Ch. 10- Secrets
Harry walked into the dorm room to find Ed's curtains pulled tightly around his bed once again, even though it was a Saturday afternoon. It struck Harry as odd, since it must be stifling in there, and yet to his knowledge, Ed wore covers at night as well. Or, at least, he had been on the first morning of his enrollment.
Harry shrugged; there were things hewanted to be kept secret so it made perfect sense that someone else would seclude themselves for personal reasons. However to Harry, Ed seemed too protective, secluding himself too often. He shut himself inside his tapestry kingdom, or in the farthest corner in the library, according to Hermione, or in the back seat in the classroom. And he was always dressed as if he was freezing, wearing long-sleeves, pants, and gloves under his robes, however the gloves didn't seem made for warmth, more for concealment.
As Harry pondered all of this, his mysterious friend pulled back the bed hangings and placed a brown, leathered notebook and a pen into his suitcase. He then locked it with a key, pocketed the item, and walked out of the dorm room without noticing Harry. The boy-who-lived supposed this was because he was on the side of the room opposite the door, but the look on Edward's face had told him more; his friend seemed to have overly much on his mind.
Then there was the itching, dubious sensation at the back of his mind. Ed having put his journal under the lock-and-key act had seemed protective to the point where it was suspicious. Harry could not ignore the fact that Ed had suddenly appeared as a confused muggle on the train, to a wizard who seemed to accept the World of Magic despite his age or the fact that he was a scientist.
Then again, the trustful side of Harry's brain reasoned, it'd been Fred and George who ran into him on their way to the Hogwarts' Express. 'But that could have been easily planned, couldn't it?' the other half quickly refuted. The more Harry thought about it, the more events that had seemed simple resurfaced as something more. He had told Dumbledore he came from a different world and that he was an alchemist. Then he'd nearly laid an egg when he heard them mention the Philosopher's Stone.
What if everything was connected somehow? What if he was looking for the Stone? What if he was looking for it so he could give it to Voldemort? What if Voldemort had promised Ed a way home if he succeeded? What if that journal was a way of communicating with the Dark Lord inconspicuously?
Harry had to find out. It wasn't just paranoia, his instincts were telling him something was out of place. He quickly crossed the room to Edward's suitcase and pulled out his wand.
"Alohomora," he whispered, and the lock clicked open.
He pulled out the journal and went to his bed, closing the curtains for privacy. His heart pounded in his ears as he flipped to the first page; something was written on the inside cover.
'If anyone should find this, I beg you not to discard it. Please, hear what I have to say. My name is Edward Elric and I am an alchemist. I was separated from my brother and friends by a Gate that connects two worlds. You probably don't believe me but please try and understand. Where I come from, your ancient art of alchemy is an advanced science. Here, technology has taken that role. I am searching for a way to return to my world, to see my brother and my friends behind the Gate. The reason you have this journal now is because I have gone and cannot return home anymore. That is why I need your help. Inside this notebook is a recollection of my thoughts, theories, and various other things to get across the Gate and inform my brother that I survived, at least for a while. Please, help me find a way. I beg you.'
However desperate the letter seemed, it could be a disguise. By this time Harry's curiosity was pushed so far he couldn't have stopped unless it had answered his suspicions in a clear, written sentence. Since it didn't, he turned to the first real entry. To his surprise, the page was blotched with dried tears.
'I'm so sorry…Al. I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have taken better care of you. Why did you bring me back? Why did you sacrifice everything you wished for and everything we worked for just for me? When it was my fault? Everything has been my fault! I'm the one who decided to bring mom back! I'm the one who ignored your warnings! So why? Why? I keep turning around, calling your name, expecting you to be there beside me, but you're not. I'm lost Al; I can't find my way home.
'I suppose I should start from when I opened my eyes. You were gone; you and the Philosopher's Stone. I was devastated, but for some reason my mind was at peace…because I knew what I had to do. I wouldn't have been able to live without you Al—I can't live without you! Don't you realize it? It's like a curse. Neither of us can live when the other is dead. That's why you brought me back. But I couldn't end it…I needed you there with me!
'I found a loophole in equivalent exchange. Dante—that bitch!—she believes equivalent exchange is all a lie. I still believe; I always will. And for that reason I was ready—ready to die to bring you back. I had my arm and leg back, Al, my real arm and leg!—but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except drawing the transmutation circles on my chest, forehead, and arms.
'The next thing I knew I was waking up in Munich, Germany, with my arm and leg gone once again. That is what is on the other side of the Gate. The people over here believe in technology and machines instead of alchemy. Winry would love it here. When a person dies, their energy provides the energy for our alchemy. That is why alchemy doesn't work here.
'Dad is here; Dante sent him through the Gate ahead of me. I don't hate him like I used to—I know that would've made you happy. He truly did love mom; that much I know for certain. The reason he left us is complicated. Centuries ago, Dante and Hoenheim loved one another, though he says he never really loved her—not like mom. They had a son, but he died. They tried to bring him back, but in the process dad died. Dante brought him back by forcing another soul out of its body and calling Hoenheim's to it. However, over the years, the body began to deteriorate, which is why he left—to find a cure.
'We both know how homunculi are born because we created one ourselves. Of course they created one as well. I hate to admit this, but Envy is technically our half-brother. However he'll never be more than a bastard shell of a human to me. I can never forgive him. He killed Maes. He killed me. He indirectly killed you. If not for him we'd still be together, trying to figure out a way to use the stone to get your body back.
'I don't know if you're alive, and that's what kills me the most, but I promise I'll find a way back. And if you're not there I'll try again. I'll keep trying until I know for certain. I love you Al.'
Harry gulped; this hadn't been what he'd expected to have read. He had expected something along the lines of, 'hey, Voldy, how's it going? Mission's going good—I got into Hogwarts undetected,' or something like that. But this was…intense. Who knew Ed would have so much bottled up inside?
The sound of the dorm door opening caused Harry's heart to pound once more. He peeked through the curtains after hearing a gasp to see Edward standing by his suitcase, a horrified look on his face. A chill went down his spine as the alchemist's face hardened with anger and looked around the room, golden eyes falling on the closed upholstering around Harry's bed and narrowing.
Fright and guilt collided with Harry at once. He had half a mind to curse Ed and run for his life, until he felt his arms pulling the curtains back and his feet touching the floor. There was silence as neither of the boys moved. Ed was glaring at Harry, who had the journal in his hands, and Harry's face was screwed up in self-reproach. The tension grew exponentially with the length of the silence, and all the while Harry knew he had to say something to set things right.
"I'm sorry…" he rasped, so softly it was as if it didn't even come out. He tried again. "I'm really sorry…but it's not like it matters…"
He forced his legs forward until he was close enough to hand the journal to Ed, and then continued out the door and into the common room. He knew he'd made a terrible mistake and that his apology probably had no impact, but still, he had to say it. He didn't expect to be forgiven, since he'd thought one of his friends was evil. It'd probably be best for him to steer clear of Edward for a while, and keep his secrets to himself.
Edward held the journal in his hands tightly, anger, despair, and fear overlapping each other. He felt violated, so much so he half wanted Harry to disappear. But at the same time he felt almost sad. Harry, Ron, Hermione; they were supposed to be his friends, yet they knew next to nothing about him. Friends were supposed to trust each other with their secrets, no matter how dark they were. Friends were supposed to know each other as well as they knew themselves.
Perhaps it was the lack of information that caused Harry to pry. Perhaps if they knew about his past they would have been able to console them, help harbor the weight of his depression. That might not happen now; he was afraid Harry would tell everyone about him and his friends would alienate themselves from him. He'd grown fond of the threesome in the past week, and would greatly miss their company if that happened, despite his wish to stay disconnected. Their humor and innocent way of life had distracted Edward from his faults and sins.
Still, not even his father knew how much it hurt to be separated from Alphonse. He hadn't told anyone except Dumbledore during his scrying lesson, and even those few words weren't enough. There weren't any words in existence to describe the feeling of being severed from a bond of brotherhood.
Edward knew something had to be done; he couldn't just let Harry walk away and lose everything he'd gained in the past week. He quickly locked the journal in his suitcase once more, making sure to hide it under his bed this time, and hurried into the common room to find Ron and Hermione, but no Harry.
"Hey Ed!" Ron greeted, waving him over, "You missed a great game! What happened?"
"I was busy," Ed replied hastily, "Listen, have you seen Harry?"
"He left in a hurry a minute ago," Hermione supplied, "He had this look that…well, the one he gets when something's happened and he's off to see Hagrid. You could try him there."
"Thanks…Why don't you two come along; I don't know the way and…I have something to tell you."
"Why not just tell us now then?" Ron asked.
"Because I need to find Harry and it'd be uncomfortable for me around all these people!" Ed snapped back, losing his already edgy temper.
"Well, okay, I guess…" Ron said, almost cautiously.
"Has something happened?" Hermione asked suddenly, an alarm going off in her head. Ed merely gave her a transparent look so she continued. "Of course we'll come. Let's go."
The threesome made it to Hagrid's cottage in ten minutes, sure enough finding Harry seated at the table with his 'look' and the 'Universal English Cure': a cup of tea.
"Welcome, welcome! Come on 'n!" Hagrid boomed, ushering the three in and retrieving the correct number of cups for their tea, "I 'ad a feelin' ya'd come, wha' wit' 'Arry comin' all alone 'n upset 'n wha'not."
"Hey guys," Harry greeted halfheartedly, avoiding Edward's eyes, "Thanks for the tea, Hagrid, but I should be getting back to the castle."
"Nonsense!" the half-giant bellowed, "Ed jus' came clear across th' grounds lookin' fer ya, if wha' ya've been tellin' me is true, then ya two're gonna talk this out like men, ya hear?"
"Sure…" Harry consented and sat down again, staring into his empty cup, "Go ahead and…yell and whatnot…"
"I wasn't going to, but…thanks, I guess…" Ed replied awkwardly, taking a deep breath, "I'm actually more ashamed of myself than mad."
"About what?" Ron blurted in total confusion.
"I read Ed's diary," Harry stated bluntly, "because…well, in simple terms I thought he was evil…but I was totally wrong…"
"Well, jeez, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, "I could've told you that! Do you take Dumbledore as a fool, or what?"
"No…" Harry replied, "It was stupid—really stupid…I obviously know better now…"
"Is that it? You're beating yourself up because you read his diary?" Ron asked.
"Ron! That's an extremely personal thing to violate!" Hermione scolded, "It's akin to looking in someone's pensive!"
"If it makes you feel better, I've done that too…" Harry said guiltily.
"I don't mind as much now, really," Edward assured him, "It was partly my fault for not trusting you guys. So…I'm going out on a limb here. I'd like you to know the entire truth…all of you, promising you won't tell anyone else."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione nodded and Hagrid excused himself to give the four of them privacy. Ed sat down for the first time and gripped a cup of tea for comfort. He took a deep breath to collect his thoughts and calm his nerves.
"Okay," he began at last, "It all started in a small, country town called Resembool…"
An hour passed before Ed was done and in that time Hermione had made three pots of tea. Ed finished and the room echoed with silence for what seemed like hours until the reactions started to unveil themselves.
"Wow…" Ron said, exhaling deeply, "that's some story."
"I didn't believe you when you said you'd seen too many die…" Harry muttered, remembering the thestrals.
"That's why you didn't get hurt when that Sphinx went nuts," Ron realized.
"We'll help you find a way home, I promise," Hermione said, "Just remember that we're your friends and you can tell us anything in exchange."
"Sure," Ed replied with a wide smile, "thanks."
"We should get back to the castle," Harry suggested, "It's almost dinner."
The others nodded and soon the four exited Hagrid's hut, finding the half-giant himself on the steps, twiddling his thumbs.
"Sorry for the inconvenience, Hagrid," Hermione apologized.
"Not at all, not at all! 'Appy ter oblige an' be of some 'elp once 'n a while. I mean, ya three did clear me name 'n all. 'Ave a good eve'nin'!" Hagrid said jovially, waving goodbye.
The three ate dinner quickly and then followed Ed to the library to help him with his research as they had promised. He showed them the book he had found and the fact it was missing pages, barely able to contain his anger.
"There has to be a good reason for this," Hermione insisted, flipping the pages before the missing text back and forth, "Madame Pince knows the condition of each book; she has some sort of spell on them that lets her know when a book is damaged. I remember being on the far side of the library reading Hogwarts: A History one time and folding the page to mark it; she was all over me in a matter of seconds. The point is, she would have known about this and could have repaired the book instantly. So, either she ripped the pages out herself, or someone with higher power did."
"Dumbledore," Harry said at once, "he helped Nicolas Flamel make the Philosopher's Stone."
"He what?" Edward exclaimed.
"It was destroyed, remember? Anyway, if making the stone is as hard as the book implies, it makes sense for him to isolate the information," Harry continued.
"He wouldn't destroy it, would he?" Edward asked in alarm.
"No, probably not…" Hermione said, "More likely he hid it in a safe place."
"Then where? Where would he put it?" Ed wondered aloud, "You know him better than me; any ideas?"
"You could try the restricted section," Ron said, "But you'd need a signed permission slip from a Professor to do so."
"It can't be that hard to get one," Ed shrugged.
"I dunno…the teachers here get pretty suspicious when it comes to the restricted section…" Harry said.
"Even if you can get permission, I doubt it would be there," Hermione cut in, "Dumbledore isn't that dim-witted."
"It doesn't hurt to look," Edward pointed out, "There could be other helpful books, either on the Philosopher's Stone or Alchemy or whatnot that could help me home. I don't care what it takes; I'll search the whole library if I have to."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione nodded in understanding; they knew how important this was to their friend.
"But…which teacher are you going to ask?" Ron inquired, "McGonagall is too smart, Snape is just plain evil, and Hagrid would be suspicious and won't go against Dumbledore anyway if we told him…"
"I have another detention with Professor Hoenheim tonight. I'll ask him," Ed said nonchalantly.
"You have another one? How'd you manage that? " Hermione exclaimed in an outrage.
"I was late for the last one," Ed replied with a shrug.
"And what time do you have to be there tonight?" she asked next.
"Seven."
"It's five after! Get moving!" Hermione cried in hysterics, pushing Edward out of the library. Ed smiled on the way over; he'd done it again.
The detention consisted of Ed letting his father in on everything that had happened in the last four days. He left out the part about his friends, however; he didn't want to be lectured on being careless when it wasn't that big of a deal. The night ended with Ed asking for a permission slip, which he received with a word of caution; Hoenheim had heard tell that the restricted section could be quite dangerous to those who were not weary.