You all should thank Christina Perri for inspiring this chapter :) I just listened to "A Thousand Years", a song by Christina, that will be on the Breaking Dawn soundtrack and I thought that it was absolutely amazing. I could just imagine Reincarnated and it definitely fits this story. So I decided that until the end of the story (5+ chapters), I will include a Breaking Dawn song in each chapter and make the chapter revolve around that song. So for this song, I included Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years". I hope all of you enjoy this chapter. I will admit that it only took an hour to write but I was VERY motivated. It shows all of the pain Bella feels and now that she has her memory back, she's escaping that pain as well. So please review and enjoy :D
Chapter Thirty
One Step Closer
Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I had told the Cullen's everything. I left myself feeling vulnerable and I couldn't stand the looks of pity I had received from them. It's not like these voices were something I could control but like Jasper had pointed out… whoever was entering my mind, knew that I was facing self-doubt. That I was having trouble coping with everything that was being shoved at me.
For years I had dreamt of the Cullen's, never knowing exactly what my dreams meant but while terrifying, I always had a sense of familiarity when they started appearing. If anyone had told me that they were the voices of my past, I would have thought they were crazy. Hell, I had thought that they were crazy when they had told me but somehow it had all made sense.
I was just in denial.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Groaning in frustration, I rolled on to my back and stared up at the white ceiling. I didn't know how long I would be in Brazil and I hated what I was probably putting Charlie through but was there really any other choice? Bad people were after me. They would know if I just packed my things and left.
Then there was Edward. While I loved him – God only knew how much I did – I was still infuriated with him. Just when I think that we were going to be together, he ends it. Wet tears begin to fall from my eyes as I think about all the heartbreak I have suffered over the years.
I had held on to so much for so long. I had never been the one to cry but for once, just once, I wanted to have a pity party. The love Edward and I shared was hundreds of years old. I had loved him when he was human. Every time we were ripped apart.
Then there was the fact that Alice kept seeing me as a vampire. This vicious cycle would keep on repeating until I reached my destiny.
"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration before throwing the first thing I could grab. The sound of shattered glass echoed throughout the room. I glanced at the nightstand and I knew what it had been. A picture of Edward and me the night I got my memory back. We had been so happy, so engrossed in one another that nothing else mattered.
Now it was all going to hell.
I curled into a fetal position, pulling the comforter around my body. Why was all of this so hard? Did I love Edward? More than anything. Could I leave everything behind to be with him? I didn't know.
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
"Enough for forever."
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
"Stalker."
"Your number was up the first time I met you."
"Bella, that's you…"
"You're hanging with the vampires today."
"It's the Masen's."
"Please make it, Bella. Please."
"My mama just had a baby boy today and my daddy brought me here to get her some flowers but I gave some to Edward because he's my friend."
"I love you. Most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand."
The memories. I just wanted them to stop! The comforter found its way around my head and I pressed my hands roughly to my ears, willing everything to just stop. For one moment, I just wanted the voices to stop!
"And what should I call you when I am cross? …Mrs. Masen?"
"No, Edward. Not this time."
"You're all I need to be happy. All I've ever needed."
"Shh, my darling."
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
I can still feel my mother's arms wrapped around me like it was just yesterday. The emotion, the pain, consumes my body and I cry out. I have never felt this much pain in this life until now. It was suffocating me.
Edward Cullen had been my savior. He always would be. Just the thought of being without him caused me pain. Of course I was having doubts. Who wouldn't? All I ever experienced was heart ache when it came to Edward.
Why couldn't this pain just end? Why couldn't they just leave me alone?
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Cold arms snaked around my waist, pulling me tightly against their chest. I immediately knew that it was Edward. I also realized that for once, he was under the comforter with me. It was heavenly.
"Shh, love," his velvety voice whispered in my ear. "It's okay to cry. Just let it all out."
And I did.
As Edward Cullen held me close to him, I cried. It felt like my whole world was crumbling around me and for once, it felt good to just let it all out. I was done being strong for everyone else. I was just a sixteen year old girl. I shouldn't have to be the parent or the go-to girl for my peers.
I just wanted to be me.
One step closer
One step closer
After what seemed like forever, I turned on my side and buried my head in Edward's shirt. My tears had subsided but my cheeks were still soaked from them. Edward pulled me closer and I could feel him kiss the top of my head.
A sigh escaped my lips. Being with Edward like this felt wonderful. It was impossible to be mad at him, no matter how much I wanted to be. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to be a part of his family. It's all I ever wanted. I loved them as much as they loved me.
How could I just walk away from that?
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Esme and Carlisle had been my surrogate parents. They had loved me and treated me as one of their own since the day I stumbled into their lives. Then there was Alice and Rosalie… my two sisters. Yes, I even considered Rosalie to be my sister. The one I always argued with. How could I leave behind Emmett and Jasper? My two overprotective but very lovable brothers?
Of course that meant I would have to leave Charlie and Jacob behind but knowing that Jake was here now…
Something told me that no matter what, vampire or not, he would always be there. Our lives were intertwined forever. It would tear me apart to not see Jacob.
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
"Edward…?" My voice was hoarse. I barely even recognized it.
Edward shifted away from me to look down at me. I looked up to meet his gaze. Whether his eyes were green or gold, he was still remarkably beautiful and no matter how mad he made me, I loved him. This man. This vampire. Whoever, whatever, he was.
I loved him.
I wrapped my arm around his waist and hugged him. This jester caused him to smile. My smile and no one else's.
"I shouldn't get mad at you," I began to explain. "I know that you're just trying to do what you think is best for me but I'm not that fragile, Edward. I'm honestly not even that clumsy anymore."
"Bella –"
"Let me finish, okay?" He nodded. "If we want to make this work, you can't keep things from me. I'm a part of this family too. I should know what's going on." Edward opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him again. "There's more." He raised a perfectly shaped bronze eyebrow at me. "I love you. I know I've told you before but since before we came here, I've been nothing but a bitch to you and yet you've been patient with me. You've stayed away until now. God, Edward… all I've ever wanted was to be with you. I know your fears about you turning me into a vampire." He grimaced. "But this time… this time there's no rules. After years of losing you over and over again, I just want to be with you whether I'm human or I'm a vampire. I just want you to love me."
"Oh, Bella," Edward sighed, pulling me back to him. His head rested on top of my head and I could feel my tears starting again. "I do love you. More than anything. We'll get through this and when this whole ordeal is over, we'll figure everything out. Together."