. 'Is Shortshanks okay?'
'I think Joe's having nightmares again,' Adam whispered to his brother, and Hoss's eyes widened in response. Hoss shook his head slowly, and his tone was mournful when he finally spoke.
'Pa, what we gonna do?'
Adam could hear the troubled tone in Hoss's voice, but not having an answer to give, he just lifted his eyes to look at his brother, shaking his head sadly. Their past experience with the problem brought troubled thoughts, and they all had the nagging feeling that whatever was going on, the resolution to the problem wasn't going to be easy.
It was their father who finally spoke, Ben's voice suddenly sounding old and tired as he tried to reassure his sons. It almost sounded to Adam like his father was trying to reassure himself too.
'Well, to start, today we're going to take a day off. We need some supplies in town, so we'll all go.' He forced a smile at his boys, both now sitting at the dining room table. 'It's been a long time since we've taken it easy, and maybe having a little fun today will do the trick.'
The two brothers shot worried glances at each other, and then brought their eyes back to the pinched smile on their father's face. It was apparent. Not one of them found the words convincing.
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It had been a rather uneventful ride into town. Joe had sulked most of the way there, cranky at the indignity he felt he was suffering as a result of his father making him ride in the wagon as opposed to riding his horse. Ben kept shooting glances down at the small boy who sat rigidly next to him, finding himself getting slightly annoyed at the prominent pout on the child's face. Adam and Hoss, mounted but riding closely beside the wagon, had early on in the trip attempted, with idle chatter, to draw their younger brother out of his stony silence. But it hadn't taken long for the icy glares being shot at them from the cold emerald eyes to render them tongue-tied; dooming the rest of the trip to uncomfortable silence.
It was with a slight sense of relief that Ben finally drove the wagon towards the first buildings lining the busy street of the town. 'Whoa,' his calm voice called to the horses as he pulled the wagon to a stop in front of the general store.
He stepped down into the dusty street and sighed again as his eyes turned to his youngest son, Joe still sitting motionless in the wagon, his eyes dark and a scowl on his face. Shaking his head, Ben turned and looked up at his other sons, Adam and Hoss still sitting in their saddles.
'Adam, Hoss, I want you to go on down to the feed store and order what we need,' Ben said quickly. 'Joseph and I will finish up here and meet you shortly.' The two older boys merely nodded and turned their horses down the busy street.
'Come along, Joseph,' Ben turned his attention back to his youngest son, who was still stubbornly sitting in the wagon. He sighed impatiently at the scowl that still lingered on his son's face. Joe's expression visibly changed when his father suddenly glared sharply at him.
Joe jumped down from the wagon, staring at his feet glumly as he moved towards the steps of the general store. He was tired, frustrated, and even his father's earlier promise of some candy hadn't made his mood any better. Not lifting his eyes from where they stared down at his feet, he'd only made it up one step when a large object suddenly barreled into him, the jostle pushing him backwards. Stumbling, tripping over his feet, Joe just managed to catch himself before he fell, leaning heavily into the side of the wagon. The anger he'd been feeling just under the surface for the whole day suddenly welling up explosively, his bright green eyes flashed fire as they darted up to see just what had run into him.
He wasn't sure what happened. It was rather warm all of a sudden, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as he suddenly gasped out loud. Nothing seemed to make any sense; it was almost as if he was suddenly in another world. His eyes widening in shock, he could feel the blood drain from his face as his head suddenly felt dizzy, cloudy, the voice that had suddenly started speaking to him growing fainter by the second.
'Sorry, sonny. Guess I didn't see you…say kid, you alright?'
Ben could only watch in shocked amazement as his son gave a weak cry and fell to his knees in the dusty street.
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I know, I know, no questions have been answered yet, sorry. There's a lot more to come! I'm trying to decide between writing shorter or longer chapters and I would love to hear any suggestions! Thanks, as always, for reading :)
