First of all, a warm welcome to all readers, writers and potential crumple-horned snorkack's. I know my profile may have said I wasn't writing any more stories until Hell's Awakening and Athrun's Trial were into the complete stages, but, surprise, I've done the unthinkably stupid and fallen in love with Quest of Truth and The Order of The Phoenix so here it is. This story is going to have some very out of character moments because, I'm pushing events backwards, slightly. Basic quick run down will be in the Information File that Proceeded this chapter, you need to read it, obviously, lest you not understand what I've done.

So, this is the newest story of Joker Oak and I hope you all enjoy reading it. Virtual Cookie to the first reviewer. Virtual water balloons to the rest. You'll need them to throw at me when I'm not updating, seriously. If I get into the habit of not releasing updates fortnightly at the very longest, send me a message, throw a water balloon, e-mail me, whatever. .alchemist-edwardelric hotmail .com

Reviewing gives Cookies and Water Balloon's, plus your very own personalised reply. 100% guaranteed for every review.

A/N: Forgotten in Info File 01, Illegal spells may be performed in this fic, not to mention some very strange occurances yet to arrive, tread with caution.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Period.

Edward Elric was a very special type of person. He was resistant to magic and yet he was able to practice it. Not only was he capable of being a wizard, but also Edward was an accomplished and accredited State Alchemist. He was when all was said and done, a very scary but interesting individual. Edward had been trapped in this strange world where magic was considered real and alchemy a lost art for many years now.

Flashback:

It was seconds ago when Edward Elric made a choice, a choice which had dire consequences for both himself and those who loved him. Oh how Truth had toyed with him on that day and twisted his desires in order to prevent the loss of alchemy. He'd been floating in that never ending nothingness that was called 'The Gate' for what was 79 years in the wizard's realm but mere minutes in Amestris before Truth sought him out.

"Mr. Alchemist," Truth spoken in a million different voices at once, "I am willing to send your brother, both body and soul back to Amestris, however, first is the question of what you shall give up in order to pay for that."

"This" Edward pointed to his gate, "It is my gate, and mine alone."

"But this gate is what ties you to alchemy, Mr. Alchemist." Truth sounded confused, "If you lose it, what purpose will you have in life?"

"What are you suggesting?" Edward queried cautiously, "It's not like there is anything else I can give up in order to return Al to where he belongs."

"So you have been led to believe." Truth grinned, "Edward Elric, what if I were to offer your brother his normal life back, on the condition you allow me to place you in another world. You will still be able to perform alchemy, and better yet, I will give you a chance. If you complete tasks when required of you, I will send you back to Amestris to join your friends and family."

"Why should I trust you of all things?" Ed sneered.
"Why?" Truth giggled, "Edward Elric, I'm ashamed. You have no choice but to trust me and play my game. I'll see you on the other side. Bye now. Oh, before you go, I'll be taking your real arm back for this attempt. You may however have the automail that it was replaced by."

All was suddenly dark. Edward was unconscious from the pain of having his arm torn from his body again, or so he believed. He awoke disoriented on the kitchen table of 12 Grimmauld Place. People staring startled at the new arrival who had most certainly fallen from above the ceiling onto the kitchen table. What they really wanted to know, was how. The Fidelius Charm protected the address only someone who was told by Dumbledore could know how to find the house, let alone drop in from the ceiling.

End Flashback

Ed's Awakening on Earth

Edward Elric, my gifts to you so you may find your time peaceful in this world. Truth spoke malevolently in his mind. You shall not age, you will not be impacted by anything but the simplest magic, your energy will never run out in the event of transmutation. Why? Because I bequeath you, the only thing you've searched for since you were twelve, the true philosopher's stone. …Oh my, it seems I've spoken far too long and those whose kitchen table you have landed upon are seeking an explanation, I shall leave you to it. Truth's voice faded away.

12 Grimmauld Place - Kitchen

"Who do you think he is?" The golden trio asked.
"Out all of you, now!" Mrs. Weasley gestured to those under the age of 18.

"But…." The group moaned.
"No buts. OUT!" Moody bellowed.

All the while Edward kept himself still just in case these people meant him any harm, it would also give him the advantage to act if they did.

"Ok," Sirius started, "Even an idiot could tell you're awake, so why don't you tell us who you are, and how you found this place while you're at it."

Ed scratched his head, surely they couldn't be serious, he'd just fallen from the ceiling onto a table and they had the gall to ask who he was instead of the obvious 'Are you alright?' Instead of continuing to lie down and look like a complete idiot, Ed decided it was about time he sat up. He looked around and saw about a dozen sticks pointed at himself, at this point Ed burst out laughing. He couldn't help it. Who would have thought that sticks would harm him, the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"What is so funny?" Moody growled angrily, "Do you not understand a simple question?"

"What's so funny? What's so funny you ask?" Edward chuckled, "The fact you think you can harm me with a stick."

"Stupefy!" Moody shouted. Light burst from his wand, rebounded off Edward and hit Moody square in the chest stunning him. There were murmurs of disquiet around the room.

"Interesting," Snape smirked, "Langlock!" Yet again, a rebounding spell flew across the room and glued Snape's tongue to the roof of his mouth making it impossible to speak.

"Ok, no more spells involving talking." Sirius announced, focusing his efforts on Ed and waving his wand. Muffilato, he thought, Surely he can't deflect a spell he doesn't know is coming. Sure enough, Sirius himself was no longer able to hear anything but a low buzzing in his ears. Damn.

"Very interesting." Snape muttered after freeing himself from his own jinx. "Sectumsempra!" It failed yet again. Snape was infuriated now. "CRUCIO!" This time there was at least a change, red lightning appeared, absorbing the curse, not reflecting it.

There were stares of horror all around the room as Snape was still mesmerised over this new arrival who was immune to the most painful curse ever imagined. The stares of horror have may been directed at the fact Snape had used an illegal curse in attempting to reach the boy. Ed was just smirking at them all as if he'd known what would happen all along.

"Severus," Molly spoke harshly, "Was that really necessary. If that had succeeded, the boy would be in unbearable pain."

"Any curse that intended any form of harm or restriction has been blocked or repelled back at the caster, Molly." Snape hissed, "And besides, look at the boy. Tell me having that thing drilled through your collarbone wouldn't be painful."

"What do you mean? I can't see anything drilled into his collarbone." Molly replied. Nods of agreement were seen from around the room. Ed looked like he'd been punched in the gut when Snape mentioned his automail.

"Oh what the heck. Evanesco." Snape flicked his wand towards Ed causing Ed's shirt to vanish and revealed not only the automail, but the injuries that he sustained from Father. Gasps from around the room. A steel arm, wounds that would leave a normal man writhing in pain, just who was this mysterious stranger and why was he immune to magic and quite possibly pain as well.

Ed glared at Snape, how dare he destroy his shirt. Ed noticed a tablecloth that he'd been lying on and combining that with a nearby tea towel, Ed clapped and transmuted himself a large coat which covered his whole body.

Snape meanwhile had noticed something, he wished to try it but was unsure of whether or not he should. He always carried a vial of Veritaserum, but he was unsure of the wisdom of using it. He made a decision. "Once again, What is your name? How did you find this place?" Snape glared.

"My name, my name is Bastard Severus," Ed grinned, "Nice to meet you….?"
"Severus Snape…..NOW STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME BOY! TELL THE TRUTH. WHO ARE YOU?"

"My name, my name is Edward Elric." Ed hissed, "No more answers until I see your leader."
"Sirius," Arthur gestured, "Is our leader."

Ed's respondent glare into Arthur's eyes told him all he needed to know the man was lying. "If the feeling and look I get from your eyes says anything, no he is not." Ed smirked, "If I don't see the leader, I don't talk at all."

"Restrain him!" Moody shouted from the floor, "Severus. Veritaserum. Now."

"With pleasure," Snape drawled, handing over a bottle.
"Three drops be enough you think?" Moody asked.
"Double dose to be safe." Snape responded, "If that doesn't work he's resistant to it."

"Fine," Moody approached a now distressed Ed who was being restrained by Sirius, Arthur, Molly and Lupin.

Ed clamped his mouth shut refusing to drink the concoction that was being forced toward his mouth. "Force his mouth open dammit!" Moody growled. Sirius responded by forcing Ed's mouth open long enough for Moody to administer five drops of Veritaserum and Sirius to have his finger's bitten.

"Moody, you better get something out of him," Sirius moaned, "Or else my fingers are suffering this pain for nothing. That kid has an iron bite."

"What is your name?" Moody growled.
"Edward Elric." Ed replied bluntly.
"How did you find this place?" Snape snarled.

"What do you mean found?" Ed asked, "I was dropped in if you couldn't tell."
"You apparited," Moody smirked, "How else do you expect us to believe you got here?"

"I was dropped in from the gate to another world by some crazy 'God' like being called 'Truth'" Ed smiled, "Of course you're free to doubt me on that, I'd doubt me too."

Faces around the room dropped to the floor and mouthes formed and 'O' like shapes. Either Ed was an incredibly good liar, or he truly believed what he was saying.

"Tell us something you'd believe to be true that we don't already know." Sirius suggested.

"I'm a crumple-horned snorkack." Ed grinned, "Summon your leader, or I refuse to talk."

The group seemed at a loss, this boy sounded so much like a reader of the Quibbler with the crumple-horned snorkack idea, they weren't sure whether he was crazy or not. Overall, it was decidedly best to call in Dumbledore and let him deal with the young intruder, until then though, they'd have to restrain him the old fashioned way, with rope and possibly chains given that metal arm. Ed was fast tied up to a chair with ropes and a chain bound his right arm. No one had bothered to check his left leg which was both a blessing and a curse since it could break the rope but do little more given it wasn't an arm.

Sometime later...

Dumbledore arrived sometime later, he apparited into the kitchen so as to not let the children who sat outside the door in. He was stunned when he saw a young boy sitting in the middle, bound by both rope and chain around what appeared to be a metal right arm. He seemed to be infuriated, although Dumbledore couldn't blame him for that, who would really want to be tied to a chair with both rope AND chains, not to mention have the metal arm displayed for everyone to see.

"Why in the name of Fudge is this young boy tied and chained to a chair?" Dumbledore asked incredulously, "Surely he wasn't that hard to handle while I was on my way."

"You've no idea," Sirius muttered, "He bit me and crushed the bones in my fingers, magic hasn't helped much so far since I don't know what he broke exactly."
A noise from over the room saw Ed chuckling evily. "I'll tell you exactly what bones and tissues I broke when you unchain and untie me."

"Sirius," Dumbledore looked shocked, "What in Merlin's name possessed you to put your fingers near the boys mouth after attempting to restrain him?"
"Moody wanted to force him to swallow some veritaserum," Sirius whispered.
"I beg your pardon?" Dumbledore looked cross.
"Moody forced him to swallow veritaserum." Sirius repeated.

"ALASTOR!" Dumbledore's voice boomed through the house, "KITCHEN IMMEDITAELY!"

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Fred and George all cringed at the anger and pitch of Dumbledore's voice.

Moody appeared in the kitchen seconds later. "At your service Albus."

"Explain the unauthorised use of veritaserum," Dumbledore glared, "Now!"

"The kid countered every spell we attempted to use on him," Moody growled, "On top of that he laughed at us for it."

"I assume you tried an aray of spells then?" Dumbledore murmured, "What did you try?"
"I myself attempted to use Stupefy," Moody sighed, "Sirius attempted a silent Mufiliato, Severus tried Langlock, Sectumsempra and Crucio."

"The results?" Dumbledore queried curiously.
"Stupefy, Mufiliato and Langlock all backfired sir." Moody muttered, "Sectumsempra merely had no affect at all, Crucio however generated red lightning around the boy and did not rebound."

"Interesting, very interesting." Dumbledore murmured.

Dumbledore turned to Ed, he didn't really want to try this at the risk it would work, but it had to be done. "Crucio!" He muttered the unforgiveable intending as much pain as possible to ensnare the young man. There was only a slight wriggle of discomfort, and a lot of red lightning. Could this boy possibly be resistant to even it? No one knew for sure, there was only one way to find out, and Dumbledore did have the philosopher's stone from Nicholas Flamel if it were to go pear shaped. "Avada Kedavra!" A green light shot across the room and straight into Ed's heart, forcing him to look down incredulously before looking back up and smirking. "You killed me."

"And yet you're still alive." Dumbledore eyed Ed suspiciously, "Why is that?"

"How should I know?" Ed groaned, "Is that curse meant to be painless?"
"Yes, why?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"Because it's fucking well not." Ed groaned, "This is gonna sting for days." Ed pointed to a small mark just over his heart."

Well, that concludes the first proper chapter for the story. I'm going to expect reviews, otherwise the story dies in the water. I'll give it 10 chapters. If its not up to at least 15 I might stop, who knows, we'll see where we get to.

All right, so as mentioned really out of character stuff is happening. Dumbledore is yelling for example. Ed is not throwing a tantrum as yet, no one has called him short though either, maybe that was an oversight, I'll work something into the next chapter, don't worry.

Review of course. Oh, and don't forget the Cookie and Water Balloons.

There is a poll on my profile, what sort of bird should I give Ed, a Phoenix or an Owl?