/-/ Wow okay. So I went to a concert, came home and went to bed, but then I woke up at like 2:00 am and couldn't fall back asleep and then this happened. Wooo \-\

He was useless. He had never believed otherwise and furthermore had never had a reason to anyways. There had not once been a thing he had gone through with doing. As a child he would sit out from the rest of his classmates, too shy to speak or too forgetful to do his homework. It was not that he had been a stupid kid, just that he was unusual.

She did not appreciate unusual. Instead of embracing her sons uncanny nature, she resented him for being an outcast.

He had been locked in the dark room which was all he had known for longer than usual. His arms had gone numb, especially at the shoulders. Rivers of thick crimson had trickled down his back where she had lashed him and stained his pants. He had not minded, it would not have been the first pair. He just wanted to sleep, but the ringing in his ears prevented him from doing so. Not to mention that when she returned she would have gotten quite angry, and perhaps leave him there for longer or beat him further.

It may have been hours later until he heard keys rustling, and finally a bright light cast across the walls as her silhouette overtook the doorway. Hanging from nails which had been messily hammered in to the plaster was a variety of torture equipment. It was not always that she would use these tools of destruction, only when she had gone through an awful day or was more disappointed in him than usual. When it was not a day such as that, she would rely solely on the brute force of her own hands. Perhaps, he reasoned, that was more awful than the other things.

"Hello again Oncie," she called to him just as she always would. He lifted his head, and his bright blue eyes which had been lidded partially from exhaustion acknowledged her from respect. "Did you miss me?"

He did not, of course. But she did not need to hear that to know the truth. Regardless, he had shook his head yes anyways. He could hazily recall her smiling, but he had been too tired to realize it.

"Of course you missed me, I'm your mama."

She thankfully had decided that enough was enough and she would take him down. His arms felt like wet noodles, and he had only roughly been aware of their actual existence. The chains had clicked and clacked against each other until finally settling down, and the pair of them exited the room and entered the light.

He of course headed straight to the bathroom to clean himself up. His mother would not be happy if he showed his bloody, bruised face to the rest of the family. They would become suspicious. Not that they would care much, in fact they might even insist on joining her the next time. She did not want that. It was her job to teach him that he was nothing more than waste, nobody else's.

After years of going through such brutal moments, he had become quite savvy in the expertise of first-aid. He had also been quite renowned for the use of make-up, of course only to cover the bruises and black eyes. The first thing to address this time was his broken nose. A bloodstained, pitiful looking individual stared back at him from the mirror. He loathed his reflection. He was ugly; a disgrace. Those rosy freckled cheeks had not been charming at all, and his round blue eyes saw nothing but hate and bred only such a thing as well. His black, side-swept hair was feathery and unkempt. His nose was bent awkwardly to the side. Gripping at the tender flesh with his fingers, he yanked it back in to place. For a moment all he could see was red. It vaguely reminded him of not so long ago, except this was a much more comfortable pain. It was a pain he was providing. It was not a pain that made him question if his mother had ever loved him at all. He wiggled the bruised muscle around the injury and winced at the sting.

For the next few minutes he had washed his face of the dried blood which was caked on to his skin. There was not much he could do about his back without taking a shower, and so he decided to do so. His joints ached but the steamy water helped relax the muscles in his lanky arms. The hot liquid stung the gashes along his back but the burn had not been so bad; it was better than receiving the bloody tears in his skin, that was for sure.

Currently he was in his room, dressing himself in pajamas and preparing for a long nights sleep. His favorite set was a baby blue night shirt and matching pants decorated with small yellow rabbits. It was comfortable, warm and had always smelled pleasant no matter how much he wore them - even as he grew too tall for his bed and his sheets got worn out.

He could not lay on his back like he normally did when sleeping. It hurt far too much, and so he curled up on his side and settled into his pillow.

Minutes later, still wide awake and the pain becoming increasingly unbearable, the tears had begun to streak down his cheeks. He felt pitiful for letting himself come to such a state, but that had not stopped the warm flow of clear saltwater. More than ever he had a desire to escape to a world aside from this one, even if it only had existed in the confines of his head. It used to be easy for him. As time went on, she beat his imagination out of him. As he would bleed it would pour out of his body as the color of crimson and on to the floor. He hardly had an imagination left. She had defeated him, and he had allowed her to. The thought made him absolutely sick. As if to pour salt on the wound, his stomach growled. He had not yet eaten that day, and he would not either. This had been going on for weeks. He was losing weight fast. His already lanky physique was becoming lankier; his long legs and arms were barely finger-span around, or at least in most places.

In times like these he would usually practice his guitar, which he admittedly was not that great at playing, but she had kept it in that dark room. Only she had the keys, and he was not yet ready mentally to approach her on the subject. So for the mean time, all he could do was silently suffer and hope that no one intruded on him and saw how much of a disgrace he really was.

It was going to be a long night.

Stupid outcast, respect your mama.