Chapter Thirty Four

This is quite short but I wanted it over with. Anyway, it's been slightly over a week and I'm sorry but my whole idea of time has shifted as it is summer and I have no life :)

Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight but I do own Hetani and anyone and anything else unrecognisable.

"Are you going to stay in bed all day?" Rachel demanded from my door, the day after my graduation. I had no idea what time it was but I knew it was late, probably the afternoon. Yet, I didn't care. I made a noncommittal noise and burrowed deeper into my duvet and pillows. Instead of whipping them off as she normally would have, Rachel sighed sympathetically and I felt the bed dip as she sat on it. I was shocked when her hand somehow found my knotted hair and stroked it soothingly. "Paul heard Embry's thoughts when he was running quickly back to his house last night."

"So?" I said, muffled by the bedding. Rachel forced a laugh, still stroking.

"I think that, if it's what you really want, you should go to Duke. It's only four years and you'll see each other in breaks and stuff. But you have to really consider what the separation will do to both of you." With that sound advice, my big sister left me to wallowing. It took me a second to figure out why it wasn't a double act before realising Rebecca had sped back to Hawaii on an early morning flight. Huffing, I shuffled around a bit before facing away from the door and flopping uselessly. One night without Embry holding me and I was a wreck – what would four years do to me? My mind was at war with itself. On one hand, I had never wanted something so badly, besides Embry, as I did to go to Duke. On the other hand, I knew I would be a pathetic mess without my wolf to hold me close and soothe away the bad stuff. Two seconds later, there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, it's me: Round Two," Emily said softly as she entered. My well trained nose smelled . . . cookie batter? Curious beyond measure, I peeked out from my cave to see a glass of coke in her hand and a bowl of freshly make cookie batter. Swallowing, I came out further and sat up, hair falling over me. Emily looked at me in slight horror. "Well, that answers the 'how are you doing?' question." She sat where Rachel had and handed me the bowl, a spoon sticking out of the dough. Smiling thankfully, I dug into my strange comfort food. I knew of the ice cream they had but it wasn't as good as the real thing.

"Did Sam send you?" I mumbled around a mouthful and she looked at me disparagingly.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. And, to answer your question, no. I came because Sam informed me of Embry's thoughts and I wanted to make sure you weren't moping. You are though."

"Have you ever done this?" I asked after swallowing, referring to my choice and not my gorging on unbaked cookies. Emily smiled but shook her head.

"No and I don't envy you. I know Rachel gave you contradicting advice so here is mine – go and live your dream then come back and live your other dream with Embry. He loves you and he'll wait." It was the same issue as when sex had been brought up.

"Emily, I don't want him to have to wait! That's not fair." Emily sighed, looking directly at me.

"Hetani, you have been through so much and you've stuck with Embry for all of it. You said it in your speech – 'be all you can be'. This is your chance to be selfish, Hetani, and God knows you deserve it," she declared almost angrily. I just looked at her with wide eyes, spoon halfway to my mouth. She took a deep breath, looking down at her knees. "Not many people here have the opportunity that you do. So take this and go out and be brilliant. Then come back and have your happily ever after with the love of your life."

"Won't it hurt?" I asked pitifully, spoon still hanging in my hand. She looked at me steadily.

"Yes but you'll call and text and you can come back for holidays," she replied, answering easily. I was sure she'd planned the conversation in advance.

"What about money? We don't have a lot of it," I pointed out and Emily rolled her eyes.

"You have a sister that raked in a tonne of money through her divorce and a top tier university that you got a scholarship to that will help out." My eyes widened further then narrowed as she shrugged. "I find these things out easily, Hetani. That scholarship is perfect – and I'm sure Embry doesn't know about it." I finally let the spoon go and put my head in my hands.

"I just didn't, don't, want to hurt him," I moaned, almost crying. Emily moved and wrapped her arms around me.

"If it makes you happy, he'll learn to live with it." I couldn't help but feel beyond selfish. So I decided that a reasonable conversation with Embry was more in order than anything else at that moment.

"I'm going to shower then find Embry. We need to talk," I said before disappearing to do just that. I could practically feel Emily's satisfied smile from behind me but ignored her in favour of being clean.

XXX

Nerves trembling more than Paul when he used to get angry, I approached Embry's front door with trepidation. After knocking shakily, Embry's mom answered with a smile, comforting me a little. She just gestured me upstairs and I nodded a quick thank you before moving quietly up the slightly winding staircase. I was well aware of which room was Embry's and took a deep, steadying breath before turning the doorknob and entering. Embry was lying spread-eagled on his bed, arms and legs hanging off as he was too big. His chocolate eyes were staring resolutely at the ceiling and he looked like he was deep in thought. He wasn't blinking.

"I don't think there will be answers there," I eventually said and his head snapped around to look at me. He really must have been thinking hard if he didn't notice my entrance. Instant apology spread across his face as he came towards me cautiously, as though thinking I would run away. Tears sprung up at that thought and I was suddenly enveloped in his warmth.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in my ear and I smiled shakily, rubbing my hands up and down his bare back.

"It's ok. I'm fine. But we need to talk," I said to his abs. I felt him nod and he pulled me to the bed, lying us both down so we were facing each other. His fingers lazily stroked my cheek then settled on my arm. I kept mine pressed against his chest and our eyes stayed connected by an invisible force. As I opened my mouth to speak, Embry's finger pressed against my lips gently, stopping me.

"Can I talk?" he asked kindly and I nodded awkwardly. He removed his finger but linked our hands together instead. "I want you to go to Duke." Huh? What had he just said? "You should go to Duke and be happy there. I'll be here when you get back, if you come back. If you decide you like it out there . . ." he trailed off uncertainly, clearly unsure what would happen. A mega watt smile lit up my face.

"Do you mean it?" He nodded instantly and I launched myself at him, kissing his face excitedly. "I love you so much Embry and I will always come back to you," I promised and a similar smile to my own appeared on his lips. Grinning, we both locked lips and kissed like there was no tomorrow. I would go to Duke – but there would be no way Embry or I would lose each other. Neither of us would let that happen.

XXX

Tears. Hot, wet, painful tears spilled down my face in endless, unforgiving torrents. Why had I agreed? I could have just gone to U of W and been close enough to not feel the agony already eating me alive! I had said goodbye to everyone except Embry and the pair of us stood, entangled, on the drive, unwilling to part so soon. I knew Embry was crying too, despite not seeing the tears and he was shaking – not with anger, but with sadness. God, I was going to miss him so damn much.

"You could have said no. I would have stayed if you had said no," I whimpered against him and he pulled me much tighter in response.

"I know but that's not what you want, I know that too. I love you too much to take this from you, sweetheart. We'll talk every day – every single day – and we'll see each other at holidays. Just don't waste it, ok? Don't mope – enjoy the life and tell me all about it," he said quietly and I nodded. There would be no point in going if I was miserable.

"I promise."

"I love you, my beautiful girl."

"I love you too, my wolf."

I'm not sure I liked this because it's so . . . mushy. I know it's been mushy up to this point but oh well. I'll see you sooner than a week though, I promise! Oh, and if any of you have Twitter, I made an account solely for this alias – about my fics and little sneak peaks etc. Follow me please – BiancaFanfic. See you soon. Love Bianca :) x