Chapter 4

Disclaimer : Naruto is not owned by me

Kaiseryuu : hoohoo, i like were this is going. keep it up, and make those da,m chapters longer, you're current chaps are barely snacks.

No way...someone is appreciating the chapters? Hell, even I find writing them boring. But then again, you said 'where this is going'. Well I do too ;). I'm actually pushing the envelope seeing as my old chapters were 1000-2000 words long. I'm learning :).

Hououza : So, Naruto continues his learning, and despite the fact he doesn't seem to be progressing at the moment I am sure that he will get there. Slowly.

Of course Naruto is progressing! He's learned how to float, that food can be found, how to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning and how to make a fire! This is probably the only fic that has Naruto doing crap like this, but you hear all the fics about Naruto taken away as a newborn by some random powerful dude,trained in chakra control at age 3 before meeting the Kyuubi, ninjutsu, demon jutsus, swordsmanship, and weights at 5, Rasengan or some other ridiculously powerful trumpcard like a lightning sword at 7, but...not how to swim. I mean really, what if Naruto fell into a river? (There would be a smiley here but the stupid auto format isn't letting me)

Kwala : is naruto going to find out about th fox soon? jiraiya has never been a liar.

Naw, Mizukis got to have a job eh?

Kwala : this is why ero sannin doesn't have kids.

And here I thought it was because every woman in the world hated him :).

The next morning at four o'clock Jiraiya happily grabbed Naruto and dragged him towards the river. Tugging at the snoring body Jiraiya thought excitedly, 'Oh boy! Four in the morning! The one time of the day I get to hurt the idiot!'

Just as Jiraiya was about to heave Naruto into the water, Naruto's eyes snapped open. "I'M AWAKE! PUT ME DOWN!"

Obeying, Jiraiya muttered, "Party pooper..."

"Okay Naruto, I managed to forget to teach you how to filter water yesterday."

"Is that important?"

Jiraiya grinned hostilely, "Yup. Now listen, or I'm going to bash your head into that tree."

Gulping Naruto leaned forward as Jiraiya started talking, "You can dig a well. Because the earth purifies water naturally you should be abl-"

Naruto interupted, "You said that yesterd-"

Clamping a hand over Naruto's oversized mouth Jiraiya continued, "able to find pure water. Another way is to boil the water through making a fire, which should kill any bacteria in the water."

Seeing Naruto's confusion, Jiraiya added, "Bacteria are germs."

Taking his hand off Naruto's mouth Jiraiya finished, "Or, you can build a filter. Sand and grass can filter out suspended particles of filth like dirt while charcoal can filter out bacteria. Memorize. And when you're done, go get some food for me. I'm hungry - and if you don't then you don't get lunch."

Under the threat of not having lunch, Naruto quickly scurried away for a bucket to fill with berries.

After a 'hearty and filling' breakfast of berries, Jiraiya took Naruto into the forest, far enough that they were surrounded by trees but close enough to the campsite that you could see it just by turning it around.

Jiraiya leaned against a tree and have Naruto his commands for the rest day : "Today is Taijutsu day. You're going to punch and kick trees before learning how to swim. After that you eat lunch and have an hour of recreation. Then you run two miles before coming back. Then we have dinner before you go to bed."

Naruto looked up, "But - what? I can't swim!"

Jiraiya shrugged, "You'll learn quickly when I throw you in."

Counting on his fingers, Naruto added shocked, And "I'll be going to sleep at six o'clock!"

Jiraiya said through gritted teeth, "I'll be suprised if you lasted to six o'clock. Now punch the tree."

Giving it a go, Naruto attacked the tree before scooting aback and looking at his scraped hands. "Ow! That hurt...wait... I remember this from yesterday. This is the same thing that happened to my foot. 'Raiya, is my hand going to get all bloody?"

Jiraiya bit his lip. "Hmm...it will actually, but I'll get you some bandages to wrap around your hands, they'll cushion your hands and help soak up any blood. Just sit here for a moment."

Returning, Jiraiya brought with him a roll of bandages and proceeded to wrap Naruto's hands with them. "Okay then, now give it a try."

"It still hurts," complained Naruto.

Jiraiya, who had started to nap, opened one eye and closed it a moment later, "I'm sure you'll get used to it."

As frequent cries of pain arose from the boy, Jiraiya grumbled incoherently in his sleep before waking up and ordering, "Naruto, you stay here. I'll be napping all the way over there, so don't disturb me."

"But what if I die?"

Jiraiya groaned, 'This kid is such a LOSER...', "What could possibly kill you?"

"The tree could attack me."

Fuming, Jiraiya left the scene, 'A reason THAT stupid, doesn't warrant an answer."

Naruto hmphed, "Stupid Sannin person, all leaving me to do something stupid like punch trees. I thought ninjas are all cool and kill bad guys. This is soo stupid."

As his fist connect with the tree again, Naruto slid back before adding, "And painful."

Relentlessly he hurled himself at the tree. "I'm not going to quit until I knock you down. YOU HEAR ME TREE? RAHHH!"

Hidden from sight, Jiraiya watched Naruto attack the tree vigorously. 'I might have misjudged the kid. What he lacks in intellect he makes up in spirit. But even being a spirited fighter doesn't mean you're a ninja. Tactics...survival...leadership and judgement. But that can be trained. Spirit can not. This child, Naruto, will be a good ninja. If he doesn't kill himself first."

Smiling quietly, Jiraiya sat down to watch Naruto hurl himself at the tree. Soon the punches gave away to kicks, tackles, combos of kicks, punches and even the occasional kneeing, elbowing or possibly head bashing. 'Actually I've changed my mind. This kid is INSANE. This will be fun..."

Naruto fell onto the ground, bandages unraveling from the wear and tear before rubbing his head. "Ow. Oh well. Break-time."

As soon as he laid down, Jiraiya stepped out of the trees and brought him right back up. "You've performed satisfactory, next you get to learn how to swim."

Taking Naruto, Jiraiya carried him to the lake, before walking over the water to Naruto's amazement and stranding Naruto on a small island in the middle of the lake. In fact it wasn't even an island. It was simply a small rock jutting out from the lake's bottom. Naruto's amazement was soon replaced by fury, and as Jiraiya turned his back to walk back to shore, Naruto shouted after him, "WHAT? YOU BASTARD, YOU'RE LEAVING ME HERE?"

"What an accurate assessment, I swear, you're a genius."

Making a face, Naruto looked at the disgustingly blue water and dipped his toe into it. 'Its not too cold...'

Bracing himself, Naruto dived into the water, remembering to take a gulp of air so he would float to the surface. 'Now the swimmers I see in Konoha kinda wave their arms around...I can try that...'

Slowly his awkward and random motion evolved into the 'doggy paddle' as he slowly made his way to shore. Jiraiya watched his progress with binoculars. 'He didn't sink. Amazing! And at the same time, I feel a staggering amount of disappointment..'

As Naruto tottered onto the shore exhausted, Jiraiya cuffed him on the shoulders, "Well you lucky not-drowned-boy, you have an hour of free play after you eat lunch. What do you plan to do with it?"

Naruto looked at Jiraiya through half-open eyes before muttering, "Forget lunch."

Jiraiya chuckled as the boy fell asleep right then and there before falling into his arms. 'Driving himself to the point of exhaustion. Well I'll be damned."

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Exactly one hour later, Jiraiya threw Naruto into the lake. As Naruto righted himself and swam back to shore, Jiraiya laid out some leftover deer. "Okay Naruto, lunch - before you go and run around the lake four times."

Naruto groaned and tore at the food with less gusto then usual. After was done, Naruto started running around the lake. As the water splashed next to him, Naruto though aimless, 'Sonovabitch I'm tired. Augh...This is worse then the damn villagers. Bleh... Hm...Look at that butterfly. Its kinda shiny...and pretty...like a flower...Oo...Funny...I can't walk straight... Why is everything so woozy?'

Jiraiya watched with some concern as Naruto staggered around drunkenly before collapsing to the ground. Appearing next to him, Jiraiya draped Naruto over his back and carried him to the shade of the trees. Digging in his sizeable pockets, Jiraiya produced a small container filled with pills before shaking one out. Sticking it in Naruto's mouth Jiraiya waited until he swallowed before he moved Naruto back to the tent. 'Soldier pill...that should keep the exhaustion at bay for now...'

Hours later, Naruto woke up to a starry sky in a sleeping bag. Jiraiya was tending a fire and when he heard the shuffled movement of Naruto stretching, he waved Naruto down, "Trainings over. Go back to sleep."

As Naruto's head fell back before he fell into a dreamless sleep - and to Jiraiya's joy, a soundless one as well.

The next day, Jiraiya decided not to haul Naruto to the river that day. He deserved it really, seeing as not many would have managed to drive themselves to the point of unconciousness and even Jiraiya had enough heart to spare Naruto from waking up so early. When Naruto got up at Nine, Jiraiya brought Naruto a scroll. "Naruto, do you know what hand-seals are?"

Naruto nodded blearily,"Man...its time for training already? What about breakfast."

Jiraiya glared as he handed the boy a plate of deer, "You got your damn breakfast, now answer the question."

Naruto crinkled his nose as he viewed the dish. "Deer again?"

Jiraiya stepped toward him threateningly, "If you don't want it, don't eat it. Now answer the question!"

Naruto answered rebelliously, "Yes. They held mold chakra into patterns that we use to execute jutsus. Right?"

"Good job. Do you know how to do handseals?"

"No."

On the verge of tearing out his hair Jiraiya threw the scroll at Naruto, who dodged it with a chunk of deer in his mouth. Jiraiya then said the word that Naruto feared most : Memorize.

Grumbling incoherently, Jiraiya stalked towards the hotsprings. He needed to relax after not writing any Icha-Icha the day before.

Naruto looked at his new scroll. He was beginning to have a small collection now. "Snake seal. Form hand into a position that resembles a snake. See figure to the right."

'Wow, never could have thought of that', Naruto sweatdropped as he read the instructions. 'Thats so stupid...again.'

Stretching, Naruto winced as his shoulder blades cracked, "Oww... I'm sore as hell..."

Bending his fingures into all sorts of obsene shapes, Naruto continued laborously. After almost an hour of mindless fingerwork, Naruto flopped to the ground, his hands throbbing with a slight pain. The scroll he had been referring to dropped down. On the otherside, Naruto blearily saw what looked to be a series of handseals. 'Bush -...no Bunshin jutsu and a Kawarmi thingy jutsu. Oh man...this sucks..."

Oddly, the thought of quitting never did enter that thick skull of his as Naruto steadfastly stood up again and started on his first jutsu.

Under the handseal picutres was a description of the jutsu, "The Bunshin Jutsu - or clone jutsu - is a ninjutsu that allows the user to make a clone of themselves. This clone is an illusion and can not do any damage. It is dispelled if hit by any physical or chakra attack. Being an illusion, some blood lines such as the Uchiha's Sharingan are able to see through the clone."

Still below that was another jutsu.

"Kawarmi no Jutsu is a replacement jutsu. It replaces the user with a nearby object or a log. The source of the logs are unknown, but it is suspected that the logs are from the 'Summon World'. This jutsu is helpful if the ninja performing it can do it quickly, as replacement can help the user evade otherwise damaging or incapitating attacks. However, the chakra 'delay' is considerable when used. Chakra delay is a condition that you feel like a large amount of chakra has been taken from your reserves, though none has really disappeared. Most ninja get their chakra 'back' after a minute and can't continously use the kawarmi. However, ninja that are exceptionally skilled with chakra control or genjutsu can nullify this feeling and ninjas with a large enough chakra reserve or chakra replacement rate can simply negate this."

Naruto looked at the last bits of each paragraph in confusion. 'Chakra replacement rate? Basis? Sketchy?'

Shrugging, he turned back to pursue the bits of the paragraph he did understand, starting with Bunshin because it was first. 'Okay, Bunshin is clone. Clone is not real. Okay...lemme see if I can do it...'

Performing the required handseals, Naruto lept back as a puff of smoke appeared next to him. True to its word, the jutsu cause a clone to appear. A clone with grey skin. And one arm. With a bald spot. Naruto reflexively kicked at it, squealing, "EWWWwww!" The bunshin disappeared in a new puff of smoke, leaving Naruto standing there making a face. "This jutsu is messed up. Next!"

Now trying the Kawarmi jutsu, Naruto once again made the handseal specfied on the scroll and was rewarded with a tug on the back of his shirt. Spinning through a blur of colors, Naruto suddenly appeared above the forest. "AHHHHHHhhhhhhh!"

Plunging down through the trees, Naruto grunted as he bounced of tree branches before hitting Jiraiya on the head and richocheting into the women's hotsprings.

Naruto was never seen again.

-

Nah, joking.

-

Rubbing his head, Jiraiya cursed the gods, the Hokage, the little bastard Naruto, and his hitate which had been driven into his face by Naruto's butt. Creating a shadow clone, Jiraiya crept away still grumbling. The clone entered the spa cautiously. Being detected here could mean considerable pain. As he silently picked up Naruto, one of the spa's clerks looked over.

"Hey you, what are you doing here?!"

The clone Jiraiya gulped and taking his prize, ran as fast as he could toward the campsite. Leaping over the fence around the spa, Jiraiya ran like hell, chased by a mob of women with firery eyes (You read that right, fire-ry eyes). Midway there, one woman finally managed to land a punch on the clone, and as the clone grunted, falling into the lake before poofing away. Flying out of the clone's arms, Naruto landed in a pile of leaves behind a rock. Milling around and failing to find where their white-haired-perverted target went, the women finally left the area.

When the coast was clear, the real Jiraiya stepped out and retreived Naruto with much reluctance. What a shame he couldn't leave the git here to rot. How tragic.

Incidentally, the next day, Jiraiya told Naruto to break camp. Apparently it had something to do with losing good inspiration for his writing.

Sorry for the late update - state testing is this week (That is a rather important test btw)