Chapter Nineteen

On The Run

EPOV

The mountain lion was directly in front of me.

I watched her from within the tall grass, careful not to make a noise. She was rather large, definitely larger than most mountain lions that I've hunted before.

A deep growl came from my chest causing the lion's head to perk up, away from her own prey. Her yellow eyes found mine and she hunched over, the hair on her back standing straight up as she bared his teeth.

As I moved closer to my prey, the lion roared, her ears going back. It was then that I realized that she wasn't just protecting herself but the two young cubs that were busily playing in the grass behind her.

My predator instinct quickly vanished and I no longer had the urge to lunge at the mountain lion. There was no way that I could allow myself to attack, leaving two babies without their mother. Besides, they were still fairly young. Probably still drinking their mother's milk. They'd be dead within a week, either from starvation or another animals snack.

Just then, my cell phone began ringing frantically, playing Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. I pulled the cell out of my jean pocket, flipping it open and not bothering to check the caller ID. I already knew who it was.

"Edward! I had a vision!" Alice's high-pitched yet melodic voice cried. She sounded terrified.

"Alice, what the hell did you see? Is Bella…?" I began to ramble. I had just gotten Bella back. There was no way I could make it if I lost her this time. I barely made it before.

"Calm down, alright?"

"The hell I will! If anything happens to Bella, I swear you and Rose are –"

"Don't talk to me like that!" Alice screeched. I had to pull my phone away just so she wasn't so damn loud. "I'm packing your clothes and Rose is calling Carlisle and Esme. After we're done –"

"Alice, how the hell is Bella? What did you even see?"

I didn't even know why I was asking my sister what she saw. I already knew. She saw the other half of her vision from earlier. The reason why Bella had been so frightened.

"Will you let me speak!?" I barely heard Alice snap.

"Fine," I muttered.

"Thank you," she sighed. "After we're done here, we're going back to Bella's. We're going to pack her clothes. We won't let Charlie know. It's best if he thinks she's missing."

"And where are we taking her?"

"I don't now where we'll go. Probably Europe. We have at least a week to get there."

I nodded to myself as Jasper and Emmett approached; each wearing confused looked on their sallow faces. No wonder. They were covered in blood and I wasn't.

What's going on? Jasper's thoughts entered my mind.

"Alice," I mouthed back.

Everything okay? Emmett asked. All I could do was shrug.

"What about changing her?" I asked. I was still highly against changing Bella but if it meant saving her life, I would do it this instant. I wasn't ready to let Bella go. None of us were.

"Rosalie already brought that up, Edward," Alice said. "There's not enough time to change her. She'd go through the change but she couldn't fight. The newborn in her would still be –"

"We could work with her. Each and every day until –"

"Stop interrupting me!"

"But it could work, Alice! And she might be different than us! Think about it!"

"Ugh! Be home in an hour!"

I opened my mouth to speak but it was already too late. Alice had hung up. With a sigh, I shut my phone and placed it back in my pocket.

"Edward?"

I glanced up at my brothers who were surprisingly patient. "That was Alice as you know," I began. I ran a hand nervously through my hair before shoving my hands deep into my pockets. "She had a vision. She's preparing to take Bella out of the country." I walked back to my Volvo, taking time to process everything that was going on.

"I'll ride back with Emmett," Jasper said. I nodded without even looking up and climbed into my Volvo.

Driving back to Olympia would give me some time to think.

Bella had to be horrified. She had gone seventeen years without behind hunted and now look what happened! We're back in her life and year another blood thirsty monster wants to destroy her.

The question was why.

I let out a sigh and peeled away, slinging mud and leaves all over Emmett's jeep. Even as I drove off, I could hear Emmett's booming laughter.

My every being itched to call Bella, to know for myself how she really was.

Thoughts of Bella continued to bombard my mind but one memory stuck with me as I crossed over the Washington state line.

"Deal's off," I stated rather abruptly.

"What?" Bella gasped. "You're backing out? No!"

"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached."

"Why?"

"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty."

"But I –"

"No. we're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong so." I shifted under Bella and squared my shoulders. "We're doing it your way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. I'll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough morphine, it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try." I gritted my teeth.

"Edward, no –"

I put my finger over Bella's beautiful, pink lips. "Don't worry, Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands."

My hands were in her hair then, my lips moving softly – but very seriously – against Bella's.

Bella's breathing wasn't right and were hands were gripping my arms, pulling herself tighter to me and her mouth was glued to mine.

I rolled gently, pressing Bella into the cool grass.

Bella shook her head and I smiled inwardly before moving my mouth to her neck.

"Stop, Edward. Wait." Bella's voice was weak from lack of oxygen.

"Why?" I whispered into the hollow of her throat.

"I don't want to do this now."

"Don't you?" I asked, a smile in my voice. I moved my lips back to Bella's and made speaking impossible. Heat moved through her veins.

I could practically feel Bella struggling and could tell that it was hard to removed her hands from my hair and to my chest. And when she finally completed her task, she shoved against me in an attempt to push me away. I knew that it was hard for her to succeed alone.

I pulled back a few inches to look at Bella.

"Why?" I asked again, my voice low and rough. "I love you. I want you. Right now."

Bella was speechless and I took advantage of it by placing my lips back on hers.

"Wait, wait," she tried to say around my lips.

"Not for me," I murmured in disagreement.

"Please?" Bella gasped.

I groaned, and pushed myself away from her, rolling onto my back.

We both laid there for a minute, trying to slow our breathing.

"Tell me why not, Bella," I demanded. "This had better not be about me."

"Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right."

"Who's definition of right?"

"Mine."

I rolled onto my elbow and stared at Bella, my expression definitely disapproving.

"How are you going to do this right?"

Bella took a deep breath. "Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this."

"I'll bet I could," I murmured.

"But you wouldn't," she said, trying to keep her voice level. "Not knowing that this is what I really need."

"You don't fight fair," I accused.

Bella grinned at me. "Never said I did."

I smiled back, contemplative. "If you change your mind…"

"You'll be the first to know," she promised.

The rain started to fall through the clouds right then, a few scattered drops that made a few thuds as they struck the grass.

Bella glowered at the sky.

"I'll get you home." I brushed the tiny beads of water from Bella's cheeks.

"Rain's not the problem," she grumbled. "It just means that it's time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous."

My eyes widened in panic.

"It's a good thing you're bulletproof." She sighed. "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Charlie."

I laughed at the expression on Bella's face. "Highly dangerous," I agreed. I laughed again and then reached into the pocket of my jeans. "But at least there's no need for a side trip."

I once again slid her ring into place on the third finger of the left hand.

That's where it would stay – possibly for the rest of eternity. (Eclipse, pgs. 617-620)

I had been ecstatic that Bella had still wanted to marry me but when it came down to just days before the wedding, I told Bella that I wouldn't change her. I was a complete fool to think that she'd still marry me. She wouldn't want to marry me and see her husband never age while she would.

About two hundred miles in, I let out a screech of anger. I had been a fool. All I ever did was hurt Bella yet I couldn't help but love her – couldn't help but want to be near her. And despite everything, Bella felt the same way too. I knew she did.

I could see it in her eyes and the way she spoke to me. I knew that as soon as she began to remember.

M life – the rest of my blasted existence – needed Bella. If I was going to be a part of eternally damned, I wanted to be a member with Bella at my side.

And I knew just what I had to do.

BPOV

"Edward," I said. His named burned my throat a little on the way out. I could feel the ghost of the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he disappeared. I didn't quite see how I was going to survive it this time. "This has to stop now. You cant think about things that way. You can't let this… this guilt… rule your life. You cant take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault; it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and –"

I was on the edge of losing it. I stopped to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. I had to set him free. I had to make sure this never happened again.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he whispered, the strangest expression crossing his face. He almost looked mad. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

I could feel the blank incomprehension on my face. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," he said, voice soft, eyes fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death" – he shuddered as he whispered the last word— "even if it wasn't my fault, I would he gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?

"The odds…," he muttered then, distracted. His voice was so low I wasn't sure I heard it right. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," I said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?"

He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me." Including the words that had negated all the rest.

He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused." That worked. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying.

He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella. I have to be."

I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away.

He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was… excruciating."

I waited, still frozen.

"When we were in the forest, what I was telling you goodbye—"

I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second only.

"You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"

I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible.

He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.

"Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"

And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks.

"I knew it," I sobbed. "I knew I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once – a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

I shook my head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of my eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, his voice paler than his usual pale – I could see that even in the dim light. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love," I explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."

His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightened.

"I'll prove you're awake," he promised.

He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to turn my head away.

"Please don't," I whispered.

He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine.

"Why not?" he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl.

"When I wake up" – He opened his mouth to protest, so I revised – "okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

I stared at him darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine. If I was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible.

So I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to painting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me – there was no pain in the world that would have justified missing this. His hands memorized my face, the same way mine were tracing his and, in brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered my name.

When I was starting to get dizzy, he pulled away, only to lay his ear against my heart.

I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet.

"By the way," he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."

I didn't say anything, and he seemed to hear skepticism in my silence.

He lifted his face to lock my gaze in his. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," he added more seriously. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay – thank heaven for that! It seems you cant be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing… that would kill me. Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope would do the job.

Anger glinted metallic in his black eyes. "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No – not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. To examine the hypothesis that he did love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I wouldn't fall into the trap of hoping. "You could mean it…. Now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

He flinched.

I thought back over those last days of my life before he left me, tried to see them through the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he'd left me while loving me, left me for me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning. "It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" I guessed. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," he said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

I grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," he insisted, glaring now. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

He waited, studying my face as he spoke to make sure I was really listening.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason. …And then you shout across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

I wanted to believe him. But this was my life without him that he was describing, not the other way around.

"Your eyes will adjust," I mumbled.

"That's just the problem – they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

He laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," I muttered.

He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Funny?"

"I meant strange – I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me when missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." I filled my lungs, luxuriating in the sensation. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

He closed his eyes and laid his ear over my heart again. I let my cheek press against his hair, felt the texture of it on my skin, smelled the delicious scent of him.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" I asked, curious, and also needing to distract myself. I was very much in danger of hoping. I wouldn't be able to stop myself for long. My heart throbbed, singing in my chest.

"No." He sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation?"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with… Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here." He groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears –"

"You were hunting Victoria?" I half-shrieked as soon as I could find my voice, shooting through too octaves.

Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

"Not well," Edward answered, studying my outraged expression with a confused look. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

"That is… out of the question," I managed to choke out. Insanity. Even if he had Emmett or Jasper help him. Even if he had Emmett and Jasper help. It was worse than my other imagining: Jacob Black standing across a small space from Victoria's vicious and feline figure. I couldn't bear to picture Edward there, ever though he was so much more durable than my half-human best friend.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after –" (New Moon, pgs. 507-516)

"Bella," a distant voice called. "Earth to Bella."

I suddenly felt my body moving back and forth against the leather seats of Alice's yellow Porsche.

"Lemme go," I groggily replied. "I just wanna sleep…"

A frustrated sigh was heard and once again I as shoved roughly back into the seat.

"Isabella!" A new voice said. They were angrier than the first. "I will drag you out by your hair, kicking and screaming, if you don't hurry up and get out of the damn Porsche!"

I groaned inwardly. Rosalie was the angry one. I slowly opened my eyes. Alice looked rather amused. Rosalie stood next to her, hands on her hips, looking like she was about to spit fire.

"How long was I out?"

"I'd say ten minutes. You feel asleep as soon as you were in," Alice explained.

"And Edward?"

"He'll meet us at the airport along with the others." I watched Alice closely as we made our way up he stone path. She was busily digging into her Louis Vouitton bag. "Here." Her pale hand emerged, holding a crumbled piece of notebook paper. "Take a knife and place this on the back door."

I took the paper and glanced at it. What was this for?

"After my first vision, I called in a favor to the dogs. Jacob gladly offered to help us out. He managed to convince Paul to fake a ransom note."

Rosalie laughed. "Who knew he was so good at it?"

"Forensic Files. American Justice," I explained. "He watches all those programs. He could do legal documents if need be."

I pushed open the door and raced up the stairs to my bedroom, tripping here and there. Alice and Rose followed quickly behind.

"This is why we've now got fake identities!" Alice explained as I ushered rapidly around my room. I pulled out a large duffle bag and began stuffing in whatever could fit.

I didn't listen to everything else Alice was saying. I was too busy getting my things together but that all came to an end when Alice's bag came crashing down to the ground and all of it's contents came spilling out.

APOV

"This is why we've now got fake identities!" I explained. Bella was busy running around her room. I don't think I had ever seen herself move so fast without falling or running into something. "We're got passports, social security cards, birth certificates –" It was obvious that she wasn't paying any attention.

A quiet gasp escaped my lips and I could feel my designer bag slipping from my hands, falling to the ground.

Another vision.

We were on the Isle Esme, an island that Carlisle had purchased for his and Esme's anniversary years ago.

Everyone, except for Bella and Edward, were inside, laughing at Emmett's anger and rooting for Jasper to win… like always.

The picture shifted from being inside the beautiful home to the beach. There Bella and Edward sat. Bella was sitting in his lap and Edward's arms were wrapped firmly around her, holding her, protecting her, keeping her warm from the ocean breeze.

Bella looked close to sleep as Edward placed a gentle kiss on Bella's exposed shoulder.

"Bella…"

"Hm?"

"Be with me."

"I am with you, Edward."

Edward shook his head, obviously irritated that Bella didn't understand what he was saying.

"I know that, you silly girl."

"Then what is it?"

Edward let out a sigh and shifted Bella so that she was facing him and her legs were loosely around his waist. "Be with me. Marry me, Bella."