Author's Note: As said in the note that was here before, this is replacing the "chapter" with the sneak peek in it. Hopefully nobody was coming here just to read that… Anyhow, I had a request for Rolf to make an appearance and for Shinon's thoughts on fatherhood, so I'm combining them to finish this thing off- finally! Not that I don't love that you loved it enough to ask for a continuation, but it just feels good to finish something, right? So without further ado…
Waiting in the other room was probably one of the hardest things Shinon had ever done.
He sat on a chair in the corner, wishing he could shoot something, anything, to relieve the pressure. He wrung his hands and forced himself to breathe slowly, like he had taught Rolf to do whenever he got nervous about making a shot.
What if he was right- that I'll never amount to anything? What if I can't handle the responsibility?
What if I end up like him?
Putting his head in his hands, Shinon tried to force the thoughts from his mind. He had already amounted to something- if the old bastard was still alive, he'd have heard of Shinon, greatest archer in Tellius, a long time ago. He'd have heard of the Greil Mercenaries, of how he aided Elincia in regaining her throne, how he'd saved the world from a goddess. Somehow, things such as his defection to Daein in the Mad King's War and his rampant alcoholism were glossed over or regarded as minor details.
Just stop it! It doesn't matter- none of it does.
He'd finally found a woman he loved, really and truly loved, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He even married her- something he swore he didn't want and would never want- damn what others might say about her pregnancy being the only reason. Not the mercenaries of course. They were all ecstatic, especially Rolf.
"Shinon- why didn't you tell me you were coming into town? I had to hear it from Mist!"
"You aren't gonna cry, are you?" Shinon teased half-heartedly.
Rolf laughed. "No, I'm not going to cry, but you like you're going to be sick. Nervous?"
Of course he was nervous! He was responsible for bringing a life into the world- maybe not delivering it, but he certainly had a hand in creating it. Not only that, but he was going to have to raise it too, a prospect that didn't just play on his nerves. No, Shinon would never admit it to anyone, not even Rolf, that the idea of raising his own kid terrified him. And, knowing Emily, there would certainly be more.
"Don't be a twit. I'm not nervous."
"Good. It's too late for nerves," the young man answered good-naturedly. Shinon only grunted at that. Not that he didn't appreciate that Rolf paying attention all those years ago, but it was annoying to hear his own advice being fired back at him.
How in the name of the goddess above was he to raise a child? He knew nothing about children; he was a terrible role model; his own childhood gave him nothing except a long list of what not to do. He didn't know if he could handle the pressure. What if Emily died? Would he turn to alcohol again to cope? Would he be able to be strong like Greil had been when Elena died? What if he died, and Emily had to raise the child on her own? He wasn't likely to be killed, but it only took one wrong move on the battlefield and he'd be-
"Hey, Shinon? You really look sick… do you want to go outside for a bit?"
"No, I should be here when Em comes out. I don't want her to think I just up and left."
Just then, one of the healer's apprentices came in. "Oh, don't worry about her. She just sent me to check on you. Just go out for half a second- she's not going anywhere for a bit."
So Rolf grabbed Shinon and led him out onto the porch. The two stared at the setting sun for a while, lost in their thoughts.
When the screaming started inside, no force in the world could have kept Shinon away from his wife. He rushed in there, pushing an apprentice aside, and immediately knelt by Emily's side; grabbed her hand, refused to let go even when he felt one of his bones fracture because as he'd tell her later, he'd been through worse; whispered comforting words in her ear that neither would remember later except for the repeated "I love you" that he said every few seconds. Eventually, Emily's hoarse yells were joined by higher cries.
Watching Emily hold their daughter for the first time was the closest Shinon ever thought he could get to heaven- not that he believed in such a thing, that was more Rhys' territory. He was surprised when Emily asked if he wanted to hold her after only a few short minutes. That was when he concluded that heaven could never be as good as this.
He was equally as shocked when they arrived home with Rolf in tow for a long overdue visit, and Emily hesitantly confessed that she hadn't thought of any names for the child. Rolf, of course, had many names to suggest (oddly enough, they were all flower names like Lily or Daisy) but Shinon had an idea of his own.
"What if-" he started, but cut himself off midsentence. What if she doesn't like it? This is stupid. Dumb idea. No.
"Shinon?" Emily asked gently, "Did you have a name in mind?"
He started to shake his head, but stopped. Drawing in a shaky breath, he calmed his nerves and steadied his voice.
"Elena," he said quietly, relishing the way the familiar name felt after years of not saying it, enjoying the connection it had to his mentor and friend. After her death, Greil refused to hear anyone say her name. Now, to honor them both, he would name his daughter after Greil's wife.
And probably spend her teenage years shouting it more often than not.
"I want to name her Elena."