When I heard John's door slam shut immediately shut the book and searched for the flier for the circus, I suspected that was where our criminals hid. As soon as I saw it I started the conversation.

Leaning on the unopened crate I said to John who has just woken up "I need to get some air. We're going out tonight" and for a moment I feared that John had plans since he was momentarily quiet but it was eased when he had agreed and asked where we planned to go. I showed him the flier, with a smile and eagerness I did not bother to hide. It seems that John's date was for today only.

'probably a sexual partner' I silently thought and felt something I could not decipher coil in my stomach but thankfully I was able to hide it. Somehow the knowledge that Nero has forgotten me and would not hesitate to harm me made me hurt. But John, my dear sweet John would be the only constant, he is my best friend as I am his, the one who stayed and never once forgot me.

It made my blossoming affection be cemented, his warm touches, gestures and eyes made me hope and long for more. John had stayed in 221 B even if he only planned to live here (with me) for 4 weeks.

"Well, I'll just change okay?" John says with a warm a smile and I find myself returning it sincerely, it scares me to know that John has this much power over me but somehow I feel that I have as much power over him as well. At first the startling realization that Nero and John were one the same made me feel anxious, scared and a little bit happy, the thought that the man behind the mask of Nero found me and had been charmed by my atrocious personality delighted me.

To know that Nero and John Watson himself cared for me and loves me too made me glad. The time spent trying to let John slip up that he was indeed Nero was fun and frustrating , John's efforts to comfort me in my sulk when I heard he was about to go to Paris made me jump to conclusions, unbelievable but true, that he was about to leave and never comeback that perhaps I am just a mere annoyance or someone to use and discard.

I tried to stop him from leaving, God! I did!, from sulking to dramatically exclaiming loudly about interesting cases to unexpectedly come to finally being mean but through all of it John smiled and touched, God! did his fingers sent electricity throughout my skin!, my shoulders and finally he decided to just bring me with him. In my mind I like to think that it was like 'meeting the family'.

Oh God did I hate it when I saw the person waiting for us, she was a beauty and John called her, my dear, What saved me from making such an asshole of my self was when she spoke and addressed John as 'Uncle'. Over the course of time I spent with her I gradually tolerated her but the knowledge that John's sexuality headed to females in majority made my stomach coil, though I did hid it well. But a part of me that hopes that if John fell for me I must be truly beautiful in eyes.

"Shall we go then?" John asks as he stood before me, I smiled and nodded.

On the cab ride I felt that there was too much space between us, I wanted to sit beside him, to feel his warmth and hold his hand but I have yet to say what I feel, until I am sure this would not lead to heartbreak for either of the moments of silence, when John is thinking deep and loses sight of his surroundings do I feel that he is Nero, the air of sadness hidden well is there, the far away gaze that seems to see what the future may bring and sometimes I feel as if John has wings just like Nero.

To be honest the knowledge that Nero had sent a letter to the Parisian police made me wonder if he remembered, the knowledge he sent it to Fabre made me fear and thought that Fabre was his lover or his beloved but when I had voiced this to John (for at that moment I still believed they were one and the same) he vehemently denied it. I quote " If Nero wanted Fabre he would be long gone and Fabre would have long since been wearing a ring" end of quote. At that moment I felt my inside flutter, but the flame despite how small it was, had been doused rather coldly by heaps of water.

Nero did not remember nor did he seem to care for my well being but this was only conformed until I returned to my room. I was a mere distraction, easily replaced and forgotten but John, my caring John! remembered me and worried for me. Once being a consulting detective was just a means to meet Nero but now I think Nero has become the means among others to be the greatest consulting detective.

"We're here" John says as he pays the cabbie and holds my hand as he leads me to the circus. I wonder if my cheeks were flustered because of the cold or it was because John was holding my hand. Just being with John made everything (other than my experiments) bearable and sometimes (when John participates in my experiments or lets me help him with his) enjoyable.

The knowledge John would always watch my back (something I knew now that Nero would never be able to and won't do) was what made me able to fight without fear for myself towards the attackers though Dimmock was annoying, John was there so it was fine even if the older man would just learn to follow my lead. The whole night I spent with John deciphering the final clue Soo Lin left was exciting and fun.

John's presence was an added bonus.

And now in the comfort of the couch as I let the adrenaline rush fade away I see in my peripheral vision John leaning against the window in deep thought sometimes I think that John is much more clever than he lets on and at this moments I wish I could pry open his mind and bask in his thoughts. If there was one lesson from Mummy that stuck to me it is about the matters of the heart.

You'll know when it happens

I stood up and walk towards John and I open my lips and let my voice be heard 'now or never' I thought as I called his name "John"

This could either be the beginning of something more or the end of what I share with John.

In the darkness of my flat I grin ferociously at my screen, General Shan of Black Lotus had dared to hurt what is mine. Countless time I'e told everyone John Watson and Nero were not to be touched or harmed.

M: GRATITUDE IS MEANINGLESS
M: IT IS ONLY THE EXPECTATION OF FURTHER FAVOURS

Her actions almost cause his attention to me, my hard work to be ruined by her?! unforgivable! John...only John is allowed to end this game, Holmes has outlived his usefulness.

I can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't can't allow him to know.

He'll take John away and I'll be alone...

I hatehatehatehatehatehatehate it, this empty feeling when John is not by my side, he tells me Seb is mine but really he's not, Seb is his disgusting pet...but John...John is mine and mine alone...

he is...mine...

"fire" I say to the intercom and Seb the disgusting pet of his does so...

No matter what happens...this game is no longer for Sherlock like he wants...because I'm Moriarty and no else...

John Watson wants the rush of life...and that I could only give to him. I know this because I've seen him work his genius mind, why he chooses to hide it angers me, and pleases me...I'm the only one who knows and John never hides from me.

His love may not be mine for now but soon it would be once he realizes how cowardly Sherlock Holmes is...

I moan as I think of John touching me, making love to me, feel him thrust in me, our body covered is sweat and cum as I moan his name once more and pants. He'll whisper sweet words of love to me and forever he'll remain by my side as we conquer the world.

I was thinking of Jim and what he was about to do with General Shan, I had no illusions of Jim's tendency to lean towards psychopathy, when Sherlock called my name, I turned and noticed that the something had shifted and I gave Sherlock my whole undivided attention to make sure that I would not miss anything vital. Although I never really voiced it out. I took notice that Sherlock no longer seemed to care for Nero...it made me hurt but I kept it well in.

I'm not sure what change that Sherlock no longer seemed to care about Nero, why a mere mention of his name made a brief flicker of hurt appear in eyes, why he smiled so sadly whenever Nero was mentioned. And I fear that when the time comes for me to end everything...he'll turn me away...hate me and be disgusted.

"I...I no that I am not aesthetically pleasing to your taste but despite that I value our friendship a lot, to hear you say that I am your best friend delighted me and I think I must return the favour by saying that you are mine as well" Sherlock says and I smile warmly and answer "I'm glad to hear it, Sherlock"

I don't want this to end...to lose this precious feeling... Sherlock is refreshing...he's innocence so untainted by the world,his brilliant mind shining among others... this knowledge of his draws me more to him

like a moth to a flame... I wonder if I would burn if I touch you more than I should...love you more than normal...

"John, I am not good with feelings and at times I may have hurt you unintentionally but know that I feel" he pauses and I wonder what he would say next "bad" he says and then he comes closer, stepping into my personal bubble, and I find myself staring into the his eyes that shows the universe.

"Sherlock?"

"I have come to grow some affection for you upon our immediate meeting and it grew after our trip to Paris and now it has blossomed" He says and I realize what was happening

should I feel happy? afraid?

"John...I have come to love you...more than a friend should and I-" Sherlock stops and I realize that it was because of me, he frowns and held his hand close to my face. I want him to listen closely,to hear me...

"Can you truly love me Sherlock?"I asked my head looking down

"Of Course! John!" He says and I shake my head, and look up to him to meet his eyes again, I allow myself to be laid bare infront of him...as laid bare as I could " You don't understand, Sherlock" I say softly..sadly and he speaks louder, frustrated and afraid " then make me understand! JOHN!"

I wipe away his tears "Can you love me? despite my secrets? knowing that there are somethings about me and my past that I'll perhaps never tell you outright?"

I dare to kiss his tears away, kiss both of his cheeks, his nose and his lips softly as if I am afraid I would lose him...but aren't I about to?

"John?"

"Sherlock...there are so..SO many things you don't know...about me...about my past...about Blanca and our relationship...can you? can you bear with it?"

and Sherlock,my ever brilliant Sherlock smiles at me through his tears and kisses me...I did not notice that we were both crying until I tasted my tears with his own, it was chase and sweet...it reminds me of that night in Paris.

tell me Sherlock if you knew that I am Nero would you love me still?

"John,my dearest John...I would for you...because I know you would have done the same for me" he whispers and I feel the ghost of his lips

Please, if you actually exist don't take this away from me...

"Sherlock...one day...one day I'll tell you everything you want to know"

"And I'll wait until that day comes"

we spent the night kissing softly savoring the sensation,the feeling of this new and fragile thing between us...this is my second treasure after Sherlock.

A/N:thank you for reading :) the next chap would be the start of the great game think of this as an inside to see beneath the beneath :)