"What did I do, Shinon? I've never asked you for anything you weren't willing to give. I didn't ask you to stop being a mercenary. I didn't ask you for a ring to prove your loyalty. I haven't forced you to come home earlier, or ask if you've been seeing someone else. If you can give me just one good reason why, I will let you walk out that door, and never bother you again."
She still wasn't crying. She was pleading with him.
She just didn't understand, she couldn't understand. He had to leave her, because she deserved someone who made her happy, who didn't drink too much, because he hated himself. Yes, he would be the first to say it, he hated himself more than he hated anyone or anything else, with no exceptions.
But that wasn't true- he did hate someone else more.
He woke up in her room, in her bed. His shirt was gone, but he was still wearing his trousers. He tried to remember what had happened last night, but couldn't retrieve any memories after their fight. He had left the room, angry at himself for not being able to answer her question. He didn't know why he had sided with Daein. He just… had.
After that, he must have gone out to a bar and gotten drunk. He also deduced that Emily must have followed him, or at the very least found him passed out somewhere, and managed to get him up to her room. Speaking of Emily…
He sat up suddenly, looking for her. She was sitting on a chair in the corner, reading. She was like Soren in that respect, always had her nose in a book when she wasn't busy. Shinon noticed that she had a pack of ice held to the side of her face.
"Emily, what happened?"
Startled, she dropped her book and the ice to reveal a large bruise on her cheek. Shinon felt his stomach drop- it was about the same size as his fist. He was a violent drunk, just like his father, always had been, but he didn't think he was capable of hitting Emily..
"I- it's fine, Shinon. It's nothing. Don't worry about me- how are you feeling?" she smiled. He could see the pain it caused her just give him that small comfort, to let him see her smile.
He threw off the blanket and walked over to her, kneeling beside her and looking at the bruise. She winced slightly when he grabbed her face; he noted that if it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have shown that small window of vulnerability. She didn't protest as he moved her head around, tilting it this and that, searching for more damage. There was none.
"Emily, did I… did I do this to you? Did I hurt you last night?"
"No. You were drunk, and a bit violent, but you didn't do this. You did try to kiss me, though."
He ignored her joking comment.
"Who did this to you?"
Her eyes widened- she had noticed the change in his voice. He had gone from sounding concerned to being angry. No, not angry- he was royally pissed. He was going to find whoever had done this to her, and he was going to put an arrow in his eye. He didn't often let people close to him- Gatrie and Rolf had been the only two, and he didn't have to protect them in the same way he did Emily. Well, Rolf wasn't good to go on his own yet, but Emily- he still couldn't explain it. He just felt so protective of her.
Maybe he really was fall-
"N-n-nobody. Shinon please, don't do anything stupid," Emily said. Her voice had changed as well, he had never guessed she could be capable of sounding so… indifferent while pleading with someone. An odd combination, to say the least. She was pleading, but she was trying to make him rationalize at the same time.
He didn't care. Rationalization was the furthest thing from his mind at that moment.
"Give me his name, Emily. Tell me who hurt you, or I swear I will go looking for him myself. And you won't like my method of search."
Again, what the hell? Nobody got under his skin like that. Rolf got hurt, cried, and Shinon told him to get over it. Gatrie got turned down by his latest "true love," Shinon found him, bought him a drink while Gatrie sighed and moped. Emily got a bruise on her face, told him she was fine, really was fine, and he wanted to feather the man who'd done it.
Maybe he really was falling in l-
"My fiancée. Nathaniel," she replied, sounding more like Soren with each word that left her lips. "Don't be stupid Shinon. I'm not daft enough to think that I can stop you, but I can ask you- don't do this. He's strong, and if you shoot him you'll be hanged."
"Only if they catch me."
"So that's it, eh? You have- you have… nothing… nothing to say to me? Just a stupid little note telling me things that you know I don't believe? Telling me that you don't love me anymore?"
It had always been this way.
"What's always been this way, Shinon?" Emily asked him. He turned around to see that she had finally stopped walking. She had been talking at him since he'd walked out the door, following after him with no shoes or socks on. He cursed himself for letting his mantra slip from his head out of his mouth. Now she thought that he had never loved her.
But it was true. Wasn't it? that's what the note said. That's what he had been telling himself ever since he realized he was going to run again. He didn't love anybody. He didn't love her.
Did he?
Love. What a stupid emotion. Of course he didn't love her. Except that maybe, he did…
He had helped her recover from an injury he hadn't caused, for no reason, and asked for no payment. He had refrained from killing her fiancée because she asked him to, and he didn't want to hurt her by getting himself killed or hurt. He hadn't taken advantage of her the time he caught her in nothing but her underwear, which was most definitely not his style. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to make a lewd comment, walk over, and hopefully get laid. He hadn't done that.
He'd told her, eventually, that he didn't know why he joined Daein's side in the war, although that was after the war itself. He was in a bar, eyeing up some beauties across the room, when a woman had sat beside him and ordered "whatever he's having." He almost spilled his drink when turned and saw that it was Emily. He did choke a little though.
He told her no when they'd stumbled to the inn she was staying at, both drunk, and she told him to screw her. He'd let her hit him, then held her after she collapsed on the bed.
He finally said yes a week later when they were both sober. He made sure they went slow to start, not wanting to hurt her.
He moved her into his room in the mercenary fort three years later, after the continent had turned to stone and been.
He moved out with her after he returned.
He got her pregnant.
He bought her a ring. After all the times he'd convinced himself that he didn't want to get married- ever- he had bought her a ring. That was about the time he decided it was time to run again.
And, he decided, he was right. It was time to run again. For all the times he had thought of sleeping with another woman while he was away from her, he hadn't, and he'd forgiven her imperfections. She'd loved his own, and even fixed the majority of his drinking problem. He did want to run again.
But he was running in the wrong direction.
He turned back, and ran back the way he had come, back to the house, to Emily. The sun had gone down a minute or so ago, but the stars were out. Even if the moon wasn't out, he could see well enough by the starlight to keep from breaking his ankles as he ran along the path. She was still walking back to the house, having followed him about half as far as he had actually gone. He ran right up behind her, put his arms around her waist, and allowed himself to fall backwards, pulling her on top of him.
"Shinon!" she gasped.
She rolled off him, and looked at him, laying on her side. He grabbed his bag, reached into the inside pocket, and pulled out a box.
"Emily, I won't lie to you- I'm not done running."
He opened the box, revealing the ring.
"But, if you'll run with me, I'm done running away."
She didn't say no. she didn't say yes. She didn't say anything at all, and she didn't have to. She just hugged him, ignoring the ring altogether and laughing.
"You will never make it."
But I will now, he thought to himself. And he would make it.
Because now, he had something to run to.
Author's Note: Haha! Got it in three- thought it might take four or maybe five chapters! Thanks for reading- hope you enjoyed it. I will be making an actual oneshot (my other personality is saying "yeah bloody right!") about Shinon. It will be the same "pairing" with Shinon and the character I made, Emily, but... less happy. That one will NOT be happy. At all. Sorry about that, but as much as he deserves a happy ending, I have to give him a realistic one as well, because let's face it: Shinon happy is as foreign an idea as Bella from Twilight getting any brains. I am sufficiently prepared for whatever comments I get for my last sentence, so blast away! I don't like Bella or the idea of sparkly vampires, and yes, I did read the books- even the novella that went with the rest of the books. Make of this what you will. Feel free to send your comments, good or bad. It's basically impossible to offend me- if you knew who I really am, you wouldn't be surprised at this. Now! My alternate personality is telling me to shut up! See you (well, not really) at the next fic!