A/N: I know, I should totally be working on lifelines. Had a little trouble figuring out a great date for Rach to take Quinn on, but I've got an idea now, so expect that pretty soon.
When Santana awoke, it was twenty after six and she sat up, looking over at a still slumbering Rachel. She was worried about her honestly. She knew how strange it felt to realize you'd been seconds from death. It'd been worse for her though. She'd been only eleven, so that on top of her overwhelming survivors guilt was hard to deal with. Eventually her father made her understand that she needed to talk to someone. It had taken a year before she finally understood that she shouldn't feel guilty for surviving. That in fact, it was what her mother would have honestly wanted. In a lot of ways, even with the help of the shrink she still saw, she wrestled with it to this day.
She carefully disentangled herself from Rachel and stood, walking out her bedroom door and downstairs to the kitchen. Washing her hands, she thought for a second about what they should eat. She pulled vegetables together from the counter and the fridge, and noodles from the cabinet. she was till new to this whole vegan cooking thing, so she figured a peanut sauced stir fry was the safe way to go.
Half an hour later, she was done, and cleaned up everything quickly before hopping up the stairs to wake her brunette, sighing when she saw the frown on her sleeping face. Slowly sitting next to her, Santana brushed her hair out of her eyes and placed a simple kiss against her lips, whispering to wake her.
"Rach, wake up, baby. Wake up." Brown eyes gazed up at her and she smiled.
"Hi. How long was I asleep? Is your father home? We have to make dinner." She spoke a little hoarsly as she sat up and slipped out of the bed. Santana hugged her close.
"He should be walking in the door in the next few minutes, and dinner's done, don't worry. Want to set the table?" The shorter girl nodded, and walked behind Santana as they descended the stairs. Rachel set the table and Santana poured glasses of the ice tea just as her dad walked in the front door. He kissed her on the forehead as she put servings on plates to put on the table which Rachel seemed to be finished setting.
"Smells good, mija. You made this?" She nodded, grinning over at the brunette who was leaning against the island and smiling at them both.
"Okay, let me go have a quick shower and I'll be right back down for dinner, girls." Rachel watched him go, now molded into Santana's side.
"Won't his food get cold?"
"No. He seriously comes home and takes the quickest showers of all time. He'll literally be back in three minutes. Are you feeling better, babe?"
"Yes. Thank you. I don't know why I just...I couldn't keep it together. I'm still not exactly okay. I think it may be a good idea for me to go talk to someone again."
"Again?" Santana asked as her father came downstairs in a pair of shorts and a tank top. They all sat down and dug in.
"Yes. When I started during sophomore year, it was because of the whole Shelby thing. Finally finding my mother, just to find out what kind of person she was, and for her to basically say she wanted nothing to do with me. It kind of had me feeling like I'd been ripped apart for a long time. I was...It wasn't good. Together with that and the way I was treated at school, I started to wonder why I ever thought she'd want me in the first place. It seemed to me, at the time, that no one else wanted me around, so I rationalized it that way. I'm okay now, though. I worked through it and stopped seeing my psychiatrist months ago."
Santana wanted to hurt everyone who had made Rachel feel that way, including herself. She had no excuses that could explain away why she'd treated the smaller girl like that. If you'd asked her nine months ago what she thought about Rachel, she would have probably said some not exactly nice things. It had taken time for her to let go of the lies she'd always told herself and everyone but her father concerning Rachel. Realizing how much of a negative impact all of it had on the singer, she wished she had realized far earlier.
"I'm sorry, babe. For hurting you. I lied to myself, to you, to everyone who wasn't mi papi, and I apologize for any part I had in causing you to hurt yourself emotionally or otherwise." Rachel reached up and slid her fingers in between Santana's, smiling at her a bit sadly. Across from the girls, Christian smiled. It was amazing how much Rachel had changed his daughter both directly and indirectly. She'd helped to turn his little Santi back into the happy, loving, sweet girl she'd been before her mother's death, before everything fell apart for the both of them.
Two hours later, after dinner and a movie together, Christian was at the sink, loading dishes into the washer, while both girls climbed the stairs together. They lay down on the bed, limbs all tangled together.
"How did you know about...that I had hurt myself?"
"I told you that hospital gown didn't really close in the back. In the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back you weren't exactly covered. I saw them on the inside of your thighs. Barely noticeable and fading, but I saw them. I cried for an hour before I got back in bed with you. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault, all of it." Rachel frowned, she didn't know how to make her feel better, to make the tears that were already falling from dark eyes disappear. In honest fact some of them had been a direct result of things Santana had said or done to her. She wouldn't lie, but she couldn't tell her that.
"Listen, San it's okay now. I'm fine. I don't do it anymore...I haven't for a long time. I don't have the urge to do so, and a lot of the things that made me hurt myself aren't a problem anymore, okay? So please don't cry, San. I'm sorry, beautiful, don't cry." She wiped away the tears that kept coming. Santana was sobbing, and Rachel could see it was affecting her ability to breath.
"No. I'm...I'm sorry. I did this to you, not the other way around, don't apologize, please." Rachel reached under Santana's N7 tee, rubbing her back carefully. Slowly, Santana's breathing came back under control and she wiped her eyes, cuddling into Rachel's side, head on a lightly muscular shoulder.
"Are you alright, San? I don't want you to cry, okay? Everything is fine." Rachel turned her head to kiss her, tasting the salt on her lips.
"I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. I should be taking care of you. I know you're still a little more than shaken because of the accident." Rachel frowned, running her hand through Santana's gorgeous hair.
"It's perfectly fine. Tomorrow I'll call my psychiatrist and set up an appointment and maybe we can go get my car and go somewhere."
"Yea? Like where?"
"I was intending to go up to a farmers market in Cleveland tomorrow with my aunt. She bakes pies to sell there during the summer, but she said she came down with something so I figured I'd just go myself. Would you like to accompany me?" Santana nodded, relaxing into strong but soft arms.
"Yea, I want to go. It sounds like it should be fun."
"It usually is. I was going to say we should play battlefield, but I'd rather do something that keeps us in the same room together." Santana nodded, agreeing. It was odd, she thought, being so comfortable in anyone's arms like this. In the not really relationship she'd had with Britt, despite the height difference, she was always the strong one, the protector...always with her arms around Britt if it came to it. She loved being able to let go of that and just relax with Rachel who was just as keen to hold as to be held.
"Okay...um...Killzone 3? I still have borderlands. Or we could watch something. Like a movie, or some tv. Or, and this is what I'm voting for, you just keep holding me, and we take a nap, wake up later and play a few games maybe." Rachel giggled.
"San it's nine thirty."
"I know, it's perfect. wake up in three hours, soy ice cream for midnight munchies, and then we play some games. That's trademark summertime behavior, babe."
"Alright. I agree to this plan of yours." She changed her position slightly, her hand still under Santana's shirt stroking soft skin. Leaning forward, Rachel closed her eyes and pressed her lips against soft fullness, humming in pleasure.
"Mmm, this is also a good plan, baby. I switch my vote." She moaned when Rachel's tongue swept along her pulse point and up to her ear, nibbling on it before letting it slip from between her teeth.
"Me too."
"Girl's?" An hour later, Christian knocked against his daughter's unlocked door, leaning against the frame.
"Come in, papi." When he opened to door and walked inside, both girls were on the bed, Santana held in Rachel's arms with her head on the smaller girl's shoulder. He smiled at them. It made him happy to see his daughter like this. Like herself again.
"The hospital called me in, Santi. Emergency surgery. I'm not sure what time I'll be back. But I'm not on call tomorrow, figured I could finally get to work finishing the last of the basement." Santana shook her head.
"You should sleep tomorrow, papi. You've been on call and working crazy hours for more than a week. I worry about you when you don't rest, daddy. You know that. So just take a break and relax tomorrow. For me, please." he walked across the room settling on the bed and smiling down at his daughter, brushing hair out of her eyes.
"Okay, Santi. Worry not, i'll rest tomorrow. I've got to get going, told them I'd be on my way in twenty minutes. Rachel, Tomar cuidado de tu chica, esta bien?"
"Por supuesto, Mr. Lopez." He grinned.
"It's Christian. You two be good. It's a nice night, maybe turn on the underwater lights and hop in the pool? Just be safe. Make sure you check the doors are locked before you go to bed. Buenos noches." He disappeared out the door, closing it behind him.
"I love your dad. He's so nice. You're alot like him." Santana nodded her head, proud of it. Her father was everything she had and everything she someday wanted to be.
"Well, I love you."
"Igualmente, te amo." Santana raised her eyebrow, suddenly overwhelmingly curious about Rachel's apparent knowledge of the spanish language.
"Tu hablas español? Desde Cuando?" Santana was curious. She had been in the same horrible so called spanish classes with shue alongside Rachel ever since freshman year, the man was horrible at it. She often wondered how he'd ever been given the job in the first place. But then again, it was McKinley.
"Una vez que di cuenta de que el Sr. shue no tenía ninguna idea lo que estaba haciendo, lo tomé a mí mismo a tomar clases. And I bought rosetta stone, which works by the way. I also speak hebrew and french. I've been thinking of maybe learning something else. You know they say it's easier the younger you are. Perhaps italian? Or greek, that's an interesting language." Santana grinned at her rambling.
"I speak a little bit of portuguese. Maybe we could take that together?"
"That's a great idea. Do you think we could find a class that teaches portuguese, though? the place I went to only had spanish, french, and italian. Maybe in Cleveland. Or through a reputable source like Babel online."
"Maybe. So, papi was right, it is a pretty nice night. Wanna hop in the pool with me?" Santana stood up and walked towards her dresser, opening her top drawer and pulling out her bikini.
"Yep. Let's get wet!" Santana dropped what was in her hands turning with her mouth wide.
"What? I don't...I thought we were getting in the pool." Rachel raised her eyebrow in confusion.
"What do you mean, we are. That's what I meant. What did you think I meant?"
"I thought you meant like something...sexual, I guess. But I just misunderstood obviously, sorry. Apparently my mind is far dirtier than yours. But don't worry, Rach. I wouldn't like pressure you into something like that! I know you said you were waiting until you're 25, and I have no problem waiting with you." She wanted to shut up, seriously.
"Santana, calm down. I only told Finn that to get him to stop pressuring me. I didn't really mean it. I mean...25? I think I probably won't make it to when I turn eighteen in December. Not when it comes to you, beautiful." She walked closer, slipping her hand into Santana's hair to pull full lips down to her own. The latina felt a lovesick grin take over her lips.
"Sorry. I just didn't want you to think that I would ever consciously or otherwise push you into something you weren't ready for. But hey, why don't you go ahead and get your suit on and meet me downstairs, I've got to turn on the lights and maybe turn on the heat if the water's too cold. We've got towels down there so you don't have to bring one. See you in a few minutes babe." Santana picked up her bikini and walked out the door.
Five minutes later found both girl's in the hot tub instead of the pool, relaxing against each other.
"Hey San, what did you want to do for your birthday? Is there something you and your dad do together every year?" Santana was sort of surprised that Rachel'd remembered that her birthday was in two weeks. She had only mentioned it once during glee when Rachel had asked in sophomore year for whatever reason.
"Yea, daddy takes the day off every year. So we spend the day together. when I turned 16 we went camping. And last year to a baseball game down in Cincinnati. This year he said something about us maybe throwing a party. He said he'd barbecue and we'll do it out here. I told him I didn't want to do it, so we decided last month that we'll go on a trip to Pennsylvania to go white water rafting. He's been before, but I haven't. It should be fun. I love outdoorsy stuff like that."
"As do I. I haven't been white water rafting, But I have been kayaking."
"Would you come with us?" Santana asked, voice hopeful.
" I wouldn't want to intrude, Santana. These trips are for family time between you and your dad right? That's even more important now. By this time next year we'll have graduated and probably be leaving home. Spending as much time with our fathers as we can should be a priority." Santana nodded her head, thinking about it. It would be hard, being separated from her father when she went off to school. She was all he had, she knew that.
"Yea...yea you're right. But honestly babe, I can't help but think that eventually, you will be a part of this family. Like...maybe instead of Rachel Berry, Rachel Berry-Lopez?"
"You think about that too? I'd thought it was just me. I can't help but feel though, like we're skipping the whole process of dating, then girlfriends, then all of this." She swished her hand through the hot water as she leaned back further into Santana's arms.
"Look, babe. We didn't exactly do things the 'traditional' way, sure. That's true. But we don't have to. I have no complaints, and you should know I've been calling you my girlfriend in my head all day. And even if we don't take that step tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day, you're still my girl, Rach." Rachel stood up, turning around and settling in the latina's lap.
"And you're mine, right?" The jewish singer planned to ask Santana to officially be her girlfriend after the day long date she had planned in Cleveland.
"You know it, baby."