Holy shit, thanks for the feedback/favorites/follows or whatever people call that on this site; my email's been blowing up all day! I honestly thought this story would languish in relative obscurity- the fact that anyone reads it let alone likes it is really amazing. Thank you. This is a shorter chapter than the previous one, but shit's about to escalate. As always, feedback is welcome. Enjoy!
Interviewer: Welcome back to "No Holds Barred" on Sirius XM late night satellite radio. My guest tonight is the insanely talented yet vaguely menacing Jon Moxley. [laughs] He's just finished telling us how he's been fantasizing about sexually torturing fellow indie wrestler Tyler Black, and they've just awkwardly run into each other at a dive bar in a strange town after they've both finished up shows. OK, take it away, Mox!
Jon: It's fucking creepy when you say it like that! Anyway, it's really crowded in this bar with everyone so after a couple minutes of trying to scream over all the noise I ditched my strap with some of my co-workers and asked Tyler if he wanted to step outside and he's like "Yeah man, I'm down for that." I can just hear it in his voice that he wants to say "down to fuck" SO BADLY- [laughs] So like I said I've played our first encounter out in my head a thousand fucking times by this point and where we ended up standing in this little courtyard could not be more perfect. It had a bunch of wrought iron tables that were fucking cemented to the ground, and the ashtrays were all dusty and the whole thing was lit with a couple strings of half-burned out white christmas lights so you could just tell NO ONE ever came out there. Like, you couldn't have designed a better spot for all this. I'll explain later.
At that point, the full awkwardness of the situation had kind of descended on both of us and it occurred to me what a fucking creep I could be. Like, I drug Tyler out there alone and didn't try to keep up the conversation or anything, and when that occurred to him he got real fucking quiet. The tension was suffocating. [laughs] So we both take the longest swigs from our beers in the history of drinking beers and to cover for the fact that I'm essentially luring him into a bad situation I offer him a smoke. But of course, he doesn't smoke, which I think makes it even MORE awkward, as if that were possible. My brain was in fucking overdrive at that point; I've got a champion pit bull brain, I'm telling you! Tyler finished his beer and threw the bottle away and at that point I knew it was put up or shut up time because if he went back inside for another beer he probably wouldn't come back out. I sure the fuck wouldn't have. [laughs]
So, remember how I said we thought we were going to get our car jacked in this shithole town? Well, we only have one road case we travel with. It's got like, two nice lights in it, a broken smoke machine and the stuff we use in our hardcore matches so if anyone ever successfully stole it I'm sure they'd be like, "what the fuck?" But anyway in the dim light I see it sitting out here in the courtyard with us- because obviously the guys thought this place looked sufficiently safe and deserted as well. [laughs] This leg of the tour I was running an insane dog-collar match so I knew the collars and chain were in there. I put my empty beer bottle down on the table behind me and as calmly as I could I said, "Hey, I hear you're a pretty fucking good wrestler- you wanna fight? I'm a hardcore guy, let's do a dog collar match or something out here!"
Usually guys from my own promotion have to be TOLD to do dog collar matches with me, so the fact that he fucking agreed to do it still cracks me up. Although at that point, I think he would have done just about anything to cut that fucking tension. Anyway, this particular set of collars was slightly modified in that it had a small carabiner on it about three and a half feet up the chain from one of the collars. The way we were running the match, we'd be fighting and the guy would take a tumble off the apron and as he jumped back in the ring Sami- Callihan, my tag partner- would interfere by taking the carabiner off his belt-loop and snapping it down on the dog chain, hooking it to the top rope so the guy would totally stop short and be fucking stuck there. Then I'd beat the shit out of him. The guy sold it like it was the scariest bump he'd ever taken- it was pretty fucking epic. Anyway, anyone who knows Sami knows that he loses shit, so he was not allowed to remove the carabiner from the chain until just before we were setting for the match otherwise he would fucking lose it and we'd be fucked. [laughs] So the thing is silver and it looks like the rest of the chain and it was fucking dark out in this courtyard, I don't think Tyler even noticed it was on there.
I can put a dog collar on in about two point five seconds by feel alone, because you really can't see what you're doing- that's why they always have the refs do it for matches, so you're not fumbling around like a dumbass, you know? [laughs] So I've got my collar on and I'm watching Tyler struggle with his a bit and it's so obvious he's never really been in a dog collar match before. Finally I ask him, "You need help with that? You're not exactly CM Punk with that collar." And he was all like, "Yeah maybe, douche." [laughs] So let my fingers, like, ghost over his neck as I took the collar to do the buckle, and he was trying to fucking stare me down, but his eyelids fluttered for a second and his breath hitched and it all went straight to my cock. Holy shit. I was so close to just kissing him and I know he wouldn't have stopped me- like the tension was that fucking heavy. But I didn't, my Street Dog instinct kicked in I guess and I knew I had way better shit planned. I got his collar on him and stepped back a few paces so the chain stretched out a bit.
And the christmas lights caught that carabiner hanging from the chain for a split second. I'm sure I looked like a cat that just ate a pet store's-worth of fucking canaries. But of course Tyler's got his blank-fucking-unreadable eyes so even if he registered the delight on my face he wouldn't have given me the satisfaction of knowing it. Now we're just standing there looking at each other, and finally Tyler kind of giggled and says, "So how do these usually start?" And I said, "Well usually someone rings a bell, dumbass." So he looked me right in the eyes with this wicked grin, and just barely loud enough to be audible he said, "Ring ring, motherfucker."
Author's note: There's explicit content in this story, I swear. It's rated for a reason. :) You'll see...