I woke up with a start a few hours later; Remus was gone. For a moment I thought he had left me, again, but then I noticed a note on his pillow.

Nymphadora,

As you know, this week is the week leading up to the full moon and I don't think we should be together for it. I want to be with you, but I'm dangerous and if I ever did anything to hurt you I could never live with myself. I know I've said this before, but my fears of causing you pain are still very much real. I just need time to come to terms with your love. It may sound like a bad thing but you must understand how alien it is for me to feel loved, the notion still sounds absurd. One day, with the potion, I'm sure I'll feel comfortable with you staying with me through the full moon, but until then; I'm not leaving for good. I promise.

Love, Remus.

Crumpling up the parchment I threw it at the wall and with a heavy heart I got out of bed. I didn't even bother checking my appearance. I definitely wasn't going to be able to pull off a morph today. I put on a pair of jeans and my favorite Wicked Sisters t-shirt and went downstairs to the kitchen. Molly had already put out toast and tea on the table and was currently washing dishes with her back to me. Grabbing a piece of toast and a cup of tea I sat down. Even though Molly was right there I felt completely alone. For summer holiday it sure is quiet in here.

"Morning Molly," I managed.

"Good morning Tonks. Did you get a good night's rest?" she asked me over her shoulder.

I flinched, had she heard us last night? I would be so mortified if…

The kitchen door opened and Molly and I turned to see Snape walk in, glaring as usual. He stopped short and started staring at my hair. I glanced at Molly; she was as well.

"Hello Severus, is there an urgent meeting I haven't been told about yet?" Molly asked while frowning at my hair.

"Dumbledore, in is infinite wisdom, has left several posthumous messages to be sent out. Unfortunately his will insisted they all be hand delivered and it seems he chose me to be his own personal owl for the Order. I would have argued more but being as it would have gone unheard by anyone of importance; here I am." He handed a folded piece of parchment to Molly, gave me a knowing smirk and said, "I hope Lupin was able to find the potion I left him last night. He seemed… occupied."

"He found it just fine thanks," I said glaring back. "How's Auntie Bella doing? Still keeping her company I assume?"

"What?!" Molly screamed.

"I told you pink wasn't your color… Nymphadora," Snape hissed at me. Quickly turning he marched out of the kitchen.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" I screamed at him before hearing the front door slam and the faint POP of him disapparating.

"FILTHLY HALF-BLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITERS IN MY HOUSE! A DISGRACE THE MOST NOBLE AND ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK WILL NEVER WASH FROM ITS WALLS! THE SHAME, THE SHAME!"

"Shut up you old hag!" Molly yelled as she went to close the curtains on Sirius' mother's portrait.

Snape did that on purpose. Bastard.

Molly came back into the kitchen looking flustered. "What was that about Severus and Bellatrix?"

"It's nothing Molly, honest. I was just being a prat. Where is everyone?"

Staring at me, analyzing my answer in a way that only mothers can, she answered slowly. "Everyone went to Diagon Alley to visit Fred and Georges shop. They'll be back later."

"Oh, alright." I then realized Molly was staring at my hair again.

"What Molly?" I asked weakly.

"Your hair dear, it's, different."

I got up to look at my reflection in the fridge. My hair was different indeed. Instead of my usual pink it was now shoulder length and a messy, ugly brown. Is this my anger and frustration at Snape? Or is this because Remus left me? Again. Sighing, I sat back down.

"Remus left again Molly. He says it's only for the week of the full moon. He says it's not for good. I want to believe him, I really do, but he's left so many times before. He loves me right?"

"Of course he does dear! I think he just left for the week to keep you safe. He values your safety more than he hates his misery. He'll come back Tonks, don't you worry. Now eat up, you're looking a little peaky." Molly passed another plate of toast to me and smiled.

"Thanks Molly," I said before taking a bite of toast. It's funny how mothers think food with help fix everything and anything. Grabbing another piece of toast I left the kitchen to go back upstairs. I don't have to go into the office today. I think I'll just try to sleep. There's nothing else really to do anyways.

Apparently my version of 'just try to get some sleep' involved sleeping through the whole day and waking up the next morning not feeling rested at all. In fact, I couldn't have been more exhausted.

I decided I needed to find Remus. After putting on fresh clothes, I grabbed my wand, went downstairs, and told Molly I was going out and would be back later. I shut the front door quietly and disapparated from the front step. I popped up on a Muggle street and began walking down the block. Remus' house is here somewhere. Suddenly one of the houses on my left started to grow and added two windows and a small porch. That's the one.

I didn't even bother to knock. I knew he wouldn't let me in if I did. I cautiously stepped inside and listened. Being in Remus' house without Sirius felt odd; whenever I was here before, it was always with both of them, telling stories and drinking too much. But what I remember most was the laughter. There doesn't seem to be much of that anymore. I made my way down the hall to the second bedroom on the left where I knew I would find him. Only, he wasn't there.

"Remus?"

I heard him before I felt him. The floorboard creaked behind me and then I felt his warm hands on my waste.

"What happened to your hair?"

"It's nothing. I missed you," I said turning around to face him.

"You shouldn't be here. It's not safe. I'm not safe." He stared into my eyes pleading. But for what?

"Remus, I love you. I'm not going anywhere. You have plenty of potions. I trust you. Please, let me stay." I brushed my hand across his cheek. His eyes still staring into mine, trying to find an answer, he kissed me. I knew he wanted me to stay, so why couldn't he just let me?

Pulling away suddenly from our kiss he whispered, "No, you need to leave. Please, just leave." I made no attempt to move. "Now!" he yelled, no longer looking at me.

I knew what he was thinking, how he was feeling. But it still hurt. "Fine, I'll leave. But Molly will be worried about you. I think you should go back to Headquarters and wait out the full moon there. You have your potions and there's no reason for you to be completely alone." And with that I left him in the hallway and disapparated back to Grimmauld Place to tell Molly Remus would be coming back.

The next few days I hardly ever left the office. Surprisingly, being an Auror was more stressful than having a werewolf for a boyfriend. Not only did I have my daily duties which included mountains of paperwork and the occasional field work, but the Ministry had been in chaos since Dumbledore died. Only a few of us knew the truth, and we weren't telling. The Ministry would have to work it out themselves. It wasn't any of their business anyways. Just as I laid my head down on my desk Kingsley walked up frowning.

"Hey Kings, what's new?" I asked sleepily.

"Nothing unfortunately. The Ministry is still falling apart. Something needs to happen soon or we might not have a Ministry left. "

"They'll manage," I said without really caring.

"Tonks, like it or not, you're actually part of the Ministry. Whether you agree with the current administration or not makes no difference. Your first and foremost duty as an Auror is to the Ministry. That being said, this is for you."

Kingsley handed me a piece of parchment and walked away.

Tonks,

He needs you.

Molly

He needs me? Who needs me?

"Remus!"

I grabbed my coat and ran up the stairs to the atrium and disapparated from the lobby. Bursting through the front door of Grimmauld Place I ran to kitchen.

"Molly, I came as fast as I could. What's wrong?"

"It's Remus. He's in bad shape. I went by his room to give him an extra blanket and I heard him talking to himself. He was mumbling about 'it's not safe' and 'she can't possibly love a werewolf'. Tonks, I think he needs you more than he realizes. The full moon is in a few hours. I'm not sure what you can do for him but…"

"Thanks Molly!"

"He remembered his potions!" she yelled after me.

I ran upstairs as quickly as possible to get to his room on the top level, the last door at the end of the hall. There's nothing in it but a bed. No windows, no furniture, just a bed. He doesn't need anything else while in his wolf form. I softly knocked on the door before I opened it. I couldn't help but let out a gasp. There he is, the love of my life, suffering alone. Remus was on the bed, naked under a blanket. I know he always takes his clothes off before the transformation so as not to destroy them. Sirius told me. Slowly walking up to him I sat on the bed and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Remus, I'm here."

"Please go away," he sobbed into the bed. "I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want to hurt you."

"No, I'm going to stay. You can say anything you want, but I'm going to stay."

He turned to look up at me but his next words were barely audible. I jumped off the bed as he started screaming and stood in a corner of the room.

He was transforming.

Sirius once told me what it was like to watch but I could have never imagined it would be like this. His face fully changed first. His eyes went from the beautiful blue there normally were to a bright yellow. No more was the beautiful scarred face of Remus Lupin. Now there was only the face of a wolf. Too terrified to move, I could only cower in the corner, a look of horror on my face. Molly said he took his potion right? His limbs changed next. Remus' muscles were tearing, his bones breaking, skin stretching. His arms and legs elongated and painfully grew thick, coarse hair. The yelling of man changed into the roar of an animal. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of the room. I couldn't watch him, couldn't listen to his pain. I knew he would be okay soon. Sirius said the transformation takes only less than a minute. I threw up some Silencing charms and other wards just in case then I sadly crept downstairs.

Coward.

I avoided Remus for the next few weeks. I sent him a letter saying it wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything wrong, that I was just a coward. He never responded. Would he listen if I tried to tell him that I just couldn't stand seeing him in so much pain? Or would he just cling to the fact that he's a werewolf and therefore big and scary. I said I would stay and then I ran out on him. For his transformations, he almost always had been alone, so I knew he would be fine. But this felt different. He had me, he loved me, and now he needed me. The look of horror on my face must have filled him with such hatred for me. I shouldn't have left him. I needed to find a way to make it up to him, and soon enough I found one. Now all I had to do was practice.

There's about 3-4 chapters left to put up as soon as I'm finished nitpicking them. Thanks for reading :)