*DISCLAIMER*

The Next Day

Yamamoto's POV

"I hate every damn thing about you"

And that was how Gokudera ended our relationship.

Yamamoto sighed. He was sitting on a chair near the window of his room, staring at nothing. He didn't expect to hear those words from the silverette, really.

Those words were cruel.

But those are lies.

Those words should be lies.

He couldn't accept those words.

I'll never accept those… never ever.

But he just walked out after that.

I just walked out.

Well, he didn't know what he should do.

I did have a lot of words to say though.

But before he could even say those words, he hurt Gokudera— the last thing he ever wanted to do… well, actually…

The first thing I swore I'd never do.

But he did.

I just did.

And to top it all, he scared the hell out of Gokudera— the prideful guardian who'll never show such weakness.

Ughhh… I'm the worst

The expression Gokudera showed him— that was Yamamoto's first time seeing it. He was taken aback. The worst thing was happening— Gokudera breaking up with him— and he just worsened that worst thing by hurting the Italian. Oh what the hell, it's really impossible to describe what Yamamoto was thinking. It's really impossible to describe how he feels now.

And just so he could stop himself from hurting Gokudera more than what he had already done, he just walked out. Oh, heaven knows he didn't intend to hurt Hayato. Heaven knows how much he regrets it.

But that time, he was really, really angry and he was not able to keep his cool. He never expected Gokudera to break up with him. It had never even crossed his mind after Gokudera said those three words to him. So he was in real shock. He didn't mean to hurt Gokudera.

I didn't really mean it.

Gokudera was going through something he didn't want Yamamoto to know. It was obvious but this baseball idiot realized it just now. There's no way Gokudera hated him all along. If he did, then he shouldn't have hanged out with Yamamoto. Gokudera doesn't like fooling around, after all.

Ughhh… I'm such an idiot. I'm the worst lover ever.

If he really, truly cared for Hayato, he should have noticed that the Italian was going through something. But he was too confident— thinking that Gokudera will never leave him… he became so careless.

And just when he was about to call and talk to Hayato…

His phone was out of reach.

And when he went to the silverette's apartment…

He moved out already.

He even went to Tsuna and asked if he knows where the Storm Guardian was but…

Tsuna was pretty surprised also.

And no one knows where the Italian went.

Oh man…

If it has come to this, he could just wait for weekdays to see Gokudera in school.

But…

He sighed once more. Gokudera did choose the perfect time to break up with him. Today starts their two-week vacation which means there's no way he'd see Gokudera.

How mean…

How the hell can he fix this when Gokudera is nowhere to be found? How can he fix this if Hayato is gone?

How could you do this to me?

"I hate every damn thing about you"

And just like that, Gokudera disappeared without telling anyone. It's not that he didn't want them to know; he, himself, was also shocked that his flight was scheduled today. By the way, he is now on a private plane to Italy because he is getting engaged by the end of the school year and he needs to go to his fucking homeland now for the arrangement and well, to see his fiancée-to-be. How the hell did he get himself into this mess, anyway?

Flashback:

Gokudera was in the middle of watching Yamamoto's baseball practice when his sister Bianchi called.

"What?" he answered his phone.

"Where are you? We need to talk."

Gokudera frowned in annoyance. "Aren't we talking already?" he asked, irritated.

"We need to talk. Personally."

"Tch," Hayato hissed. "You know I can't stand seeing your face, right?"

"I'll wear mask."

"Just tell me—."

"Hayato"

Gokudera wasn't able to finish his words when he finally realized how serious his sister is. "Fine, in front of Namimori Middle School," he said before ending the call. He stood up from where he was sitting and went to Namimori Middle School's gate. He waited for a few minutes before her sister showed up. "What is it?" he asked.

"You're getting engaged," Bianchi said.

"Haa?" Gokudera raised an eyebrow.

"Father says so. Isabella Alfonso wants to get engaged with you sooner."

"Tch, I can just turn her down."

"No, you can't," Bianchi folded her arms across her chest. "You already know what will happen if you turn her down. She's serious. Anyway, it's not like you have a lover now."

End of Flashback

And that's what happened. They talked about the details after that. Of course, he didn't accept the engagement right away. He called Isabella and tried to negotiate with her but the lady is such a spoiled brat. If she wants something, then she wants it. And of course, he didn't give up at the first try. He tried to negotiate with her many times, telling her that he'd do anything she wants except marrying her but the girl had already set her mind on marrying him. Well, he can't really just turn her down simply because Isabella is the only daughter of the leader of a large mafia in the other country. If he turns her down, she would definitely be sad. Then, her father will get angry and that only means—

War

Gokudera couldn't possibly let that happen. Not that they can't win the war but many people will get hurt just because he turned down an engagement.

I'm sure Juudaime will do the same.

Isabella Alfonso isn't really a stranger for Gokudera. She is Gokudera's childhood friend and also his first love… maybe? The girl was always with him even though he kept on shoving her away. She never left him and that was how their puppy love started. Hayato even promised her that he'd marry her someday and now, he feels guilty.

This is my fault in the first place. Why the hell did I even promise to marry her when we were just 7 years old?

I'm such a brat.

Everything that happens now is all his childhood's fault.

Fuck my childhood. She really took that seriously…

But well… we were somehow serious back then…

"Tch," Gokudera hissed as he looked outside the window, staring at nothing. He really, truly didn't want to leave Yamamoto… really, really, really. But he had to break up with him because of this damn reason.

The last words he said were cruel but he didn't expect Yamamoto to react that way. Does Yamamoto really love him that much? Not realizing Yamamoto's love immediately, Gokudera felt like an idiot but he felt really happy.

The Yamamoto yesterday was really scary— Hayato almost took back his words. He didn't know that the baseball freak was capable of doing something like that. The idiot was always so calm, after all, so Gokudera really didn't expect that. Yamamoto must have really loved him.

But maybe he doesn't now. I said such cruel words, after all.

There's no way he will still be loved after that. There's no way Yamamoto still feels the same way.

His love for me might have already turned to hate now.

But it's not like Gokudera hadn't prepared himself for this. He had already prepared himself for the hatred Yamamoto would feel after hearing those. But of course, he couldn't stop himself from feeling sad after being so prepared. He loves Yamamoto, after all. Being hated by the one you love— by the one who made you feel so special— by the one who made you feel so loved, is really, really painful.

FF

Gokudera walked inside their 'palace'. The maids and butlers were all lined-up, greeting him, and standing at the end was his fiancée-to-be, Isabella.

The lady was wearing a dress and her long, brown hair was curled in a beautiful way. "Hayato!" she didn't even wait for Hayato to reach where she was. She ran to him and immediately gave him a tight hug. "Welcome back, I miss you," she greeted while looking up at Hayato.

Hayato was surprised when he received the hug and he just looked at her blankly. And just when he was about to speak, one butler approached them.

"Young master, the dinner is ready," The butler informed with courtesy. "Your father is waiting there," he continued.

"Let's eat, Hayato," Isabella said while giving Hayato a smile. She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dining room.

"Wai—," Gokudera tried to stop the lady from dragging him because he is in a bad mood and he doesn't feel like eating anything at all. But Isabella has a very happy smile on her lips and Gokudera would feel really guilty if he was to ruin that.

When they reached the dining room, Gokudera saw his father sitting at the end of the table while his stepmother sat beside him. Hayato sat opposite his mother while Isabella sat beside him.

"Welcome back, Hayato," They both welcomed him.

Gokudera was surprised, hearing that greeting and his heart skipped a beat. How long has it been since he last heard their voices? He couldn't remember. He never talked to them in the very first place. "T-Thanks," he said. That was all he could reply to that greeting and he didn't even gave them a glance.

"Let's eat," Isabella broke the awkwardness and they all started eating. Gokudera barely touched his food but he still tried to eat what he could eat. Once done, they all started to ask questions; he actually felt like he was being interrogated.

"So how was Japan?" His father asked him.

"Fine," was all his answer.

"Were you eating your meals regularly?" his stepmother asked.

"Yes"

"Were you doing just fine there?" his father asked again.

"Yes. Everyone's looking out for me," he answered.

"You know, you should have at least given us a call. We were really worrying about you," his stepmother informed Hayato.

Hn, worried? That's the first time I heard that.

"Anyway, was the money we sent you enough for your daily living?" his father asked again.

"Yes, thank you."

Gokudera sighed in his mind. He's tired. He's really, really tired. Their questions aren't helping at all. He wanted nothing but to lie on his bed and sleep. He didn't want this. He misses Yamamoto— his smile, his scent, his jokes, his hugs, his kiss—

"Hayato! We're finally getting married," Isabella blurted out as she wrapped her arms around Hayato's.

"It's just an engagement, tch," Gokudera corrected the lady.

"You're so cold, Hayato. After engagement is marriage, you know," she pouted cutely. "And would you please remove that frown on your face?" she asked in a very annoyed tone.

Gokudera only frowned more. It has been on his face since he came here… well maybe, since yesterday. He couldn't stop himself from frowning. Well, they can't blame him. He didn't like everything that happens around him— everything that happens in his life.

"Why did you ask for a sudden engagement, anyway?" Gokudera asked in curiosity.

Isabella un-wrapped her arms around Gokudera and looked at him with annoyance. "Because someone here doesn't answer my calls and texts and emails," she pouted again.

Gokudera looked back at her, raising an eyebrow. "You know, I never answer those, right?"

"You do sometimes!" She shouted much to Gokudera's annoyance. They're very near to each other yet the girl still shouted. "You even forgot about my birthday."

Gokudera was taken aback, hearing that. He just forgot her birthday which he never did. Well actually, after the first time he forgot about it, he never dared to do that again. The first time was really terrifying. The girl kept on crying for days, sulking, and Hayato had to comfort her because it's his fault.

Last month was her birthday.

"That still doesn't answer my question," Hayato said though he felt a little guilty. But he was thankful that the girl didn't cry like before.

"You forgot about my birthday again which means your mind is off somewhere," Isabella told the silver-haired man.

"And?"

"And it means someone has taken your attention which means you're forgetting about me and then, you might fall in love with that someone so I just have to make this engagement sooner before that happens," she explained continuously, not even pausing to breathe.

Gokudera was taken aback again, hearing her reason. He couldn't even talk back after what she said. "I-I see," but he gave a dull reply not to be rude.

After some more questions here and there, Gokudera felt really tired that he couldn't stand staying there anymore. "I'm tired, I'll go to sleep now," he said as he stood up. "Excuse me."

"M-Me too!" Isabella said as she stood up also and clung to Hayato's arm.

"Goodnight then," his parents said.

"Goodnight," Gokudera said as he walked out and went to his room with Isabella. When he got to his room, he bid his goodbye and goodnight to the lady.

"No. I'm sleeping here with you," she said as she clung to Gokudera's arm tighter.

"What?" Gokudera asked in annoyance and disbelief.

"I said I'm sleeping here with you," she repeated, more clearly this time.

"Tch, listen," Gokudera commanded as he freed his arm and looked at Isabella seriously. He is really, truly feeling annoyed now. "I'm a boy. You're a girl. Us sleeping together isn't right, you got that?" he explained seriously, too tired to deal with this bullshit.

"Then it's alright if I'm a boy?" she asked.

Gokudera's heart skipped a beat at the question.

Shit.

This girl really pisses him off. Who the hell asks such things? She's a kid.

Bullshit.

Oh, how Gokudera hates dealing with kids. There's only a one-year difference between their ages but this lady is way too childish for her age. He can't handle this.

I'll never be able to handle this.

"Stop with your nonsense and go to sleep already," Gokudera said as he dragged the girl out and closed his door. He sighed in relief when he heard the girl's footsteps and walked away.

"Then it's alright if I'm a boy?"

Hayato almost slapped the lady, hearing that question. He thought the girl was trying to provoke him. But then, he realized that there is no way she knows about his relationship with Yamamoto.

Gokudera threw himself on the bed and covered himself with a comforter then hugged a pillow. If he was with Yamamoto now, the idiot would be hugging him 'til he falls asleep.

Stop thinking about him, idiot. You already broke up with him.

Gokudera told himself. Well, of course, even after scolding himself in his mind not to think about Takeshi anymore, he still did and he was able to sleep with him in mind.

FF Morning

Gokudera's eyes lazily opened. He woke up because the sunlight brightens up his room in a very annoying way.

"Good morning, young master. Do you want to eat your breakfast here?" the maid who opened his curtains asked.

"Yes, please," Gokudera answered even though he's really annoyed at what the maid did. He sat up and woke himself up completely. He chose to eat his breakfast here because he didn't want to eat with his parents nor with Isabella. He didn't want to deal with their presence again.

"Young master, here is your breakfast," a maid knocked on his door before walking inside. She brought Gokudera's breakfast. "Is there anymore you need, young master?"

"No, you can go," Gokudera answered and he started eating as soon as the maid left. He sighed, realizing that he is alone in this room.

Alone?

Had Hayato forgotten the feeling of being alone?

No.

He's just not used to it anymore. Well, of course, because of Yama—

Don't even think of his name.

It's because of a certain someone… always chasing after him.

Always, always…

FF

"Juudaime, I'm sorry, I left without a notice," Gokudera apologized through the phone.

"It's fine, Gokudera-kun. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Juudaime. By the way, I'll be continuing my studies here so I won't be coming there anytime soon. I'm sorry," he apologized politely again.

"Eh? Do you really have to study there?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, really. Anyway, I heard about your engagement…"

"…Huh?"

Tsk… Bianchi

Hayato actually wanted to tell this to his Juudaime, himself, so he could explain himself but it seems like Bianchi had already made the first move.

"Y-Yeah, I'm really sorry, Juudaime."

He knows that Tsuna is aware of his relationship with the idiot. And he probably already knows about the break-up.

"I said don't apologize, Gokudera-kun. It's no your—"

"Is that Hayato?"

Gokudera heard someone else's voice and the next thing he heard was—

"Hayato, why didn't you tell me? I could have understood."

"…" Hayato gulped.

He didn't know what to say. Yamamoto is on the phone.

Oh God, why?

How would he be able to forget him? He just heard the idiot's voice— the voice he misses the most.

"Hayato, speak up. I want to hear your voice."

Yamamoto finally lowered his voice. He was actually shouting his words a while ago.

This voice…

"Hayato…"

Calling my name…

"Please, I miss you."

Oh, no one knows how much Hayato wanted to cry now, hearing that.

"I love you. I still love you so please."

Gokudera's heart wanted to burst out of his chest. He's really happy, knowing that Yamamoto still loves him.

But…

But he had to make Yamamoto understand there's no way their love is going to work.

"Yamamoto… I—"

Someone stole his phone away from his hand.

"Hello, who's this? I'm sorry but Hayato is on a date with me now. I'm his fiancée by the way. Please don't interrupt us, bye bye~," Isabella said those words in the fastest way she could so she could finish her words before Gokudera steals his phone back.

"Here," Isabella said as she reached out her hand, giving Hayato his phone.

Gokudera failed to move or speak for a moment. He is mad. He is feeling so mad right now.

Why… I was about to explain… I was—

He gave the lady his deadliest glare. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?" he asked angrily as he carelessly took his phone away from the lady's hand, slightly hurting her at the process. And he immediately received a hard slap on his left cheek after what he did.

"Why, you ask? I was in the car for so long, waiting for you. But then, here you are, in your room, talking with someone I don't know. So just in case you have forgotten, I'm here to remind you, Mr. Hayato Gokudera. We're going to pick our engagement ring so get your ass out of here and go to the car," she explained angrily. "At least give me your attention when I need it," she added before walking out of the room.

"Tch," Gokudera caressed his left cheek. Was it the first time someone slapped him?

Damn it.

He started walking.

Maybe she's right.

He really should stop thinking of him.

I should start giving her my attention… But—

"Tch"

Just stop thinking already…

FF Later, that night

Isabella fell asleep while they were in the car. So when they got home, Hayato immediately put her in her bed. Now, he is in the living room with his parents because they wanted to talk to him – again.

"What is it?" Gokudera asked.

"Do you really hate being here?" his father asked him directly.

"Huh?" Gokudera didn't expect that question.

"It seems like you're avoiding us with the best you can," his stepmother explained.

I have been doing that seen I was a kid.

"If it's because of the past, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what happened to your mo—"

"Don't say it," Gokudera didn't let his father finish his words. "Look, I don't care anymore. What you do… I don't care. And did you actually think I'll like being here? I hate every damn thing here, and that includes all the people here, of course. But I came here because I don't want chaos to happen just because of a petty reason. Now, if you'll excuse me, goodnight," he said before walking out. He went to his room and slumped on his bed.

This feeling he feels now is hatred. He didn't expect he'd feel this way again. Yamamoto has always been there, keeping him warm… loving him.

Ughhh

His head hurts. He thinks too much.

Tch

If Yamamoto was here with him

He'd kiss my forehead and—

STOP

"Damn it," Gokudera cursed. What the hell is wrong with him?

What the hell is wrong with me?"

Shouldn't he stop thinking about Yamamoto already?

I should stop thinking about him already.

He had already set his mind before to forget about Yamamoto if he wouldn't be able to find a way out of this engagement.

But why can't I?

After all his preparations, he still can't forget about him. Maybe, It's still a little too early to be able to move on but then, isn't he thinking of Yamamoto a little too much more than before? He connects every little thing he does to Yamamoto ever since yesterday.

When did I…

When did he fell in love with Yamamoto this much? So damn much that he couldn't get him out of his mind?

I should forget about him.

Sooner

Or the world he'll live in in the future will be hell.

But…

But why is it that no matter how hard he tries, he still can't get the idiot out of his mind?

Isn't this what they call digging one's own grave?

No, no. That's not it.

But the more he tries to forget Takeshi, the more he couldn't get the man out of his mind. Is it even possible to forget him?

Is it?

FF Morning

Gokudera had just finished eating his breakfast and much to his annoyance, he had to go out of his room.

"Hayato!"

He immediately received a hug from his fiancée-to-be.

This hug…

"Hayato, I'm sorry I was not able to say this yesterday but thank you!" she thanked Hayato as she looked up at him, giving him a smile.

That smile…

"Thank you for coming with me yesterday," she thanked again, still with a smile. She's really happy because Hayato was the one who picked their engagement ring.

The way she says such words…

"Y-Yeah," Gokudera looked at her with a frown. It was neither an angry frown nor a sad frown. The frown was like it was trying to figure something out.

This hug and smile and her words…

They're just like Yamamoto's

But…

Why is his heart not skipping a beat? Those are just the same, right? Then, why?

Why?

Is it no good if it's not him?

Is it no good if it's not Yamamoto?

please don't hate Hayato :)

Happy New Year everyone!

and I won't be updating soon, I guess? gomen :3 but I will still try, of course