"Miss Sidle, I heard you're not happy with the position you put yourself in."

Sara almost choked on her tea. The woman who stormed into her room didn't bother to knock or tell her her name first. This entry was more like the return of a revenge angel than the arriving of the helping hand. Doctor Bendler, she assumed. Not as tall as Jules, reddish blonde curls – also not like Jules and an attitude Sara felt right away.

"I…yes."

"So you let your psychologist call me in. What do you think will happen during this meeting? What is your goal?"

"Showing and telling you that I don't want to go to the loony bin."

"You attempted suicide, what makes you think you don't belong there?"

No nonsense, no 'I understand' and no careful questions. Sara had been warned that Doctor Bender wouldn't use velvet gloves. The psychiatrist was more than straight forward.

"I…I didn't…I won't do it again."

"How comes?"

"I thought I couldn't walk anymore, couldn't work anymore. Without work I didn't see any reasons to keep on living."

"And now you do see some reasons?"

"I can work again in three or four weeks."

"Why does your life makes no sense without work?"

"Without work I'm…" Sara wanted to say nothing but that was the wrong words to use when a shrink was around. "…I've nothing to do. It's all I have, I can do."

"What about a life outside the work? Family? Friends?"

"Colleagues."

"So basically when you lose your job your life is senseless."

"No. Yes. I don't know." That couldn't be good. She had to give the right answers otherwise this doctor would send her straight to the loony bin. Probably tonight.

"Doctor Bendler…I know it was wrong to cut my wrist, I found that out. And I know I need to get a life outside work and that I have to learn that I'm a person worth loving not because of my work but because of me. I want to learn that. I want to have a healthier relationship to myself but I don't think staying in a psychiatric facility will help me."

"A place with a lot of trained people can't help you?"

"No."

"How's that?"

Sara bit on her lips.

"You don't want to go there you better talk and answer questions, Miss Sidle. If you decide to be quiet I see that as a sign you don't want to talk to me, I don't want me to understand. If I don't understand I can't do anything else than agreeing with my colleague."

Blackmailing. It sounded like blackmailing. The problem was Sara had nothing to do against it. She needed the help of the doctor, apparently she was the only one who could help Sara.

"My mother is in a mental facility. She killed my father when I was almost thirteen and suffers from schizophrenia." If reality got her into the loony bin it was bad luck. Jules told her doctor Bendler was the best, so she wouldn't come up with a conclusion like Sara tried to kill herself because she had schizophrenia too.

"Just because your mother has this disorder it doesn't mean you have it too. Did you ever have any signs of schizophrenia?"

"No. Beside the attempted suicide."

"Do you blame that on schizophrenia? Did you hear voice telling you to do it? Saw somebody who killed himself and wanted you to join?"

"No!"

"Why did you do it?"

"Because the doctor told me I'm paralyzed and I thought my life was over."

"You're not paralyzed, not for longer than two or three weeks. I'm sure your doctor told you."

"Probably."

"What do you mean with probably?"

"That means after I heard him saying I'm paralyzed I stopped…kind of stopped listening."

"You stopped listening?"

"The next thing I remember is that Greg, my colleague, was here. And I had the plan to kill myself."

"How much time was between that and your doctor's talk?"

"An hour? Two? I don't know. Why is that important?"

"It has to do with your suicide attempted, everything about this is important. Are you willing to see somebody twice a week to get help, talk about your thoughts?"

"If that lets me stay out of a hospital, yes."

"Can you tell your therapist or somebody else that you have suicide feelings in case they come back? Can you trust somebody enough to say them out loud?"

Sara thought for a moment about Jules. Could she tell Jules? She had the feeling she could tell Jules everything which was ridiculous, they barely knew each other. Was it possible to be so close to somebody after this little time they spent together?

"Yes."

"Who? After you told me before you don't have family and friends."

"I think I can tell it doctor Weinberg."

"Who isn't your department psychologist."

"No."

"Are you friends?"

"She was there for me and I feel like I can talk to her about everything. And I promised her I won't try to kill myself again. I keep my promises, Doctor Bendler."

"That's noble. Now, tell me more about your back. What happened that you can't move your legs anymore."

"I…I don't know. We need to ask a doctor about that."

"You don't know anything about condition? You really should listen to your doctor, Miss Sidle. Do you remember what I told you so far?"

"Every single word." That wasn't a lie. Sara could repeat the whole conversation. She knew this was her chance and she paid a lot of attention to all details.

"Stop keep me hanging on, mom. What's your decision?" Jules had been patient the whole time she and her mother had dinner. Now that they sat together with a coffee in the living room she wanted an answer to the question that was burning under her nails.

"What makes you think I made a decision yet."

"I know you. So?"

"What is your relationship to Miss Sidle?"

"Why?"

"Because apparently she's your sister what makes her my daughter. I didn't know I've got a second daughter."

"The hospital has a 'family only' policy and I told them I'm her sister so I could see her. By the way, I also have a husband and no, it's not Kenny."

"I'm sure you're over Kenny. An alibi husband and an alibi sister. Why is it important for you to see her?"

"Don't ask question you know the answer to."

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"I did. Last Saturday. It was supposed to be an one-night-stand." They always been open to each other and when her mother asked her a straight question Jules answered it the same way. In high school she tried it with hiding and some lies, found out it got her nothing than trouble while the truth never got her any trouble – even when her mother wasn't happy with what she did or wanted to do.

"What does supposed to be mean?"

"It means that it's complicated. I realized when we talked that evening I like her. It was fun, she has humor, is smart and knows what she wants. At the same time there was a certain amount of insecurity that made it clear, she needed somebody who was there for her. She hasn't told me much about her life, I know there had been some rather nasty things. Anyway, when I woke up Sunday noon she was gone. Two days later I got a new client, was supposed to meet her after her shift, early in the morning. Before I get in to work I get a call she had an accident and is at Desert Palms. I went there to reschedule. When I found out Miss Sidle is Sara, I called my colleague and told him, I know my new client from outside work and he will take over.

It should have been the end of the story but she told me she has no family here and waking in hospital is bad. Waking up without somebody next to your bed is even worse. So I used my doctor title, stayed a little bit. She woke up, I got sent away by her doctor. The next day I used my doctor title on a nurse again and when I found Sara covered in blood I changed to being her sister from San Diego.

I've no idea what will happen between us but we agreed that an old agreement can be renewed when both parties don't like the old version anymore. She told me she woke up because she heard my voice and wanted to see me.

Mom, I like her. Despite the fact I barely know her. I want to know her and she promised me she won't try to kill herself. I believe her and it's not because I want to believe her. The psychologist in me also believes her."

"Do you know why she wanted to die?"

"Because she thought she's paralyzed and can't work anymore. Her work seems to be the center of her life. Why she didn't hear that her doctor told her it's only temporarily I've no idea."

"Make an educated guess."

Jules hated it when her mother something and wanted her to find it out without giving her any clues.

"She said she didn't listen anymore after he said paralyzed. Could be a shock. Or more."

"Like what?"

"Mom, I'm fishing if I go on. Why don't you tell me what you know?"

"I can't. Doctor – patient confidentiality. You get your favor, I work with her. For now. You having a relationship with her makes it more complicated. Plus I don't think I'm the best choice as a therapist for her. She needs somebody more…softly to open up completely. Today she did it because she was scared she has to go to a mental facility."

"What did you say about this topic? And don't give me the confidentially shit or I'll leave right now and drive to Desert Palms and ask her."

"Don't try to threaten me Jules, that never worked out. I told her doctor in my opinion she won't try another suicide any time soon. What happens in a few years nobody knows. He lets her go, she'll come twice a week to see me, not only because of the suicide but also for her back."

"Are the two to three weeks realistic?"

"I got the information today and haven't had a good look at them. So far I'd say yes."

"Temporary paralysis is typically brought on by swelling or pressure on the nervous system resulting from a spinal cord injury of some kind. The night she had the accident she fell down a flight of stairs after a suspected assaulted her. The swelling is capable of inhibiting certain nervous system functions, preventing her from moving her legs. When the swelling subsides the temporary paralysis goes and her nervous system functionality is able to return. In her case the two to three weeks. Right?"

"I'm glad you leant a few things."

"My mom wanted me to be a neurologist."

"Your mom will make sure your friend walks again. Will you stay with her when she gets home? She'll be a wheelchair first and it's better – also for the mental problems – when she isn't alone."

"I don't know, we haven't talked about that. We haven't talked about what will happen with us, all we know is, we don't want it to be over. What this second chance will give us, we have to find out. If she wants me around, I'll be there. And so will Greg, I'm certain about that."

"Greg is her colleague?"

"Yes, her brother-in-law. My husband. I'll introduce you one day, you'll be delighted about the change of my taste in men. From quarterback to CSI/DNA specialist."

"Just knowing his profession is enough to know he suits you better than Kenny. You need brains and not brawns. Kenny's arms were full like a turkey on Thanksgiving, his head was empty like your wallet after a weekend away."

Jules chuckled. That was a nice comparison.

"Yes, Greg is smart."

"Which doesn't help him because you aren't interested in men. I'm glad you found that out after Kenny."

"Other mothers prefer their daughter seeing men so they'll get pregnant and give them a lot of grandchildren."

"I want to see my daughter happy and men don't make her happy." Jules's mother took her daughters hand. "If Miss Sidle makes you happy I'll do everything to make her happy and healthy."

"Thanks mom." Jules hugged her. She knew she could count on her mother. They had never let each other down.